How "strongly" can I tell a pervert to stay AWAY from MY FAMILY???

[Brass Fetcher]

Would talking, privately, with the person of interest work? It has been amazing to me in the past how a male who can threaten a female, suddenly changes his pace when another male confronts him about it. Just be civil and 'ask questions' as opposed to 'making statements'. Let him control the conversation, but make sure that you control what is discussed in the conversation - almost all of the talking points.

This makes them feel still 'like a man', but lets them know that you know what is up and that you are dominant over them. Much better IMO than anything that launches lead.

 

[mike101]

I think Ajax22 has the right idea. Let him know that he needs to knock it off, NOW. No discussion, no debate.

Also, if the woman would be willing to use a .22 short, she should be willing to use a .38.

Christmas is just around the corner.

 

[LAK]

There is really only one way to handle someone like this, and the first step is to have this guy begin his official/police "history" - this aside from any other criminal records etc he may already have. I mean a history as to his contact with your family.

I am not one to advise people to trouble police agencies with trivia and other time wasting nonsense, but in this case your family members must begin making police reports every single time this guy does or says anything that could be interpreted as threatening, intimdating, or stalking etc.

This will set a baseline on the record, and should anything happen at a later time - or things get really ugly - this guy will have already established himself as the problem.

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[Ryder]

Tell his wife.

 

[strambo]

She needs to get the RO!!! This is the type of case where they can actually work. He is a neighbor and is doing what he thinks he can get away with and is not thinking about consequences. Getting served with an RO will be a big wake up call and may put an end to it. It's not like a domestic situation where there is a prior relationship and all those emotions.

Do not do the "talk to him routine" before getting professional advice. This almost always makes things worse. If she isn't consistent in her dealings with him (consistent with your threats), it will really make things worse. Doesn't sound like she is sending a clear, consistent signal to him if she is afraid of the wife finding out.

 

[ChrisPer]

Gavan de Becker (sorry, now corrected) in 'The Gift of Fear' has a lot of good and counterintuitive advice.

Much of it depends on whatever the person's problem is.

As far as confrontation and 'stay away or else' messages go, you might easily create a huge reinforcement of a persecution complex or paranoia.

For the obsessives and stalkers his method is absolute withdrawal of response. Phone takes messages only, mail is opened and vetted by someone else and no response is given at all to any provocation attempting to re-establish contact. Drive out without looking at him.

The behaviour will escalate to try and get the attention back on him. Then it will usually fade out.

Restraining orders only work in some cases. The thing is for truly scary types they make things worse.

 

[mike101]

+1 on telling his wife. That's probably the best, simplest idea yet. He could deny it, and it might just cause her not to like you, but I'll bet he stops. Maybe you could wear a Smith & Wesson T-Shirt when you do.

 

[strambo]

Yes, Gavin DeBecker's "The Gift Of Fear" is the primary text on this and related topics. Get it from the library, have her (and every woman you love) read it.

Everytime someone mentions DeBecker someone else says he's an anti-gun hypocrite. Yup, he is. He is also one of the, if not "the", leading expert on this subject. I don't read his work to learn how to shoot, I read it to know real world methods of helping loved ones or potential clients deal with stalkers...short of shootin' 'em.

Edit to add: Hey it's just the advice of another internet guy with minimal professional training in this...but I wouldn't suggest telling the wife, you or her. To what end? You think the wives of scumbags like this have control or influence on their husbands? All that will do is create marital strife between them and make YOU or HER the direct, 100% at fault cause of that in HIS mind. He isn't gonna look at it like "I brought this on myself". I'd also bet money, she won't be appreciative either and will probably blame you too. You ruined her denial.

Will she find out if the cousin gets the RO...most likely, but you or the cousin aren't directly butting into their business by telling the wife and expecting her to do something about it. His action=legal consequence. Have a plan "B" for her protection if he comes over with intent to do harm.

 

[Art Eatman]

This sort of question should start with talking to a lawyer, not looking for legal advice here at THR.

Art