Now what do I do

I have a half dozen guns that haven't made it into the house yet. We made agreements years ago about what I spend money on, but she seems to have forgotten or tries to re-negotiate. Different approaches for different circumstances...I'm not willing to re-negotiate but also not flaunting it.

Ask yourself wife what she thinks. It might be fun to shop for a gun together. Don’t lie to your wife unless it’s to protect her feelings, and even then do it carefully.

I know a lot of the above is tongue-in-cheek. Nevertheless, I wouldn't lie to your wife about purchases. My wife and I have one set of books. We each have a line in the budget for discretionary spending, and there is another called the 2nd Amendment fund. I keep her in the know as I spend those funds on shooting stuff; she doesn't care on the particulars as long as she has confidence that I'm not breaking the budget. She is also fine with my horse trading: selling something to buy something. Since it's all above board, I never have to "convince" my wife of a purchase, nor am I tempted to do something on the sly. We've been doing this for so long that she genuinely enjoys my happiness at a new purchase. I wish all enjoyed the openness we share in our relationship.

My wife and I stood up before a preacher in 1959. From the gitgo it's always been "ours" when it comes to money. If one of us desires something and we can afford it it's gotten. No "you spent this much so I'm going to spend the same amount'" BS ever. My weakness is guns and what it takes to use them, her's is quilting and shoes. I would say our weakness are about equal in cost. There is no hiding, lying, or sneaking about anything." I'm going to get this" or "what do you think about this" is the way it goes, guns, shoes, quilting material, whatever.

She has her money and I have mine. We split the bills equally. Our incomes are almost identical. I have never "Snuck one by Her" or felt the need to get Her approval. Same with me. $1200.00 Antique Spinning Wheel? Have at it. I find it childish to have to ask permission to buy something. I see this in stores where the Husband is begging to buy a box of .22's while the Wife loads up the cart with whatever strikes her fancy. What do you think of a man that brag's about buying a gun and tells how he managed to sneak it the house without the Wife knowing about it?

NIGHTLORD40K said:

Until now, Ive had guns that havent been shot in years just because it was too much of a pain to dig them out of the pile......

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That's why I have been selling some off; make it easier to get what I do want to shoot, reduce the resultant stock dings that happen with an overcrowded safe, and increase the gun fund for something nice, maybe custom made; much nicer - to me anyway - to have fewer nicer things - guns, clothes, tools, whatever - than a ton of semi-crap- YMMV

Divorced for five year and have bought more guns in those five years than I did in twenty years of marriage. And I have better credit and a MUCH better sex life.

My vote is to tell her. If you are old enough to have a 50 year old son you are old enough to know what you need to do. Some of the replys were funny!

Trey Veston said:

Divorced for five year and have bought more guns in those five years than I did in twenty years of marriage. And I have better credit and a MUCH better sex life.

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Before I got married I got statements now I get receipts.

The wife and I don't argue about guns, shoes, or anything to do with money. Money can always be replaced. Family and friends, not so much.
I was cleaning/rearranging the interior of my safe one day when she stuck her head into my shop to ask about something. She stopped dead in her tracks staring at the collection spread all around me.
"Where did you get all those guns?"
"Oh, I've had almost all of them for quite awhile. Why?"
"What do you need all those guns for?"
"Well, Sweetie, guns are to guys what jewelry is to women. Sort of."
Thoughtful look on her face. "Oh."
She is a jewelry gal and I have never objected to any of her purchases and I buy her a piece here and there, too, just because I know she enjoys those things.

It's not about the money, it's about the enjoyment.

I don’t show my wife the guns I bring home. I‘ve lost more nice guns that way.
She has some dandies. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Never had a problem with the wife ... I've always had a hobby that generates a bit of cash income (no, I'm not a man whore).
When she was pregnant with our daughter she had to have her engagement/wedding rings cut off. After she was born, we took it to get resized, then I went back and had them put the diamond in a pendant and a larger diamond in her ring. Also bought new carpet while she was visiting her mom as a surprise ... several years later I paid for new tires on her car with my hobby ... things like that have bought me a lot of leeway.

Things are ever changing and evolving. I mentioned this before, about 8 or 9 years ago I was buying a lot if guns, it was right before we got married. We were also saving money to buy a hone and start a family. On a Monday I brought home a 6" gp100, when I was at the gun store I put money down on a mk3 comp. target which came hone Friday of that same week. That was the last straw, she got upset, my wife isn't a fighter, she's a cryer . she told me that I can't keep doing that and I needed to get serious about not spending money on guns, I already had 20 something at that point and so to settle her I promised that I would limit my gun purchases to one per year. Yeah, one. Until we bought a home and were comfortable enough to renegotiate .

I think you can see where this is going...
We bought our house, I got a better job and we needed to furnish the place, replace her car, on and on. So one per year.

Then the kids were came along, more of the same. We need to save for the kids future , retirement and on and on. So yeah, one per year still stands.
I can trade around or barter but as far as plunking down cash money , just one.

I don't lie to my wife or anyone else, I don't like lies. But this darn deal I made a decade ago remains, only made that deal to shut down a situation that would have settled down a short time on its own. I regret that deal.

I have bought more than one gun per year at times but I'm straight forward about it, I smooth it over like a pro - when I walk in the house with something I wasn't supposed to buy I'll exclaim "honey, look what I found in a dumpster!" She knows the deal and will roll her eyes and give me the look but it's generally ok as long as I remain reasonable . this year I have bought 2, a freedom arms 83 that I got used from a buddy for a great price, so when I decided to get a 77/357 in March I bought it and when I brought it home I tactfully told her I bought it with the extra money I saved by buying the FA used, that worked but I've got to good for the remainder of 2020, another would push her limits.

Come January 2021 I'll have everything lined up for my next one. I really don't need another gun but you know how it goes. I still really want a bfr and have considered selling something to get one but I can wait, I hate selling my guns. I quit buying guns I don't love a few years ago so nothing I want is cheap.

Be careful of the deals you make, sometimes they last FOREVER.

@Obturation, sounds to me like it's time to renegotiate. Given the trust you've built over the years, I'd be willing to bet your wife will be amenable.

As others said, lying to your wife is a bad idea. My ex lies constantly and it's a significant reason why she's my ex. Maybe you can work something out where you're each allowed X amount of money to spend on your hobbies.

Seems to me a whole lot of big talk that in no way can be verified. In my many years of marriage I try to not do things that will make my wife uneasy. She likes guns just fine, is also a good shot. She is very practical. I have a very nice 1911 for home defense and a nice Sig for carry. Both are very practical. I have bought and sold a dozen guns in the last 18 months. Always try and keep the armory to two or three. Can sell guns just about for what i buy them for and move the funds to a new purchase. Lately I have been able to make money on sales which is even better. Got a steal on a factory refurbished Glock 41 sold it in a private deal a day later and made a 150. I almost enjoy making the deals and buying and selling more than shooting, almost. This way I get to experience and enjoy a lot of different guns and it cost me very little. She's happy, I am happy. At my age it would be more prudent to protect my forthcoming retirement years, and hers, than to have a safe full of assets that may or not pay off. Always have my and her defense covered.

My wife knows about every gun I own. She does not always know how much cash is in he gun fund, but she has access to the safe and could go count it any time she chooses. She does not enjoy shooting as much as I do, but she does enjoy it. Mostly, she just loves me and knows that certain things make me happy, so she agrees with spending our money on those things. I know certain things make her happy, so I agree to spend our money on those things. It’s worked out much better than my first marriage.

I honestly hate the thought of having to give up my trading and buying habit just to keep a wife happy. I’ve lived that life before, so I chose a partner much more wisely this time around. The secret is keeping her happy enough that she wants you to be happy as well.

marksman13 said:

I honestly hate the thought of having to give up my trading and buying habit just to keep a wife happy. I’ve lived that life before, so I chose a partner much more wisely this time around.

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Congratulations!
I can't honestly say I chose "wisely." I was just lucky, or blessed, or whatever you want to call it, but I chose the right partner the first time - 49 years ago. Or maybe she chose me. I don't know. It added up to the same thing though - a lot of guns!

@.308 Norma, ditto. Only 38 years for us so far, but we are blessed to be a team. Interestingly, when I start talking about downsizing the collection in preparation for retirement in a few years, my wife often tries to talk me out of it. I think she understands that guns represent tangible assets that hold their value quite nicely. She's fine with my horse trading; just not too keen on the idea of serious downsizing.

Legionnaire said:

@.308 Norma, ditto. Only 38 years for us so far, but we are blessed to be a team. Interestingly, when I start talking about downsizing the collection in preparation for retirement in a few years, my wife often tries to talk me out of it. I think she understands that guns represent tangible assets that hold their value quite nicely. She's fine with my horse trading; just not too keen on the idea of serious downsizing.

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I’ve talked myself into selling my SCAR-17 about a half dozen times, but I have yet to convince my wife that I should do it. She doesn’t care one bit about the rifle, but she’s convinced I’ll regret getting rid of it.

Interesting to read other married people's gun purchasing issues. I am very blessed with a wife that does not spend frivolously and is very understanding about my hobby. Like many others I just don't flaunt it. All of our funds are joint and she can look at anything anytime she wants. She just chooses not to. In our discussions I tend to speak of our firearms/ammo/reloadingsupplies as a store of value. This year has convinced her that our owning weapons/ammo is much more important than just economic value. Weapon ownership has become about freedom. And about safety for the family and others.

She is fully bought in that the government should fear the citizens and not be in such a sorry condition as having the citizens fear the government.

Armored farmer said:

I dont count shoes if she doesnt count guns.
The other thing is, what mama wants....mama gets. That's why I have a ski boat and not a Ljutic trapgun.

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I am sure glad SWMBO does not water ski. I was the one that liked water skiing, but hung up my ski rope about 30 years ago.

marksman13 said:

I’ve talked myself into selling my SCAR-17 about a half dozen times, but I have yet to convince my wife that I should do it. She doesn’t care one bit about the rifle, but she’s convinced I’ll regret getting rid of it.

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Listen to your wife's wisdom.

One place it definitely pays to take the high road is with the missus. I just try not to discuss the price when she sees a new one if I can help it...

tws3b2 said:

and about 8_10 more boxes of ammo in the safe

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Well, there's your problem []
You need a locking cabinet for the ammo, that will make more room for firearms (whoops, I may be an enabler)