anti girlfriend

[TonkinTwentyMil]

A characteristic of the female of the species it an assumption on their part that they can fix the male of the species. Men go into a relationship not wanting the female to change. Women go into a relationship assuming she can change the male. In view of her past experiences with guns and boyfriends, I'd be on the lookout for repair work on you once the relationship is fixed (however she defines the term is what is important). She may be simply waiting before she begins repairs on you.

Waitone speaks the real truth here. After several divorces and/or break-ups where this was a big issue, I've "been there and seen the movie."
It gets old.

Look, this subject pops up every other month here, so it's not an unique deal. While there's some good advice posted, instead of re-inventing the wheel just do a search on it. Same old/same old.

Bottom line: sharp differences over the gun issue are usually indicative of MAJOR political and cultural incompatibilities. While it's possible for time and maturation to close this gap, you'll be required to "compromise" and bear much anguish along the way.

It won't be worth it.

And do HER a favor: drop-kick her to some, uhh, caring/progressive/sensitive Alan Alda gun-hating lefty/feminized/politically correct/metrosexual male who'll hold her hand and agree with her... even while she's being raped or mugged by some socially-disadvantaged/psychologically-challenged inner-city devotees of chemical recreation.

Cut your losses NOW.

 

[Vex]

Replace 'anti' with 'ex' and life will become much easier.

I'm going to totally agree here. One of my ex's had a similar incident... a year before I met her and we began dating, she had a fiance who committed suicide by driving his car into a freeway wall at 130mph. Left a note saying that he didn't want to live anymore, no motive for why he felt this way. Well the baggage on her heavy. She hated when people drove over the speed limit. She was semi afraid of driving on freeways. We couldn't drive on the freeway that he died on. She was almost constantly whining about how she felt she let this other guy down, and if she was a good girlfriend to him, he wouldn't have waned to die and they would have been married by then. Well our mutual friends, which is how i met her, kept telling me that she'll get over it when she realizes this other guy was an ??????? for leaving her and that I'm such a great guy an she'll figure this out and we'll be happy. It was totall bull. The last straw: While we were dating, she got a tattoo that had his name and some angels and other crap on her ankle. Looked like crap, was done by some amateur tattoo artist in his basement for $30, and had the ex's name in big gangster goth Ye Olde Time lettering that was an inch high and 3 inches long. The next day I told her I wasn't interested in dealing with her baggage, that it wasn't working out, and that she needed to get over this other guy's death before she could live her life fully.

My advice is to weight the baggage with all things and understand what you're potentially getting in to.

 

[Michael Courtney]

My own views on guns and related issues didn't solidify until I was in my early thirties, and I've known a number of folks well over 21 years of age who have had their views on guns substantially change for the better when confronted with a judicious combination of reason, fact, and experience.

You need to consider whether your girlfriend is the sort who is capable of changing her mind on issues when confronted with facts and reason, or whether she is so emotionally bound to preconceptions that there is little hope for future growth or change.

My own wife is the daughter of a paraplegic who has spent most of his life in a wheelchair because he caught a bullet in a fast food holdup. She's from California and brought the nominal Californian anti-gun attitude with her to Harvard, where she earned a PhD in a medical field. Five years in Massachusetts had the anti-gun attitude pretty well ingrained when we moved to Ohio a decade ago.

But a few years of a more rural lifestyle, coupled with careful intellectual consideration of the Second Amendment and US citizenship, has drastically changed her views. A woman many might have expected to be a lifelong anti-gunner was the first person in our county granted a temporary concealed handgun license when Ohio law changed a couple of years ago. She is also an excellent rifle shot and hunter who has a bigger buck than I do sitting above our mantle. Her pistol skills are significantly sharper than mine in spite of the fact that I'm an NRA certified instructor and I've completed more NRA qualification levels.

My advice is to meet her folks and get an idea of the level of gun-friendliness and conservative thinking in her background. Close relatives who are hunters and/or gun owners is a good sign. Did her family upbringing train her to consider things reasonably and carefully or to repond primarily out of emotion?

As far as taking a girl shooting, it is a good plan. However, I don't like to have new shooters using anything other than a 22LR until they've demonstrated comfort and proficiency with the 22 and expressed a desire to try something larger.

Michael Courtney

 

[lamazza]

The way I addressed this same subject to my pre-wife wife was:
Being a victim is for losers..there will always be a gun in my house.

 

[mister2]

Let me be democratic (small "d").

Of the ~50 responses, I see only 2 that are distinctly in favor of staying. Of those that favor staying, none had traumatic issues of the magnitude your "anti-gf" has. That results in a 48 v 2 (heavily qualified and disclaimered) landslide.

Certainly neither was unnaturally beloved to gf's parents. hello?

And the Conventional Wisdon Award goes to: <opens envelope>

RUN AWAY NOW !!!

 

[UWstudent]

hehe, i had the same problem a while back when i tried using thunderwear to coneal it from the anit-chicks..

DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY!!! there's more out there. TRUUUUUST ME

 

[joab]

My GF doesn't like firearms. He brother killed himself many years ago. I don't think I'll ever be able to get her over it. That said, she understands and accepts me being armed.

Of those that favor staying, none had traumatic issues of the magnitude your "anti-gf" has.

My wife watched as her father, brothers uncles, and a sister or two were executed in front of her and was then kicked in the face, shattering the left side, when she cried about it.

Her only problem with my guns is that she thinks I have too many.
In the beginning I considered her an anti because she didn't think I needed one, but she actually just thought we needed to spend money elsewhere.

There were some tense moments when I unthinkingly and somewhat insensitively bought an AK and an SKS, but I doctored the SKS and keep the AK hidden until I get around to it's face lift

 

[M-Rex]

I recently met this girl and the way things are going we'll be a couple within a week or so, we've spent 9 out of the past 10 nights together, she's a beautiful girl and all but she hates guns.

aparently, a past boyfriend of hers robbed a bank and did a suicide by cop, now I don't know how it all went down, but according to her this guy shot towards the cop and the cop shot back, he falls to the ground and the cop shoots him again as he's lying on the ground, killing him. Now I really don't care one bit about it, guy wanted to die, got his wish, but now she hates guns and cops, I own a bunch of guns and will probably become a cop in the future.

I've made it known to her that I own guns and carry on a regular basis when I'm not at school, and while she's not pleased about it she accepts the fact. I've tried to explain to her that they are just tools and that its the intent of the user that matters. it actually came up last night, we were clothes shopping and I made the comment on how I need a couple of extra inches in the waist of my pants, and she asks why, she didn't seemed bothered then though, just said to wear the one pair when I'm not carrying.

Now being a college student at a college where women outnumber men vastly I have the ability to pick and choose my women. however I do want to see where this relationship leads to, after this long tirade, what can I do to try to make her see that guns in themselves aren't bad and can be fun? I'd like to take her to the range at sometime, my Cx4 storm would be a good starter gun, low recoil and all that, I do feel that she is intelegent enough to realize the truth.

any advise would be great everyone. also i want to get her to try venison.

Head full of bad wiring.

Eject.

 

[strambo]

What did she do to drive her previous BF to commit suicide by cop? Leave before you find out!

On a more serious note: Anyone who would date the type of person who would rob a bank and shoot at police officers has some serious issues. It's not like she was horrified when she found out what he did. Sounds like she's horrified the cops "murdered" her precious misiguided BF. If he survived, I bet she would be still trying to "fix" him.

 

[pax]

Just remember this: sex sells.

Sometimes it sells bad products.

pax

 

[PlayboyPenguin]

You are both adults and as adults we have to accept things about our partners we do not like. This might be something about you that she never likes but just rolls her eyes at when it is discussed. I could live with that if I was you. I get the same treatment at home. Now if you ever have small children she might go all "no guns in the house" on you because of the risk of children killing themselves with their parents handguns. Hopefully, a good gun safe and some strong measures taken to keep the little ones away from the weapons until they are old enough to understand they are not toys (and even beyoind them) might make this workable. If not, you might just be forced to choose between having guns in the home for a couple years and your family harmony. If the guns have to go, find a relative to hold them for you until the children are older. I am pro-firearm but I can understand a mother not wanting them in the house if it increases the risk of a child be injured by the gun even slightly over the chance of it being used in defense.

 

[Aguila Blanca]

thanks for all the input everyone, I've decided to see where it leads me, the semester is still young, so who know what'll happen in time and more than likely I'll be overseas by this time next year, so thats always a way out if I get to drawn in. what ever happens one way or the other, it really doesn't bother me, I'm young, I've got tons of oppertunities ahead of me so I don't feel like I'd be wasting my time if it doesn't work out.

as a side note, I guess her parents allready love me, and they haven't met me yet, guess I'm a welcome change to past BFs. of course all parents love me. something about being respectful and having a bright future seems to make them happy

Well, as usual I am confused. (I think I should trademark that statement.) You came to this forum asking for advice. You got advice. And 36 posts later, in the face of overwhelming advice to bail out of this mess before you get hurt ... you decided to ignore everyone's advice and go with the chick.

Out of curiosity, did you really WANT our advice, or had you already decided to stick it out and you were hoping we would reinforce your propensity for masochism?

 

[gunsmith]

dump her now

Originally Posted by Waitone
A characteristic of the female of the species it an assumption on their part that they can fix the male of the species. Men go into a relationship not wanting the female to change. Women go into a relationship assuming she can change the male. In view of her past experiences with guns and boyfriends, I'd be on the lookout for repair work on you once the relationship is fixed (however she defines the term is what is important). She may be simply waiting before she begins repairs on you.

.....amen to that

on my first date with my ex I told her "I am a gun nut, I talk about guns, think about guns, spend more time on the intenet yakking about guns then most guys do with porn." "I hate any anti gun politician and will never hesitate to tell anybody why." she said she was cool with that. a month or two later her friend was telling me I can't vote for Bush And I told her I have too (the AWB) her friend was saying "you can't just be a one issue voter. I said, "I can and I do" ....after awhile she started telling me, not to be such a gun nut...I'm single again

 

[Strings]

I'd give it until you get to meet the parents. However, given:
a) the girl's previous and
b)that her parents "love you", without ever having met you

I'd say your best bet is to follow the procedure outlined below:

1)find handles above your head. They're painted in a black and yellow striped pattern
2)grasp handles firmly
3)pull forward and down
4)enjoy the ride. Try to avoid the canopy during ignition...

 

[cbsbyte]

This is a tough call to make. She has from her terrible personal experience a very real issue with firearms. I would have to say if you two are willing to go to the next step in the relationship then both of you have to be willing to make sacrifices. Take her out target shooting with a 22lr. If she is unable to do that or listen to any reason. Then you will have to make the decision if you want to contuine the relationship or you might have to make the unlimate sacrifice of forgoing having any guns in the house until you can work on her fears over time. It could take years or it may never happen.

On the other hand, be very careful in getting into relationships with some whose former partner commited suicide or mysterisly dies.

 

[Vex]

Her being anti-gun is not the problem. The issue comes from her having possible baggage issues with her ex, his actions, his death, and her possible future in a relationship.

 

[rero360]

thanks everyone, I do appreciate everyones advice, none of it has fallen on deaf ears, I guess the origional intent of the post was to get ideas to broach the subject with her, but having heard all the replies and having spent a couple of days thinking mulling over it, I'm going to give it a week, and if I don't have a warm and fuzzy about it, I'll bail ship, however I asked her today if she would be willing to try venison, something she said she hated, she said she would be willing to give it a try, so through that there may be a chance for her to realize that guns are just tools.

when I told her that I planned on become a cop, when she told me of her opinion of cops, at least in that paticular jurisdiction, she said "just so long as you be a good and fair cop, then its ok" so it could just be she has hard feelings for that paticular police force.

but so you all understand, I am keeping a level of distance, emotionally anyways and look at everything with a critical eye

my folks are coming to visit in a couple of weeks to see my all college band concert, so I'll introduce her to them, and get their reaction, they tend to be really good on reading people.

 

[GruntII]

I'd give it until you get to meet the parents. However, given:
a) the girl's previous and
b)that her parents "love you", without ever having met you

I'd say your best bet is to follow the procedure outlined below:

1)find handles above your head. They're painted in a black and yellow striped pattern
2)grasp handles firmly
3)pull forward and down
4)enjoy the ride. Try to avoid the canopy during ignition...

If you wait to long she will do it and you will hear those faithful words AMF!!!

 

[Matthew748]

Wow, she sounds like a real winner. Run boy, run for your life!

 

[Double Naught Spy]

Regardless of the differences in males and females and their views on various matters such as guns, what I do know and think is critical is that the longevity of couples remaining together gets shortened dramatically when there is a difference of opinion on significant issues that both feel strongly about. Issues like guns, religion, politics, money, and sex often evoke the strongest sentiments and can remain as repeat problems over time.

Oh to hell with the science, logic, reasoning, and DR. Phil crap....

Simply put, if the gun issue appears significant and that you and your counterpart are not likely to capitulate to one another then ...
If Anti-significant other (in this case a girlfriend) becomes your Anti-spouse, then eventually you can expect to receive Anti-sex, spirally further into positive divorce and your soon to be ex will now represent anti-money to you as former spouse won't want to leave without that big cash incentive.

But I am not at all bitter about my divorce.

 

[Pilgrim]

Issues like guns, religion, politics, money, and sex often evoke the strongest sentiments and can remain as repeat problems over time.

And sit fhit hissies over issues that you believe can be eliminated by just not revisiting them.

Pilgrim

 

[mordechaianiliewicz]

Look, i know a lot of girls are attracted to the 'bad boy image', however, choosing to have a relationship with a suicidal criminal, that says something to me about here mental/emotional state being a not very good one.

I have a tendency to agree if that is a pattern.

I would let you know though, b/c she also hates cops, she probably just hates anything she has associated to violence. In other words, I don't think this is political. At the same time, you can't push her where she doesna wanna go.

She might might not really be ready to handle the demons of that relationship, incident, etc.

If there is a pattern of "bad boys" in the past, I would suggest trying to cut this real short.

 

[twoblink]

I had an anti-gun girlfriend. I now have a pro-gun wife. Guess which is better??

If you two end up getting married and having kids, and one day, a perp is trying to harm your kids, will she take up arms to defend her family? What if you were hurt? What is she going to do? Scream and that's it? These are "questions for later" but they are questions that need to be answered NOW.

If I were you, I'd drop her like 4th period French class. Life is too short to spend it with anti's.

I mean I know quite a few from THR/TFL that are anti.. (Anti glock, anti Sigs, anti HK's, anti AR's, anti M1A's etc..) but none of them I know are anti-gun

 

[one45auto]

Follow the advice given thus far and....

 

[repsychler]

When I use to read these threads before, I thought the "dump her" crowd was being too harsh, but now I know what a real relationship is supposed to be like, so...

Dump her!

When you find the right one, you won't need our advice about her.