Sniper X
Member
iit seems like one of his "moderate problems" might be paying his debts? Are his problems of the significant other kind? If so let him chill for a while then ask for the money or the gun.
What to do - loaned best friend money for a gun....
- Thread starter Lightsped
- Start date
- Status
Lightsped
Member
Without going into too much detail, I'd say a good chunk of his recent problems are of his "signifigant other". I won't say all of the problems are from that because that is definatetly not the case, but I attribute a great deal to it from her and her advise/ultimatiums that she has placed upon him.
I think the main thing is that he has too many voices inside (and outside) of his head that as a result are pulling him in too many directions.
I think the main thing is that he has too many voices inside (and outside) of his head that as a result are pulling him in too many directions.
Picknlittle
Member
If you value the friendship more than the money. If you ask for the money, the friendship has already had a price put on it and you'll likely loose it. Keep the friendship, help him through whatever is going on in his world and in time, he'll return the kindness, though not necessarily in money.
Never loan friends or family money that you can't afford to lose. It's a gift until they give it back.
I'll say that if he is a close enough friend that you even considered the loan in the first place, the relationship is worth far more than the money.
Never loan friends or family money that you can't afford to lose. It's a gift until they give it back.
I'll say that if he is a close enough friend that you even considered the loan in the first place, the relationship is worth far more than the money.
Lightsped
Member
The thing is, he is pulling away in that it is very difficult if not impossible for me to help him with his troubles. He is the kind of person that hates asking for help (I volunteered the money loan for the gun). He has a bad habit of keeping everything bundled up inside.
There isn't any material item I own that I wouldn't happily give up to remain best friends with him. I have told him that repeatedly in the past, and I truely mean it.
There isn't any material item I own that I wouldn't happily give up to remain best friends with him. I have told him that repeatedly in the past, and I truely mean it.
Autolycus
Member
How is this gun related? I would argue that it is more of a personal relationship thing.
Ragnar Danneskjold
Member
It depends on the personal problems. If the guy is going through a divorce or something, asking him for you 500 would be pretty tactless. You know him better than us, and you know what he is going through. If you were having the problems he is, how would you react to being asked about it?
Gunbabe
Member
Maybe.......
He is distancing himself from you because he know's he owes you and feels bad he can't pay it. Men are proud ppl.
He is distancing himself from you because he know's he owes you and feels bad he can't pay it. Men are proud ppl.
I never loan money to anyone (family or friend) unless I am mentally and financially prepared to never see the money again. Money is not worth ruining relationships over.
That said, I would still like to get my money back. But if I don't then I just chalk it up as a loss and move on. I'll never loan that person money again, but I also won't let the fact that they haven't payed me back interfere with our relationship/friendship.
How is this possible?? this friend would have broken the trust that friendships are made of...the way I look at it if they don't pay me back or at least try than we can no longer be friends. Unless I gave the money as a gift, I want my money back
Richard.Howe
Member
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2003
- Messages
- 887
Does he have a pet you could hold hostage?
Kidding of course.
Loaning money to friends or family is a bad idea. I believe that you either give it outright, or soft-pedal a refusal.
Kidding of course.
Loaning money to friends or family is a bad idea. I believe that you either give it outright, or soft-pedal a refusal.
brashboy
Member
W.E.G.'s answer nailed it. If the guy has monumental problems, the $500 is the least of your worries, and making an issue of it will only mess up the friendship - and won't get the money back, anyway. If the friendship gets back on track, you'll both have a laugh about it.
Remember Damon and Pythias.
Remember Damon and Pythias.
justice4all
Member
I personally would never loan a friend money to buy a gun that he or she wanted for plinking. I would only ever loan a friend money for a real hardship, like rent or food, after he lost his job, through no fault of his own, or something similar. I would also never borrow money from a friend for a luxury item, only if I was really hard up and needed to feed my family or keep a roof over our heads.
But I would definitely ask for the money back. I wouldn't hem and haw about it; I'd just say, "Dude, I need you to pay me back the money I loaned you." If he couldn't, I'd ask for the gun, and if he refused, that would be the end of it, regardless of our past. Perhaps that's why I don't lend money to friends for such things.
But I would definitely ask for the money back. I wouldn't hem and haw about it; I'd just say, "Dude, I need you to pay me back the money I loaned you." If he couldn't, I'd ask for the gun, and if he refused, that would be the end of it, regardless of our past. Perhaps that's why I don't lend money to friends for such things.
Feanaro
Member
Have you ever noticed that money lenders are generally unpopular types? Don't loan money to friends.
But if it was understood that it was a loan, I would bring it up as has been suggested. A man should keep his word. But do it later. You don't dun someone when they can't pay.
But if it was understood that it was a loan, I would bring it up as has been suggested. A man should keep his word. But do it later. You don't dun someone when they can't pay.
bfox
Member
Hi
You said you really didn't need the money right now
and your Friend is having personal and financial problems .
I would let it go for a while till things hopefully straighten
out for him .
Then when things are better for him
and you are out shooting that pistol you bought him
I'd say this thing is Sweet I wish I had the cash to buy one .
Then maybe he will remember , probably not but maybe .
Bill
You said you really didn't need the money right now
and your Friend is having personal and financial problems .
I would let it go for a while till things hopefully straighten
out for him .
Then when things are better for him
and you are out shooting that pistol you bought him
I'd say this thing is Sweet I wish I had the cash to buy one .
Then maybe he will remember , probably not but maybe .
Bill
Sage of Seattle
Member
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Messages
- 773
I've been the one to borrow money from a friend for a pistola. I paid it back, naturally when I could. My friend who gave me the loan was like most of you guys who say, "it's a gift first. If you can pay it back, cool. If not, cool."
That being said...
Why are you concerned about asking for the five hundred back and not asking for your friend back?
That being said...
Why are you concerned about asking for the five hundred back and not asking for your friend back?
I personally don't think it's a big deal, especially if you're ok with it. I've "loaned" about the same amount to a buddy with no expectation of it being recovered. I don't think of it as a loan, more of a contribution. If he paid it back good, if not, still good. Money is "evil", I have had no intention of it becoming a wedge between any friendship I value.
On the flip side, I hate owing anyone any amount of money or anything for that matter. Once while on a hunting trip I'd left my wallet locked in my truck (about 150 miles at my buddy's house). He paid for everything. Normally we'd have split everything or gone stag. In the post hunt glory I neglected to recall any of this debt, only the stories. He never once mentioned anything about the money. It wasn't until we went to lunch and I offered to pay that I realized that I owed him much more than just lunch (this was about 2 months later). When I realized this I felt like a total dirtbag. He, like me, wasn't concerned about it enough to have remembered.
I don't think it's a big deal, if you think it is you'll do what you need to do. In the meantime it may be a good idea to offer your assistance to him, sometimes just a chat over lunch is good when your going through crap.
I'd agree with vis-à-vis.
On the flip side, I hate owing anyone any amount of money or anything for that matter. Once while on a hunting trip I'd left my wallet locked in my truck (about 150 miles at my buddy's house). He paid for everything. Normally we'd have split everything or gone stag. In the post hunt glory I neglected to recall any of this debt, only the stories. He never once mentioned anything about the money. It wasn't until we went to lunch and I offered to pay that I realized that I owed him much more than just lunch (this was about 2 months later). When I realized this I felt like a total dirtbag. He, like me, wasn't concerned about it enough to have remembered.
I don't think it's a big deal, if you think it is you'll do what you need to do. In the meantime it may be a good idea to offer your assistance to him, sometimes just a chat over lunch is good when your going through crap.
I'd agree with vis-à-vis.
I never lend anyone anything that I wouldn't give them outright. Then I never ask for repayment. But I DO remember. Pay me back and I'll lend to you again. If you don't, be happy with your gift because you'll never borrow anything else from me again. But even then I won't be upset because I was willing to give it to you anyway.
Mark Twain said that he never asked a gentleman to repay a loan. But he also said that after a suitable passage of time he concluded that the debtor was NOT a gentleman and THEN he felt free to ask.
Mark Twain said that he never asked a gentleman to repay a loan. But he also said that after a suitable passage of time he concluded that the debtor was NOT a gentleman and THEN he felt free to ask.
spruce_goose
Member
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2007
- Messages
- 3
Rule of thumb when loaning any money to any relative or friend:
In your mind, think of it as a gift when you give it to them. If you do not know them well enough to give them that as a gift, do not proceed with the loan. Otherwise, continue to think of it as a gift and you will retain your friendship. If they pay you back, your friendship will improve, otherwise you will still remain the same old friends.
Never be the nagging type either or your friend will distance himself from you to avoid the nagging
However, I never loan money to someone again if they haven't paid me back the first time. If they ever ask again, just say something along the lines of "I'm still out from the last time man -- im not worried about it, but I can't keep selling myself out"
If you don't value the friendship, then by all means feel free to get your money back.
In your mind, think of it as a gift when you give it to them. If you do not know them well enough to give them that as a gift, do not proceed with the loan. Otherwise, continue to think of it as a gift and you will retain your friendship. If they pay you back, your friendship will improve, otherwise you will still remain the same old friends.
Never be the nagging type either or your friend will distance himself from you to avoid the nagging
However, I never loan money to someone again if they haven't paid me back the first time. If they ever ask again, just say something along the lines of "I'm still out from the last time man -- im not worried about it, but I can't keep selling myself out"
If you don't value the friendship, then by all means feel free to get your money back.
Break his legs and... nevermind, wrong forum.
My grandpa would say you "bought him cheap" because it(another loan) will never happen again. I would mention it now or maybe when times are better for him. Ask to hold onto the gun until it is paid off.
A true friend would come to you and want to work something out. You should never have to go looking for your money.
My grandpa would say you "bought him cheap" because it(another loan) will never happen again. I would mention it now or maybe when times are better for him. Ask to hold onto the gun until it is paid off.
A true friend would come to you and want to work something out. You should never have to go looking for your money.
Lightsped
Member
Due to the advise spoken here, I have decided not to ask for the money back. Since him and I rarely do anything together anymore, I may ask if I can borrow the gun next time I go to the range (he will be invited, but will probably turn the invitation down). If I can get the gun, then I will be fine.
My main concern was that as we get more and more distant, I was worried about loosing the money. If we were close like we used to be, I would go out and buy him another gun for the hell of it and not think anything about the money.
Things aren't like they used to be with us though. This is something I am still trying to get over. I do see alittle improvement between us, but it will be a long while (if ever) until we get really close again. He told me we won't be close again because he is unable to forgive himself of themistakes he made regarding me. I told him not to worry about it, and I meant it in all sincerity. Still, those voices in his head really pay a toll on his mindset.....
My main concern was that as we get more and more distant, I was worried about loosing the money. If we were close like we used to be, I would go out and buy him another gun for the hell of it and not think anything about the money.
Things aren't like they used to be with us though. This is something I am still trying to get over. I do see alittle improvement between us, but it will be a long while (if ever) until we get really close again. He told me we won't be close again because he is unable to forgive himself of themistakes he made regarding me. I told him not to worry about it, and I meant it in all sincerity. Still, those voices in his head really pay a toll on his mindset.....
Never loan money to a friend
and I mean NEVER
If you do, make sure it is on paper.
Make sure they understand you want the money back at the requested time.
If they do not want to pay you back (they were never truly you friend to begin with)
Unless there are definitely money problems. Then you can rearrange the payments at a later time.
Oh yeah did I say Never loan money to a friend:banghead:
steve
and I mean NEVER
If you do, make sure it is on paper.
Make sure they understand you want the money back at the requested time.
If they do not want to pay you back (they were never truly you friend to begin with)
Unless there are definitely money problems. Then you can rearrange the payments at a later time.
Oh yeah did I say Never loan money to a friend:banghead:
steve
M2Pilot
Member
+1, stolivar you hit the nail on the head
Huge red flag.
When you loan money to someone who has some "issues" and they begin to grow "distant," that isn't a sign you are getting your money anytime soon. At this point you've given him no motivation to pay you back, and the more time that elapses the less obligated he feels to pay you. In fact, you are reaching the point where you are now burdened by this loan more than he feels burdered by it. :banghead:
I would do this. Arrange a meeting to go shooting together and have him bring the gun- make no mention you want it back. While shooting, casually address the issue, and you'll most likely hear: "gee golly, I'll pay you, I just need more time...." etc etc. At that point, literally take back the gun physically on the spot, and simply and cheerfully say: "Hey no problem Joe, I'll just hang onto it until you pay me." End of the situation.
One word of caution- do not call him up and ask him for it back. Once he knows you want it back he'll duck you and avoid you, and make excuses not to meet you at the range.
It also might be time to evaluate your friendship with him.
- Status
