Okay, here’s the deal. Generally, I despise “what-if scenario” threads. Anybody with an IQ even nominally above the average room temperature in an igloo knows that there are just far too many variables attached to almost any scenario for a person to sit comfortably at their computer and reply as to what course of action they’d take in a given circumstance.
Yet, like your average social disease, these threads continue to persist and crop up in frequent outbreaks with depressing regularity.
I also realize that to some, these threads have their place in the natural scheme of things – as do the maggot, botfly, buzzard, canker sores, bread mold, Geraldo Rivera, Rosie O’Donnell, etc.
It is therefore in the spirit of contributing to the community that I offer this template to ease some of the drain on the creative juices to those who infect the forum with “What-If Scenario Syndrome”.
Please, don’t bother to write and thank me. Just knowing I’ve served is thanks enough. Much the same as my time in the military.
The format is: Basic scenario concept in bold; possible variables in regular typeface. I’ll furnish the template, you feel free to fill in the blanks and start your very own “what-if” thread. Let’s get with it.
1. What if
2. Say
3. Suppose
4. Imagine
5. Enter your own paragraph lead-in here
that (optional, depending upon lead-in chosen)
1. you
2. your family
3. someone you know/heard about
4. your worthless brother-in-law
5. enter protagonist of your choice here
was
1. sitting
2. standing
3. lounging
4. self-abusing
5. enter verb or condition of your choice here
in/on/around/under/near
1. your
2. her
3. their
4. its
5. enter noun/pronoun of your choice here
1. home
2. office
3. favorite bar
4. porn movie theater
5. enter location of your choice here
when
1. suddenly
2. casually
3. disgustingly
4. provocatively
5. enter adverb of your choice here
a
1. lone
2. gang
3. herd
4. gaggle
5. swarm
6. enter quantity of your choice here
of (optional, depending upon quantity chosen)
1. intruder
2. burglar
3. far-left liberal
4. pervert
5. pit bull (threw this one in because “pit bull” is always good for a few indignant replies)
6. swat team at the wrong address (either wrong address or they really don’t give a damn because it’s all good fun and they won’t likely get sued or have to answer for it anyway)
7. enter boogieman, nightmare, exciting phobia/paranoia of your choice here
1. burst
2. stormed
3. slithered
4. pranced
5. enter verb of your choice here
in/on/around/under.
The question is (and these freaking “what-if” threads ALWAYS have this “what do you do” crap attached to them – as though anybody really cared), do you:
1. Kill ‘em all, let (insert name of your favorite mythical/mystical deity here) sort ‘em out.
2. Realize/think that you can shoot anybody you want because you live in Texas.
3. Decide to be tried by twelve rather than be carried by six.
4. Give them your gun when they pry it from your cold dead fingers.
5. Enter spur of the moment decision or macho fantasy response of your choice here.
There you have it. Now go forth and multiply. Be fruitful and spread the seeds of your very own inane “what-if” scenarios upon the face of the internet.
Yet, like your average social disease, these threads continue to persist and crop up in frequent outbreaks with depressing regularity.
I also realize that to some, these threads have their place in the natural scheme of things – as do the maggot, botfly, buzzard, canker sores, bread mold, Geraldo Rivera, Rosie O’Donnell, etc.
It is therefore in the spirit of contributing to the community that I offer this template to ease some of the drain on the creative juices to those who infect the forum with “What-If Scenario Syndrome”.
Please, don’t bother to write and thank me. Just knowing I’ve served is thanks enough. Much the same as my time in the military.
The format is: Basic scenario concept in bold; possible variables in regular typeface. I’ll furnish the template, you feel free to fill in the blanks and start your very own “what-if” thread. Let’s get with it.
1. What if
2. Say
3. Suppose
4. Imagine
5. Enter your own paragraph lead-in here
that (optional, depending upon lead-in chosen)
1. you
2. your family
3. someone you know/heard about
4. your worthless brother-in-law
5. enter protagonist of your choice here
was
1. sitting
2. standing
3. lounging
4. self-abusing
5. enter verb or condition of your choice here
in/on/around/under/near
1. your
2. her
3. their
4. its
5. enter noun/pronoun of your choice here
1. home
2. office
3. favorite bar
4. porn movie theater
5. enter location of your choice here
when
1. suddenly
2. casually
3. disgustingly
4. provocatively
5. enter adverb of your choice here
a
1. lone
2. gang
3. herd
4. gaggle
5. swarm
6. enter quantity of your choice here
of (optional, depending upon quantity chosen)
1. intruder
2. burglar
3. far-left liberal
4. pervert
5. pit bull (threw this one in because “pit bull” is always good for a few indignant replies)
6. swat team at the wrong address (either wrong address or they really don’t give a damn because it’s all good fun and they won’t likely get sued or have to answer for it anyway)
7. enter boogieman, nightmare, exciting phobia/paranoia of your choice here
1. burst
2. stormed
3. slithered
4. pranced
5. enter verb of your choice here
in/on/around/under.
The question is (and these freaking “what-if” threads ALWAYS have this “what do you do” crap attached to them – as though anybody really cared), do you:
1. Kill ‘em all, let (insert name of your favorite mythical/mystical deity here) sort ‘em out.
2. Realize/think that you can shoot anybody you want because you live in Texas.
3. Decide to be tried by twelve rather than be carried by six.
4. Give them your gun when they pry it from your cold dead fingers.
5. Enter spur of the moment decision or macho fantasy response of your choice here.
There you have it. Now go forth and multiply. Be fruitful and spread the seeds of your very own inane “what-if” scenarios upon the face of the internet.
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