Several questions
SPINDRIFT,
Several questions come to mind.
1. How about a lighter kicking ammo. This way, she can keep the same gun.
In my aluminum J-frames, I use the FEDERAL 125 grain NYCLAD ammo, sometimes called the CHIEF SPECIAL LOAD.
It is mild kicking and more effective than expected, due to the very soft lead hollow point. Leading the barrel is not an issue because of the nylon coating.
WARNING: THIS LOAD MAY BE VERY HARD TO FIND.
You may want to try some of the 110 grain loads. Some are +P, so try both if you can and go with whatever load works best for her.
2. If she cannot handle those loads, you can keep familiarity by going to either a steel J-frame revolver like the S&W model 36 CHEIF SPECIAl or one of the CHARTER ARMS or TAURUS 5 shot models. Try the PACHMAYR Compac grips. I found them very comfortable on this size gun.
3. I would also check out the 6 shot CHARTER ARMS Police Undercover. It can handle +P and while not really comfortable with it, it is controlable. My nieces use this combination and I have shot it as well as carried it.
It usually come with GRIPPER style grips that are easier to conceal and hold well, but they can transmit more felt recoil. You may prefrer to use a wider grip.
4. If she will use a semi-auto, then the BERETTA model 84 was a terrrific suggestion. VERY, VERY RELIABLE and accurate with a 13 round magazine and good sights. The downside is that this is a much larger gun. You cannot pocket carry it, so be prepared.
The Czech made CZ 83 is also a very good choice. A little heavier than the BERETTA, but also very reliable and a good shooter.
Both the BERETTA and CZ have great triggers in double action.
NOTE: BOTH ARE NO LONGER BEING IMPORTED, BUT ARE VERY EASY TO FIND NEW OR USED.
5. LIGHT KICKING 9M.M. My wife uses my old SIG 225. The action is smooth and easy to control, the grip is much easier to handle than the larger double collumn magazines and the recoil with standard velocity hollow point is not bad at all.
My wife has problems with recoil, but she can shoot the SIG.
6. If the BERETTA model 84 grip is to large, the slimmer 85 may work, but the difference is small. I really like the SIG 232 in .380ACP with the blue frame. This is the model that has the aluminum frame, so the weight is about 18 ounces. Recoil is moderate due to the excellent grip and the sights and trigger are up to the SIG reputation.
I hope this helps,
Jim