And are you for a moment inferring that a well timed and very deserved spanking, or other form of physical punishment doled out on a child or teenager is abusive treatment of that youth?
Not really, of course - the key word is 'deserved'... that's an awful tough line to walk, and often physical punishment creates resentment that causes a rift that continues to grow until it becomes uncrossable.
I deal with abused folk on a regular basis, some worse than others, so I am a bit touchy about this one.
While not against it completely - too many so-called parents resort very quickly to it simply for convenience and out of frustration, which is imop is irresponsible and abusive.
Until you have intensively dealt with abused people of all ages, you really have no idea of how extreme the resentment of physical pain delivered by the hands of 'loving' parents can be - especially when the kid is left with no clear idea WHY.
Given that I deal with this issue so much, any knee-jerk statement of "They shoulda been whupped!" ranks right up there with "We should ban guns!" or "Ban black trenchcoats!".... it has little to do with the issue at hand, and is a counter-productive statement at best, you see ?
By the way can you think of no criminals who were extremely violent offenders who had permissive parents?
I have done a lot of research in this area, especially following the work of Andrew Vachss and Dr Bruce D Perry, M.D. of the CITIVAS/Childtrauma initiative, specifically trying to figure out what creates these 'monsters' years down the line and how to prevent children from eventually becoming LVOs - in answer to your question - no, I cannot.
You find me one verifiable case, and I might entertain the thought, but Pax put it best in that the only likely way for permissiveness to lead to such a thing, is excessive permissiveness in one generation leading to abuse in the next.
Vachss's work is more specific when it comes to criminal offenders, and so far the answer to your question is.
Nope.
because their parents never held them responsible for anything but instead indulged every whim no matter how immoral or ridiculously inappropriate. Are you saying that such behavior on the part of parents does not lead to formation of an irresponsible criminal mentality?
Not at all - discipline is vitally important, and instilling self-discipline in a child may not be the easiest route, it saves legions of headaches in the long run, and a sense of responsibility and cause-and-effect is every parents responsibility to instill, it's just that such things are not something you can effectively pound into a childs flesh via osmosis, they must be taught by parents who are willing to take the time and effort and set a decent example.
Consider how you would go about a childs first trip to the range with a .22 rifle - you would be patient, set a good example, and respond quickly to correct any unsafe situation, even if it meant forcibly grabbing the rifle away - followed by a stern lecture on what just went wrong and how not to do it again, etc etc.
Parenting is probably the most important responsibility of a persons life, it affects every generation after, and when bungled - often has disastrous consequences both to the family and society at large, therefore, it should be treated with every bit of the same patience, caution and seriousness as using a gun.
I might not have got my point across so well originally, but I hope that provides sufficient clarity this time around.
-K
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