Self-defense suggestions for my wife

[Monkeyleg]

Brownie, sorry for going off on you like that.

I know the point you're trying to make.

If I'm emotional about this subject, it's because I took the same vows at the altar, and right now I'm very worried.

If my wife will not go the distance to learn how to defend herself, even with less-than-lethal means, then I will tell her sister that any apartment showings will only be scheduled when I'm available.

If nothing else, doing so will help me brush up on my Spanish.

 

[pax]

Brownie ~

Your wife enlisted in marriage with you? Wow.


Monkeyleg ~

Scaring your wife on purpose is a bad idea. If she has even an ounce of the gumption you're trying to stir up in her, it's both dangerous and bad for your marriage.

Well, unless when she signed the marriage license, she thought she was signing up for boot camp...

pax

 

[brownie0486]

Monkeyleg;

I understand where you are at, believe me. My wife flew all over the world for 22 years, staying in places that Americans were not as welcomed, in most of them as they could have been, laying over for days in hotels, leading to more potential trouble than I thought it was worth.

Her heightened awareness, and reduction in moving about those cities alone as on "tourist" trips to the pyramids, nile crusies, and back and forth to restaurants and the hotels by herself made a lot of difference where her safety was concerned.

In fact, I put my foot down hard and made her stop the international travel 4 yrs before she retired. One of her regularly scheduled flights was flight 800, which she would have been on had she not stopped the international flights. She knew every crew member on that flight, we went to many wakes and funerals for her friends in the aftermath.

She didn't like it much as she loved the international travel, but after that day, she really paid attention to what it was I was trying to do to protect her as much as I could.

I sincerely hope your own situation improves, and I'm happy to hear of your plans to not let her show alone, I think it's prudent and a wise choice on your part.

I would tell my wife and ocassionally have to remind her even now,

Forethought goes a long way

Best to you and your wife. Hasta Luego senior'.

Pax,

She signed up for better or for worse. That she was "alive by accident" before that time is her business. Afterwards, it's my business to keep her butt out of trouble if she shows any propensity to continue to walk the earth as if everyone is going to have good intentions and live in some la la land fantasy of such.

This world isn't Disneyland we live in today, and I'm no Micky Mouse.

Brownie

 

[dragongoddess]

Well around here photo ID is required before seeing an apartment. I don't know what they do when clearing someone by phone but I would not consider that safe.

 

[Barbara]

I'm fairly aware of what is required to keep one safe and take those actions myself, without anyone acting as my guardian and telling me I have to. I still don't believe it justifies terrorizing anyone to "teach them a lesson."

 

[Cousin Mike]

To each his own...

We may or may not agree with brownie or his tactics. I'm not sure I see such a huge problem with the way he handles things... My girlfriend refused to learn to shoot until someone tried to force themselves into her car.

If I could do it over again, I would have much rather found a way to scare her into the idea myself than to let such a potentially dangerous situation be the deciding factor. Not everyone is lucky enough survive those situations, and is able to go home, lesson learned, no worse for wear.

If that's the way he decides to go about things, and he and his wife are still happily married, then that says a lot about how well they understand eachother... It's also not really our business to comment on. If one doesn't want to take his advice, that's fine. I'm sure his approach isn't for everyone.

That doesn't mean anyone should paint him as someone who 'terrorizes' his wife, because he chooses to do things in ways some might not agree with. His wife obviously didn't take much issue with his methods.

 

[Barbara]

If he's suggesting its a good idea for other people to do to their spouses (who at least in theory are adults capable of making their own decisions about what does or does not make them safe) then its fair game for comment.

What he and his wife can agree on is their business. I'm pretty sure Dick's wife wouldn't be nearly as thrilled.

 

[cassandrasdaddy]

lil sis was

a bra burning tree hugging lawyer worked for democratic congressman
antigun/violence to an extreme. Then she got mugged, they took her backpack with phd dissertation in it. Now a mom second degree blackbelt in 2 disiplines she carries and keeps an 870 by the bed. May god have mercy on anyone she unloads on.Someone called her kid a nasty name in denver.My brother in law is no pushover but the poor sob was looking at the wrong parent. She took this guy apart , i hada pull her off him .given the right inspiration even the pacifists can change.

 

[Mr. Ouchie]

My wife jumps out of bushes and grabs me! Or at least she would, if I didn't treat her with respect and as free-thinking adult, not a child.

 

[JMusic]

I haven't read this whole thread but I have seen some comments from a couple of people on this page that I respect. My wife at one time was not interested in harming anything. No matter what. One night on vacation she had an awakening to real world threats. She started listening to me more after that. She now has her permitt and has purchased large pepper spray cans for our daughters. I think a training program would go far to help most people not just women. A parking lot senerio can easily show how vulnerable a person is. This does not have to be a scare tactic simply a SD class for awareness.
Jim

 

[Lonestar]

Simple, She needs OC spray and some self defense classes. Killing someone isn't the easy and even a wannabe commando with a handgun can freeze up at the moment of truth. At least your wife knows that in advance. Giving her a gun and assuming you can "toughen her up" is just a mistake.

 

[brownie0486]

I'm fairly aware of what is required to keep one safe and take those actions myself

Thats nice to hear. "Fairly aware?" Fairly aware gets one brownie point, but fails the overall course. "Fairly aware?" gets a C, I require at least a B+ or better. Sorry Barbara.

I still don't believe it justifies terrorizing anyone to "teach them a lesson."

Interesting mindset that would use the word "terrorize". Ever seen a woman really terrorized? Ever seen women who were raped, repeatedly, and then beaten and left for dead till you could not recognize they were a woman when you arrived? Ever seen the results of a sadistic SOB who used a hammer to a woman's head after he abducted her while she walked to her car in the mall parking lot?

No? I have, and worse than you could possibly imagine. Those women were terrorized, and will probably never recover from the trauma of that terrorization. Consider that some of these victims died, they were probably lucky, in reality, they didn't make it.

Those scenarios are not something I'm willing to allow my wife to experience "for real" one day for lack of being vigilant and having the means to protect herself. She didn't have a clue about her own vulnerability, nor would she entertain the idea it could happen to her. Now she does know how easy it is to become a victim when you are not paying attention and have the means to stop that sort of thing.

If he's suggesting its a good idea for other people to do to their spouses (who at least in theory are adults capable of making their own decisions about what does or does not make them safe) then its fair game for comment.

Did I give you the impression I was suggesting how I choose to handle situations should be followed by others? I related a scenario and the effects that had on my wife. It made her safer in the end for it. She didn't have to seek counceling for PTSD afterwards. She learned how vulnerable she was in her routine, something she was either unwilling to think about or that sort of of thing would never happen to her, but to someone else.

She is very aware of her surroundings, I've watched her from afar while she has been shopping, how she moves into parking lots to the car, etc when she didn't think I was around. If you think thats wrong, and she should be able to make her own decisions, thats your perogative. My job is to protect my wife in anyway I can. Not only when I am with her, but even more importantly when I can't be with her.

What he and his wife can agree on is their business. I'm pretty sure Dick's wife wouldn't be nearly as thrilled.

That would suggest you think my wife was thrilled, wrong Barbara. She didn't like it one damned bit, but she has thanked me more than a few times since then when her vigilance has paid off in potential situations she would never have seen coming otherwise. She knows it was a hard lesson, she also knows she needed to understand the vulnerability as well which she does now.

You have to be aware of how vulnerable you really are to be able to act on that and take steps to correct it to the extent you are physically capable of doing so. My wife needed that first push, and she got it under a controlled setting, with no harm to her whatsoever.

if I didn't treat her with respect and as free-thinking adult, not a child.

Thats an interesting statement Ouchie. You wouldn't be suggesting I don't respect my wife or treat her like a child would you? You don't have the first clue about where my background has taken me, what I've seen in the world or for that matter, what I have had to respond to. It's because I do respect my wifes intelligence, and her comprehension skills that the lesson would have the desired effect of making her a less vulnerable person out in the world.

Lots of people read about the nasty things that happen to others and then go about their lives continuing to live in la la land until it hits home one day and they experience a loved one who suffers the same fate, or it happens to them. I don't care how others go about their lives, I care about me and mine, and I have an obligation to see that those people are aware of the potential nasty's, and take reasonable steps to live as safely as possible, and not take unnecessary risks.

As this IS a strategies and tactics forum, my strategy and tactic for any given circumstance is based on MY training and MY experiences, and MY observations in life and how people have made mistakes which resulted in inury and at times death. That may not fit within others lives as well, nor would I expect them to.

Each makes their own decisions, and has to live with any consequences of those decisions at some time in their life when the boogey man comes calling. You are prepared to deal with it, taking as many steps to prevent it prior to an event, or you are just another victim waiting to be called on by the boogeyman.

Like I mentioend before-----and something that has always held true in life;

Forethought goes a long way

Brownie

 

[Barbara]

Let me know when your book comes out.

 

[SkyGuy]

Let me know when your book comes out.

LOL!

Intelligent speech and writing should aim at using few words. Less is more!

Brevity is the soul of wit!
.

 

[brownie0486]

Would that mean that "Atlas shrugged" or "Gone with the wind" or the Bible should have been just a short story?

LOL back

Brownie

 

[Monkeyleg]

With all of the back-and-forth sniping, I'm almost sorry I started this thread.

The apartments are now all filled (my brother-in-law showed the last one the other day at 6 am).

Still, I'm going to get her training in the use of OC (one of the guys at a local gun store does a two-hour course), and also press her on getting some martial arts training. If nothing else, I'll learn some and pass along what I've learned.

 

[brownie0486]

Dick,

Getting some training for you and passing it along is a great idea. You can ask her to help you with your training, and she gets familiar with some of the skills at the same time.

Good idea.

edited to add:

I just now took a call from a mother [ a nurse ] who took one of the womens SD classes with her young daughter whose 20 yrs old. She told me of her daughter [ whose in college ] just using one of the skills I taught her to ward off a young man at a party who was pinning here to a wall and not letting her go. He wasn't so much hurting her, but he was keeping her from leaving the corner of the room while he attempted to get her to go upstairs apparently.

She viciously [ her words ] hit him in the throat as hard as she could like she was shown and got away from him and back to the livingroom and safety of other students. She got mad, one of the things I make sure that students understand is important to defend themselves. The mother [ nurse ] wanted to say thank you for showing her daughter the things she learned about awareness and attitude to hurt someone if they feel threatened in anyway, and not just hope nothing happens.

They both want refreshers and in on the next class Oct 21 now. btw-the daughter was very timid in the class at first and by the end of the day was actually getting pretty aggressive with her reponses. I had to intimidate her till she got mad, taunting her to try to hurt me, and she came around to understanding it is okay to hurt hard and fast when you are not comfortable.

The nurse/mother had no such issues with getting angry and physically aggressive, as she had been attacked in the hospital parking lot a few times throughout the years.

Brownie