I’m looking at options for home defense specifically.
Yesterday I shot a S&W 38+P ultra light revolver with a 2” bbl. ... The .38 bruised my knuckles and almost flew out of my hand. I don’t think I could be sure of hitting a man size target at any range with that gun, unless I had a lot of practice.
If you want a gun just for home defense you DON'T want an ultra light pistol. They offer ease of carry but at the expense of extra recoil - as you have discovered.
You do not want to rely on getting 9 or 10 shots of 22 off. You should get a larger, heavier pistol. You don't have to carry an HD pistol very far. Get it in the largest, most powerful chambering that you can hit with.
You will find that a heavy barreled 4" 6 shot 38 special is a pussycat to shoot, as opposed to the featherweight you shot before.