Sensationalize your home!

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MakAttak

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Alright, reading some of the current threads, it got me thinking.

Look at (or think of) your home. Imagine it is a crime scene (not the way we generally think of a crime scene there) and write the headlines for the reporters. For example:

-An arsenal of semi-automatic weapons (I own 3 as well as revolvers and pump shotguns)
-Hundreds of rounds of ammunition (it might actually be a thousand now...)
-Anti-government and anti-school propoganda (I'm actually researching public schools right now)
-dangerous, poisonous animals (I have a scorpion that's almost as venomous as a bee)
-Drug Paraphenelia (I have a heat and sun light for my lizard and scopion)
-Gun making manuals and materials (I have some gun rags and some replacement springs/barrels)
-Explosive materials (gun cleaner/drano, etc...)


Alright, that's the best I can come up with on my lunch hour- I'm sure most of you can beat me...
 
With a little creative journalism and no scruples you can walk into a certified daycare facility and walk away with a story about indentured servitude in a house of prostitution. A good thesaurus and a slanted mindslant and you can make anything seem like something else.

= = = = =
I have no criminal intent, anything said to the contrary is defamation.
There is no line in the sand anymore, it has become wider than the Grand Canyon.
 
I won't say what all these things actually are, but with a litle creative journalism you coud get the following out of my house:

Anti-government literature
Automatic weapons
"Sniper rifle designed for long-range killing"
Home-made explosive manuals
Hundreds of rounds of "live cop-killing armour-piercing bullets"
Computer hacking tools
"Violent" video games

the list goes on...
 
Too true. Let's see what I have.
Anti-government literature- I have a Ron Paul flyer
Automatic weapons-I have a full auto airsoft gun
"Sniper rifle designed for long-range killing"-Back in 1940s Mosin 91/30s were sniper rifles
Home-made explosive manuals-I have model rockets and instructions
Hundreds of rounds of "live cop-killing armour-piercing bullets"- 7.62x54r steel core
Computer hacking tools-two laptops
"Violent" video games-America's Army and Rainbow Six
 
1.)-An arsenal of semi-automatic weapons (I own 3 as well as revolvers and pump shotguns)
2.)-Hundreds of rounds of ammunition (it might actually be a thousand now...)
3.)-Anti-government and anti-school propoganda (I'm actually researching public schools right now)
4.)-dangerous, poisonous animals (I have a scorpion that's almost as venomous as a bee)
5.)-Drug Paraphenelia (I have a heat and sun light for my lizard and scopion)
6.)-Gun making manuals and materials (I have some gun rags and some replacement springs/barrels)
7.)-Explosive materials (gun cleaner/drano, etc...)
Click to expand...

1.> Yes! Have 5!
2.> Yes! 3,000+ of .30 Carbine, @2,000 of 5.56mm. plus .22RF, .30-30, .30-'06, .44 mag., .44-40, .32ACP, 9mm., .45Long Colt, etc., in average quantities.
3.> Have Unintended Consequences, Enemies Foreign and Domestic, A Well Regulated Militia, and a couple other similar books...
4.> Well ... no ... only a cat. She does have fangs and claws, though.
5.> Well, cleaning stuff ... does that count?
6.> Various gun books and such.
7.> I shoot black powder. Guess what's stored in my house?:uhoh:

Don't tell Homeland Security!!!!!:scrutiny:;) Oh, wait ... never mind ....:what:
 
Big Ditto for the Doc. (MD?)

Of course, the anti's don't care about kids killed in buckets or on bicycles, etc. Cold, but true.
 
"A large horde of inbred predators bearing recently-sharpened weapons that could tear the flesh of an innocent child" (7 cats)

"Vicious trained fighting dogs" (shih-tzu and 98-lb lazy mutt, both of which will occasionally come on command, and both of which have growled at a cat now and then)

"a cache of pointed impact weapons" (box o'Bics)

"sophisticated electronic equipment used to detect approach of authorities" (driveway chime)

"enough provisions to sustain a squadron of insurgents for weeks" (bulk food, freezer beef)

"materials which can be used in production of methamphetamine, or which could be fashioned into an incendiary device that would level a city block" (full tank of propane, under the grill)

"sophisticated devices identical to those used to remotely detonate soldier-killing IEDs in Iraq" (our cellphones)
 
"One building in the complex is a secure, environmentally regulated ammunition manufacturing facility containing enough componets to construct thousands of rounds of ammunition."

In addition to the house and detached garage I have a 10'x16' building just for reloading (three buildings make a "complex" ya know). It has heat/AC and a padlock on the door.
 
Compound - fenced yard multple out buildings
Explosives manufacturing material - blackpowder for my muzzleoadrers and plumbing parts.
Military sniper rifle - 1891 Argentine mauser retro-fit with scope
arsenal/weapons cache - more than 5 guns
ammunition manufacturing facility - reloading bench
thousands of rounds of "live" ammo - thousands of rounds of ammo.
Anti-government propoganda - NRA magazine, Federalist Papers, copy of the Constitution and Bill of rights.
Torture room - living room with TV tuned to CNN or MSNBC.
 
This ought to be fun :D Don't miss the footnotes that follow.

Discovery of Deadly Arsenal Rocks Peaceful Village
A terrorist training camp hiding in plain sight?

Monday, November 26, 2007
Bucks County (AP)

Federal agents who stormed the mysterious and secretive v35 family compound today revealed a startling quantity of highly destructive materials stored at its deceptively peaceful looking home. Among the items seized were a small arsenal of deadly weapons, all equipped with high-capacity magazines. Thousands of rounds of live, lethal cop-killer ammunition and enough chemical accelerants to burn down the small village were also recovered in the pre-dawn raid that shocked this quiet community just 75 miles west of New York City. (1)

In addition to the cache of firearms was a quantity of controlled substances, highly sophisticated computer and communications devices, various right-wing religious and anti-government paraphernalia, and numerous publications describing actual terrorist activities in frightening detail. (2)

Authorities are still puzzled about how this could have occurred in an area in which crime is so nonexistent the village doesn't even have its own police department. More disturbing is that the compound's owner is a Federal agent, who passed innumerable criminal background checks and periodic psychological evaluations for his job, and has recently been known to fly his personal aircraft directly over the densely populated areas of New York City, even as the area struggles to overcome devastation brought by the tragic events of 9/11. (3)

"Clearly the system is at fault," said Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, whose attempts to pass tough crime-fighting legislation were narrowly defeated last week by Pennsylvania's small but powerful pro-gun lobby. "The mere existence of this deranged individual with unrestricted access to weapons of mass destruction is reason enough to clamp down on Pennsylvania's gun culture. Imagine the devastation that could occur with wackos like this on the loose. I will not rest until this state closes the gun permit loopholes that invite crimes of violence." (4)

Rumors persist that the family insisted upon shunning their local school district, and have been indoctrinating children in their mysterious cult by educating them on their own. The children are said to be deprived of cable or satellite TV and are occasionally forced to play outdoors, sometimes for hours at a time. When questioned, embarrassed state officials admitted such instances of child abuse are currently permitted by state law. (5)

Charges are pending, until officials can determine just what laws were violated. So far none have been found. (6)
Click to expand...

(1) Wish my arsenal were larger. Those thousands of rounds of ammo all fit in a shoebox. The 15 or 20 gallons of gas for my tractor goes in the barn. Oh and four propane bottles - the barbecue must go on!
(2) Two or three bottles of Sudafed. That stuff is such a pain to buy anymore so I buy a few at a time. Cool Apple stuff. A King James Bible or two. A Book of Mormon. A Ron Paul flyer. The Declaration of Independence. The US Constitution. The Wall Street Journal.
(3) Guilty as charged :D
(4) Pure fiction. Rendell would never say such nonsense. :rolleyes:
(5) Public education IS child abuse.
(6) God Bless Pennsylvania!
 
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Clandestine communications equipment (ham op)
Arsenal of weapons
explosives manufacturing materials (powder, primers, plumbing parts)
Long range sniper rifle with deadly cop-killer bullets (used for benchrest comp)
Vicious attack animal (ferret)
and the list could go on...
ANYTHING could be contorted and twisted, no matter how innocent it really is.
 
1.)-An arsenal of semi-automatic weapons...um, I have an XD, a 1903 Colt with no ammo, a 1913 Sauer with no ammo and a WEAK recoil spring.
2.)-Hundreds of rounds of ammunition...well, that would be true. 5k of surplus 7.62x54r.
3.)-Anti-government and anti-school propoganda...Does a full collection of Terry Pratchett "Discworld" novels count?
4.)-dangerous, poisonous animals...I have cats. You'd prefer the quick, easy death of Rat Poison, compared to what they'd do to you.
5.)-Drug Paraphenelia...one empty Bic lighter. It doesn't even make sparks anymore either.
6.)-Gun making manuals and materials...Well, I do own a really nice lathe, even if it doesn't work due to lack of properly sized belts.
7.)-Explosive materials...Ah, that would be the burrito in the fridge. Sorry.
 
Dedicated Al Qaeda agent (I checked out Al Jezebel website once) who meticulously gathered information on our Armed Forces (a lot of history books) including material on our aircraft, tanks and naval vessels (mostly WW II) probably in anticipation of destroying military bases (I have some black powder and some rat poison). Numerous books on military tactics (from Ancient Rome to WW II) and sniping (so I have most sniping books that were ever published). A virtual arsenal (Got a Brown Bess, a Parker-Hale Enfield rifle musket, some handguns) including sniper rifles (scoped cartridge rifles) and an seemingly endless supply of ammo (a couple of bricks of 22 and assorted other cartridges).
 
The news story from my house, with footnotes:

Chapel Hill (1) authorities today discovered a horrific arsenal of deadly weapons at an unassuming suburban home. Among the dangerous goods seized from the house are a number of silencers (popular devices among assassins and hitment which facilitate clandestine murders)(2), and several hi-capacity pistols(3) and military assault rifles(4), equipped with plastic-tipped hollowpoint bullets designed to explode in the target(5). One of the military-style pistols(6) recovered was equipped with radioactive night sights and a gun-mounted assault flashlight(7), both designed for nighttime attacks.

Police also recovered a number of deadly hand weapons, including razor-sharp sickles, stabbing implements, "nunchucks", and wooden knuckles(8). Books on biochemical warfare, physics, chemistry, and guerrilla war were uncovered in the house, as were recordings of music by various anti-government artists(9). Weapons, holsters, telescopic sights and other sniper equipment, and thousands of rounds of ammunition were uncovered throughout the house, from the master bedroom to the garage. Some of the holsters were designed to be worn inside the clothing(10), allowing the wearer to sneak guns into prohibited areas.

Beyond the weapons, other illicit items were uncovered. A large stash of prescription medications - including sedatives and narcotic painkillers - was seized, in addition to smuggled illegal tobacco grown outside the US(11). Police had to destroy a collection of live exotic animals upon the arrest of their owner(12).

The homeowner is being held without bail at the courthouse jail and will be arraigned sometime next week. Prosecutors have vowed to seek the maximum penalty for this heinous offender.
Click to expand...

1) I live in an extremely left-wing area, so people would go absolutely loco over my "arsenal."
2) Every liberal who finds out I own suppressors asks one of two questions: "aren't those illegal?" or "Why would you need those if not to kill someone?"
3) STI 2011 IPSC competition gun
4) AR-15
5) Hornady varmint .223 rounds
6) My 1911
7) Tritium sights and a Streamlight TLR-1
8) Respectively, my kama, sai, nunchaku, and tekko - all necessities of my 15 years in martial arts.
9) Jimi Hendrix, anyone? How about Rage Against the Machine?
10) IWB holsters
11) Cuban cigars
12) Fishtanks full of tropical fish.
 
...police had difficulty raiding the home, which was more akin to a fortress. Standard doors were replaced with solid core units and windows were reinforced with shatter-proof coatings. The fenced in compound prevented curious eyes from peering into it's questionable activities. A long-haired, toy-sized pitbull was found aggressively patrolling the yard and promptly shot by police when it lunged at a young officer surveying the surroundings.

Upon entering the home with a no-knock warrant, police were stunned when ear-piercing sirens activated, as well as nausea-inducing strobe lights designed to confuse and panic intruders.

An arsenal putting the military to shame was discovered in the garage. Among the professionally organized shelving, authorities found numerous non-metallic, cellulose-based construction materials designed to defeat metal detectors and professional rust-resistant hand tools designed to disassemble and defeat sensitive equipment. Benches of electronic test equipment, circuit boards, and spools of wiring found were capable of supplying materials for producing dozens of remote-triggered explosive devices.

Officers found 2 grams of marijuana.
Click to expand...
 
...upon entering the clandestine home of Mr. 813, authorities found nothing more than a broken deer rifle and an antique gun cleaning equipment collection. A box of 25-06 rifle cartridges were found missing one round. Authorities chuckled at the thought of the anonymous tip that said Mr. 813 had been seen carrying several assault style weapons and cases of other munitions into his makeshift workshop.
The only thing of consequence that police had any suspension over were the numerous model rocket engines and cache of molded lead, but it was quickly dismissed upon the explanation by Mr. 813 that he was a rocketeer of sorts and enjoyed casting his own fish weights. No other investigation is necessary. ;)
 
Officers investigated the home of a local 17 year-old boy, Rugerdude, who is a senior at a Tulsa Highschool. Upon entering the teen's room and the house's garage, they found an aresenal including over 10 guns ranging from high-capacity semi-automatic pistols, to assault rifles and even a deadly sniper rifle for long range killing. Also found were over a thousand rounds of ammunition, most of them for the sniper rifle and deadly SKS assault weapon.

Behind the teen's door was a police-type shotgun, and the authorities are currently investigating further to determine if it was stolen from any of the local police officers.

On one wall was a "no guns on school property" sign which is obviously a disturbing sign that he was hell bent on another Columbine. Also found in the room were numerous violent videogames containing graphic violence and gore.

Despite having no disciplinary record of any kind, good grades and a charming and positive demeanor, this obviously troubled youth could have snapped and gone on a killing spree at a moment's notice. Rugerdude had even spent two years on a competetive skeet shooting team where he competed in numerous sate events and even a national competition in detroit using his police-type shotgun. This was obviously a method of training in order to prepare for his "plan" which involved joining the Marine Corps and then becoming a police officer.

"It's crazy to think what this guy might have done if given the opportunity to do those things." a local resident stated.

One local cop remarked "You know, it's just crazy that kids are allowed to have this kind of stuff. I mean you see he's got violent videogames and movies with titles like 'Lord of War' as well as all of these guns and ammunition for em'. This guy obviously wasn't planning on just going to the range with this stuff". Numerous books on hand to hand combat were also found at the scene.

Also found in the room were several framed photos, as well as an entire album of pictures of rugerdude and another local teen, Rugerchick. "This kid was obviously obsessing over this girl, and it's a lucky thing we found him before he could harm her." Rugerchick, (later identified as rugerdude's girlfriend since their sophomore year) when told by police about her boyfriend's cache of weapons responded with "Yeah.........so?" she went on to tell police about the times that rugerdude would take her shooting when she wanted to go. She reportedly enjoyed shooting one of his semi-automatic pistols, the one she called "the cute little black one."

"It's obvious he was trying to make her into an accomplice in his sick vision" Police chief Mac Ferguson said, "but he's going away for a long time to a place where he can't hurt anyone."

Rugerdude was said to wear things that Rugerchick liked, such as clothes that she expressed a liking for, and other material things such as a silver ring that she gave to him, and he even kept a small giraffe atop his television that rugerchick had given him on his birthday.

Psychiatrists are currently evaluating the teen in order to find if he is fit to stand trial. However this obsession presents some very clear links to possible insanity.

Rugerdude's plans were foiled when a neighbor noticed that rugerdude did not use his turn signal while turning into his driveway, and called the police.
 
AP-11/27/07

In a daring pre-dawn raid by a joint task force comprised of local, and state police, as well as agents of the BATFE, DEA, FBI, Homeland Security, Dept. of Education, UNICEF, the RCMP, MI5, and Lichtenstein's Special Forces, official's found a huge cache of high capacity assault weapons, explosives, bomb-making materials, remote detonators like those used in Iraq, anti-government propoganda, 10's of thousands of rounds of ammunition, some of it of the cop killer and armour piercing type.The resident and suspect, who was asleep at the time, was shot 426 times during the raid, as was his trained assault cat.Agents have been cleared in the slaying of the suspect, as forensic testing discovered the body had been sprinkled with crack, an obvious sign of violent drug use and organized crime.When asked about the shooting of the cat, one BATFE agent stated "It was coming right at us!".The deceased suspect's home and property have been siezed, and will be sold at auction, the proceeds to be divided amonst the participating agents.One agent was slightly injured when his Glock Fotay discharged by itself, striking him in the thigh.The DEA has recalled all Glock pistols from service until they have been inspected and deamed safe.Glock could not be reached for comment, but a representitive of Heckler and Koch stated "You suck, and we hate you."
 
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