sm
member
Once upon a time I made a big mistake, okay I made another mistake; okay okay there have been others since. My shooting partner tried to tell me, did I listen? Nope, I married his red headed daughter anyway. Said partner had divorced her momma a long time ago, basically the ex wife’s family were as crazy as road ticks. Yep!
So we were invited – scratch that- ordered to be at the Country Club to pay homage to THE Grandmother. The one with all the money, I’m talking big bucks folks. This is where everyone puts on their plastic mask, sucks up, brown noses, and chants. Get the picture? Being the “favorite†* ahem* son-in-law, grandson- in- law, brother- in law…hell I could get by with most anything. All my experience in the working world, I had a PhD in…err…for Art’s Grammaw sake…†If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance – baffle them with bull manure. *wink*
So the deal was the wife got off work at 4:30; she would then go home, let the dogs out and change in to fancy eating clothes. She would drive to the big city and meet the family at the Big House for – whatever pre- sucking up and making over that needed to be done. “I will see you at the Country Club no later than 7:38 pm! Yes you read the time right, wife had two Master’s in Psych, and had been “published†(whatever the hell that means) – must be a red-head/ Dale Carnegie / management tool or something. *shrug*
I had to go to work for bit that morning, but had some business to attend to out of town. So I dressed in my standard fancy dress up clothes - the new Duckhead khakis, new French blue 100% cotton oxford shirt, Cordovan penny loafers and tossed the blue sport coat in the back seat. Tie, hell they have ties at the Country Club – I always used one of theirs. * grin*
“Honey, you stay nice and clean while out and about today, don’t get into anything….â€
Like I am likely to get into trouble, all I’m going to do is drive south into the country and conduct some business…
“Damn son you clean up good…you did bring a shotgun didn’t you?†“Cute, and yeah, I just happen to have a shotgun in the vehicle, along with other firearms, you think I don’t remember how I was raised?†I replied.
So we conducted business, ate a light lunch, and headed down the farm road to the skeet field. Nothing fancy, just two houses and cement squares for the stations. I mean the part for the machine came in and we need to test it - right? What harm can come from a easygoing round of skeet? I can do this, maybe get style points for shooting in fancy duds or something.
About the second round it started to rain, hey we can finish this round; we are on station 6 no big deal. The bottom fell out, so in leather soled street shoes going from station 7 to the low house for cover, I lost my footing. I had mud and grass stains from my shoes to my shoulders. Oops!
“You’re gonna catch hell Steve, red heads are the worst…†Some farmers and their wives are just plain too smart for their own good. *grin*
So the fields are really muddy getting back, I drive to the Farmer’ house and his wife sees me and says†You can’t go to the Country Club looking like that , that bunch will kill you†I made some smart remark about not if I shoot first.
I call Miss B, the lady that owns the Cleaners,long distance “What did you do this time Steve?†What is it with these people anyway?
“Miss B, I need Khaki’s, that pair you are hemming, a blue oxford†– she interrupted “You mean you need Steve’s standard get all dressed up attire?†Okay so I like simple and being redundant, not a bad thing. “Oh my shoes†she asked what did I do this time to goof up the shoes as well. “ Listen I have a pair ready that I had re- soled around at …†I know, we all know, Cordovan penny loafers, you need socks…never mind I’ll snag a pair of the “usual†Steve socks as well when I pick up your shoesâ€
So I grab a shower at the farmer’s house, I have a shaving kit in the trunk along with some extra clothes, and tennis shoes…well, you never know.
My vehicle is a mess, with the mud and all I put on the seats , not to mention the exterior, Country Club is going to have a fit….although they were pretty nice about it the last time I showed up slinging mud everywhere.
Farmer’s wife “here take my Bronco; we will get the boys to clean yours up…see you tomorrow either here or in the obits…oh we have two ducks of yours in the freezer …â€
So I am flying low, I am about an hour and a half from the Big City. Bless her heart Miss B is awaiting my arrival, has my shoes, and new socks, I do a fast change, give her a hug and fly low to the Country Club.
" I'll leave these with the shoe shine guy at the Barber Shop for you - sure you won't tell me what happened ...nevermind...I never realized how much mud these things could hold." I really noticed the wheels churning as she looked at my clothes...then she laughed. I figured she had a better story in her mind than the truth - why spoil it?. *wink*
I am early, I see the Mercedes pull up. I exit the Bronco and puzzled looks of “why did Steve exit a new Bronco?â€
Valet opens the Grandma’s door, my wife exits the rear seat and before I get the notorious Grandma greeting and hug I put the ice chest between us “here I “kilt you some ducksâ€. Did I mention my bride also majored in English? She cringed, the Grandma “oh you are the bestest grandson-in-law…I know just how to fix these too…†Notice the wife cringes at me, the grandma can use “bestest†and that is okay.
We get inside and I order a bottle of Korbel and glasses while we wait for our table. “ Mr…†I look at the fellow “ err excuse me Steve, we have a new yellow “power tie†you have borrowed all the others so use this oneâ€. So I unbutton the collar on my Oxford shirt place tie around neck, re- button, and our table is ready. I stroll in while tying my tie. I learned to tie a tie without a mirror.
This is kind of a tradition or expected thing with me, I see other folks I know, and the Grandma gets a kick out my talent of doing this. So I get muffled applause when I finish. Some folks are so easy to entertain I swear.
Sister-in-laws ask abouthe Bronco; I just said I was offered an opportunity to drive one and I’d get mine back tomorrow when I head back down to conduct more business.
My Coffee is brought out and the wife says†honey you look REALLY nice, I was afraid you might get all wrinkled or dirty todayâ€.
* grin
So we were invited – scratch that- ordered to be at the Country Club to pay homage to THE Grandmother. The one with all the money, I’m talking big bucks folks. This is where everyone puts on their plastic mask, sucks up, brown noses, and chants. Get the picture? Being the “favorite†* ahem* son-in-law, grandson- in- law, brother- in law…hell I could get by with most anything. All my experience in the working world, I had a PhD in…err…for Art’s Grammaw sake…†If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance – baffle them with bull manure. *wink*
So the deal was the wife got off work at 4:30; she would then go home, let the dogs out and change in to fancy eating clothes. She would drive to the big city and meet the family at the Big House for – whatever pre- sucking up and making over that needed to be done. “I will see you at the Country Club no later than 7:38 pm! Yes you read the time right, wife had two Master’s in Psych, and had been “published†(whatever the hell that means) – must be a red-head/ Dale Carnegie / management tool or something. *shrug*
I had to go to work for bit that morning, but had some business to attend to out of town. So I dressed in my standard fancy dress up clothes - the new Duckhead khakis, new French blue 100% cotton oxford shirt, Cordovan penny loafers and tossed the blue sport coat in the back seat. Tie, hell they have ties at the Country Club – I always used one of theirs. * grin*
“Honey, you stay nice and clean while out and about today, don’t get into anything….â€
Like I am likely to get into trouble, all I’m going to do is drive south into the country and conduct some business…
“Damn son you clean up good…you did bring a shotgun didn’t you?†“Cute, and yeah, I just happen to have a shotgun in the vehicle, along with other firearms, you think I don’t remember how I was raised?†I replied.
So we conducted business, ate a light lunch, and headed down the farm road to the skeet field. Nothing fancy, just two houses and cement squares for the stations. I mean the part for the machine came in and we need to test it - right? What harm can come from a easygoing round of skeet? I can do this, maybe get style points for shooting in fancy duds or something.
About the second round it started to rain, hey we can finish this round; we are on station 6 no big deal. The bottom fell out, so in leather soled street shoes going from station 7 to the low house for cover, I lost my footing. I had mud and grass stains from my shoes to my shoulders. Oops!
“You’re gonna catch hell Steve, red heads are the worst…†Some farmers and their wives are just plain too smart for their own good. *grin*
So the fields are really muddy getting back, I drive to the Farmer’ house and his wife sees me and says†You can’t go to the Country Club looking like that , that bunch will kill you†I made some smart remark about not if I shoot first.
I call Miss B, the lady that owns the Cleaners,long distance “What did you do this time Steve?†What is it with these people anyway?
“Miss B, I need Khaki’s, that pair you are hemming, a blue oxford†– she interrupted “You mean you need Steve’s standard get all dressed up attire?†Okay so I like simple and being redundant, not a bad thing. “Oh my shoes†she asked what did I do this time to goof up the shoes as well. “ Listen I have a pair ready that I had re- soled around at …†I know, we all know, Cordovan penny loafers, you need socks…never mind I’ll snag a pair of the “usual†Steve socks as well when I pick up your shoesâ€
So I grab a shower at the farmer’s house, I have a shaving kit in the trunk along with some extra clothes, and tennis shoes…well, you never know.
My vehicle is a mess, with the mud and all I put on the seats , not to mention the exterior, Country Club is going to have a fit….although they were pretty nice about it the last time I showed up slinging mud everywhere.
Farmer’s wife “here take my Bronco; we will get the boys to clean yours up…see you tomorrow either here or in the obits…oh we have two ducks of yours in the freezer …â€
So I am flying low, I am about an hour and a half from the Big City. Bless her heart Miss B is awaiting my arrival, has my shoes, and new socks, I do a fast change, give her a hug and fly low to the Country Club.
" I'll leave these with the shoe shine guy at the Barber Shop for you - sure you won't tell me what happened ...nevermind...I never realized how much mud these things could hold." I really noticed the wheels churning as she looked at my clothes...then she laughed. I figured she had a better story in her mind than the truth - why spoil it?. *wink*
I am early, I see the Mercedes pull up. I exit the Bronco and puzzled looks of “why did Steve exit a new Bronco?â€
Valet opens the Grandma’s door, my wife exits the rear seat and before I get the notorious Grandma greeting and hug I put the ice chest between us “here I “kilt you some ducksâ€. Did I mention my bride also majored in English? She cringed, the Grandma “oh you are the bestest grandson-in-law…I know just how to fix these too…†Notice the wife cringes at me, the grandma can use “bestest†and that is okay.
We get inside and I order a bottle of Korbel and glasses while we wait for our table. “ Mr…†I look at the fellow “ err excuse me Steve, we have a new yellow “power tie†you have borrowed all the others so use this oneâ€. So I unbutton the collar on my Oxford shirt place tie around neck, re- button, and our table is ready. I stroll in while tying my tie. I learned to tie a tie without a mirror.
This is kind of a tradition or expected thing with me, I see other folks I know, and the Grandma gets a kick out my talent of doing this. So I get muffled applause when I finish. Some folks are so easy to entertain I swear.
Sister-in-laws ask abouthe Bronco; I just said I was offered an opportunity to drive one and I’d get mine back tomorrow when I head back down to conduct more business.
My Coffee is brought out and the wife says†honey you look REALLY nice, I was afraid you might get all wrinkled or dirty todayâ€.
* grin
