Divorce & Guns

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Burl

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I posted back in August that I was subject to a temporary injunction, during the pendency of my divorce, which does not allow me possession of firearms. There was nothing to trigger it other than my wife is scared of guns. Anyway, in the final trial the soon to be ex-wife requested a permanent injunction against me having guns around our children. I have been waiting for the decision for 3 weeks now so I had to ask some un-interested parties if there is any possibility of this happening? I would not be able to teach my son or daughter any shooting sports?

I have not broken any laws and find it hard to believe it is even remotely possible but you learn a lot of things the hard way in a divorce.

As a side note, one of the wife's friends testified that she was at the house weekly and that she saw the gun on my hip every time and it made her nervous. I had my attorney ask the witness "What color was the gun you saw every week?" Her answer was "....uh.....uh...I don't know." Seems funny since she saw it every week.
 
No, you won't be prohibited from owning guns, provided that you didn't do anything threatening. If you share dual custody of the kids, I sincerely doubt that you will be denied visits because of the guns. You probably need to have them "locked in a secure location" or something like that.

FWIW, I'm not a lawyer.
 
**Hell hath no fury, than a woman scorned**

I dont have a answer for you, cause alot of states really take the sides of the poor wounded bird and that (act) can be played really well by some. I had a similar experience and I was sitting on pins and needles through my divorce. You will learn quick to take up bow hunting and learn the pros and cons of knife makers. Luckly, I came out on top and I hope the same for you. Bottom line in my deal was that I was quilty until proven inoccent and that sucked. That was one long year. If you loose I would sell them all to my father, brother, mother, whomever for a dollar each. Good Luck.
 
To clarify, I have not broken any laws or been accused of any type of threats or anything of that sort. I am a CHL holder as well which just means I have a clean background.
 
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I went through all of that crap too. She wanted me to sigh an insurance check for her and i refused so she took me to court. It was like $1000. I told the judge i would be glad to sign it but i would like to have my reloading equipment out of the house. He said that sounds good. So, after 2 or 3 pickup loads, i had all of my stuff back.:)
 
Yeah, divorce laws vary by state, and I know in my state it also depends on the county and the judge as to what you get. I know that though my wife left me and later married the guy she wasn't interested in - my atty (the best in the area), assured me that I could spend as much money as I wanted but the best I would get was what they call "joint custody" which really means she gets the kids and you get to see them everyother weekend and one or two days a week. Which also means that though she makes over 2 times what I do - I get to pay her 29 percent of my income for the kids. Don't really care about the money though - just wanted and want my kids - would have given up everything to be the primary custodial parent in the so called joint custody arrangement. Your attorney should be able to tell you more than anyone else - I know in my case in some respects I was lucky as my ex and I reached an agreement before court and just submitted it to the judge for approval - even then the judge didn't really like it - thought I was getting off too easy I guess - but he signed off on it after striking out the words fair and equitable in the agreement and after asking my wife if she was sure she was okay with it.

Hope things go well for you. But the most important thing is to take care of the kids first - no matter what - they did nothing but they have to live with the consequences - so I always try to see things from their point of view. That is why I have never and will never say anything negative about their mom in front of them - nor will I tell them that it was their mom that chose to get a divorce and not me. I work to get along with my ex and I won't call her names or use nasty snarkey language when talking with her as she is the kids mom. I think it is my responsibility to be an adult and to work on having the best parent to parent relationship I can with their mom. Taking this approach for the kids if nothing else, avoids a lot of issues down the road also.

Yes, the RKBA is important and I would definitely fight to keep it. But as far as the kids go - even if you lose on that count - remember you will (God willing) have a continuing relationship with them as they become adults - once that happens you will no longer be prohibited from sharing the RKBA with them in any case.
 
Sadly, the law often does not mean much when a scorned woman says she is scared in divorce court. I know a completely ordinary mild mannered DOCTOR that did not see his baby/toddler for 4 years, despite the law saying he could and spending $100k on the best divorce attorneys in town.

I assume you have an attorney who knows the specifics of your case better than just a guy like me on the internet so take this for what it is worth, especially since it seems like your trial is over. However, if you have to argue this. Make sure you line up all the facts ahead of time. I.e. if you were an NRA certified firearms instructor, who volunteered at the local Boy Scout camp in the summer, it would be awfully hard to say that you couldn't participate in the same with your son. If you go into court and just belligerently say "I'm an American and I've got rights." You will most likely lose.
 
The way it was told to me was as long as there are no laws being broken you will have no luck in prohibiting her of any behaivior that you find disagreeable, the good side is neither can she. In my state she can not ask me to do anymore than what the law requires.
 
After 12 years i still have my divorce papers. It says even if child support doesnt get paid, that visitation still gets granted. I paid all the time and she tried to keep me from seeing them It didnt go well for her. I had a civil case with her and the Judge told her if it happens again, there would be fines and jail time. Didnt have much trouble after that.

Come to think about it, she had a restrain order on me but she broke it when she came to my house and got in an arguement with a cop. Maybe thats why i had to get a unique number to keep me from having to wait to buy guns.
 
Restraining orders and Lautenberg are frequently abused by spouses going through custody/divorce issues. They are handed out like candy.

My quick advice is to NEVER do ANYTHING threatening toward her and it's a good idea to always have an adult witness with you when you meet with her. Don't communicate with her about anything other than what you must. I have zero trust in women going through this process because I've seen it abused in my profession many times.

Hire a good lawyer if you want the best chance of keeping your guns.

It's a disgrace but it's the system we have built. Write letters and vote to fix it.
 
Man, divorce sucks. I know 2 guys who went through the most amicable divorces you could imagine. had everything written out between the two of them got lawyers to rubber stamp it and the judge to agree, and in both cases they nearly went bankrupt.

I feel for ya. I would first follow the advice of your attorney. Second, make no aggressive (or anything that could be termed as aggressive) motions, statements, etc to your wife, about your wife, etc to anyone or anything. I have "heard" of criminal cases where folks got in trouble for what was said on a discussion board so I imagine they could do the same for civil proceedings.

Totally ignorant of your situation, is there any means by which you could (assuming you have not already), send any correspondence through your attorneys, to ease her anger, vindictiveness? Maybe an olive branch of sorts. Your lawyer could filter it to make sure you do not say anything to get you in trouble. I know things usually are not that easy but I was thinking maybe some small gesture like that could get her to chill out a bit.
 
Mine was far from amicable in the beginning, it wasn't until I invoked the scorched earth, M.A.D., Sherman's March to Richmond option to her and her lawyer that an agreement better than what I proposed was forwarded and accepted.
There were no physical threats made only the point that we had the responsibility to provide for our kids the best we could and that meant not throwing all we had built out the window and get serious and come to terms or we could push ourselves into bankruptcy.
Sincerity and character will win the day if you are right and her lawyer will try to convince her before he takes a chance with a judge.
I couldn't be happier with the results of an unfortunate situation and I have 3 more CS payments and I am done with her. My guns were never in question nor my ability to keep them, stay away from letting her push your buttons and be the grown up at all times, trust me your day will come.
 
Words of advice- pre nup- working well for me and her. Been 15 years second time around. Niether one of us expects it to fall apart, far from it, we are super happy, but that piece of paper is comforting to both of us.
 
Thanks for all the input. I have tried the "Olive Branch" and came back with a nub. For example, I offered her 60% of my 401k and she came back with she also wants a check for $10k and 60% of the proceeds of the house and 60% of tax return. I can't say on here what I told my attorney to tell them in response to the demand. Sad thing is they were caught in a handful of lies that will likely end up in me getting exactly what I have asked for in the trial. In the end we will have spent ~$80K in attorneys and net out exactly what I offered in mediation. It's frustrating and even though they were caught in a few little white lies you never know how the judge will rule. I guess I really asked a question that is impossible to answer but the input on other's experiences hopefully sheds some light on what will happen. Thanks again!
 
I've caught mine committing perjury, not white lies but blatantly untrue statements one after another, should have tossed it all out right then and sided with me but the judge went with her anyway.

Unbelievable.

Good luck with your situation, I know what it's like trying to negotiate with a terrorist.
 
A good friend and shooting buddy is currently undergoing a divorce. The day his wife served him, she kicked him out of the house and business (he worked it too); she called the police and told them he was armed (he has a GFL), and was concerned for her safety. They surrounded him at his car, asked for his carry permit and released. His lawyer told him that he has as much right to stay in the house and business as she does. Her lawyer said she's acting well within her rights. A standoff. My friend's living elsewhere in the interim.

The adage, "all's fair in love and war" should be changed to "all's fair in love, divorce and war". Good luck.

P.S. - BTW, she has not held his guns hostage.......
 
Good luck bro ex-wifes can ruin your life ,mine almost did . She caused me more trouble then she was ever worth,:banghead: you name it she did it. But i never got locked up and still have most of my guns, had to sell some to keep paying for her crap :cuss: but since then replaced a few.:D All i can say
is keep your cool and stay the f--- away from her.
 

I'm divorced and married again and this one's a keeper, however, if I had to do it over again - I would have never gotten re-married. There's just too much exposure when it comes to finances and if kids are involved - oh man... I'm pushing 50 and am just too damn old to change, but I'm still trying.

My divorce was fairly amicable but I lost a good chunk of my firearm equipment. Some I sold to pay bills, others she just tossed out!

Odds are you'll have to have your firearms secured whenever your children are visiting - gawd - it is such a crappy term "visitation" for a father and his children! Keep in mind that if you are a CCW holder, secured could mean holstered and in your control while on your person.

Regardless of the outcome on your firearms - keep in mind that your kids are number one.

Good Luck

Burl
Divorce & Guns
I posted back in August that I was subject to a temporary injunction, during the pendency of my divorce, which does not allow me possession of firearms. There was nothing to trigger it other than my wife is scared of guns. Anyway, in the final trial the soon to be ex-wife requested a permanent injunction against me having guns around our children. I have been waiting for the decision for 3 weeks now so I had to ask some un-interested parties if there is any possibility of this happening? I would not be able to teach my son or daughter any shooting sports?

I have not broken any laws and find it hard to believe it is even remotely possible but you learn a lot of things the hard way in a divorce.

As a side note, one of the wife's friends testified that she was at the house weekly and that she saw the gun on my hip every time and it made her nervous. I had my attorney ask the witness "What color was the gun you saw every week?" Her answer was "....uh.....uh...I don't know." Seems funny since she saw it every week.
Click to expand...
 
I guess I should have offered clinics from the sounds of the rest of you, my lawyer was even quite surprised at the way I presented myself and held my ground.
I got paid for part of the house, kept my business, kept all my stuff and got joint custody and my kids could not be moved from this school district. That was 11 yrs ago and aside from the crappy economy I'm happy as can be and have many times the guns I had then.
 
Only police and military should get married.
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Don't wish that on us! :(

The advice of a PRENUPTUAL agreement is great general advice, but doesn't help the OP much in this instance. But it is a good learning point. Just like it would be foolish to enter into any long-term business contract without an agreement of sorts, a marriage should have an agreement on what happens if it doesn't work out.
 
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There's just too much exposure when it comes to finances and if kids are involved - oh man... I'm pushing 50 and am just too damn old to change, but I'm still trying.
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+1 Except replace 50 with 33. :D Once a man gets divorced it seems he becomes pretty set in his ways in regards to a future spouse. When you're in love and young, you're willing to put up with so much more stuff. After spending a few years in a hopelessly bad marriage, I can tell you first hand that I had almost rather just let one go as opposed to getting into a huge argument. I'd rather let her think she was right and move on, because my days of needing to argue a point home over meaningless stuff are long gone. Plus, heaven knows it is much easier to date at 30 than it was at 20. I have 3 dating rules:
  1. We have to get along. Gun control, political biases and most everything in life fits in here.
  2. She has to have a positive impact on my life.
  3. She has to have a positive impact on my son's life.
Life's too short and I am too happy to stress myself if all 3 rules aren't met.

That being said, I don't think she can have that put on you unless you have demonstrated yourself to be dangerous or unsafe with firearms. The temporary injunction was just that, temporary. It sounds as if your lawyer is shedding light on how meaningless the friend's testimony is. Remember, if she wants an injunction, she has to prove that YOU are a danger, not your guns. I'm no lawyer, that's just my 2 cents. I would tell you not to worry, but I've been there brother so I know you will. You have my sympathies. Best of luck and God bless.
 
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