Mall Ninja

[VingThorr]

Here's the link to a highly entertaining read.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

A collection of forum posts from a mall security guard who takes himself a little too seriously.

 

[BCCL]

Ah the legendary Gecko45!

To funny!!!!!!!!

 

[expvideo]

Always an entertaining read, and a lot of lessons to be learned about over-thinking tactics and taking one's self too seriously. And of course, what happens when you lie on an internet board and try to cover that lie up with more lies when you're called on it.

 

[skeptiq]

I just reat that about a week ago for the first time... I laughed so hard I had to take a break because I couldn't see through the tears... Even my non-gun buddies were cracking up!

Goot times!

 

[geronimo509]

that was really funny

 

[Dumptruck]

I get the feeling that this fellow was a very elaborate forum troll. Whatever the truth is, Gecko45 made the internet a funnier place.

 

[R3dundantC]

The Mall Ninja is easily distinguished by an abundance of “tactical” gear, such as fatigues... and other accouterments that you’d usually only see on a SWAT operative. Median age is usually 19-25... They typically have opinions on everything, regardless of expertise, they are uniformly poor shots...

Really funny. This sounds like it could be written about me. I'm a security guard. I'm 20. I wear black polished boots, black BDU bottoms, cuffs, pepperspray, and a big ol' Maglight. I also take my job probably a little too seriously. But then again, I work alone and if I get in trouble and can't disengage, the nearest backup is a Sheriffs Deputy who can be up to 45mins away, assuming that I can get a phone call out from the security phone.

 

[Dumptruck]

 

[expvideo]

I just finished reading through that. It's nice to get a laugh out of every once in a while. Definitely the most epic thread in gun board history.

 

[heron]

What an absolute HOWL!
Really, I am so glad I almost never go to shopping malls! What with all the daily machine gun fire and occasional rockets, they all need a large hospital with trauma center right next door, if not within the building itself.
I vote you make this a sticky, so it doesn't get lost.

 

[Maelstrom]

I usually get to the part where he calls himself God and then I can't keep it together anymore.

 

[Duke of Doubt]

I think you've been had.

"Gecko45" was a brilliant hoax, and the ultimate troll.

 

[Claude Clay]

re-reading this leaves me torn between:

next stop, the Twilight Zone

and

this way to the egress ------->

 

[jbkebert]

For some reason the most combat harden soldiers I ever met served us chow at the mess hall. So lets see Rambo chef, Food court security, and lets not forget Steven Segal as the Navy Seal turned chef in whatever that forgetable movie was. I am starting to see a common thread here. If I earn my chefs hat I will learn the way of the ninja.

Disclaimer not all military cooks are all that bad. The coffee could use a little help but other than that no huge complaints.

 

[Lightninstrike]

It must be true. Hollyweird made a movie about it.....

http://www.paulblartmallcop.com/

 

[Carl]

I like when he's giving examples of his high risk job and starts talking about kids stealing candy and taking more than one sample at a store.

 

[jbkebert]

.....

 

[bikerdoc]

With credit to Maelstrom from another thread,

"Some people are more special ed than special ops"

 

[TRGRHPY]

While it is obviously a joke, it would be quite funny to find out that the two "mall-ninjas" actually were some sort of SF who were bored and had nothing else to do that day other than play a joke on a forum.

I actually found myself rooting for them at one point. Ok, maybe not. Still funny to see the stuff that they were able to make up. I think it was more funny to see that people were taking them seriously.

I wonder if there has ever been a mall security guard who received the Medal of Honor?

 

[Gungnir]

Mall Ninja's, and how they made me blow my coffee through my nose

totally classic collection of postings.

Blew coffee outta my nose reading these.

 

[expvideo]

edit to remove.. above comment didn't make sense, until I realized that the threads were merged.

 

[hso]

A collection of forum posts from a mall security guard who takes himself a little too seriously.

They guy who made all that up is a member here. He had a great deal of fun lampooning the posers that post on internet forums.

 

[expvideo]

They guy who made all that up is a member here. He had a great deal of fun lampooning the posers that post on internet forums.

Next thing you're going to tell us all that there's no Santa Clause. You're heartless. Think of the children.

 

[DC300a]

next thing you're going to tell us all that there's no santa clause. You're heartless. Think of the children.

---

 

[Jorg Nysgerrig]

I'm too tactical for this thread.