You Might Be a Gun Nut If...
· ... you ever seriously thought about dabbing on a little Hoppe's #9
before going out on a date.
· ...you buy some checkering tools, you checker all your gunstocks,
and then start on the bedposts.
· ...you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
· ...you buy a gun that's just like that other gun you have except the
barrel is 1/2" shorter (or longer).
· ...you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a
couple of years ago.
· ...you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
· ...you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you
cleaned it last.
· ...you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
· ...you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was
better.
· ...your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red
actually works.
· ...you strip all the paint off our car and refinish it with cold
blue.
· ...you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun,
because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
· ...your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests and
reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
· ...you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
· ...you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought
yet.
· ...you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them,
just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
· ...your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas
this year.
· ...you see TV footage of the war in Bosnia and wish you were there
to pick up the brass.
· ...you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens,
Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
· ...you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house,
including the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one
on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the
hallway.
· ...you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one
.22.
· ...you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big
Jake."
· ...you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
· ...you tape American Shooter so you can pause, reverse and fast
forward to do a complete analysis of the show.
· ...you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
· ...you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet,
just to see if one "shot better."
· ...you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of
work as a "conversation piece."
· ...you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th
Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
· ...you ever had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a
variation!"
· ...you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding
day.
· ...you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
· ...you read that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than
1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling
around loose in the trunk of my car!"
· ...watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro
Express.
· ... while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the
room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwarzenegger throws the
CAR-16 off the moving tractor-trailer and it goes bouncing away.
· ...you go to three different gun shows within a month and you're
excited every single time.
· ...your guns are cleaner than your residence.
· ...you have 5 different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL
dealers.
· ...you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two
years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait
another two years for them to make your pistol.
· ...your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for
Christmas.
· ...four local gun shops know you by name.
· ...you have your own BATF agent (mounted any suitable way).
· ...you're friends with 90% of the employee's at all the local gun
shops.
· ...you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before
you even notice the girl.
· ...when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions
like: "How was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're gonna order
some food, ya want in?" etc.
· ...you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local
sporting goods store has on hand.
· ...you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun
List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
· ...all of your children are life members of the NRA.
· ...your children are named "Ogive" and "Meplat."
· ...if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your
knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
· ...you have Brownell's on speed dial.
· ...you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before
commercial supplies of this brass were available.
· ...the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and
the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
· ...your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite
after-shave.
· ...you have guns in your safe that you can't, for the life of you,
remember how you came by.
· You know the answers to 99.9% of THE GUN GUY's trivia questions.
· Your cat is named Mauser and your dog is Luger.
· Your computer passwords are gun related.
· Your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts.
· You have an open account with Federal, Hornady, Cor-Bon, Winchester
and
· Remington.
· You call Brownell's and they know your voice.
· Your personalized license plate is 3006 AP, Glock, or MAG-58.
· You read to your kids from GUN DIGEST at bedtime.
· Your gun magazine subscriptions don't run out until 2015.
· You clean out your trunk and find 1000 rounds of ammo you forgot
about.
· You kids know every fast food place around gun shops and ranges
within 100 miles of home.
· Your kids cried watching BAMBI when the hunter shot Bambi's mother
because the hunter had filled his tag.
· Your kid thinks the seasons are SMALL GAME and DEER.
· A friend shows up with a pistol that was last made 50 years ago and
only 10 were ever made, and you have the correct holster for it.
· You have more GI ammo cans than the local Army Reserve unit.
· You have more guns than some third-world countries.
· Local SWAT teams come to you for advice.
· You think John Moses Browning's birthday should be a national
holiday.
· You have 5 pairs of earmuff hearing protectors and shooting glasses
in every lens color ever made.
· Instead of a lamppost in your front yard you have a pepper popper.
· You give your mailman and paper delivery people gift certificates
from a gun shop for Christmas.
· You have reloading presses for every caliber you shoot, so you don't
have to take time to change dies.
· You have a standard order for 5,000 primers every week at the local
gun shop.
· You put in a loading dock at your home so you could buy ammo by the
semi load.
· Your gun safes cost more than all your furniture.
· You can't put your car in the garage because it is filled with
buckets of wheel weights and lead ingots.
· When you went to the Grand Canyon you were trying to figure the
amount of holdover you would need to hit the other side.
· You ever shot propane tanks to see 'em burn.
· You ever gave a Browning Superimposed as a wedding gift.
· The FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't.
· You ever missed your wife's birthday to attend a pistol match. (BAD
MOVE)
· You took wife to Europe for a month (see above) and the ammo
companies had to lay off workers.
· The UPS man will not deliver to you unless you have a hand truck.
· You watch movies just to identify the guns used in them.
· Your doorbell does not chime, it plays a burst of machinegun fire.
· You know the range of every tree in the neighborhood.
· All your winter coats are Hunter's Orange.
· You have wind chimes made from shell casings.
· All your belts are made by holster makers.
· You can tell the caliber of an empty cartridge by feel.
· You have COLT and 1911 tattooed on your fingers.
· You buy your holsters matched sets, just in case.
· All your trousers are let out so you can wear a ITB holster.
· You carry a dummy cartridge for a good luck piece.
· All your key rings have sight-adjusting screwdrivers attached.
· You found that if you sold all your gun stuff, you could by a Rolls
Royce - - for cash.
· You ever brought a new rifle into the house in an old case so you
could say you just picked it up after being fixed.
· If somebody pointed a magnometer at your house, it would melt down.
· You get Christmas Cards from all the gun and ammo companies.
· You had heavy-duty springs installed in you vehicle just so you
could haul your stuff to the range.
· There was a major riot in your city and the cops came to you for
supplies.
· You have decided you could never move because you could not get your
gun safes out of the basement.
· Your dream home would have a 100-foot indoor range in the basement.
· You own more than 2 chronographs.
· You have 6 pairs of shooting gloves, 5 that have never been worn.
· You have burn scars from hot brass hitting you.
· You take your hat off and hold it over your heart when anybody
mentions Oliver Winchester, Sam Colt, John M. Browning or either of
the Maxims.
· Your air fresheners smell like Cordite.
· If somebody says they have a Remington Bronze, you want to know when
they made cannon and the bore size.
· You gave your son a Winchester M-70 on his first birthday.
· You have a rifle in .458 and you don't hunt big game.
· All the calendars in you house came from gun companies.
· Gun shops call you to see if you are going to order any thing from
Gun Parts or Brownell's so you can add their order to yours.
· You have pistol grips off guns that you have not owned for 15 years.
· You get misty eyed when you sell a gun.
· ...you tag pages in SGN/GL for later reference.
· ...you own enough guns to arm everyone on your block.
· ...you own 4 AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different
manufactures (Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, ArmaLite, etc.) just
because you can.
· ...the last 5 guns you bought are never to be fired.
· ...when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it
until you have space for it.
· ...your wife wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry
holster.
· ...you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
· ...your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
· ...you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you
say, "Bushmaster."
· ...you would like to see Bill Clinton or Barbara Boxer spend even
one hour after midnight at a Washington, D.C.bus-stop without their
bodyguards.
· ...you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than
your wife.
· ...you can identify gunshots from far away as to caliber, whether
from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what*
powder and at what velocity.
· ...you ever stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a
caliber you don't own, but hoarded it anyway.
· ...your answer to the recent rec.guns newsgroup thread, "How many
guns do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?"
· ...you stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer
Famine of 1994."
· ...a friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a
caliber you do not already have, and you go out and buy a gun so you
can use the FREE dies.
· ...when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your
rolled-up sleeves.
· ...you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for
a half an hour before you remember that you already have that one.
· ...when you go to the magazine rack, you check the "Guns & Ammo"
cover to see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy
cover to see what it is offering.
· ...you own more reloading manuals than Bibles.
· ...you own a BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet.
· ... you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have
because the original one might break someday . . .
· ...you name your first-born boy MAK90.
· ... you'd rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car, rather
than drive a $10,000 car and have a $600 gun.
· ...you preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in
a predominantly ANTI-gun company.
· ...you would rather ban alcohol than high-capacity clips/magazines.
· ...you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
· ...your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
· ...it bothers you more when 007 runs out of ammo than when the BOND
girl dies.
· ...your key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge.
· ...your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
· ...you watch La Femme Nikita just to see the HK MP5s.
· ..."Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
· ...the highlight of your week is discovering that six .40 S&W
hollowpoints fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (5 up/1
down in the middle).
· ...you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
· ...you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control.
· ...it takes you several minutes leafing through "Small Arms of the
World" to find a gun you have never fired.
· ...you have a callus on your shoulder.
· ...you've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold
for repair.
· ...factories ask *you* how well their guns hold up.
· ...Hornady's largest Midwestern distributor informs you that you've
bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.
· ... you even had the thought, "I wonder what scale little kids
Animal Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?"
· ...your standard Sunday afternoon question to guys selling surplus
ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug
it home?"
· ...RCBS asked *you* for load data for the .357 Sig (before it was
published).
· ...you shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name
basis with your local scrap metal dealer.
· ...upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps
3-1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says
"You're nuts!"
· ...Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers
your phone calls "What have you dreamed up *this* time?"
· ...you own a firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
· ...you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like
better, shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question
you've ever heard.
· ...you're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every
time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return
with a shot-out barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your
own ammo . . . ).
· ...you keep a copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee
table.
· ...you spend more on ammo each month than on food.
· ...you list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
· ...a topless joint with free admission is half a mile away, and
instead you drive 40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night.
· ...you alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines
because they look prettier that way.
· ...you guess range and windage whenever you look at road signs.
· ...you have more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army
Reserves armory.
· ...your gun collection is worth more than your automobile.
· ...you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some
ammo because you need some brass to reload.
· ...seeing Bill Clinton's picture automatically sends you into
Condition Orange.
· ...you're still reading this inane list.
· ...you live in that serious part of the country where deer season is
a recognized holiday.
· ...you wish you could buy "The Blue Book of Gun Values" in hard
cover.
· ...you watch old WWII movies and can identify all the rifles and
handguns, but can't remember who starred in the movie or what it was
about.
· ...you consider it a point of honor to buy factory ammo only if you
need the brass.
· ... when you hear or see the numbers 221 you automatically think
"fireball," 257 you think "Roberts," 218 "Bee," 45-70 "government,"
etc., and can't stop.
· ... your pickup is subject to search at any given time because, in
your state, empty cartridge cases rolling around the floor are
considered probable cause.
· ...you read the sports section of the newspaper just for the gun
ads.
· ...you get a flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a
Hefty bag each of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open
the main shaft of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire.
· ...you wonder what size rings you would need to mount the Hubble
Space Telescope on a varmint rifle.
· ... .22LR cartridges frequently find their way into your wife's
washing machine.
· ...your gun safe cost more than your dining room set.
· ...you work for the military and have more shooting experience than
the guys in uniform you work with.
· ...your teenage daughter's next date is introduced to you while
you're sitting at the loading bench cleaning your M-1.
· ...you visit the shooting range more then twice a week.
· ...your wife says to buy a gun she would like you to sell one first.
· ...you have ever had your local sporting goods store call your house
and ask, "We are doing a stock order, did you need anything?"
· ...the checkering pattern of your favorite 1911is permanently
impressed in your palm.
· ...your bridal registry is at the local gun shop.
· ...you have more cubic feet of your home devoted to gun-related
materials than clothing.
· ...you can identify on sight all rifle bolt-faces as in: "That's a
Ruger, that's a Savage, that's a Winchester . . ."
· ...the largest gun store in your area calls you if they need
something they can't get elsewhere.
· ...you're a computer specialist and you have more issues of Shotgun
News and Gun List than MacWeek and PCWeek.
· ...you actually consider buying the camo sexy underwear advertised
for your sweetie in some gun catalogs.
· ...you bought 7 or more AK-47's just so you could have different
ones from different countries (Bulgarian, Romanian, Russian,
Yugoslavian, Egyptian, Chinese, etc.).
· ...your phone number, license plate, extension at work, etc. relates
to some kind of bullet caliber . . . ON PURPOSE.
· ...you have framed targets hanging in your bathroom, hallway, or at
work, etc. with tight groups that you have shot.
· ...you can read the same issue of SGN/GL/etc. everyday until the new
issue comes out.
· .you take time to think these things up.
· Surplus ammunition importers call you up to see if there is any
thing you were looking for.
· When you log on to the www your first page that comes up is the GUN
GUY's home page.
· You ever shot out a 1911 barrel.
· You had a 1911 break down after well over 500,000 rounds and you
thought that it should have kept working.
· You read this stuff and don't think it is either unreasonable or
funny.
· You save brass and have a case tumbler and you DON'T reload.
· You wanted the doctor to induce labor on your wife so your kid would
be born before (fill in the match) so you could attend.
· You never go anyplace without at least two pair of earplugs.
· Your five year old can detail strip and reassemble a M-1 Garand.
· You home school and use ballistic tables for math lessons.
· Your speedometer is in both MPH and FPS.
· You know the Hatcher RSP factor for all your vehicles at all the
speeds they can reach.
· You can figure out the RSP factor in your head.
· You measure things in MOA.
· You ever left a handful of cartridges as a tip.
· You ever practiced "air draw", sort of like "air guitar".
·
· ... you ever seriously thought about dabbing on a little Hoppe's #9
before going out on a date.
· ...you buy some checkering tools, you checker all your gunstocks,
and then start on the bedposts.
· ...you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
· ...you buy a gun that's just like that other gun you have except the
barrel is 1/2" shorter (or longer).
· ...you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a
couple of years ago.
· ...you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
· ...you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you
cleaned it last.
· ...you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
· ...you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was
better.
· ...your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red
actually works.
· ...you strip all the paint off our car and refinish it with cold
blue.
· ...you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun,
because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
· ...your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests and
reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
· ...you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
· ...you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought
yet.
· ...you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them,
just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
· ...your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas
this year.
· ...you see TV footage of the war in Bosnia and wish you were there
to pick up the brass.
· ...you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens,
Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
· ...you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house,
including the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one
on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the
hallway.
· ...you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one
.22.
· ...you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big
Jake."
· ...you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
· ...you tape American Shooter so you can pause, reverse and fast
forward to do a complete analysis of the show.
· ...you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
· ...you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet,
just to see if one "shot better."
· ...you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of
work as a "conversation piece."
· ...you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th
Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
· ...you ever had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a
variation!"
· ...you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding
day.
· ...you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
· ...you read that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than
1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling
around loose in the trunk of my car!"
· ...watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro
Express.
· ... while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the
room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwarzenegger throws the
CAR-16 off the moving tractor-trailer and it goes bouncing away.
· ...you go to three different gun shows within a month and you're
excited every single time.
· ...your guns are cleaner than your residence.
· ...you have 5 different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL
dealers.
· ...you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two
years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait
another two years for them to make your pistol.
· ...your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for
Christmas.
· ...four local gun shops know you by name.
· ...you have your own BATF agent (mounted any suitable way).
· ...you're friends with 90% of the employee's at all the local gun
shops.
· ...you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before
you even notice the girl.
· ...when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions
like: "How was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're gonna order
some food, ya want in?" etc.
· ...you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local
sporting goods store has on hand.
· ...you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun
List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
· ...all of your children are life members of the NRA.
· ...your children are named "Ogive" and "Meplat."
· ...if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your
knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
· ...you have Brownell's on speed dial.
· ...you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before
commercial supplies of this brass were available.
· ...the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and
the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
· ...your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite
after-shave.
· ...you have guns in your safe that you can't, for the life of you,
remember how you came by.
· You know the answers to 99.9% of THE GUN GUY's trivia questions.
· Your cat is named Mauser and your dog is Luger.
· Your computer passwords are gun related.
· Your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts.
· You have an open account with Federal, Hornady, Cor-Bon, Winchester
and
· Remington.
· You call Brownell's and they know your voice.
· Your personalized license plate is 3006 AP, Glock, or MAG-58.
· You read to your kids from GUN DIGEST at bedtime.
· Your gun magazine subscriptions don't run out until 2015.
· You clean out your trunk and find 1000 rounds of ammo you forgot
about.
· You kids know every fast food place around gun shops and ranges
within 100 miles of home.
· Your kids cried watching BAMBI when the hunter shot Bambi's mother
because the hunter had filled his tag.
· Your kid thinks the seasons are SMALL GAME and DEER.
· A friend shows up with a pistol that was last made 50 years ago and
only 10 were ever made, and you have the correct holster for it.
· You have more GI ammo cans than the local Army Reserve unit.
· You have more guns than some third-world countries.
· Local SWAT teams come to you for advice.
· You think John Moses Browning's birthday should be a national
holiday.
· You have 5 pairs of earmuff hearing protectors and shooting glasses
in every lens color ever made.
· Instead of a lamppost in your front yard you have a pepper popper.
· You give your mailman and paper delivery people gift certificates
from a gun shop for Christmas.
· You have reloading presses for every caliber you shoot, so you don't
have to take time to change dies.
· You have a standard order for 5,000 primers every week at the local
gun shop.
· You put in a loading dock at your home so you could buy ammo by the
semi load.
· Your gun safes cost more than all your furniture.
· You can't put your car in the garage because it is filled with
buckets of wheel weights and lead ingots.
· When you went to the Grand Canyon you were trying to figure the
amount of holdover you would need to hit the other side.
· You ever shot propane tanks to see 'em burn.
· You ever gave a Browning Superimposed as a wedding gift.
· The FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't.
· You ever missed your wife's birthday to attend a pistol match. (BAD
MOVE)
· You took wife to Europe for a month (see above) and the ammo
companies had to lay off workers.
· The UPS man will not deliver to you unless you have a hand truck.
· You watch movies just to identify the guns used in them.
· Your doorbell does not chime, it plays a burst of machinegun fire.
· You know the range of every tree in the neighborhood.
· All your winter coats are Hunter's Orange.
· You have wind chimes made from shell casings.
· All your belts are made by holster makers.
· You can tell the caliber of an empty cartridge by feel.
· You have COLT and 1911 tattooed on your fingers.
· You buy your holsters matched sets, just in case.
· All your trousers are let out so you can wear a ITB holster.
· You carry a dummy cartridge for a good luck piece.
· All your key rings have sight-adjusting screwdrivers attached.
· You found that if you sold all your gun stuff, you could by a Rolls
Royce - - for cash.
· You ever brought a new rifle into the house in an old case so you
could say you just picked it up after being fixed.
· If somebody pointed a magnometer at your house, it would melt down.
· You get Christmas Cards from all the gun and ammo companies.
· You had heavy-duty springs installed in you vehicle just so you
could haul your stuff to the range.
· There was a major riot in your city and the cops came to you for
supplies.
· You have decided you could never move because you could not get your
gun safes out of the basement.
· Your dream home would have a 100-foot indoor range in the basement.
· You own more than 2 chronographs.
· You have 6 pairs of shooting gloves, 5 that have never been worn.
· You have burn scars from hot brass hitting you.
· You take your hat off and hold it over your heart when anybody
mentions Oliver Winchester, Sam Colt, John M. Browning or either of
the Maxims.
· Your air fresheners smell like Cordite.
· If somebody says they have a Remington Bronze, you want to know when
they made cannon and the bore size.
· You gave your son a Winchester M-70 on his first birthday.
· You have a rifle in .458 and you don't hunt big game.
· All the calendars in you house came from gun companies.
· Gun shops call you to see if you are going to order any thing from
Gun Parts or Brownell's so you can add their order to yours.
· You have pistol grips off guns that you have not owned for 15 years.
· You get misty eyed when you sell a gun.
· ...you tag pages in SGN/GL for later reference.
· ...you own enough guns to arm everyone on your block.
· ...you own 4 AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different
manufactures (Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, ArmaLite, etc.) just
because you can.
· ...the last 5 guns you bought are never to be fired.
· ...when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it
until you have space for it.
· ...your wife wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry
holster.
· ...you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
· ...your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
· ...you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you
say, "Bushmaster."
· ...you would like to see Bill Clinton or Barbara Boxer spend even
one hour after midnight at a Washington, D.C.bus-stop without their
bodyguards.
· ...you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than
your wife.
· ...you can identify gunshots from far away as to caliber, whether
from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what*
powder and at what velocity.
· ...you ever stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a
caliber you don't own, but hoarded it anyway.
· ...your answer to the recent rec.guns newsgroup thread, "How many
guns do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?"
· ...you stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer
Famine of 1994."
· ...a friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a
caliber you do not already have, and you go out and buy a gun so you
can use the FREE dies.
· ...when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your
rolled-up sleeves.
· ...you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for
a half an hour before you remember that you already have that one.
· ...when you go to the magazine rack, you check the "Guns & Ammo"
cover to see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy
cover to see what it is offering.
· ...you own more reloading manuals than Bibles.
· ...you own a BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet.
· ... you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have
because the original one might break someday . . .
· ...you name your first-born boy MAK90.
· ... you'd rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car, rather
than drive a $10,000 car and have a $600 gun.
· ...you preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in
a predominantly ANTI-gun company.
· ...you would rather ban alcohol than high-capacity clips/magazines.
· ...you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
· ...your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
· ...it bothers you more when 007 runs out of ammo than when the BOND
girl dies.
· ...your key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge.
· ...your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
· ...you watch La Femme Nikita just to see the HK MP5s.
· ..."Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
· ...the highlight of your week is discovering that six .40 S&W
hollowpoints fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (5 up/1
down in the middle).
· ...you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
· ...you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control.
· ...it takes you several minutes leafing through "Small Arms of the
World" to find a gun you have never fired.
· ...you have a callus on your shoulder.
· ...you've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold
for repair.
· ...factories ask *you* how well their guns hold up.
· ...Hornady's largest Midwestern distributor informs you that you've
bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.
· ... you even had the thought, "I wonder what scale little kids
Animal Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?"
· ...your standard Sunday afternoon question to guys selling surplus
ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug
it home?"
· ...RCBS asked *you* for load data for the .357 Sig (before it was
published).
· ...you shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name
basis with your local scrap metal dealer.
· ...upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps
3-1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says
"You're nuts!"
· ...Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers
your phone calls "What have you dreamed up *this* time?"
· ...you own a firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
· ...you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like
better, shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question
you've ever heard.
· ...you're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every
time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return
with a shot-out barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your
own ammo . . . ).
· ...you keep a copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee
table.
· ...you spend more on ammo each month than on food.
· ...you list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
· ...a topless joint with free admission is half a mile away, and
instead you drive 40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night.
· ...you alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines
because they look prettier that way.
· ...you guess range and windage whenever you look at road signs.
· ...you have more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army
Reserves armory.
· ...your gun collection is worth more than your automobile.
· ...you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some
ammo because you need some brass to reload.
· ...seeing Bill Clinton's picture automatically sends you into
Condition Orange.
· ...you're still reading this inane list.
· ...you live in that serious part of the country where deer season is
a recognized holiday.
· ...you wish you could buy "The Blue Book of Gun Values" in hard
cover.
· ...you watch old WWII movies and can identify all the rifles and
handguns, but can't remember who starred in the movie or what it was
about.
· ...you consider it a point of honor to buy factory ammo only if you
need the brass.
· ... when you hear or see the numbers 221 you automatically think
"fireball," 257 you think "Roberts," 218 "Bee," 45-70 "government,"
etc., and can't stop.
· ... your pickup is subject to search at any given time because, in
your state, empty cartridge cases rolling around the floor are
considered probable cause.
· ...you read the sports section of the newspaper just for the gun
ads.
· ...you get a flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a
Hefty bag each of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open
the main shaft of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire.
· ...you wonder what size rings you would need to mount the Hubble
Space Telescope on a varmint rifle.
· ... .22LR cartridges frequently find their way into your wife's
washing machine.
· ...your gun safe cost more than your dining room set.
· ...you work for the military and have more shooting experience than
the guys in uniform you work with.
· ...your teenage daughter's next date is introduced to you while
you're sitting at the loading bench cleaning your M-1.
· ...you visit the shooting range more then twice a week.
· ...your wife says to buy a gun she would like you to sell one first.
· ...you have ever had your local sporting goods store call your house
and ask, "We are doing a stock order, did you need anything?"
· ...the checkering pattern of your favorite 1911is permanently
impressed in your palm.
· ...your bridal registry is at the local gun shop.
· ...you have more cubic feet of your home devoted to gun-related
materials than clothing.
· ...you can identify on sight all rifle bolt-faces as in: "That's a
Ruger, that's a Savage, that's a Winchester . . ."
· ...the largest gun store in your area calls you if they need
something they can't get elsewhere.
· ...you're a computer specialist and you have more issues of Shotgun
News and Gun List than MacWeek and PCWeek.
· ...you actually consider buying the camo sexy underwear advertised
for your sweetie in some gun catalogs.
· ...you bought 7 or more AK-47's just so you could have different
ones from different countries (Bulgarian, Romanian, Russian,
Yugoslavian, Egyptian, Chinese, etc.).
· ...your phone number, license plate, extension at work, etc. relates
to some kind of bullet caliber . . . ON PURPOSE.
· ...you have framed targets hanging in your bathroom, hallway, or at
work, etc. with tight groups that you have shot.
· ...you can read the same issue of SGN/GL/etc. everyday until the new
issue comes out.
· .you take time to think these things up.
· Surplus ammunition importers call you up to see if there is any
thing you were looking for.
· When you log on to the www your first page that comes up is the GUN
GUY's home page.
· You ever shot out a 1911 barrel.
· You had a 1911 break down after well over 500,000 rounds and you
thought that it should have kept working.
· You read this stuff and don't think it is either unreasonable or
funny.
· You save brass and have a case tumbler and you DON'T reload.
· You wanted the doctor to induce labor on your wife so your kid would
be born before (fill in the match) so you could attend.
· You never go anyplace without at least two pair of earplugs.
· Your five year old can detail strip and reassemble a M-1 Garand.
· You home school and use ballistic tables for math lessons.
· Your speedometer is in both MPH and FPS.
· You know the Hatcher RSP factor for all your vehicles at all the
speeds they can reach.
· You can figure out the RSP factor in your head.
· You measure things in MOA.
· You ever left a handful of cartridges as a tip.
· You ever practiced "air draw", sort of like "air guitar".
·
