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She didn't want me to carry...

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by ShooterMcGavin, Oct 5, 2009.

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  1. StuntHeavy

    StuntHeavy Member

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    Sounds like it was a pretty great weekend! Converted a non-believer, or at least, someone uncomfortable, to someone that at least understands, and got to hang out with a great girl all weekend! Homerun!

    In her defense, most people are taught guns are bad, right from the start. So if she didn't know you all too well, she probably had it etched into her mind that in some hollywood movie-esque way the gun would be used against her.

    Good on you for clearing that up!
     
  2. Schofield3

    Schofield3 Member

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    Good Job!
     
  3. BP Hunter

    BP Hunter Member

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    Good for you!

    It took me 2 LOOONG months and alot of "Do you really love me?" before my wife allowed me to buy my first gun. After I received my CCW and I have carried since and she does not seem to mind. She even wants my 8 year old to get into the shooting sport.
     
  4. NMGonzo

    NMGonzo Member

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    My GF is a vegetarian, liberal, tree hugger as all out ... or was.

    Now we live together and she is asking "What gun do you want for your birthday?"

    "Just get me a nice holster, I have all I reasoneably want!"
     
  5. obiwan1

    obiwan1 Member

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    The only thing that I would have done differently is to slip a gun in the pocket for that date. What she wouldn't know wouldn't hurt her. :D
     
  6. eric.cartman

    eric.cartman Member

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    So what happened between paragraph 3 and 4?
    In paragraphs 1-3 she's a "she".
    In paragraphs 4+ she's "my girl".

    :evil:
     
  7. Eyesac

    Eyesac Member

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    Bravo! This story gives me hope!
     
  8. eric.cartman

    eric.cartman Member

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    Fine, I'll add this to make all you with anti wife's / GF's jelous...
    I converted my entire family. Almost.
    My wife at first didn't have an opinion about guns (before we married) and was jumpy around my first handgun. Fast forward 3 years, my 1911 is now hers, she still can't believe I sold "her" beloved Beretta 90-TWO 40S&W, and my (for now) AR 15 is the best rifle she ever shot.
    My Dad up until few years ago was like "why would anyone want a handgun". Few vacation getaways spend with me at the range and now he curses the fact that he lives in NJ and can't just take my (soon to be his) Beretta 92FS Inox home.
    My 17 and 18yo brothers were easy. I just handed them Saiga 12 with 20 round drum and they were instant converts. My brother even got a pump when he turned 18, and the 17yo one can't wait to get out of NJ :)
    My wife's father was a gunsmith in the Polish army back in the day, so every time I show him my guns over Skype, he weeps in jealousy.
    My grandpaps fought in the WWII for 6 years, so no big suprise that he loved EVERY gun I have... he said "wish I had that 9mm and AR 60 years ago".

    Oh, not to mention that my wife fully supports my teaching our son to shoot and all once he's old enough. She says she hopes he'll be a real men like me, and not some liberal wimp afraid to touch a gun.

    I'm so lucky :)
     
  9. pancakeofdoom

    pancakeofdoom Member

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    my girlfriend loves to shoot, she wants a 1911 with ivory grips. haha, cuz its "pretty". she's gonna have a more expensive gun than me by time i buy it for her.

    she helped me pay for my first (and only, for now) handgun, and supports me getting my ccw soon 100%.

    guess i got lucky, didn't have to do any converting
     
  10. ShooterMcGavin

    ShooterMcGavin Member

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    I totally agree. I hate having to figure out how to disarm when I bring a new girl "upstairs" (whether to warn her or to try to hide it).

    All I can say is "WOW!!" :)

    9mm+, I absolutely agree!

    At the range, she kept saying that her friends will never believe that she shot a gun. And she said that it would be crazy for her to mention to her friends that she went away for the weekend with a guy who owns guns (the horror).

    That is the real sign of a victory!!

    No, I would not have done that. I do not go against my word.

    The reason is that another girl came into the story :) I could still get away with calling her "my girl" in her company. She'd like it.
     
  11. A. Mann a gun

    A. Mann a gun Member

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    When I was dating my wife we agree to disagree about guns. Her only problem with them is she thought they had no place around kids. We both had one kid each. Now we have one together and my wife lets me take them all shooting. Got our seven year out this year. I posted pics of the kids shooting on facebook and my wifes comment was Don't mess with my kids they are armed and dangerous. My wife has come a long ways.
     
  12. Hesenwine

    Hesenwine Member

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    "Dear Penthouse:..........."

    (just joshin') :D
     
  13. Oldfalguy

    Oldfalguy Member

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    Fine job-
    You did the right thing at the right time-
     
  14. JohnL2

    JohnL2 Member

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    You're lucky.
    Man, let me tell you, I know too many guys (not gun related) where the women in their lives have led them right off a cliff. Figuratively speaking. If it wasn't so pathetic it would be funny.
    The guns stay, and carry when you deem it prudent to do so. Period.
     
  15. gym

    gym member

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    Im with him,^,I never would have gone unarmed for anyone. You are lucky nothing happened, or you never would have forgiven yourself. You can compromise yourself right out of your identity before you know what happened. She would have gotten over it, accepted it, and you would have established good ground rules. Now everything is going to be a negotiation. But good luck
     
  16. RoostRider

    RoostRider Member

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    I carry everyday almost everywhere... I have for many many years... I still wouldn't carry on a first date unless she knew.... if I don't want to "go there" yet, I just disarm for the date... While I think the more often you can be armed the better, I don't get worried when I'm not armed... and I sure as heck aint gonna pass up on a good date because of it...

    There is no point scaring a woman on a first date (and it might very well).... you can pretty much call it quits right there and then... unless you consider being constantly armed an integral part of who you are (trust me, you'll get over this fascination after years and years of carry), it is not the type of thing that needs to be established right away...

    As noted in the tail of the OP, some people just need a little understanding of the situation, and or confidence in you as a person to feel comfortable with you carrying... that is understandable, and not the type of thing to base a relationship on (guns just shouldn't be that big of an issue, and you shouldn't let it be... a nice relaxed attitude about it helps lots of people understand it better)...

    Anyone here with their "I would never go unarmed on a first date" attitude is either already married (and probably didn't carry on their first date anyways... lol) or is single and likely to stay that way....

    With that understanding of my take on it, I had dated a girl several times and we had a lot of fun.... we had discussed many things including my hunting, which she didn't like but was able to look past (fair enough).. she expressed that she didn't like guns and left it at that (fair enough)...

    Well, I was up hunting one weekend and called her on the way home.... she wanted me to come over on the way home.... but when I asked her if she was OK with me bringing my guns into her house she said no.... hmpf.... now what?... I explained that I wasn't comfortable leaving my guns locked in the vehicle in the city, but she stuck to her role... no guns in her house...

    I stopped by for like 20 minutes, but I couldn't feel comfortable with my guns locked out in the vehicle and I told her I had to leave and deal with my equipment....

    I talked to her about it several times after that... I tried to explain that having guns is part of who I am... she wouldn't budge... she still wanted to date, but she wouldn't move on it... I told her that I liked her, but that it was clear we had met an impasse here... she didn't see it that way, she didn't understand the problem... why couldn't I just keep my guns away from her?... why was this such an issue to me?.... how could guns mean that much to me?....

    She called me several times after that, and I was always really nice with her, but I 'stuck to my guns'... lol.... I told her that this just wasn't going to work because I was unwilling to compromise on this issue, and clearly she wouldn't either... being that she would rather my guns run the risk of being stolen than to allow me to bring them into the house...

    She eventually got pissy with me and my 'gun love' and told me off.... *sigh*.... I never heard from her again....

    I went on to find a gal with a good attitude about guns (although she was apprehensive at first)...

    I guess what I'm saying is, you can't make such general rules about tolerating guns with people.... some just need to be eased in.... I think the OP handled it right.... don't make it a huge issue, because it's not....
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2009
  17. gym

    gym member

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    I don't think I will get over that after years of carry, see it's been 40 years of carry. And he could have just not told her. I owned 5 businesses with 200 woman in them. They will test you, if you stick to your guns out of the gate, you will be much better off later, not just with guns.
     
  18. RoostRider

    RoostRider Member

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    And you never disarm?..... I'm calling BS on that one.... lol... no one carries for 40 years and never disarms for anything.... no one... not even you... after enough experience you realize that the world isn't going to end when you disarm, and neither will you likely be attacked at that precise time....

    This isn't an issue of setting a precedent with a woman, it's about not bringing up what might be touchy issues that don't need to be addressed yet... employees are quite a different thing than dating...

    I'm guessing you're not in the dating game.... it's easy to say from the sidelines...
     
  19. gym

    gym member

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    I even used to take a weapon to the beach kept one by my hot tub in the Hamptons and in FL, I am sure there were time I didn't have a gun on me, but that would have been by choice. Got married with a seacamp in my pocket. Any other things you care to know? Oh by the way, did you ever have a home invasion?
     
  20. RoostRider

    RoostRider Member

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    Yeah, I have had a home invasion.... thanks for asking.... not that this comment is relevant in any way....

    Yeah, I'm sure too.... hence my pointing it out...

    So, uhhhh.... just exactly what the OP did then..... right?.... no one made him disarm (that would be a totally different story)... he made a choice....

    Like I said... I'm armed almost all of the time (right now typing in my living room in fact)... I just don't think it's something you should make an immediate issue out of in a new relationship... and it has proven to not be the end of the world to disarm once in a while....
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2009
  21. gym

    gym member

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    And if someones says to you, we can't go for ice-cream now unless you leave your gun home, are you going to? Because that is where this is going. If you cary sometimes then you don't carry all of the time. Which is fine, but when someone can influence your decision making process by suggesting that you not carry, just because they don't approve, then you lose the ability to protect yourself and those around you for the wrong reasons. Some believe that you should make those decisions based on different principles, but each to their own. You never know when bad things are going to happen, so why would you go and leave your gun home, unless you don't really care about the reason you got it.
     
  22. MedWheeler

    MedWheeler Member

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    My wife was born and raised in the USSR. When we married, she knew of my LE background, and that I owned, but I did not have a valid carry license at that time. When I sent off for it, she asked me, in nothing representing a gleeful tone, if I then intended to carry a gun around all the time. I told her I wanted the option, but that I did not know how often I would actually exercise it.
    I then began to carry it routinely, and she has said nary a word in protest. In fact, we once invited a friend of hers (also a Russian national) to come with us on a canoe trip here in Florida, and the friend declined due to her fear of alligators. My wife told her it would be fine, that "my husband carries a pistol."
     
  23. spartywrx

    spartywrx Member

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    Good job with handling the situation.

    My girlfriend broke down in tears and panicked when she saw my 10/22 for the first time. She has a very vocal anti-gun dad. Its a good thing I didn't break out my Bushmaster.

    I went slow and incremental with her. She now has her own pink shotgun and is thinking about getting her CPL (CCW in Michigan). I talked about building an AR15 with Cav Arms pink furniture on it and she told me "I want it to be black and scary!"

    Once again, it just takes slow and incremental introduction to guns to convince them to our side.
     
  24. ShooterMcGavin

    ShooterMcGavin Member

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    Gym, I understand your points. I could have told her to stay home and I considered that. From my original post...

    RoostRider, thanks. I think we are on the same page.

    spartywrx, wow. Good job there!

    I carry almost all the time when it is legal (not to the gym), but I rely more heavily on my situational awareness than my gun.
     
  25. RoostRider

    RoostRider Member

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    Yeah gym, I'm with you for the most part as well.... ice cream?... no, I likely wouldn't disarm for some ice cream.... court? absolutely.... going swimming? absolutely don't want that thing hanging on my waist... airplane ride? no totting there....

    It's all about what's 'worth it' in the long run....

    First date with a cool chick whose ideas on guns I am unfamiliar with?.... no way.... a good date is worth a good shot more than ice cream, and I want it to go well... I don't want to wreck the mood by bringing it up, and I sure as heck don't want her finding it on me by surprise... the odds of spoiling the date are a whole lot higher than the odds of needing a gun (even in my neighborhood where, yeah, home invasions happen)

    If we find out we want to continue the relationship then is the time to discuss ideological issues and possible pitfalls....
     
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