How to deal with anti-gun parents?

[HammsBeer]

So what are my options for dealing with my folks who have bought the anti-gun rhetoric hook line and sinker? I'm in my mid 30's, they are mid 60's.

They are very much pro Obama, pro Democrat, the conservatives are ruining this country, blah blah blah and regurgitating what they heard on MPR that day (left leaning radio). :banghead:

They know shooting is my main hobby, and how I even testified at the state gun bill hearings last year. Yet nearly every time I visit them they slip in snide comments about my hobby or guns in general. It's getting to the point that I avoid visiting them just so I don't have to listen to the rhetoric, not just about guns, but about anything political. What does the collective THR think I can do about this, or should I just deal with it and tune it out? They are my parents after all.

 

[Tommygunn]

You're an adult. You ought no longer need their approval. If they can't treat you respectfully and discuss the matter without ad hominems then the next step is to agree to disagree and politely ignore the topic. There are other things you can discuss at family get-togethers.

It's getting to the point that I avoid visiting them just so I don't have to listen to the rhetoric, not just about guns, but about anything political.

If they cannot be convinced not to play nice and avoid guns (and apparently politics as well; that is often another point of family irritations) then sadly I would suggest you avoid visits when possible.
Are you married? Have a family of your own? Use the time to be with them. They are your future.

 

[horsemen61]

I would be open and quite frank with them about it if they don't like it that is their choice but they have no right to put you and your hobby down I would let them no that is why you don't come around as often

 

[SilverCat]

Man, that's a tough one. Do you just try giving them facts and what not??

If you plain don't want to talk about it and you aren't even trying to convert them anymore, why don't you lay it out plain for them how you feel?? Darned if my parents were anti-gun.... But I'm fortunate that they aren't... :/

 

[torqem]

THR rules wont let me say what I think

should happen to all anti's. But it involves a thug with a long pc of pipe.

 

[splithoof]

Find some older folks who deserve a good son, and adopt them. They are out there.

 

[jamesjames]

I'm originally from Minnesota too. Now I'm 53 and living in Oregon. My father is 83 and he still thinks he can pontificate to me about the evils of guns. I'm "wasting my time, wasting my money, and corrupting his grandson with guns, guns, guns...."

My boy is wonderful and will grow up with a healthy attitude toward firearms.

My father will never grow up and neither will yours. I'm sorry. You have my sympathy. People who don't grow up with firearms learn very easily from sensational stories in the media that guns are evil. And no matter how much you point out that the criminal behind the trigger is where the evil rightly resides, they still demonize the gun.

 

[chicharrones]

My momma (70s) is the same way, Hamms. She's a long time Democrat, long time anti-guns, even though her father, brother, and my dad had/have guns. My stepfather even has guns. Neither my dad or my step dad are avid gun people and lean Democrat as well, but they are not vocal anti-gun.

My mom excuses the family members above for the "hunting" or "rural" reasons. For me and my brother, she has slowly learned to deal with it. The few times we've gotten into gun discussions I let her say her piece and I make one calm pointed statement then change the conversation.

Bottom line is she is my momma, I don't bring up guns ever (but I will sometimes comment if she brings it up*), and we talk about other things. I am not going to change her mind and she is not going to change mine when it comes to guns, so we don't try.

*Mostly after a public shooting.

 

[Schwing]

I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents but I can tell you with absolutely 100% conviction that "Honor thy Father and they Mother" is one of the most important doctrines ever taught.

Having said that, honoring your parents doesn't mean you have to agree with them. I know with my own mother that the sentence "I sure love you Mom but I just don't agree" was used more than once to diffuse issues of disagreement. I miss having even disagreements with her now that she is gone but I am glad that I don't have any regrets about our relationship.

 

[Showman]

Both my parents were Democrats at one time. Both more or less bought into much of the party platform....including all the silly "gun control" junk of the time. At first, not knowing any better (remember, I was a 12-year-old kid when I first became a conservative), I'd just get in their faces and say,in so many words, "You don't know what you're talking about. Stop believing this Reader's Digest and Nightly News crap!".
I found out very quickly that it's hard to humiliate people and insult their notions and win them over to your side. I did like other people have suggested and just avoided the subject. Then, I lived my life in front of them in a way that proved my point of view was right.
In time, both of them came around to my point of view without my ever having to push them into it. Hope this helps.

 

[HammsBeer]

Thankfully I get along with them on most other things, but they REALLLY love to talk about politics, which inevitably leads to banging heads. It even exhausts my wife when she comes with me because her family is so laid back and doesn't talk about anything serious. I wish I could tell them to drop the whole guns and politics, but they are very 'fact' driven dry personality types.

Thank God the in-laws are pro-gun with some nice property to shoot on. Makes getting along with them easy!

 

[RPRNY]

Put them in a home and tell them you'll let them out when they can show better judgement.


But seriously, they put up with your sophomoric behaviour as a teen. They are products of their age and as your parents who fed, clothed, raised you and didn't (presumably) abuse you, you really just have to grin and bear it. Offer them money or grandchildren not to vote though. And congratulations for turning out sensible.

 

[limpingbear]

I have heard it said that all it takes to turn an anti-gun person into a pro-gun person is a mugging. I am thankful my folks are on the pro side of things (and republican) I honestly do not know how I would deal with this if it were me, other than not visiting....

 

[J-Bar]

Don't initiate any conversation dealing with those subjects. If they initiate the subject, tell them you do not want to talk about it. If they persist, leave...take a walk around the block, come back another weekend, hang up the phone after telling them you will call back tomorrow. Be pleasant, but control the topic of conversation. If they want to enjoy the presence of your company, they will learn to avoid the topics that upset you. If they don't respect you enough to allow you to have a different opinion, then you owe them no respect in return.

Get them to talking about when they were kids. If that doesn't work....

Biological relationships can be overrated. Spend time with people who love you.

 

[Skribs]

Here's my opinion on the subject:

Your house, your rules. Their house, their rules. Outside both of your houses, use the rules of your state. If your parents are die-hard liberals, they will have their guard up when talking to conservatives and their guard down when talking to liberals (the same is true of the other side, it's how both advertising and hypnosis work). Even if they think they're more logical than that, it's ingrained in their minds to believe the side they think is right.

This means if they don't want guns in their house, don't carry in their house. Don't bring up the subject in their house. If you're outside and CCing, they probably won't even notice. If they're in your house, still don't bring up the subject. Be ready to either defend your position or change the subject when the subject of guns comes up, or offer to take them to the range.

Personally, I have pro-gun parents, so I don't have to worry about this.

 

[GJSchulze]

It's unlikely you'll change their minds, but you don't have to put up with snide remarks. Sit them down and explain that their remarks are hurtful and/or irritating and that you would like to make a pact with them that neither if you will talk about guns with each other. If they do it again, then get up and leave. Tell them you'll come back when they stick to the agreement.

It can be hard to realize that as an adult your parents no longer have the right to control you. They can try all they want, but you don't have to listen or feel guilty about it.

If their rich and would disown you, you've got a problem, otherwise remind them that you will be picking out their nursing home.

 

[justice06rr]

You're an adult. You ought no longer need their approval. If they can't treat you respectfully and discuss the matter without ad hominems then the next step is to agree to disagree and politely ignore the topic. There are other things you can discuss at family get-togethers.

+1

Ignore and avoid gun-related topics and politics if you must. These are things that many people do not agree on. My parents are also somewhat anti-gun so I avoid the topic and deflect as much as possible.

Although they are your family so its not always possible to avoid them. But you can ask them to politely refrain from those topics when you are there and respect your view on it as well.

 

[JohnBiltz]

If it bothers you that much get up and walk out. Stay away for awhile. If they do it again, get up, walk out and stay away for longer, say twice as long. Repeat as needed. Understand something, they think you are still a child and are treating you like one. Sounds harsh, I know, but bottom line is you take it or you choose not to.

 

[Cee Zee]

I have to agree with those that say you're an adult and shouldn't need your parents approval. I have family members that are left leaning. I refuse to talk politics or anything of the kind with them. They are pro-gun for the most part because we all grew up with them but unions and spouses that have influence on them have pushed some of them to the extreme on many issues. The only way to deal with it is to avoid those issues completely. To give you an idea how bad it gets for me at times I had one brother tell me that some old friends really liked the letters to the editor I had sent to the local paper. He didn't mention the subject matter. My other brother, being the jealous type especially considering the comment came from one of several beautiful sisters we lived next to at one time, just had to know what it was about. I said I didn't want to discuss it about 30 times and he just kept getting more mad because I wouldn't answer. When I finally told him about it he went ballistic for a while then accused me of being a trouble maker for bringing up the subject. I couldn't believe he said that. This was on Christmas no less. I nearly left over that. He finally realized he had demanded that I answer and he backed down but it didn't stop me from feeling like I was being attacked from several sides at once.

Sometimes you just have to avoid certain issues. That's the bottom line.

 

[Deanimator]

You're a legal adult. You don't HAVE to "deal with" them if you don't want to.

I didn't see my mother for thirteen years because I didn't like how she treated me. She got the message.

She once told me she didn't want me to carry. I asked her if she was planning to move here to be my personal bodyguard. There were no more requests for me to be a helpless victim.

 

[savanahsdad]

sounds like they should have gotten a NRA membership for Christmas, . next time there a shooting that the TV news just wont drop, fine out if it was in a "Gun Free Zone", most of them are , and point out how stupid "Gun Free Zones" are , and when a bad guy is stopped by a good guy with a gun make sure they know about it , there is a full page of them every month in the NRA magazine called "The Armed Citizen" there are 7 of them in this months American Rifleman,

as for the 2nd amendment and the other left leaning stuff , you might want to get Glen Beck's book "Arguing With Idiots" and point out things like all the gun related deaths in the USA every year include , good guys shooting bad guys, hunting mishaps , suicides , and husbands that come home early have fun with it , don't let it get you down , or they're winning , try saying thing like " how could you have done so well raising me and yet still feel that way ?" giving them the choice of they're wrong about there gun views or they messed up raising you , most moms won't admit the were bad moms , so that leaves they're wrong on there gun views,

 

[bannockburn]

I don't know for sure but to me it sounds like you should spend more time with your in-laws. If your folks ask you why you don't visit or talk with them as much as you use to, tell them the reason why.

 

[Sam1911]

Lots of good advice here.

In the end you have two choices. 1) Sit down and take it. 2) Stand up and end it.

A frank, flat, unequivocal response the next time it happens -- followed by a swift and direct break-off if need be will either send the message or it won't.

Either way, the situation you find yourself in from this point forward is whatever YOU make it to be.

 

[tuj]

have you taken them shooting? shoot some 22lr at silhouette (pig, chicken, etc) targets.

This is what happened in my case:

 

[Ryanxia]

I had some anti gun family members when I got serious about shooting, after a few years of gun references and them seeing it being part of my every day life they warmed up considerably.

The first time my mother realized I was conceal carrying (couldn't tell obviously) she was shocked until I told her I had been doing so every day for almost a year (at that time). That made her think and now it doesn't phase her at all, she feels more secure actually.
Also, I've taken anyone who wants to go out to the range, I explain the safety rules, watch them carefully and start them off with a .22 and work them up if they want from there. They all have enjoyed it so far.