The Ballad of Charles Whitman
(Kinky Friedman)
He was sitting up there for more than an hour,
Way up there on the Texas Tower
Shooting from the twenty-seventh floor. Yahoo!
He didn’t choke or slash or slit them,
Not our Charles Joseph Whitman,
He won’t be an architect no more.
Got up that morning calm and cool,
He picked up his guns and walked to school.
All the while he smiled so sweetly
And it blew their minds completely,
They’d never seen an Eagle Scout so cruel.
Now won’t you think for the shame and degradation
For the school’s administration
He put on such a bold and brassy show.
The chance looked right, it’s adolescent
And of course it’s most unpleasant
But I got to admit it was a lovely way to go.
There was a rumor about a tumor
Nestled at the base of his brain.
He was sitting up there with his .36 Magnum
Laughing wildly as he bagged ’em.
Who are we to say the boy’s insane ?
Now Charlie was awful disappointed
Else he thought he was anointed
To do a deed so lowdown and so mean.
The students looked up from their classes
Had to stop and rub their glasses,
Who’d believe he’d once been a Marine.
Now Charlie made the honor roll with ease,
Most all of his grades was A’s and B’s.
A real rip snorting trigger squeezer
Charlie proved a big crowd pleaser
Though he had been known to make a couple C’s.
Some were dying, some were weeping,
Some were studying, some were sleeping,
Some were shouting “Texas # 1!â€
Some were running, some were falling,
Some were screaming, some were balling,
Some thought the revolution had begun.
The doctors tore his poor brain down,
But not a snitch of illness could be found.
Most folks couldn’t figure just-a why he did it
And them that could would not admit it,
There’s still a lot of Eagle Scouts around.
There was a rumor about a tumor
Nestled at the base of his brain.
He was sitting up there with his .36 Magnum
Laughing wildly as he bagged ’em.
Who are we to say the boy’s in
Who are we to say the boy’s in
Who are we to say the boy’s insane ?
