Posted by Rail Driver: So by your logic, anytime I do anything that offends someone, no matter how obviously irrational it is, I should apologize and immediately cease the behavior that offended them? And you always live by this logic?
Of couse not!
At this point we are only assuming that it was the music that upset Bob. But
if it was--if Bob says it was--yes, considering the hour, the OP owes an apology. There's a reason that campgounds kick out campers who do not put a lid on it by 10:00 PM, and we're talking about half past one here. And yes, the injured party
generally gets to decide what's reasonable, though some communities have established objective thresholds and put them into law.
Should the question be put to judgment, of course, the distance just might prevent Bob from prevailing. But that's just conjecture. And neighbors' statements that they did not hear the music, though indicative, are unfortunately not conclusive.
Avoiding the confrontation is all well and good, and is the goal sure, but it's no excuse to allow others to trample your own rights. I have just as much right to enjoy my property as anyone else.
You generally do not have a right to play music outdoors in wee hours of the morning on a regular basis.
A few weeks ago, when I had just moved in to this house, I was cleaning up and listening to music quite loudly. In the middle of washing dishes, there was a knock on my door... I had to turn the stereo down because I hadn't heard it at first. The sheriff came by to ask me to turn down the radio, and mentioned that it was a bit late for that volume (I realized then that it was 11:45pm). I turned the stereo down and it was fine. The next day I apologized to the neighbor and we had a beer over the situation.
That's the way to handle it.
Too bad the neighbor did not think to talk to you before bringing in the law.
(Edit to add: Until the sheriff pulled in my driveway and shut off his truck, he had no clear evidence of anything going on in my neighborhood either, just an accusation... He still acted with both authority and good effect)
Great, as it applied to the timely complaint, but the allegations of Bob's later behavior could not be so handled without evidence.
Sometimes you have to realize that some people are going to be jerks. It's unavoidable.
Unfortunately, that is true.
Apologizing and acquiescing to jerks just feeds into their bully mentality. Turning the other cheek only works so many times before you run out of cheeks to turn.
If you are the offender, apology is by
far the bset policy, and if not, but it is the only way to deescalate a potentially unpleasant situation, it may be the most prudent thing to do--back to the street encounter example. AVOID THE MONKEY DANCE.
If it truly was a bother, Mr. Bob should have called the sheriff or come over to request in a civil manner that the music be turned down because it was bothering him.
Of course....but that did not happen.
Instead, Mr. Bob calls the landlord cussing incoherently at 2am (2 hours after the incident) and then starts shooting at random times late at night and revving his bike motor when he passes the house over the next 3 weeks.
Very worrisome behavior indeed,
possibly triggered by the late night music, or perhaps triggered coincidentally, by drugs or some psychological disorder. It's all just conjecture.
Best to try to calm things down.
No, shiftyer1, I would NOT apologize to this ignorant fool.
Until one knows his complaint there is nothing to apologize for , but if it turns out that it was the music that bothered him, there is every reason to apologize.
Next time he does something meant to antagonize, call the sheriff and explain the situation. Every single time after that, call the sheriff and do not confront Mr. Bob.
That might be a good idea, if things continue to go down hill, but the OP would be far better off if he were able to calm things down before it came to that.
The sheriff can take the reports, and they might prove helpful later, but absent proof in a your-word-against-his situation, there's not much else he can do.
One thing he
cannot do is stay around to protect the OP, and the OP will have to leave the old homestead now and then.
In the meantime, the OP needs to decide if he wants a rather irrational neighbor living nearby, or a potential psychopath who will now bear a
real grudge.
At this point, it would seem that the question is neither (1) whether people have a right to not be bothered by music in the wee hours (they do, though most of us give people throwing an occasional party some leeway unless it becomes routine); nor (2) whether Bob's behavior that night and since has been rational (it hasn't).
To me, the real issue is how best for the OP to ensure his safety and that of his family now, given indications that his neighbor can be troublesome and just may be dangerous.
I might suggest going and talking to the sheriff about it and expressing a desire to not raise the level of tension.
And one more time, finding a way to give Bob the opportunity to express his complaint could give the OP the opportunity to smooth things over, which could be beneficial to his health.
. And personally, I'd rather not associate with people who behave like that. Ask my A. H. neighbors.
