The advent of the mini 9mm platform has opened up a new area of power. If I were buying a new pistol, I'd certainly look at the mini-9mm. IF I could
control the weapon, and well enough to make me want to practice with it, it would be a viable choice. Same with the light-weight mini-.357.
If, however, I found the recoil objectionable, I would simply buy the .380, and go on with my life. Also, if my budget wasn't going to allow me to buy one of the mini-9mm pistols, so be it, back to the .380 ACP.
Two facts will always remain, the gun in your hand will always be superior to the gun that you're saving money to buy. Also, the gun that you practice with will be a better defensive weapon than the gun that you hate to shoot.
The power of the cartridge, length of barrel, design of hollowpoint, and so on won't make any difference if you don't hit the target.
If you can handle the recoil, and afford the cost, the 9mm is the clear winner. However, those two items are common enough concerns that they have to be considered, long and hard.