Training For My Wife?

[Bobson]

Any time my wife picks up a handgun (which is generally only in my presence - for her reasons more than my own), her index finger instinctively (?) wraps around the trigger.

I just listed two major problems. I'm sure you all caught at least one.

First of all, the finger on the trigger. Second, that she only handles firearms under my supervision, because she isn't comfortable handling them on her own ...which may be good, considering problem #1.

I constantly remind and correct her trigger finger impulse, and its always "Oh yeah" and fixed, but next time she picks a handgun up, her finger goes back to it. Haven't had any mishaps yet, but I can't have this. I need to know she understands how to safely operate and handle a firearm, in the event that something goes down at home when I'm not home.

She does have some interest in shooting, but the one time I took her shooting in an attempt to teach her some basic marksmanship and safety practices, we both ended up extremely frustrated, and it just did not go well at all. Nothing unsafe or catastrophic, but not something either one of us were looking forward to doing together any time soon.

I don't want to make a second attempt, and destroy what interest she has left because I'm not a good teacher (assuming that's the issue...). She is right-handed, but left-eye dominant, which was something we didn't even know until after we got to the range... So long-story-short, I'm thinking she may benefit significantly from a formal, classroom-setting beginner's handgun course. A local range (Shooter's World) holds these regularly.

Would it be a bad idea for her to take one of these courses on her own? Or might it be better if we enroll together? My concern in the latter is she won't give the course the attention it deserves; but if she goes by herself, she may feel more obligated to pay attention...

Any thoughts/advice/suggestions? Like I said, I'm not trying to force my hobby onto her, I would just be really, really comforted knowing she has the knowledge and skill to effectively, safely handle a threat without me being home. We have children and she's a stay-at-home mom, and frankly, this is something I worry about from time to time - even moreso as time passes, due to the nature of my work.

 

[DefiantDad]

Hi. The only qualification I have to share my thoughts is that I am also married.

So, having said that, I also have a few other male friends who have firearms, with wives that do not necessarily share the interest. None of our wives are actually AGAINST firearms (unlike some other people I know) so that's a plus I guess.

In my experience, the only way to get the wife to have an interest in the firearm(s) is not to position it (only) as a defensive tool, because then you have to associate all kinds of horrible things with this activity. It's just psychology and probably doesn't apply only to females but also to some males. Just being objective here.

I got my wife challenged to place shots on target and to one-up each other in shooting. You can play this game, and maybe agree that the winner gets to decide where to spend some family budget on something. Just an idea.

The other thing is, once my wife showed some interest, she started talking to the other wives (ok, I admit I bring the topic up with them, hahaha, but then leave them to talk about it amongst themselves) and so that creates a girls kind of topic and makes it more "acceptable" among them, so to speak.

I don't know if I explained it well enough, but hopefully that gives you some ideas. By the way, it's not that my wife is totally into this thing, just that she is less apathetic about it, but it's definitely not high on the priority. I guess it's important not to turn it into a negative thing, then it's all downhill from there (including the wife's permission to spend budget on firearms and accessories).

Right now I have not even broached the idea to my wife about getting a .308 and .45 and I sure as heck hope she's not reading THR! LOL!

EDIT: Just wanted to add, her taking a course by herself is a toss-up IMHO, because it's random what kinds of other people she will see at the class and/or the type of instructor. She might get turned off by some gun nut, or maybe find some friends who will shoot with her (e.g., other wives). So, it could be great, and could be terrible. I agree though that she probably will pay more attention. Mine did! Haha.

 

[Nushif]

So long-story-short, I'm thinking she may benefit significantly from a formal, classroom-setting beginner's handgun course.

Pretty much says it all right there. As for whether she should take it on her own, that's for her to decide and for you to let her decide.
If you trust her that far, that is. From what I'm reading you don't seem to trust her far enough to do that, which to me at least seems an issue, but that's not the scope of this discussion.
More on point, aside from the trigger finger issue, is there a reason she is incapable of learning how to handle a firearm? If not, what stops her from signing up for a class and going shooting?

 

[Al Thompson]

Would it be a bad idea for her to take one of these courses on her own?

I had one couple for a class. Never, ever again. IMHO, always better to teach one or the other, but not both.

When I RO for a class, he goes to one end of the line, she to the opposite end.

 

[hso]

Clear the weapon, put a chamber safety flag in it, tape over the trigger so she can't stick her finger into the trigger guard.

Have her handle the weapon several times a day until she reaches close to a thousand repetitions so that she builds the unconscious habit of indexing her finger on the guard/frame. When that seems to be programed in, pull the tape and have her consciously do this for several repetitions.

It works with kids and adults.

I have to agree with everyone that says never have couples together for training (at least without separating them as much as physically possible). I refuse to train couples together (matter of fact I pretty much don't train anyone but women anymore) since one is usually looking to the other or one is trying to run the other.

 

[jak67429]

You may want to look into one of the women on target events.

 

[DaBull]

If you find yourself getting frustrated with her at the range, find another instructor. If your circle of friends allows, see if all the wives want to take a class together. My office had six wives attend a concealed carry course after the guys started a montly shooting outing. One wife later said she wasn't sure she could shoot someone, even if they were threatening her. I asked if she would shoot someone to protect her kids. She was sold. I then referred her www.corneredcat.com.

The biggest lesson I have learned with introducing women to shooting is to let them pick the gun. Get used to the idea that they may not want what you want. I've had some gravitate to pink handled Taurus .22 autos, some .38 revolvers, and others full size 1911s. All I do is provide the info they need to make the decsion (e.g., size vs. felt recoil, caliber wars, matching weapon to purpose) and let them browse, handle, test fire (if possible) and pick. Bottom line: if they don't like the gun they (or you) picked out, they'll never shoot it.

 

[Teachu2]

Clear the weapon, put a chamber safety flag in it, tape over the trigger so she can't stick her finger into the trigger guard.

Have her handle the weapon several times a day until she reaches close to a thousand repetitions so that she builds the unconscious habit of indexing her finger on the guard/frame. When that seems to be programed in, pull the tape and have her consciously do this for several repetitions.

It works with kids and adults.

It gets rid of kids and adults, too??? It would sure get rid of MY wife - or would require surgery to remove the gun from where she'd shove it....

The OP has already established that his rapport with the wife was less than positive in the training arena. Best choice is to offer to pay for her to take a class - and then let her take it without the distraction/irritation/support of the spouse.

It took my wife 23 years to decide that learning to handle a handgun might be prudent. She was raised to fear them, but she attended a couple of matches I was competing in and nobody had any ADs or NDs, so she realized "dangerous" was not the same as "evil". She also realized that if she needed to shoot someone, I would probably already be down. Luckily, she had seen me shoot enough that she accepted my instruction well, and I've taught lots of adults enough that I made sure I didn't talk down to her. She's a natural, and scary good with a snubbie. She liked it enough that she was open to owning her own handgun. She picked out a LC9, without getting to do more than hold one. Turned out to be a poor choice for her - the frame edges irritate her hand painfully under recoil. She fired it three shots and layed it on the table. Rather than getting upset, I fired the rest of the magazine and stowed the LC9. I then rented a G19, a couple of M&Ps, and a couple of XDs, and let her shoot each one. The M&P 9c was clearly the most comfortable and enjoyable for her - so we back-ordered one right then and there.
This solution was a win-win-win-win. 1) She didn't lose her enthusiasm because I didn't make an issue out of it, 2) she now understands why I own different guns for different purposes, 3) I got lots of husband points for treating her with respect, dignity, and perserverance, and 4) I got a very accurate pocket pistol.

 

[hso]

treating her with respect, dignity, and perserverance

Unfortunately, that is far too rare. For the average couple the dynamics are just wrong for good instruction and the "trainer" isn't professional enough.

If you're a good trainer and your spouse respects that ability and the two of you can leave the home stuff off the range it can work. Most can't.

 

[Teachu2]

If you're a good trainer and your spouse respects that ability and the two of you can leave the home stuff off the range it can work. Most can't.

I agree whole-heartedly.

Best choice is to offer to pay for her to take a class - and then let her take it without the distraction/irritation/support of the spouse.

I spent a dozen years in commission sales (consumer electronics) before becoming a teacher. The sales career taught me more about teaching than the Master's degree in Education did. My wife is also a teacher now, and we work together on a variety of education tasks. We both know the other's hot buttons, and use them with extreme caution! Teaching her to fly r/c model airplanes - THAT was a challenge!

 

[conw]

Find a good instructor and literally just (privately) tell him/her about the safety issue to prevent a freak-out. Then I'd say leave her alone for training. She will probably do better with a clean slate IMO (and IME).

You can always ask the instructor privately, after the lesson or class, how much she seemingly improved, and what possible next steps may be. Then if it seems like a good idea, you and she could train together with the instructor in another class/private lesson.

If she doesn't like doing the training solo she won't love it with you, and you will just stress out and give her a suboptimal teaching experience, anyway. At least if she gets a little good training and improves somewhat, she'll have a foundation that's solid... even if she never becomes passionate.