What to do - loaned best friend money for a gun....

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In February, I loaned my best friend money to buy a Walther G22 and loaned him money for a yearly range membership with the idea that we would visit the range fairly often. Maybe once every two weekends. He used to enjoy range trips a great deal. Recently he has had several moderately sized personal problems which have been causing him stress, and other unexpected behavior.

Because of his personal issues, we haven't been shooting in a long time. Now, here comes the question. Should I remind/ask for my money back (and or give me the gun back) or should I remain quiet?

We are still on good terms with each other, but he has grown very distant (compared to how he used to be) as a result of his personal issues.

The total money for the G22 and the yearly range membership is right at $500 bucks.
 
Should I remind/ask for my money back
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Yes.

You can soft-shoe it ... something like "Hey man, I just realized we never settled up on the Walther. Any way we could go ahead and get square? I've got a (fill in the blank) I'd like to buy and the $500 would about cover it."

Brad
 
Should I remind/ask for my money back
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He!! yes...

But something like Brad said. Doesn't matter how much that $500 means to you, you loaned him the money. It wasn't a present.

He is your friend, so don't lose a friendship over it, so if he is hard up for cash, make out some sort of payment plan.
 
Never loan a friend money as a favor unless you are prepared to not be paid back.

Rest assured, your friend is well aware of his debt.

Don't loan him any more money, and don't go out of your way to collect. The lesson-learned was $500 well-spent. Just be glad the amount only involves two zeros.

Besides, you loaned him the money because YOU wanted him to have the gun.
 
im with XD Fan, if you can afford to and you value the friendship, let it go. is your friendship worth 500 bucks?

if you need the money, or dont mind the possibility of alienating him, as was said by Brad Johnson, soft shoe it and see what happnes.

all that being said, it depends on factors that none of us here will ever have as to what you should do, so follow your consience.(sp)
 
On the other hand, I loaned money to a friend back in the 60s. He was on an alcoholic downward spiral which he was determined to complete. I no longer had much in common with him and he avoided me after that, I guess because he wasn't intending to repay me. Best money I ever spent!
 
I do very much so value his friendship. At one point we were like brothers. Past few months he has got mixed up feelings in his head and has had these personal issues come up. We rarely see each other now. I am not sure how much he values my friendship, but I do value his....

And yes, I can easily take a $500 hit. I am not sure why I posted this, just was looking for some feedback from neutral parties.
 
Perfectly dipolmatic Brad - very skilled response. I would agree as well. Personally, I don't "loan" money to friends for this reason. I "give" money to friends. If I can't give it outright, I don't do it. (I know, perfect world and all...)
 
My dad used to say ' Be careful about loaning a friend large amounts of money, you will usually loose both."

Regardless of the reason you lost both, Leave it at that. He may straighten up someday and come around. You might get your money back but he has lost the trust between you and he. Sad, real friends are hard to come by.
 
It's not about if you can take the hit or not....if he is really your friend he would have paid you back a long time ago. He certainly doesn't value the friendship very much otherwise he would have come to you and worked out some sort of payment or at least talked to you about it...then you can take the hit, but the way it is now what's the difference you my as well ask him for it. I was in this situation last year so I no how you feel
 
Since you're not hurting for the cash, I'd be polite and just hint it every now and again.

next time he wants to go out and do something, like go shooting, tell him you're hard up for funds for ammo. Do that a couple times, give him the impression that you're hard up before you hit him with a "dude, I know we're both strapped for $$$ right now, but I'd really like to work out a payment plan or something. I understand if things are real bad right now, we can start it in a few weeks or even at the end of the month, but I really need some additional cash flow right now."

If that fails, then you have a mooch. I'm friends with plenty of mooches, I'm just always out of cash when they start begging, if I'm low on smokes, i tell them 'last pack' or 'my last six pack of beer, you can have one, but i won't get paid again until friday.' it's not even a lie....whether I've got funds in the bank or not, I'm not about to flaunt it. Next thing you know you're catering a kegger to 'spread the love.'

Sometimes, you've got to live broke to have broke friends. I keep my degree locked up in a file cabinet and I don't drive a mercedes. Where it ends usually depends on where it starts, so don't go too far from where you started or you're just snubbing your nose at your friends and kin.
 
I keep and maintain a personal policy that I never let my friends become indebted to me. The only exception is where real need is present, but I loan the money with the idea that I don't care if I get it back and express it to them. They usually insist on repayment. If they repay me, fine, if not, that's ok too. Debt is a tool of enslavement and that's not a position I want my friends in.
 
Very true, real friends are hard to come by. And he really was the perfect friend to me. We did everything together, and got along perfectly. I still believe I would do just about anything for him, but he has just grown so distant and has changed an awefully lot. I know people change, but he was influenced and took advise from people he shouldn't have. People that were not involved in what was going on at the time. Its this distantness that is really putting a strain on our friendship. I almost feel like I should get my money back before he is gone for good.....
 
I agree with above that your friend is unlikely to have forgotten about the debt. Sometimes friendships can be stressed by problems that neither person feels comfortable talking about. It might actually be helpful for you to bring this up and settle it in some way so it doesn't fester.

"Hey, I know you're going through rough times. If you're worrying about that gun money, don't. We can settle that up later on."

I don't know exactly, but something along those lines might be helpful.
 
When you let him borrow the money was there any mention of when he would pay you back? if so has that time past? When someone you you think/is your friend borrows money it put stress on the friendship, when it happened to me I felt betrayed that my friend that I let borrow $1000 was screwing me around
 
Lots of great responses, but the truth is none of us are nearly as qualified as you are to make a judgement call on your friendship. That being said this is one way I might handle the situation. Aproach your friend and tell him "I know you're going thru some rough times right now, so I just wanted you to know I don't need the money for that walther right away; atleast not all at once." This lets your friend know you are thinking about the money, and that your friendship is more important. You never know, maybe part of the reason he has been distant lately is due to guilt at not being able to pay you back.
 
No, no mention of any time frame for payback was made. At the time everything was literally perfect so I never dreamed I'd be loosing a friend and/or my money. Well, let me rephrase that, I haven't lost him as a friend as we still do things once a month or so, but things just aren't the same. We used to hangout every weekend and call each other literally every day. Nowadays, he has made it difficult to remain close to each other as he always has reasons for us not to hangout. Some of the reasons are legit, but often times, I can see right through them.
 
If/when you approach him about it I suspect he'll say he doesn't have it "right now." If so, immediately ask when you can reasonably expect to get it. When that date passes, make a more direct "request". His personal problems aside, YOU don't need a "friend" who will rip you off.
 
He may be getting distant because he knows he owes you money and doesn't have it.... plus he doesn't know how to talk to you about it. He may feel bad so he avoinds the situation. If you guys are really close like you say talk to him see how he's doing and mention the money to see how he responds. You will know right then if ever plans on paying you back
 
It's hard not to loan a personal friend money because it's a friend. Keep talking to him. I used to call it Amnesia but in reality it isn't, just a day to day issue. Take him on the level and ask him to pay you a payment and for him to keep talking to you about it. Remind him that your friendship is not worth it and be calm about the matter. Drop him a line and let him know that a man is only as good as his word and be prepared to tell him to take a payment and make him pay up slowly. Pull him in. Lesson learned never loan it out.
 
Yes, he is the type who would avoid me if he knows or thinks he has done me wrong. He has done a few things to me in the recent past which I feel he is ashamed of (unrelated to the gun thing). We had a couple long heartful talks, and I assured him I could and would overlook any negative actions from the past. I have recently seen some improvement from him on problem areas that were between us.

I guess thats my problem. While I am seeing some very slow improvements being made, I still feel we are too distant and that he has been influenced by outside people and actions.

As for his financial situation. It isn't good. His tranny just went out on his car, and there is no way he can afford a newer car. He has other issues (unrelated) as well. I told him (on three occasions) I would happily let him borrow my car (which he and everyone else seems to drool over), but instead he gets a ride to work with a coworker.

As many problems as he may be facing now, he is still a really awesome guy. I don't want to make him sound like a crack snorting alcoholic. He is actually extremely smart and geniunely nice, he just has too many voices in his head right now.

Anyways, that kind of got alittle off topic there.....
 
Yeah me too...

Ya know, a friend of mine wanted to buy a shotgun of mine a while back and I just handed it over right away thinking he'd give me the money next time I saw him. That was almost a year ago. He's been avoiding me. Haven't seen him once. I am also torn, whether to ask or just forget about it. I'm thinking I'll just forget about it.
 
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