From a Lady's Perspective
I've posted a similar version of this several months ago, but conversations I've had among my social crowd have inspired me to re-post. I know I'm not the only woman here, and since many of you boys keep asking for advice on addressing gun issues with lady friends, I thought I'd overshare a bit.
From a woman's perspective, I have a diverse group of female acquaintances and am never surprised when one of them reveals that she was the target of violent crime in the past--and it's by far the majority. Just last night, in fact, while out with the ladies for a few beers and some smack talk, I heard three life stories that made my skin crawl. These aren't stupid, clueless women. These aren't crimes committed in "bad" neighborhoods. These and my own experiences (and there are many) taught me that no matter how "safe" you play it, or where you are, or how yellow your awareness is, stuff can go down.
I don't carry often as most of my daily outings take me to places where it's prohibited (post office, other gov't buildings), but I'm extremely grateful for the level of awareness instilled in me through my various firearms classes and discussion forums such as this one. I do speak freely to friends about my position on gun issues, and when asked why I feel it's necessary to carry when I do or even have a gun at all, I've got plenty of answers--many blatantly ripped off from posts I've found here, and others based upon personal history.
Aside from my own experiences while in both conditions White and Yellow--including a violent attempted kidnapping by three strangers in a beat up car, a mugging in downtown Santa Barbara, an attempted car hijack, an ex-boyfriend who didn't understand the meaning of "it's over," and two men who banged on my front door demanding to use the phone (I smelled a rat and, through the door, directed them to a well-lit, very conspicuous pay phone across the street) I've heard a few interesting scenarios from friends that reinforce the "you never know" rule, including that of a strapping 6'7" man who was robbed and then shot at an ATM at an upscale strip mall (he survived to testify; the next victims did not).
I've gone over all of the above scenarios and debated whether or not having a gun would have helped. While I escaped most using quick thinking, plain luck or the heel of a shoe, I know I could have avoided most--if not all--of these situations if I were at that time among the folks who have the CCW mindset. Had I had a gun, at least I wouldn't have had to rely upon dumb luck--I would have had viable options.
I have a healthy respect and appreciation for law enforcement, but 911 is irrelevant in most cases of violence. Unless, of course, you need to call somebody to squeegee you off the sidewalk and take the description of the men who raped and beat you. Most cops are heroes. None are superheroes, and I don't see funding in the works for teleporters that will immediately place armed officers between you and the Bad Guy(s).
Most women can be easily overpowered by most males. But that doesn't mean we Amazons are left out of the fun and games. Being 5'10", sassy and physically fit, I've had people argue that anybody would be crazy to try to mess with me. To which I say, "Exactly my point, they were crazy and I've got the scars to prove it."
As a woman, I'm sick of being told "you shouldn't walk/fish/hike/live alone". Sick and tired of it. I'm independent, always have been, and armed or not I make decisions based on the likelihood of bad stuff happening. A gun doesn't entitle me to go walking in Methville, USA at two-a.m., and I'm still very wary about where I cast my lines when fishing solo. But at least I know that in the very worst-case scenario, I don't have to rely upon providence alone to prevent me from having to wait six months to a year to find out if I've been infected with AIDS, hepatitis, etc. Post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Either way, I'll have to deal with that, but it sure beats being dead.
Once here in the Northwest I took the afternoon off to fish and out of nowhere came some bozo who decided he wanted to show me his woolly bugger. When I decided my wading staff might not again be a sufficient deterrent in the case that the next whacko had more detailed fishing tips for me, I enrolled in my first CCW course. (You can invade my backyard, bully me on the street, try to break into my room at the Holiday Inn or stalk me for weeks, but mess with my river time and that's the last straw. That and the fact that I now live in a state in which CCW is an option.*) Thus began a long and informative journey that made me think deeply about my personal politics, day-to-day choices, and overall sense of self. I'd like to share the landmarks in that journey in case it helps any other women considering her position on firearms and self-defense, and the men trying to nudge them along.
Many times I've read of men seeking advice in reconciling wives/girlfriends/mothers/sisters with the concept of RKBA. Go easy on the ladies. Most of us, even those who have been "exposed" to guns all our lives, are "afraid" of handguns because we've been conditioned that way. All it took for me was the confidence of handling a handgun, knowing how it worked (or how to keep it from working) and a few fun trips to the range to increase my level of comfort and my ability to be more receptive to the reality of gun control issues. Fortunately, my "mentors" never tried to preach, overteach or let their testosterone get the best of them--they gave me the basic safety lessons, a few pointers, some books and online resources and let me find my own comfort level. Let the bug loose and if you're lucky, she'll get bit. Don't sic the bug on her or she'll squash it, and probably you, too. Nobody likes to be bossed around by know-it-all/show-off teachers--especially if they're spouses.
Best bet, if you can't refrain from your overexhuberance at finally getting her to the range, is to seek out a female firearms instructor or range member to show her the ropes.
Lacking this, a really hot male instructor will do nicely.
Make sure she starts out with a smaller caliber (gun that is) so she doesn't get freaked out or develop a flinch, but believe me most of my friends have graduated from my .22 single six to high-powered rifles in no-time. You may be surprised--the meekest ladies tend to go apedookie over the hobby sooner than anyone, especially if the boom is big. But baby steps!
Let her pick out her own gun after trying out many. If she happens to pick one that belongs to you, consider it an excuse to buy yourself a new toy as a reward for your efforts.
I never hit the highway without my Pookie (a very sexy little Kahr named after Garfield's teddy bear) and in the home/home office, I now have plans of action in place should the boogeyman pay a visit through any window or door. This is a good place to start with your honeys--teach them how to properly use and safely store a gun in controlled environments (car, office, home). Even if she never maintains an interest of her own, she will feel more comfortable in the presence of your own firearms. My own boyfriend, a hippie at heart, was not ballistically inclined but has become more at ease with my mini arsenal since I've exposed him to the basics and informed him of the emergency game plan. (His job is to disorient intruders with his hand drum while I break out the shotty.) (totally kidding there).
But before anybody gets to the point of considering CCW, they should at least have good, intermediary self-defense training. Many cities offer these classes for free, often sponsored by local law enforcement or the YMCA. This goes triple for us chicks. Girls, for the most part, aren't raised scrapping on the playground. We're taught to be polite and conciliatory. even those of us labeled as Generation X. These classes, in addition to teaching good defensive techniques, teach women to assert themselves vocally and physically. I have seen women with ZERO confidence end a four week course with more moxy than The Bride in Kill Bill (both volumes). Instilling physical confidence, situational awareness and a sense of being Worth Fighting For are fundamentals that need to be stressed among all women, and are excellent steps to introducing her to firearms geekery.
Enough blabbering. Hope it helps. Now, get thee to the range.
--lupine
* by the way: I believe that in most states, you don't need a permit to carry a concealed weapon while hunting or fishing. But I'm not a lawyer, so don't regard this advice as fact.
