She didn't want me to carry...

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by ShooterMcGavin, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. ShooterMcGavin

    ShooterMcGavin Member

    Jan 11, 2007
    I met a girl a few weeks ago and we really hit it off. We spent a couple days together. She lives in San Fran. We have been talking for a while and she bought a ticket to come stay with me for a long weekend. I was excited, but I had concerns about her reaction when she found out I own guns. I figured it would not be the best way to break it to her, to just let her find the gun on my waist (by touching me) or to see a tall safe next to a bunch of ammo when she got here. So, while on the phone before she flew here, I asked her if she had ever shot a gun and told her about my gun ownership. We talked a bit and I asked if she was afraid of guns. She responded "no!", to my relief (the relief didn't last long). She asked and I told her that I own guns for target shooting and for self defense. She went on to say that "you'll never have a gun when you need it, because it will be at home". I replied "why do you say that?". Then, she got a little crazy... "you're not going to carry it, right? ... Are you saying that you would carry a gun? ... Please tell me you don't carry a gun around". I admitted that I do carry a gun. She asked that I not carry while she visits; she was sad and almost desparate in her request. I didn't answer immediately and I went on to explain that she is asking that I remove my ability to protect myself and to protect her while she visits. She openly acknowledged that. Since I wanted to make her stay a great time, and since she had already bought the ticket, I told her that I would not carry while I was with her. She was overcome with joy that I would do that for her....

    I did tell her that there was one condition... that I take her to the range while she is here and I teach her how to safely handle a gun. I told her that I would not preach to her or use it as a reason that she should allow me to carry around her. She agreed. In the back of my mind, I had concluded that I would never invite her to visit me with the idea that I would not carry again.

    On our very first night out, I took her to a show in the city nearby. We had a great time, and we happened to pass by some sketchy looking characters when walking back to the car. [I did not choose that location/activity with the intent to get her to see a need for self defense.] After starting to drive home, without any prompting, she said to me "I would feel ok with you carrying your gun". I asked what brought that thought to her mind and she responded that she felt she could trust me to be safe with it.

    Two days later, we went to the range with a friend and his girlfriend. We all had a great time and my girl was a great shot! When my friend and I were washing up after the shoot, he told me what his girlfriend had said to him... My girl had told my friend's girlfriend that we went out on Friday night, and that there were some sketchy looking people on our walk. She said that she began to feel really bad, coming to the realization that she had requested that I be removed of my ability to defend us if we needed it.

    I was very happy to hear my girl tell me that she feels that I will handle a gun safely. I was even happier to hear that she acknowledges the need for a gun in a life threatening situation, and she is beginning to accept that preparing for self defense is a reality.

    She flew out this morning. I think I have a convert :)

    I just wanted to share this story because many times I hear posts where people say things inline with "if she can't deal with you carrying a gun, you just need to move on" (in regards to dating and guns threads). Sometimes that advice is good, but I think often there is another solution.
  2. kdstrick

    kdstrick Member

    Aug 19, 2009
    Down by the Alamo
    Nice job. A lot of folks that didn't grow up around guns can be slightly apprehensive, or even against them. It is a feeling largely based on ignorance, I've found.

    Because of that, I never miss a chance to take someone shooting. Once they see that the gun is something that is completely under their control, and really fun to shoot they begin change their thoughts on the subject. All the sudden the gun is not the "boogy-man" they thought it was. In fact, guns are a lot of fun...

    Again... great job!

    MT GUNNY Member

    Aug 19, 2006
    Kalispell MT
  4. Leper Khan

    Leper Khan Member

    Jun 16, 2009
    Glad to hear it!

    My wife, even though she was raised around guns, was very uncomfortable with the idea of having a gun in the house for a long time. Over time she became more comfortable with it and realized that I had our best interest and safety in mind. To say someone should not pursue or end a relationship over their concern over firearms, to me, is ridiculous. There's such a stigma in our society with guns, that it's almost natural for people, especially women, to be concerned. I am continuing to educate her and make her more comfortable with the idea that it is essential in this dangerous world to be protected as best we can. My life would be very different and less fulfilling had I decided to abandon ship rather than take the time to acclimate her to firearms. I'm glad to hear everything is working out for you. Good luck!
  5. Furncliff

    Furncliff Member

    Dec 10, 2005
    Western Slope of Colorado
    Well done. FWIW I think you handled it just right.
  6. happygeek

    happygeek Member

    Apr 13, 2009
    My wife was unconformable with pistols when I got my first one, but didn't mind me buying one and quickly warmed up to shooting 9mm and the idea of CC. Now, she has her own pistol and will most likely get her own CCP soon after she turns 21. She was fine with rifles from the get go. She sometimes complains about my inclination to hoard (not just ammo, I'm a hoarder in general and particularly with things related to my hobbies), but other than that she lives with me and my hobbies just fine.

    I'm honestly not sure why you'd feel the need to inform her ahead of time you're a gun owner. I own 4 computers, but I never told any women I was a Linux user before I met them. Maybe that's because not many accuse computer hobbyists of being hackers/crackers/ID thieves/cyber-terrorists/etc. and they're aren't groups out there dedicated to banning certain classes of PCs. I also never told a woman before meeting her that I went to the gym religiously and had a 6 month stash of protein bars at home. Or that I have almost enough WWII books laying around to start a small town library ...

    It almost seems to me that by acting like that about our hobby we're conceding a point to the Brady Bunch. So you own guns, so what? I'll bet you own a computer [or two] and a car [or two]. Does that make you a hacker or a reckless and/or drunk driver any more than that makes you a potential mass shooter?

    Just a thought, not trying to start a flame war.
  7. peyton

    peyton Member

    Apr 20, 2006
    SHE SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD ONE,, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO MARRY HER!!! She will be telling you what guns you will be buying for her!!!

    DAVIDSDIVAD member

    Nov 18, 2007
    Coast of Texas
    That's great, man!
    Good to hear that she's smart enough to think logically about things.

    I carried for the first time around my girlfriend in September.
    She's lived in Russia, so the concept of a private citizen carrying a gun was strange to her at first.

    She was totally cool with it, despite the political environment she grew up in.

    P.S. I did have to ask my girlfriend not to hang onto my shirt when she had her arm around me though, as it made my shirt turn into saran wrap around my gun :D!

    I think you will discover that walking closely with a woman conceals a handgun better than any coat could dream to!
  9. MarineOne

    MarineOne Member

    May 5, 2009
    Nice job!!!

    I converted my wife soon after we were married. We had moved back to my home state after I left active duty from the Corps, and while we weren't out in the sticks there is a small town feel to where I grew up. A neighbor about a block away (lodge member/friend of my dad's) had his house broken into by some gentlemen from Chicago while he was home. Needless to say, one of the four experienced what a double barrel 12 gauge will do to the human body while the other three were caught. The would be burglar sued for being shot, but because we seem to have some common sense left in the world the judge threw it out.

    Her exact words: I don't want that to happen to us and not be able to do anything about it.

    So 15 years later and almost that many firearms in my collection, she loves shooting.

  10. TexasBill

    TexasBill Member

    Jun 26, 2009
    Texas Gulf Coast
    My wife was very much against guns, as well. Her parents, though very conservative Republicans, are very anti-gun. In fact, they were a bit surprised that a somewhat liberal Democrat liked guns. In addition, we had small (and very inquisitive) children. Our older son almost got hurt playing with a live round of ammunition, so that was another issue. So, for many years, I didn't have any guns at all.

    Flash forward some years. Our youngest is now in middle school and I decided it was time for him to learn to shoot. I learned to shoot in Boy Scouts because my parents, also conservative Republicans, didn't like guns, either. But I decided my son was going to learn about guns from me. I talked to my wife and she agreed with me and gave her blessing to getting a .22 rifle. We decided that, if we were going to have a gun in the house, everyone was going to know how to handle it and everyone was going to know how to use it.

    Now everyone in my family knows how to handle, and shoot, our three rifles, six pistols and two revolvers. My wife owns two of those, a Walther P22 which she thoroughly enjoys shooting, and a Browning BDA .380. My son can handle any of the guns and is a nut about firearm safety. Our younger daughter, who is in college, is very good with a 9mm automatic, but also likes the Walther P22 (we have two now, so no one has to take turns).

    My wife is comfortable with me carrying a handgun and even checks to make sure I have it if we have to go out late at night. I hope to one day persuade her to get her CHL.

    She is also comfortable with the fact that any gun that isn't in use (i.e., being carried) is locked up as is all the ammunition.

    Incidentally, we got together with my wife's family this past summer and she learned all of her sisters (she comes from a family of girls) also have guns, as do their husbands. One sister has a Bersa Thunder .380 and the other has a Taurus snubbie.
  11. Hunter125

    Hunter125 Member

    Oct 6, 2009
    central IL
    I'm a lucky man. I came to visit a friend of my wife's before I knew her and actually hung out in her apartment with her roommates, but she was not there. Met her and married her, turns out the day I was at her apartment, she was out buying her first gun. Can't go wrong with that.
  12. rondog

    rondog Member

    Jun 29, 2007
    Great story, with a surprise ending! My wife will never come around to guns, she very grudgingly accepts my hobby with them, and never passes up a chance to throw something negative about it in my face. Makes life a lot of fun. I'm always jealous and sad when I read about wives and girlfriends that like to shoot.
  13. IndianaBoy

    IndianaBoy Member

    Jan 3, 2005
    I am a lucky man.

    My lovely wife carries a Glock 19 and is very proficient with it.

    Having dated 'anti's in the past... I feel the pain of any man who has to deal with such.
  14. ShooterMcGavin

    ShooterMcGavin Member

    Jan 11, 2007
    When I asked if she had shot a gun before (my typical segway into the topic of guns) she told me that her dad had guns, hunted, and reloaded ammo often. Initially, I thought it might be easy to talk to her about guns. That first conversation got a bit tense in short order.

    Actually, she had changed her mind about me carrying before we even got to the range. I had given her the lesson on the 4 rules and showed her my collection at that point (emphasizing safety).

    Thank you. I appreciate that.

    happygeek, that is certainly a reasonable question. I went through this thought myself, as I regularly do. The gun would be in my pants, so why does she need to know, right? The answer is that I knew we would be very intimate for the weekend and there would be no secrets about what was "on me". Discovering a gun can be VERY shocking for someone who is even pro-gun but anti-carry (and I knew her hands would be all over me :evil: ) People who accidentally discover that you are carrying can become very distrusting and upset, with almost a sense of betrayal. She was staying with me, so the last thing I wanted to introduce was a sense of dishonesty.

    I am sorry to hear that and I know what it's like. I have dated many ladies who have been raised on the other side of the 'guns issue'. It's not easy.
  15. astrolite

    astrolite Member

    Sep 27, 2008
    My girlfriend didn't like the fact that I had guns, let alone kept one within reach almost all the time.... that is until two people decided to let themselves in to our apartment, she in one room half-clothed (sleeping) and me in the other with a pistol drawn at our uninvited guests.

    Situation ended fine - she then told me something along the lines of her liking guns in the house. She even went out to shoot with me for the first time a couple months later. Now she calls my walther "her gun" - might not be a good thing after all :D
  16. CooperThunder

    CooperThunder Member

    Sep 21, 2009
    Chesterfield, MO and Melbourne, Australia
    Congratulations! Shooter McGavin...you found yourself a fine girl.
  17. youngda9

    youngda9 member

    Aug 21, 2008
    Congrats, I think you handled everything well. Way to go! It's too bad that in this day and age that we have to "tiptoe" into mentioning the gun ownership when in the past every "man" had a gun. Times are a changin...resist it.
  18. Clipper

    Clipper Member

    Apr 15, 2006
    Mt. Morris, MI.
    When my wife and I were dating, one of our first trips was to go hunting...Me with my .357 blackhawk, and her with her .44 SBH...
  19. Madcap_Magician

    Madcap_Magician Member

    Apr 8, 2009
    Congrats! Sounds like you did everything right.
  20. 9mm+

    9mm+ Member

    Aug 12, 2009
    Cary, NC
    Great work, Shooter! When I first started reading the post, I thought the ending was going to be different and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw how it turned out. Again, nice work! :)

    Incidentally, my wife has grown up around guns but has never shot one, so I am going to teach her this month. Ignorance often leads to irrational fear, so the best defense is education, training, and awareness.
  21. B yond

    B yond Member

    Sep 6, 2006
    Except she flew back to 'frisco, right? They'll unconvert her in no time. Sorry dude. :(
  22. Onward Allusion

    Onward Allusion Member

    Mar 22, 2009
    IN between
    When I read the first few sentences of your story, I'd thought "uh oh" - this girl reminds me of my EX-WIFE.

    When I finished your post, I was really happy for you. I think you found yourself a "keeper"!

    My wife was kind of the same way when I met her, however, she now shoots with me regularly and is a firearms advocate.

    <<< She didn't want me to carry...
    I met a girl a few weeks ago and we really hit it off. We spent a couple days together. She lives in San Fran....>>>
  23. BULLSI

    BULLSI Member

    Nov 17, 2008
    What gun store are you registered at?
  24. Rich219

    Rich219 Member

    Nov 29, 2006
    Sounds like you handled the situation perfectly with her.
  25. Mongo the Mutterer

    Mongo the Mutterer Member

    Apr 28, 2005
    St. Louis
    Ahem... How much beer did you have to buy these dudes later, hero??? :D

    Just kidding. Sound like you may have a keeper.
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