How much 'normal civilian training' have you had, jrdolall? With whom?
Well I wasn't aware that "normal civilian training" required classes with qualified instructors. Of all the gun owners in the USA how many of them would you say have had extensive training with qualified firearms instructors? 2% MAYBE? The fact is that the vast majority of gun owners that own a gun for self defense or home defense DO NOT have any training beyond what is required to get their permit. Where I live all the training needed to get a CC permit is that you can fill out a form at the Sheriff's office. You don't have to own a gun or prove that you know how to figure out what bullet fits. If you live in AL then you understand.
Most training, if any, is done at the range shooting at paper or steel targets. Straight down an alley at a stationary target while wearing, maybe, eye protection and ear muffs. If you think that "training" prepares anyone for the challenge of dealing with an armed intruder in the middle of the night then that is your call.
My training started 50 years ago shooting squirrels and rabbits for food then moved up to shooting deer and other larger game. I have been "trained" by DEA agents at Fort Benning to shoot steel targets at 1000 yards. I have been "trained" by FBI agents on SD and gone through their courses in Birmingham(even have the badge). I have been "trained" by local gang force agents in Atlanta on how to handle home invasions.
This training, which is far and above what "normal civilians" have, may give me an understanding of what to expect but it I have no illusions that it has prepared me to calmly stand my ground and take multiple shots at an armed intruder. What it has done is given me an understanding of tactics and equipment which is more than most and less than some. Adrenaline is something that can work for us or against us. I played college sports many years back so I understand how an adrenaline rush can affect me but my weapon back then was a helmet and my opponent had the exact same weapon. Shaking and sweating with butterflies while trying to shoot an intruder doesn't seem like the best plan.
On a gun forum, and as a Mod you know this, we are dealing with the small percentage of people that actually have interest in firearms beyond just having one in the closet or for hunting. The other, and far larger, part of the gun owning population isn't really all that interested. They have a gun that they have in a closet and God forbid they actually need to use it one night. I get the idea that a large number of members on this forum, and others, are young kids that have 100% of their firearms "training" while sitting in front of an Xbox.
The OP asked about a weapon that his wife can use. He is fresh out of the military and I assume she is not military. IMO a shotgun is a MUCH better choice for this situation. As we all know, opinions vary.