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How to convince the wife?

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by ragr, Jul 14, 2009.

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  1. ragr

    ragr Member

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    Hi all,

    New member but I've been lurking for some time now. I've come to the decision over this past year or so that my EDC system has a gap in defensive and survival capability because I'm not carrying a firearm. I've done research and I think I've decided on a Glock 30SF as my first conceal weapon of choice. I'm taking my time about it. I want to get my conceal license here in WA state, then make the purchase, then attend a class or two, etc.

    Here's my last hurdle. My wife of 3 years is from Australia. As you know, there is little incidence of personal gun ownership there unless you work on a farm or something. She is deathly afraid of guns. She thinks Americans are silly for owning things like AK-47s and such at home. I've got an 8 year old son who lives with us part time and she and I are trying to have more kids. I haven't even brought up the idea of getting a gun and having it in our house yet. She's very supportive of all the other gear I carry on a daily basis for survival although she does sometimes feel I'm being a bit paranoid for carrying multiple knives, a firesteel, water tablets and such just in case of an urban disaster like a MAJOR earthquake or something under my business suit. She does "get it" though and sometimes points out new gear for me when she's browsing magazines.

    This is not a decision I intend to just make without her. I won't do it unless I can bring her along with me. Surely some of you must have dealt with the same sort of scenario with your spouse when you decided to purchase your first gun? My feeling is in order to convince her it's going to take some coaxing with good solid logic. Any tips or suggestions on what to say to help sway her thinking?

    Thanks for any help you can provide!

    Regards,

    -r
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2009
  2. eric.cartman

    eric.cartman Member

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  3. ragr

    ragr Member

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    ha! thx.
     
  4. eric.cartman

    eric.cartman Member

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    You think I'm kidding???
    How do you think my wife looked past the Saiga 12, or XD 45 I got in the recent months :)
    Happy wife! Happy husband! She get's blink blink, I get bang bang (yes, pun intended and not intended at the same time :D)
     
  5. hso

    hso Moderator Staff Member

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    If you've been lurking here for a while you know that we've had numerous threads on this topic and that every possible bit of advice from the grossly misogynistic to the mature and reasonable have been given. To that end I suggest performing a search using the term "wife" and "first gun" or "anti". Keep in mind that you know your spouse and relationship better than any bunch of random strangers on the internet ever will so distilling the advice of those strangers becomes your responsibility.

    Take a look at all the arguments for the mildly anti and consider what best fits the person you're trying to persuade. If it happens that she accepts that being prepared involves having equipment and skills you both pray you'll never need you have the advantage of being able to point out that this is another such piece of equipment like the escape ladder and first aid kit. Things you better know have, know how to use, and practice using so that in the unlikely event that an emergency occurs you won't freeze up and fail to respond appropriately. Point out that America and Australia are different and that what works in Australia in this regard isn't going to work in the US where home invasions and car jackings do occur.

    As to your choice of handguns, if you're not an experienced shooter I suggest you find what fits your hand first instead of statistics or articles. A poor fit for the new shooter is the one thing that can't be overcome easily. You can find what fits and then spend the money to get the reliability and accuracy that you want.
     
  6. eric.cartman

    eric.cartman Member

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    hso, i get the message :(

    ragr, on a serious note... reality check helped my wife get used to the idea of deadly force at home. try to, GENTLY, point out the news you see and hear every day to her. DO NOT frighten her into wanting a gun. but point out the good and the bad, aka news stories with negative ending for the victim (gunless victim) as well as positive ones (successful defense scenarios of ordinary citizens). this should help with one: http://www.claytoncramer.com/gundefenseblog/blogger.html and the major news media outlets will help with the other.
     
  7. doc2rn

    doc2rn Member

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    I always recommend a Ruger MK II or a Buckmark for the first handgun. You can train with it and trade it in if you chose to move to a centerfire round later. I have my first Ruger Standard my dad went in halves with me on my 11th B-day. But if you are going to just have one make sure it fits, and practice a lot!
    To help make wife happy find out what new appliance she wants or sofa and that way you both come out ahead.
     
  8. iiranger

    iiranger Member

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    You don't "convince" women...

    You have to aim for the heart, NOT the head...

    O.K. she is from Aussie land where the "queen" is "king." And the king said "no guns" many, many years ago. Back then practically all white European Aussies were convicts anyway. Ghee I wonder why "no guns..."

    If she is going to accept the "rights of an Englishman" (woman too) then she needs to understand the accepting of responsibility beyond "tool of the king" that the founding fathers of USA accepted for each of us and we bear responsibility for maintaining... Yes, 4th of July... Movie "Yankee Doodle Dandy" etc.

    As suggested, as if there is no crime "down under," you point gently to the fact that in USA we have the option (and responsibility) to act proactively and protect ourselves... with best tools available which starts with "guns." Might discuss the selling of guns to the public by the government, now almost over... regrettably... Springfields, 1911s. etc. Slowly. Gently. Luck.
     
  9. Just One Shot

    Just One Shot Member

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  10. Fumbler

    Fumbler Member

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    You carry these on a daily basis? You must have big pockets.
    I carry a folding knife and a swiss army knife. I think the other things are a good idea, but I keep supplies like that in my truck and in a bag at home that I can pick up quickly. Keeping those things on me would be a little weird (except lighters. I keep those on me during fireseason because I'm a wildland firefighter).

    That's very good advice. Many people don't like Glocks. You should try to get together with friends who have different guns or try to rent some. Maybe even some THR users will be willing to let you get some range time with their guns. Pay for the ammo you use and some extra for them as a return of the favor.

    A 22 wouldn't be a bad choice to start off with just to get yourself acquainted with how guns operate and to get some good practice. It will also allow you to introduce her to guns in the future (if you have a gun then she at least needs to know how to handle one safely. She doesn't have to know how to shoot it if she doesn't want to).

    If you want to skip the 22 then you should think of getting a 9mm. They are easy to shoot and are fine choices for self defense.
    A compact 45 is usually difficult for a new shooter to learn to shoot well.

    As far as the wife...

    BEFORE you approach her, think about how you're going to store the gun. She will be concerned for your son's and future kids' safety.
    Get a safe or lock box to keep it in (a Gunvault is nice and easy to access).

    Come up with a plan/standard operating procedure on how you'll keep it.
    For instance, I carry a gun when I'm out of the house. In the house I keep it in two places, either on the table in front of me or next to my bed. If people/kids come over then it's either on me or in the safe.
    My wife knows where I keep my carry gun and that makes her feel safe. She's gun friendly anyway, but that adds an extra level of confidence.
    If you already have a plan to safely handle/store guns around kids then it'll make it a little bit easier for her to digest.

    Then, gently tell her you've been thinking of buying a gun for your safety, her safety, and your kid(s) safety because the safety of your loved ones is your top priority.
    If she gets bent out of shape then back off of the issue, let her cool down, then after some time bring it up again.

    Good luck.
     
  11. Sav .250

    Sav .250 Member

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    Some of us a very lucky in that our wives have no problem with us owning a weapon. Yours is a quandary I can only sympathize with but have no answer for.
     
  12. jpwilly

    jpwilly Member

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    Okay you got some good advise already. So let me just say how it works here at my place and I'm not making it up. I don't recommend this way unless you know exactly what your getting into.

    For me It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Yip you heard it right. I chose to throw out the traditional marital bliss and deal with "she who must be obeyed" a little differently in this area. Once opon a time I did ask even attempted to converse about my hobby and realized she didn't give a rip about my desire to have a firarm collection go shooting or hunt bambi. To her 1 or 2 guns was enough (more than she was raised with) and hunting game would make all the children cry. Needless to say firearms have been following me home ever since and she won't eat game. I force a change and we agree to disagree on this subject. Marrage still works fine and she gets what she wants too sometimes by employing this same method on me, can't get pissed, have to respect her for understanding how to deal with stubborn people - even when they are your spouse.

    Just remember you have a wonderful wife, you married her for a reason. Some will see this as out and out disrespectful to her but I see it the other way. A man should provide for and protect the things (and people) he loves.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2009
  13. cambeul41

    cambeul41 Member

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    With a little bit of luck . . . .

    Following a few simple steps, one can turn a gun-fearing immigrant into a pistol packing, full-blooded American.

    My wife is formerly Japanese and a former hoplophobe. Try the procedure that I used with her:

    First, choose the right wife: logical, reasonable, etc.

    Second, live near and work in a place like Detroit which has, at times, a worse murder rate than Iraq.

    Third, leave CCW class flyers lying around the house.

    Forth, wait till she suggests that you get licensed and carry – and volunteers to go to the class with you “for togetherness sake.”

    Fifth, save her from a club attack (which in our case took place when she still did not want to carry)

    Sixth, let her company send her on business to Tennessee where some good old mountain boys (engineers, but still good old mountain boys) can take her to their club and let her try everything they have that goes bang.

    Seventh, let her choose her own favorite gun.

    Eighth, buy lots of ammunition. You are going to need it.
     
  14. #shooter

    #shooter Member

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    Start small

    You do not want to invest a lot only to find out she really does hate guns. I say take her to a range that rents guns and let her try it out. Start with a .22, 9mm, or 38special and pick a heavy gun. Most first time shooters (men and women) do not enjoy recoil or the noise. Make sure you have good hearing protection. If you are not familiar with using a gun go to the range by yourself and rent a gun to become familiar with it so you are not learning on the fly when you are with her. Most people come around after shooting realizing it is nothing like the movies and is harder than it looks. Better yet you both could take a NRA pistol course together.
    If she approves reassure her that you will buy a safe (I suggest getting the safe prior to getting the gun as a good gesture) and that you are serious about gun safety.
     
  15. Shung

    Shung Member

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    I wonder what she thinks about us then.. ;)
     
  16. UniversalFrost

    UniversalFrost Member

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    i can relate to the OP and having a wife from a non gun friendly counrty.

    my wife is german and we met and married over there. She knew that I had hunted and had a few guns back in the states and when I finally got orders to go back stateside she said no guns in the house.

    I politely told her that the guns were there before her and they would be there after her if that is what it took. I also mentioned the fact of the safety classes I took and that I was still certified to be an instructor and went over all the proper gun handling and storage. She told me we had to get a safe to lock them in and so I said OK (did the happy dance becasue she wanted to get the biggest, safest, safe out there).

    once we got back stateside and i got my guns shipped down she about passed out when I pulled in the driveway after picking up my guns and the entire bed of truck was stuffed with gun cases and the passenger side of the cab was full of pistols :what: (most single soldiers blew their money on cars and booze, me i just stuck with guns and booze :D ).

    took a lot of arguing , but after I took her shooting a few times (break them in on small rimfire and then work up to small centerfire and small pistol) and made her attend a women only shooting course, she finally got a clue and agreed to having guns in the house. Then i pulled out my reising full auto and a few of my cans and introduced her to the wonderful world of class 3. She loved the reising on full auto and was amazed at just how quiet some of the rimfire cans were and was astounded when I slid a can on my 338 lapua mag and the sound was cut in half. I have had to thin my herd down a lot to fit into one safe (had over 70 guns at one time), but i still have my toys and she still is married to me. In fact she has layed claim to my italian beretta 92FS and calls it hers, i just smile and nod and think to my self what a wonderful world. :evil:
     
  17. Shung

    Shung Member

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    love that approach ;)
     
  18. UniversalFrost

    UniversalFrost Member

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    yeah was a bold move and could have gone either way.

    like rolling the dice in vegas.
     
  19. vicdotcom

    vicdotcom Member

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    Take a drive though the "Bad part of town" and have your car break down. Then walk to the nearest 7-11 and wait for the towtruck. She will learn fast that this isnt Australia anymore and will want to pack heat also. Then start taking her to the range and have her shoot a .22 hitting the bullseye everytime. She gets confident and enjoys doing something well and wants to try more. Success brings its own motivation.
     
  20. Zundfolge

    Zundfolge Member

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  21. ezypikns

    ezypikns Member

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    I like the "Start Small" suggestion.

    If you're looking at strictly self defense, maybe you're looking at it wrong.

    You can pick up a used .22 auto (I'm thinking Ruger here) for between 250.00 and 300.00 (maybe less). Or a .22 revolver for a little more. Then try to get her to shoot it.

    One thing that struck my wife (who was definitely NOT pro-gun) when she began shooting.

    It's FUN.

    If you try to start out with a .45 (especially a GLOCK...evil, evil) you're probably doing too much too soon.

    I would definitely get a small safe to keep whatever buy. That will ease a lot of anxiety.
     
  22. JoeMal

    JoeMal Member

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    Tell your wife you want a gun. Tell her why you want a gun. Tell her about the classes that you will take in order to be safe with a gun (She should take them, also). If she loves you, I would think that she would support you with your decision
     
  23. KenWP

    KenWP member

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    This thread makes sense to me also as I have been in the same boat. My first wife was ex military so I could have any kind of weapon made or think of making my self. My daughter was also encouraged to learn to shoot and go hunting with me also.

    From then on it went down hill. My newer GF was from jolly old England and disliked guns and would eat no meat except chicken and a bit of hamburger and would not touch red meat to cook it. So hunting sort of went the way of the dodo bird.

    My position now is just as bad as I have many many guns locked up never to see the light of day unless the coons decide to get worse than they have been and then I can see my 10-22 coming out of the cupboard. It's pretty hard on me because I have boxes and cases of ammo and reloading supplies and hunting gizmos stored away. She might let me hunt turkeys someday as she would eat on of them but that takes 3 courses to get the permit to hunt here in Quebec.

    So any of you guys who can do what you please and also can discuss problems with the missus are pretty lucky. Some of us have to just read the forums and dream about the past and watch John Wayne movies.
     
  24. mbt2001

    mbt2001 Member

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    I think for the most part everyone has been through this with their wife or girlfriend. I agree with iiranger in that you DO NOT convince women with arguments.

    Supposing that it was me, I would tell her that I am going to get a gun and am thinking about a CHL permit. I would say that when you get the gun you insist on her being able to MAKE SAFE the weapon. That means LOAD and UNLOAD it so that it isn't a danger to her through ignorance. After a bit of time, she will feel more comfortable with the gun. Then without pressuring her see if she would like to go shoot and possible take the CHL course with you. Not because she wants a permit, but because they will TRAIN you how to use the weapon. Girls are big on the idea of "training" and the certification process.

    Of course she is going to resist, but honestly, YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and you will only grow to resent your spouse if she puts you in a position where you cannot pursue those things that interest you because she "puts her foot down". This isn't buying new drapes.
     
  25. ThePunisher'sArmory

    ThePunisher'sArmory Member

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    Get her interested in shooting as a hobby. Thats what i did with my wife. Now she wants to go shooting, and she says I look "hot" when looking at guns at a gun show. Before I met her she would not touch anything gross, fish, insects, etc. Now she wants to fish, after catching her first with me, hunt, and shoot
     
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