My mother died of pancreatic cancer in 2004, and we went through some of these same issues in the months following her diagnosis. I was fortunate enough to be able to move in with her and care for her until she died. It was a good decision, but it took some adjustment for us all.
It can be very hard for a parent who has been independent all of her adult life, and who is used to caring for and advising her children, to be placed in a position where her children are caring for her and making decisions without her input. The cancer diagnosis itself represents a huge loss of control, but it is not one that she can do anything about directly. She is likely to resent any further loss of control over her own life at this time, and she may be hurt or resentful of losing her role as caretaker and authority figure, and may feel (realistically or not) that she is being treated like a child, or at least not like a parent. You can help her accept the help that she needs by helping her have some of the sense of control and independence that she might want. Instead of presenting things to her as already decided, it may help you all to seek her input or approval before settling plans. For example, instead of presenting her with the schedule of who will be taking her where when, you might tell her that you understand that she will have a lot of appointments coming up that will require that she have someone with her, and ask whether she would prefer to meet with each of you individually to set up times that you can take her, or if she would prefer for all of the siblings to get together and work out a schedule. She will most likely choose that you all just set up the schedule once it is her decision. If she decides that she wants to set things up individually, you can choose to each just tell her the availability you have already worked out, if that is what you want to do. With the grab bars in the tub, you can offer her choices as well. If the house has more than one bathroom, which one would she like them installed in? Find some way for her to have some choice or input or approval or to be the person who delegates the tasks that she is not up to to someone else. It is important that she not feel shut out of the decisions that affect her, to the extent that that is possible given the fact that she has brain involvement. She has a right to know what plans are being made, and to be involved in them if she wishes.
As her children, you and your siblings want to help, and you don't want to her to have to worry about anything but doing her best to get well. This desire is normal. So is her desire not to be left out and to feel that she has some control. Keep the lines of communication open, and do all you can to help your mother feel like she is still in charge of her life to the degree that that is possible.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
