Something that crossed my mind today

[possom813]

I've got some free time as of Tuesday, and am in no hurry to find another job, so I've been relaxing.

Anyways, I was laying on the couch watching "Scrubs" when I noticed a childhood friends truck drive by. We haven't spoken more than a hello in the grocery store in probably 10 years.

This got my mind to wandering, how would you tell if an old friend is a bad guy. I mean the friend that passed by today I wouldn't of hesitated to invite into my home until my mind started working.

I guess the general question would be, how do you deal with old friends that decide to pop in after several years of no contact other than seeing each other in the store and saying hi.

 

[Mojo-jo-jo]

A few years ago, I received a phone call from from a guy I knew pretty well in High School. I had not spoken with him in approximately three years. He was going to transfer to the college I was attending at the time and wanted to share an apartment.

Having known him rather well and respected him in the past, I agreed. However, after he moved in, it became very clear that he had changed much in those three years. He had become a compulsive liar, ruthless, and overly self-righteous. I ended up moving out after a couple of months after he nearly got my butt kicked by some not-so-nice people (drug dealers) who he had apparently wronged--and then blamed it on me.

People change, and not necessarily for the better. "Re-investigate" people that you haven't kept up with in a long time.

 

[Kacerdias]

I think I'd deal with them the same way I deal with most people I meet - be polite and assume they are decent folk until they do something that proves otherwise.

 

[Dksimon]

I had some friends in highschool that got mixed up with the wrong crowd and eventually ended up in the pen.
I recently me up with one of those friends and he has totally changed, He is one of the few that actually turn their lives around after spending some time inside. He is back to his old self. When he first called and wanted to hang out i made sure that he didnt come to my house until I had a chance to talk to him and make sure that he wasnt still up to no good. Once I realized that he was going to be alright we were able to hang out more.

Best advice is to meet somewhere public until you have a chance to gauge their character again. Then, based on how you feel around them, make decisions about your further meetings from there.

 

[mekender]

ive got 3 former friends that i have had contact with since i was in highschool with them...

friend 1 is a ex-con that did time for possession with intent to sell trafficable amounts of ecstasy

friend 2 is a pathological liar and has been convicted of burglary and domestic violence

friend 3 is a member of La Rasa and an extremely vocal supporter of illegal immigrants

suffice it to say that any other former high school friends that i were to encounter would be met with a huge amount of skepticism

 

[p2000sk]

Wonder "What does s\he want?"
Look for cues about the answer.
If a ghost appears, it probably wants something.

 

[sm]

I meet them off site, in a neutral setting, and listen to my gut.
Meaning, I most likely will not be alone, though appear to be.

Unless I "know", have investigated, and verified, or someone has been spoken for, by someone I trust, in my circle, I will not meet them at their hotel, motel or their home or business.

I have folks related to me, I have never allowed to come to where I live, or where I was staying nor would I go to their house, or where they where staying.

Heck, I have some I have never met and they are dead now.
I have some family I fired too many years ago, and they are not welcome to breath my air, much less be near me.

It is not that I don't trust some folks, or I don't like some folks, just I don't trust or like some folks is all.

Nature of the business as they say, and my business is of nobody else's business.

I am not in any year books, on purpose, and I did not attend HS graduation , and have never attended a HS reunion - on purpose.

For a bit there folks might recognize me and "hey, didn't we go to HS together?
It depended on the person, but many times I never went to the same HS and they were mistaken.
Now, it is rare that occurs.
I have other folks I concern myself with, just as I always have been concerned with.

Nature of how it is , for me anyway.

 

[308win]

The cynic in me will ask what they want after all of this time. It obviously isn't to fulfill the deep void in their life that my absence has caused or they would have stayed in touch. Conversely, if I really wanted a relationship with this person I would have made efforts to stay in touch until rebuffed often enough to get the message.

Old friends may pose more potential for bad news than new friends because you may be comfortable with the old image and baggage like that can cause you to not be as cautious.

 

[Pax Jordana]

My generation has facebook. For that, there's really no 'forgetting' people, as you can always look 'em up.

Ask them what they're up to, then ask your/their friends. Odds are there's enough to be found about anybody you need to.

 

[sixgunner455]

I've maintained contact with 1 (one) friend from HS on a regular basis, and a couple of others sporadically. 1 (one) friend from college sporadically. I am much more worried about my family (some of whom I am only sort of in contact with), my wife's family (some of whom I don't bother with at all), a former neighbor couple we like to visit whenever we are nearby, Army friends, and folks from work and church that I see because I want to.

Somebody from 20 years ago that couldn't be bothered until a reunion? Ah, I'm sure most of them are fine folks, but what do we really have in common, that will make it worth the effort?

If that's cynical, that's too bad. I'm busy.

 

[Fedaykin]

Yep I'm in the facebook generation too. I get bombarded with "updates" on what's going on with HS acquaintances all day long.

 

[Match14]

I never got into facebook, but run into random people from the past sometimes. I was very surprised a couple years ago when my third grade teacher recognized me after nearly 15 years. About that same time I ran into someone who hadn't been my friend since 5th grade, we probably could have been friends again, but I moved away. I sometimes wonder about some of the people I went to school with. It's weird how some people still look the same after 15 years but others look completely different after just two.

 

[armoredman]

One former HS buddie that I hung out with after graduation is a recently homeless psycho working on being an inmate, and is not welcome in the same city as I live in. Another frequently contacts me from his office in San Francisco, good man, and that's all from HS I have ANY contact with whatsoever. Any who come looking for me want something - I have no friends left from that place. Some are dead, the rest moved away.

 

[johndoe1027]

Much like the others that have posted, I have a few (literally a few) friends from HS that are still great people then the rest range from "rather not talk" to one that I will clear leather next time I see him just in case he's still determined to kill me after 3 years of no contact.

I wouldn't just invite them in after not having known them but that's JMO.

 

[ExSoldier]

I have not had a single "FRIEND" go bad. Most of my friends from high school I still see on a regular basis. My best friend is the head counselor at my church. He has a Ph.d in Psychology and counsels from a Christian viewpoint.

My other best buddy is a retired LTC of Special Forces. I rarely get to see him these days since he lives in Tampa but I talk to him all the time. He teaches JROTC and loves it. Still jumps, too. Still got his own square 'chute.

There are times when I'll pick up a phone and speak with my old college roomies. Haven't seen them in over 25 years. But when I hear their voices, it's like there was no time lost. One just retired from the military as a full Colonel and he got a job paying 3x what he made in the army as a "Beltway Bandit." He's got a kid in uniform, too. My other roomie is a top computer guy for an Ivy League school. He's real involved in his church, too.

You know, if any of these folks or their families needed ANYTHING there'd be nothing that would stop me. I'm confident I can say the same about them.

That guy who's retired SF? When my daughter was in high school she was stalked by a very bad actor. Convicted felon. I was out of my mind. He had a "crew." In a near panic I called my buddy who at that time was with the 10th group. He said very casually that if I wanted he and his A TEAM would take a block leave and fly in and "take care" of the situation. I asked him if he understood the implications of that statement. He said he had shooters who would do this "thing" for the practice. I was stunned right to the core of my being. In the end, I had the cops take care of the issue. But once the word got out among my other old friends from various services I "operators" lined up around the block to "take out the trash." That realization created a lump in my throat (it's been 15 years) that persists to this day. As I said, I was able to get the cops to encourage the predator to move on. As much as I would have been satisfied with the other promised action, I couldn't in good conscience put their souls or mine into that situation.

 

[ExSoldier]

BTW, I'm convinced that any male over the age of 40 with a facebook or myspace page is a potential pedophile. I refuse to do such things. It just makes me feel weird when I hear of it.

 

[Dismantler]

This thread kind of reminds me of the part in the George Thorogood song "One Burbon, One Scotch and One Beer" where he "slips on out the back door" because he can't pay the rent. He goes to his good friend's house to try to inflict himself upon his friend and his friend's wife. She says "No."

 

[Kurt S.]

LOL, there, ExSoldier, I'm 58 and have a facebook profile and I'm also on LinkedIn. Boy howdy, I hope I'm not a potential pedophile !

A few years ago I got a voice mail message on my work phone from a woman I went to college with about 20 years back (I was an older student even at the time). I was out of the country at the time and left her a voice mail back, phone tag, you know. Okay, about a day later a buddy that I still stay in touch with, go hunting and shooting with when I'm out in west Texas calls me in Calgary (!). He says that she had been trying to get a hold of a lot of the friends she knew from back then and set them up for burglary, robbery, ID theft or whatever she could get away with. Apparently she is now into drugs heavily and has a much younger live-in boyfriend (nothin' really wrong with that). In 20 years or so, she's blown through a fairly substantial inheritance and a couple of lawsuit settlements.

Well by this point, I don't answer any more of her voice mails.

A few months go by and I hear from another mutual friend, this time it was a guy she had dated during our college years. Yeah, he got all simple and everything, had her come for a visit, ended up losing some cash, some jewelry, but got his Beretta back at least.

I've been a lot more careful about who I let back into my life since then.

 

[mio]

i have a couple friends from highschool that i only see every few years however we talk on the phone 2-3 times a year to keep updated.
if i hadnt heard from them in years and one showed up id be wondering what he wants and why

 

[rbernie]

I guess the general question would be, how do you deal with old friends that decide to pop in after several years of no contact other than seeing each other in the store and saying hi.

The same way I would act in meeting any stranger for the first time. Details may vary based upon location, but the gist is that 'old friends and acquaintences' are no more a known entity than the Domino's Pizza delivery guy.

I'm not paranoid but I'm also not foolish.

 

[gp911]

Go with your gut, with the "does this person want something?" mentality, as I've found that some people just want to catch up but many want to get something for free based upon an old relationship they (or I) disappeared from long ago.

I've had the "Hey, long time no see, need somebody to invest your money? I'm a financial advisor now!"

See also "Hey man, been awhile! -insert sob story that doesn't add up at all- Man I could really use a place to stay until I'm back on my feet..."

...and then there was "Yo, how you been? Hey, where you live? I gotta stop by and see the place sometime! What's your address? You look like you're doing pretty well for yourself!" (note: he looked homeless and smelled like drugs)

I hung with a lousy crowd for too long, apparently...


gp911