I published my own items over on Glocktalk. I will cut and paste all of mine here.
People call your house asking about the 9mm for sale, and you have to ask which one. Then sorting out the make and model and variant takes another 3 questions.
If you named all your guns charlene, you'd have a harem.
You spend more on ammo a month than you do on car insurance - and you're a guy under 25.
You have a special toothbrush for cleaning your guns. Its a sonicare.
You join the police force for the free ammo/range time...
The next year - the city makes an additional property tax assessment after finding out what you did to the ammo budget and how you moved up the lead removal for the range by 3 years
You have your stockbroker make a hedge on brass futures.
The list of emergency numbers has the fire department, police, and the gun store.
You have a signed ink copy of your FFL's paperwork in your wallet, desk, and the glove compartment of your car.
If you've ever broken any suspension component on one of your vehicles due to massive ammo purchases.
Your whole wardrobe consists of free gun related clothing your dealer gave you.
BONUS: If your dealer has YOU to thank for becoming a Kimber Master Dealer. For the non dealer informed: It takes a $15,000 order to get master dealer status.
You know the schedule of everyone working at the gun store.
Someone brings you a glock with a new york trigger on it - and you banish them from your home forever.
someone "confuses" your home phone with a gun store
You bring your own yellow form to the gun store.
Additionally - the back page is already filled out with make and model of the firearm, FFL #, gun store adress, and other dealer info.
The children of the gun store owner thank you for putting them through college.
They're all doctors.
Everyone at the classified department at the paper knows you.
You bring your gunsmith cookies.
Someone talks about getting "chrome 24's" and you up and say you've got a ton of them back at the house. Then you find out they're talking about rims and not AR parts.
The bumper sticker on your car says "RIFLEMEN DO IT AT 600 YARDS" or "IDPA shooters do it from cover" or "Reloaders do it with consistency"
The ammunition held in your 51 gun safe weighs more than the safe itself.
You throw out a computer monitor and wonder if you can salvage the lead out of it to cast your own 357 magnum rounds.
The side of your face has checkering impressed in it.
You've considered buying lumber to make your own rifle stocks.
Everyone at the IDPA match you know by gun, holster, and caliber, and not by face.
Over 25% of the ads in the paper for guns are yours. (Anyone that knows me can crack open the classified ads and can verify this)
Your kids cant go to college because you just HAD to have that MG42.
All your purchases, even grocery related are compared in terms of ammo. ie: Hmmm. Get gas, which will cost me $35. Or buy 3 boxes of .45......
You go to the gun store - and everyone recognizes you from competition.
You can tell what kind of carry ammo someone has just by looking at the cavity design.
The gun store hears about recalls from YOU.
You know your FFL's adress BY MEMORY.
Your FFL asks you to take stuff to the gun show to sell for them since you're getting 3 tables - and you turn them down because you're short on space as it is
My gun log has more entries than my adress book under "women"
You strategize pranks on the local indoor range
See below
Bob: You know what we need to do? Head down to Steve's place with a 50 caliber BMG BLANK. Smuggle the beast in, double up on ears and just fire the thing. Next thing you know we're just visualizing his face running in when he thinks that there's a hole in the building, the building across the street, 2 cars without a fully functional engine block, and the SWAT team coming in.
Me: You sir, are a genius.
You're walking past a news stand and you see the new S&W 1911.
The serial number reads JRDXXX.
Everyone dosent understand you when you break out laughing realizing they've got a recalled gun on the cover of the periodical.
Your heart skips a beat when you see a glock for sale with a nice price in the paper - and then you realize its your own ad.
You've brought so many new shooters up to the IDPA match, the director is considering putting you in charge of your own squad. (Done it)
You've STARTED your own IDPA match.
You believe showing up late at an IDPA shoot should be a procedural penalty.
Somehow you've mananged to turn a lunch outing into a range outing.
You've got an "Emergency range bag" - a gun of some sort, 100 rounds of ammo (boxed), assorted charged magazines, eyes and ears for yourself and another shooter, targets, PACT timer, and backup staplegun.
You leave your range bag open and experienced shooters walking by say "Holy ****"
Your voicemails (greetings and messages) include the sound of gunfire.
Class III NFA gunfire to be specific.
You buy cell phones partly based on how well they work when you're wearing earplugs.
You have holsters for guns you plan on owning in the FUTURE.
Instead of buying more ammo for one particular caliber - you sat down and did the math to find out buying a brand new 9mm would be cheaper.
Two words: Bathrobe holster.
You've used break free and a bronze brush occasionally on pots and pans.
You wear cleats to IDPA.
You keep phonebooks for the past 3 years.
You dont dry fire your guns a lot. Its more of a " series of repeated function checks for reliability"
You want the IPSC logo as a tatoo, or any other shooting industry related visual aid.
you use breakfree as a stocking stuffer
you wake up at 4AM to see a bunch of bright green lights, freak out because you think its a UFO abduction and realize that its just all the guns on your nightstand
you have dreams involving shooting competition
You have a priest bless your ammunition before match day.
You go to the gun show just to see if anyone you know is there.
You stop counting at a dozen.
Then you go to another gun show the same day and it happens again.
You drive to a gun show 2 hours away and still recongnize half a dozen people.
Hypnotherapy for a better IDPA score has been considered.
You trade your Dillon 650 for said hypnotherapy.
You sign all written and e-mail correspondence "DVC"
You've been confused for an LEO on the basis of "no sane person spends this much time at the range"
You find out its exactly 357 miles from walmart to a gun show, to your house, to IDPA, and back to walmart and think its a sign from God that he wants you to buy a magnum
People working at the sports authority ask you about different types of ammo. (Happened yesterday)
The sports authority WILL NOT STOCK 9mm 100 counts because you buy them all at a loss.
You spend more on glock parts than gas.
You decide you need a compensated G19 and drill the ports yourself.
You watch a history channel documentary - and you've met one of the people being interviewed.
You browse COF libraries on the internet - and realize you know some of the authors.
The history channel flashes something that states a champion shooter can shoot up to 100,000 rounds a year - and everyone in the room looks at you.
You get bored and decide to go to the range just for the fun of it - eventually you pick up enough brass to open a reloading business.
You become an LEO just to shoot NRA PPC.
You call up S&W Performance Center and say "suprise me"
You go to those 3 gun matches where you have to shoot rifle at the top of a 50 foot tower.
In the middle of a thunderstorm.
And still shoot a series of targets at 100 yards a la Oswald.
Without rain-xing your scope.
you forget the table chips for your weekly poker game - you wind up using live ammunition as table currency.
