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Police/military guys, tell us some stories.

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by TheArchDuke, Apr 27, 2006.

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  1. TheArchDuke

    TheArchDuke Member

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    Do any of you Military or Law enforcment people have funny, scarey, inspirational, otherwise interesting stories to tell about your job? I love hearing them. I don't know many Police officers but the ones I've talked to have some hilarious stories. Especially the ones that work mostly late at night. There are a lot of weirdos out there on the streets.
     
  2. Steve 48

    Steve 48 Member

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    A lot of us Vets don't really want to talk about it. Vietnam was just a bad place to be in 1969 and even worse after we got home. Steve 48
     
  3. TheArchDuke

    TheArchDuke Member

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    That's completely understandable. I didn't neccessarily mean combat stories. I was thinking more along the lines of the crazy excuses that drunk people make when a police officer pulls them over and things like that.
     
  4. V4Vendetta

    V4Vendetta member

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    Here's a story that I read in a book. It was not me so I can't vouch for it's truth but it's funny to me anyway. It's from "Secret Commando's" by John L. Plaster. It takes place in Vietnam.

    A SOG operative was on leave & went into a part of town that was off limits. The MP's caught him. They ask him for his service gun & he politely hands them his .38 revolver. They place him in the MP's jeep & take him to a cell for the night. In the morning, a officer comes to take him back to SOG headquarters. The officer asks the MP for the prisoners personal effects. The MP hands the officer a envelope with the .38 in it. The officer takes one look & says "What about the rest of his things?" The SOG man says "Oh they are right here sir." He lifts his shirt to reveal a Gerber knife, two .45 pistols & some grenades:D . The MP looks dumbfounded as the SOG's leave.
     
  5. M2 Carbine

    M2 Carbine Member

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    This isn't a gun story but it's funny.
    It's from, http://www.glocktalk.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=208088&perpage=25&pagenumber=1

    In 1966 I was a flight instructor at the Army Helicopter Flight School at Ft Wolters, Mineral Wells, TX.
    There were many instructor and student fatalities but this wasn't one.


    Some accidents are funny!
    Not all accidents are too serious, especially when no one gets hurt.

    Back at Fort Wolters again.

    We did much of the training at "Stage Fields".
    They had six parallel "runways", called lanes, about 2000 feet long and about 200 feet apart.
    Three lanes in East traffic, three in West. Which made interesting base legs. (yes there were some bad mid-airs on base)


    Under many downwind legs were small "sod touchdown areas".
    A practice engine out autorotation to dirt was called a "sod" touchdown.
    It's harder to do a sod touchdown because the skids tend to grab the ground and flip you over. On a hard surface you just skid.

    In 64 when I was a student we were required to solo in and practice solo hard surface touchdown autorotations.

    We had to be good at sods, it was on the check rides and it was failing if the student didn't do a good forced landing into the marked sod area.

    In the late 60's the Army kept lowering the requirements in order to get more pilots through flight school.

    The sod requirement was done away with completely for the student.
    The instructors were to demonstrate 3 sods and NO more and sign off the demonstrations in the students records.
    The student was not to touch the controls during the demonstrations.

    Well, what most of us civilian instructors did was not sign off the sods until the last day or two of training.
    Most of us kept teaching the students sod autorotations knowing we would be fired if caught.
    If something happened the instructor had to swear he was doing a demo and screwed up.

    I had given my student an engine failure to the sod under the downwind leg.
    He did good and as we came to a stop in the sod area another instructor, Tommy, called for an autorotation to the same area.
    I picked up and moved off to the side.

    Tommy's student flared too low and too late and pulled pitch too high and Tommy was too late correcting so all they could do was ride it out.
    They went across the ground, nose high, skidding on the heals of the skids with the tail rotor chewing up the ground and flying apart.

    When they came to a stop in a cloud of dust someone came on the radio and said, "Hey Tommy, why don't you let the student try one now".

    Later, some said that was me, but the only thing I could say was, "Holy s***!!:eek:

    Tommy stuck with the lie and I said when he came skidding by me Tommy was the only one on the controls.:D
     
  6. Crosshair

    Crosshair Member

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    I don't have any, but my dad has told me alot. He was in an Engineering unit so he doesn't have combat stories, but he still has good ones.

    He is at Eniwetok atol (Yes, where they blew nukes. He spent alot of time there.) They have some time off so they are on a small boat just puttering around. The water is clear and you can see to the bottom. They come to a spot that looks good for snorkeling and seems to be 20-30 feet deep. So they stop the boat and throw out the anchor. The anchor has 300 feet of rope attached to it. Some guys are swimming in the water others are enjoying the view. Suddenly a loud *BAM* is heard. They look back to the front of the boat and see that the anchor rope and its mount are now gone. They look down and sure enough, there is the anchor with 300 feet of rope on the bottom of the lagoon. The water was so clear that this 400+ foot deep water looked to only be 30 feet deep. They didn't get into trouble since this was not the first time this had happened. Apparently if you search the lagoon at Eniwetok atol you are going to find enough anchors to open a boat shop.

    My dad was also in Korea, since he was an engeneer, he got to have a hard top for his jeep. However, everyone at the base wanted a hard top so his kept getting stolen. Getting a new one was such a hassle so he did the only logical thing. He loaded a pallet with jeep hard tops in the supply depo and had it set next to the fence. He then backed a truck up next to the fence on the outside. The crane operator came over with the crane and lifted the pallet over the fence onto the truck. He just drove along giving hard tops away to everyone. Since everyone with a jeep now had a hard top, his didn't get stolen anymore. Apparently the crane method was the prefered method of aquiring stuff. Pity the person who had to do inventory.

    I don't know where he was when he did this, but the men liked to drag race the jeeps. However there was not a good place to race them.....except the runway on the base. So not only did you have to worry about beating the other guy, you had to worry about incomming aircraft since of course they didn't tell the people in the tower.

    This one is from when he was in Korea, The traffic there is crazy in places and these little taxi cars drove like they had a deathwish. My dad was helping move a D8 bulldozer to a new site. A D8 is BIG and they had it on an 18 wheeler. Of course they need to make wide right turns and these little taxis would TRY and get around the truck while it was making the turn. The way my dad says the story is, " Three tried, one made it." The first one made it OK, the second one got it's roof torn off by the massive blade on the D8, the third got the rear half of the car crushed by the rear tires of the trailer. I asked him what they did? He said, "Looked and saw everyone was alive, shoved them (the taxis) into the ditch, and kept going."

    I'll have to type up more later.
     
  7. MSgt B

    MSgt B Member

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    Ever hear the one...

    about Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Lost MiG?
     

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  8. LeonCarr

    LeonCarr Member

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    MSgt B,

    Please tell the story about the MiG...looks like a MiG-25.

    Thanks,
    LeonCarr
     
  9. omnivore75

    omnivore75 Member

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    Hehehehehe. What did those idiots think they were going to accomplish by burying that Foxbat??:scrutiny: Thats the same thing I thought the first time I saw those pic's. What good did they think it would do. Obviously it was not a great hiding place as it seemed to be and certainly not much in the way of safe storage.:rolleyes:
     
  10. omnivore75

    omnivore75 Member

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    Story is, at least as I read it, is that Saddams goons buried it in the desert in Iraq. Unless of course thats one of the other buried migs.:D :D I could be wrong but I think thats about the long and short of it. It looks like a Foxbat but I would'nt swear to it.
     
  11. Crosshair

    Crosshair Member

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    From what I undersand, they burried them to protect them from the bombings. They wen't going to fly anyway since they would get blown out of the sky and they where sick of the US bombing the sh*t out of them for no real reason since they wern't flying. So they figured that by burrying them the US would stop boming them since a plane burried in sand can't fly.
     
  12. Clean97GTI

    Clean97GTI Member

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    My grandfather was an officer in Los Angeles from 1949 to 1974. He was one of the last to actually have a foot beat.
    Anyway, there was an older man who lived in a not so savory area of LA County and his house had been broken into several times. He finally got sick of it and went and bought himself a little .38 revolver. He even asked the cops in the neighborhood (one being my grandfather) when he was able to shoot.
    He was told "as long as the guy has broken in and make sure he's all the way in the house."
    Not too long after this, another fool decided to break in.
    The little old man called from the darkened room "is you in?"
    The genius burglar replied "yeah"
    old man: "is you all the way in?"
    genius burglar "yeah man"

    BANG!!!!

    burglar shot dead and little old man didn't have any more break ins. Didn't get in trouble for it either.
    A lot has changed in the Golden State. :(
     
  13. Zen21Tao

    Zen21Tao Member

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    OK. When I was in Army Infantry basic training undergoing BRM (Basic Rifle Marksmanship) our (2nd platoon) senior drill sergent decided to pull a prank on the 1st platoon senior drill sergent who was known to have a deep fear of snakes. While the 1st platoon drill sergent was in a fox hole at the BRM range our drill sergent tossed a fake rubber snake into the fox hole. That drill sergent jumped out of the fow hole, grabbed a loaded M16A2 off a sandbag and unloaded it into the fox hole. Reckless and dangerous but funny none the less! :D
     
  14. Spiphel Rike

    Spiphel Rike Member

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    I'm not really good with remembering details, but I'll try to fill you in on some stories I've heard and some of the ones I was part of.

    -Assault pioneers from my unit boobytrapping pens and things with sensitive detonators and detcord in the CSM's office. CSM catches on and boobytraps everything first, the guys get a surprise next time they go in :evil:

    -A quote from a recruit in basic..."Corporal, you know the minimi" Yes *name* "well...is there a maximi?"

    -Another story from basic. A guy is on stag during the field phase of the course, the number 2 gun says "you hear that?". First guy says "yeah but I can't see em." "don't worry, i'll get him" *runs outside the perimeter, sounds of a struggle.* The first guy wakes the corporal up and gets him to come down to the pit. The number 2 is out there with a guy restrained and says "it wasn't easy, but I caught him corporal". He'd just duffed over a lieutenant.

    -Buying food at "frontline" on a sunday morning, $20. Buying stuff when they give you a day off in town, $150. Hearing your platoon sergeant yelling at someone for an ND....priceless.


    There are more, but I can't remember them at the moment. Do you guys have "skit night" in basic over there? They give us an amnesty, we get to pay the hell out of our platoon staff and tell them all of the things that we got away with.
     
  15. Optical Serenity

    Optical Serenity Member

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    Wow, Nothing like a Mig buried in the sand...now that is one great photo!
     
  16. Horsesense

    Horsesense Member

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    A guy I know was the new guy in the motor pool. Typically, the “new guy” is the victim of practical jokes and when they sent my buddy to try and borrow a “pipe stretcher” he knew what was up. He was supposed to take a jeep and go around looking for a “pipe stretcher”. Instead he went on a tour of the base, watched a move, had lunch and played cards. At the end of the day he went back and said that he couldn’t find a pipe stretcher.
     
  17. V4Vendetta

    V4Vendetta member

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    Zen21Tao, it seems to me that the DI handled it well except for not chucking a grenade into the hole.:D :D
     
  18. XDKingslayer

    XDKingslayer member

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    I could tell enough funny stories from my time in the Marines to fill this server many times over. You see, in the Marines, in the field, you play this sadistic game called "Hurry up and wait". Which means we jump through our butts to get someplace, only to sit there for hours to days, just waiting to do what ever is next. And there is nothing more dangerous than a bored Marine.

    I was an 1833, Amphibious Assault Vehicle Crewchief. We drive tanks that float (sometimes) from ship to shore. We carry the grunts in. We are, essentially, the first ones in.

    We're pretty arrogant because of this and with the fact that the Marine Corps prides themselves on Amphibious Landings. So not only are we the first ones in, we're also the backbone of the Marine Corps, because without us, we'd be just another Army...

    Our level of arrogance is so high that the Marine Corps keeps us away from everybody else. We're kept in remote areas of Marine Corps bases, places like Courthouse Bay and Camp Del Mar. Far enough where the rest of the Marine Corps can't see, hear, or smell us.

    I'm sorry I'm ranting on, but it's part of the story. You see, our 1800 MOS counterparts aren't treated this way. LARs and M1 tanks are kept with the rest of the Marines not filed away in some remote section of a base that everyone forgets exists. So we hold an extra special dislike for M1 tank crews.

    We were at Marine Corps Base 29 Palms training for a MEU deployment. It was a Mediterranean Float and as it turned out we ended up rescueing Capt. Scott O'Grady from Bosnia when he was shot down.

    We were doing mine clearing training. We have two of our AAVs, one with a line charge kit installed, the other as a chase vehicle which carries engineers, and 1 M1-A1 Abrams with the mine plow attachment. We were practicing line charge firing. The line charge is a kit that bolts into the back of our AAVs. It consists of 3 1700lb containters of C4 on a long rope, which attaches to one of three rockets, that fires the C4 ladel rope into a minefield and then detonates, hopefully, in the minefield. I say hopefully because they are notorious for misfiring, not firing, not firing all the way and catching fire, and all kinds of bad things.

    Our SOP at the time was to park the M1 tank in front of the target mine field. Then nose our AAV up to the rear of the tank and fire this line charge from behind the M1. However that day, due to copious amounts of "Hurry up and wait" we had time to ingeniously create a plan to screw with the tank crew.

    I had my driver get one of our long toe ropes out and set it on the front of the vehicle and ignored his inquisations as to why. I told the rear crew man to hand me up the sledgehammer. I had a special sledgehammer, it was a big custom made one that weighed about 45 lbs.

    We pulled up behind the M1 and I quickly briefed the crew of the tank, who had never done this before...lucky me...I told them that if they hear anything, ANYTHING hit their tank they are NOT to open their hatches because it's more than likely 1700 lbs. of C4...I got them set on our frequency so they could monitor the shoot.

    I had the rear crewman unhook the first box of line charge from the rocket so only the rocket would fire. I then instructed my driver, that when the rocket fires he is to take the tow rope and throw it over the tank. I have instructed everyone else to watch closely as this is how you give tank crews heart attacks...

    So we fire the rocket, WHHOOOOOSSSSHH, and my driver runs out and throws the rope over the tank. Instantly my radio is filled with "CEASE FIRE, CEASE FIRE!!!!" coming from the tank. I politely answer, "say again your last, you're breaking up" and grab my sledgehammer. I run to the front of my vehicle, onto the tank, up to the top of the turret, and give the side of that turret the hardest crochet swing I can lay on it.

    GONG!

    They said the screams from the radio were classic...I stopped laughing long enough to run from one very mad tank commander and one very angry gunner who thought they just ate 1700 lbs. of C4.
     
  19. Werewolf

    Werewolf Member

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    Lagos, Nigeria - 1979...

    On the way to a small resort hotel on the beach for the weekend. Riding in a cab.

    The road from Lagos to the hotel followed the coastline and about halfway to the hotel I heard the sound of gunfire - .50 cal M2 gunfire (I'd heard that sound before).

    At the time Nigeria was in the throes of an - almost - revolution but I noted the cab driver wasn't getting excited and didn't seem nervous at all so I asked him what was going on?

    He replied - just the weekly execution of criminals and guerillas - wanna go watch? I figured what the hell so I told him sure.

    It wasn't at all what I expected. The way they terminated the executees was to load each into his/her own 50 gal drum, put on the top and float 'em out to sea. When they got out about a 100 yards or so the barrel was opened up on by the tripod mounted M2 until it sank. It actually took a number or bursts to sink the things - I'd say around 50 rounds or so. More than likely they'd have sunk after 10 hits - eventually - but the soldiers seemed to be in a hurry to get the detail over with so they blasted away until it was obvious the barrel was going under at which time they'd load another prisoner up and out to sea they'd go.

    I watched 'em do 3, got bored and continued on my way to an otherwise uneventful weekend.
     
  20. benEzra

    benEzra Moderator Emeritus

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    Guy I work with used to be an H-46 (Marine transport helicopter) pilot. Said that when they took new infantry recruits on their first helicopter orientation rides, they'd land somewhere on a runway, shut the engines down for a few minutes, and then come out of the cockpit and say, "d**m, the battery's dead, we're going to have to push start it." They'd have all the troops pile out and push this 30,000-whatever-pound bird until it was going 5 mph or so, then the pilot would tap the brakes a little and simultaneously fire up the APU. The troops would be giving each other high-fives, "we did it, yeah" etc. Then they'd go back to the barracks later and tell everybody they push-started an H-46... :D
     
  21. XDKingslayer

    XDKingslayer member

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    We used to have "inductions" for the new guys coming out of Amphibious Assault School. The usual one was to be sledge qualed.

    "Did they have time to qualify you on the sledgehammer at schools battalion newbie?"

    "Sledge qual Sergeant?"

    "Yes, sledge qual, did I stutter?"

    "No, they didn't sledge qual us...."

    So you get the poor sap and give him a sledgehammer. Then you take a quarter and set it on the pavement, and have him swing it. Sooner or later he can pound the heck out of that quarter.

    Then you tell him, just like at the rifle range, you have to hammer at night, but we're simply going to simulate it with this here blindfold. Here, put the blindfold on. Here jackass, give me your cover (hat, which he just spent most of the weekend starching and pressing just right...).

    Then once the blindfold is on you have him start hammering the quarter. Once you verbally guide hiim onto the quarter you silently place his hat on top of the quarter and let him hammer away...

    If you were out in the field, you axe qualed them instead. Same process, only you use your axe.
     
  22. XDKingslayer

    XDKingslayer member

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    Now that you guys have my memory going...I don't know if I should put this one here or the "most embarassing moment thread".

    I did my first deployment aboard LSD 41, U.S.S. Whidbey Island. A few years later we had a field op on another Whidbey Island class LSD, essentially the exact same ship.

    Well seeing as I was the only one that knew that vessel like the back of my hand, once we got our AAVs aboard the ship, I took the new guys and showed them where the important things of the ship were. Ship's store, armory, their berthing area, and the chow hall. Outside the starboard side of the chowhall is a one seat bathroom and I told them to stand fast as I had to pee.

    I went in and could hear them laughing in the background, figuring they were goofing around. I'll simply square them away when I'm done...

    You see, back on that first deployment, they didn't have females aboard naval amphibious vessels as they are technically warships. Things changed, unbeknownst to me since the last time I was on this type of ship.

    I opened the door to a very unhappy looking, but cute, female Navy Lt. J.G. I said "Good afternoon mam, can I help you?".

    "Marine, do you sit down to pee?" was her reply.

    "Only if I have to pull up my socks, mam, but I don't understand what business that is of yours, unless you're going to inspect my socks..."

    She simply pulled me forwards a foot, let the door close, and then turned me around and pointed out the female picture on the door...

    "I'm sorry mam, but the last time I was on this type of ship you all weren't. But that explains why the urinal disappeared..."

    My platoon commander rode that one for a month...
     
  23. DKSuddeth

    DKSuddeth Member

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    I was a Marine air traffic controller stationed at cherry point from 85-89. Well, any aviation types from cherry knows the airfield layout looks like a big huge X from above. this is because we have 4 runways, but they are offset parallels and all come together at this big huge concrete 'centermat'. It adds up to about 15,000 feet of runway and you could effectively land the space shuttle on it if you had to. It's alot of runway.

    One night I'm working in the tower and there's not much traffic to deal with but we got a scheduled F4 flight of two coming in via radar. they were air force reserve phantoms coming in for a fuel stop and then heading out again.

    The first one lands and taxis up the runway, we turn him right off the runway and got him following the fuel truck to the pits. The second one comes in, lands, but continues up the runway without contacting us after landing. He's coming up the runway, still traveling at landing speed, and we're starting to get a little nervous with no contact from him yet. Now all this is happening pretty fast as the landing runway is only about 8,000 feel long until you 'jog' to the left to go down the departure runway.

    We opened the emergency frequency to try to contact him and told him that he's running out of runway and if he's having a brake problem, the left jog at the centermat is available for an extra 7,000 feet of runway. no response from him and he's still moving fast. He had about 1,000 feet of runway left to go and the only thing we could do is key up and tell him he's out of runway and you're headed for the dirt, and hit the dirt he did. Nose first and the nose gear just buckled under. At least he finally stopped.

    Our Search and Rescue helicopter had been on his line doing running engine maintenance and apparently watched the whole thing happen in front of him. He came up on our tower frequency to tell us he would put the night sun on him, so we called crash crew out to the plane and closed the landing runway.

    As the SAR helo put the night sun on this plane, the funniest damn thing i'll ever remember is watching the twin canopy open up and the rear seater throwing his thighboard around the front canopy to hit the pilot. followed by every flight manual I think he had in his rear seat.

    Turned out that the rear seater was the CO of the reserve squadron and the pilot was the son of some US representative at the time. We didn't get a name and I didn't care much at the time anyway. I just still get a kick of watching the CO throw everything he could get his hands on at the pilot.
     
  24. COMSG

    COMSG Member

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    Many years back, one of the platoons had a new 2LT, in the Cavalry SQDN I happened to be in. Said 2LT was very high-strung, and wanted to be in on all platoon activities, including Weekly PMCS on his Bradley CFV. He proved to be a bit much for the PSG to handle, so a task was finally determined to be his, and his alone: The yearly check for soft spots in the armor needed to be done. The 2LT was given a hammer and a piece of chalk, and told to place an "X" over each soft spot in the CFV's armor, checked ever few inches by a hammer blow.. This was demonstrated by the PSG, and of course the 2LT could distinguish the sound of a soft spot from good armor.
    Within an hour or so, the CFV was a mass of "X" marks, and the CFV crew was making good time on their Weekly PMCS. The BN CO just happened to walk through the Motor Pool, though. The last we saw of the 2LT, was him being led from the Motor Pool, by the BN CO, arm about his shoulders, quietly explaining the differences between Officer tasks, and NCO tasks.
    I think I fell down inside my track, I laughed so hard.
     
  25. rab357

    rab357 Member

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    My brother in law...

    was in the 101st Airborne and took a survival training course. He was paired up with two other guys and they had to go out and apply what they learned. So they were all pumped up to go out an apply what they learned. Well after a day and a half they were already starving and they came across a duck. So they thought "great, meat". So each one took a turn ringing the ducks neck but it refused to die so they let it go.


    Brother in law redeemed himself later by fighting in Afganistan and Iraqi.
     
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