Concealed carry and the anti-gun wife

Curare,

It seems you have done your part to educate her that concealed carry is not inherently evil, as she seemed to think at the outset. Good for you. I'm glad all is well.

(I'm also glad that my wife and I put our papers in for Concealed Carry at the same time....)

Curare:

It sounds like we married the same woman - only we've been at it 33 years!

It's been a roller-coaster the whole time - but we're committed to the ride.

I documented my own woes and travails with precisely the same kind of response from my ever-lovin' when I got my CPL last year.

In all fairness to her, I had little or no interest in firearms for the preceding 32 years. She was scared of guns: They can go off accidentally!...I was going to hurt myself or someone else!...I was going to get us killed drawing on a bad guy!...I even got the mentally ill comment.

Let's just say she is a somewhat volatile, histrionic personality - but like you I love my wife and ain't goin' anywhere. And neither is she.

Eventually (several weeks) the hysterics subsided. She can only stay at that level for a finite amount of time and then has to find something else to focus on.

She now realizes that I am responsible with my firearms...that I have made the effort to get some good training...that I have not turned into some kind of crazy vigilante looking for a gunfight...that I am willing to respect our daughter and son-in-laws request not to carry in their house...etc.

I also rarely missed an opportunity to point out news stories and such in which either a gun was used in self-defense - or might have saved lives if one had been available.

Recently she told me she had the most realistic dream she can remember: She dreamed she woke up in our bed to the sound of a crashing break-in. Then she really woke up in a cold sweat - and was able to go back to sleep because she realized that I had a gun near to hand if it had been real.

It is no longer an issue.

Be gentle, and be firm. Don't allow yourself to get drawn into emotional arguments (you know you can't win those). Let her know in no uncertain terms that you will never use it except in the most extreme circumstance of life or death.

Trust me...this too shall pass.


[EDIT]

Oops! After writing this post I realized this is an old thread and the problem no longer is a problem for the OP. Well like I said...this too shall pass.

Divorce her. She sounds like a loose cannon to me. Wives are a dime a dozen, but our 2nd amendment rights are walking a thin line. JUST KIDDING!

If you really love her, respect her anti gun views, sell all your guns and devote yourself totally to HER! When she yells, S..., squat and strain, show her how much you really love her and there is nothing you wouldn't give up to prove your love to her.

Curare,

Glad to hear it has worked out for you. My wife (my 2nd) was a little skeptical at first, but is fine with it now. I explained it this way:

A few years ago I use to travel quite a bit for work, and some of my clients we not exactly in the 'best parts of town'. My first wife was a bit concerned about my safety and expressed that concern to a good friend of mine who told her not to worry because I "wasn't the victim type."

When I learned of this conversation I asked what he meant by that. He said "Your too big, too young, to fast, and too aware of what is going on around you. They'll pick an easier target."

It's some 15 years later now, and I'm still big, still aware ... but young and fast ... not so much. I'm just trying to even the odds against those that would harm me for the spare change in my pockets or the shoes on my feet.

rugerman07...I was smiling when I read your message "Divorce her. She sounds like a loose cannon to me. Wives are a dime a dozen, but our 2nd amendment rights are walking a thin line."

I was thinking finally, a non Dr. Phil type answer. I love it. But then you ruined it by saying "JUST KIDDING!" and then getting all Dr. Phil on us like everyone else.

Good thread. Glad to know that women can change their mind. :banghead:

Curare,
Glad things are working out for ya.

Ironically, just last night I was inspecting and re-oiling some of my stuff that hasn't been used in a while (like since last hunting season) and my wife looked at what I had out and said "good Lord you have a lot of guns". (I don't but she still thinks two is a lot and don't get me started on more than 500 rounds of ammo).

I just kinda looked at her and said "seriously, after eight years of marriage are we going to start this up again"?

She kinda grinned at me and said "nah...but I'm going shoe shopping tomorrow".

Even though I have always been into guns, during the early years of our marriage, I was busy with other things (like young children) and so I didn't do much with shooting or guns.

Now that my daughter has gratuated and my son is almost 17, shooting has become a regular event in our household. My wife makes comments about our "arsenal" from time to time, but accepts the fact that I carry most of the time. I try to send her articles about self defense and articles where people have needed a gun to defend themselves. I think it helps.

Poor guy...you know buddy 50 years ago a backhand might have fixed the comments but nowadays.......just kidding....she'll accept it, give it time...remember to tell her that you'd rather have it and not need it then need it and not have it...

Patience , communication and a little bit of cojones, who would of thought.

I got a ccw permit five years ago. At first my wife did not like it and I heard some of the same comments. After a while she did not complain so much about the fact I was carrying a gun but more about the fact I carry two guns, two extra magazines, a flashlight, a pocket knife, and cell phone constantly. I belive she said I needed a "Bat Belt." In the last six months, because of things that have happened around the house while I was gone, she has shown intrest in learning more about firearms and her saftey in general. Maybe it just takes longer to set in with some people. I have actually overheard her talking to a friend from work when she said " You should talk to my husband he is always prepared!"

It will take time to win her over.

You will need to EXTRA gun safety conscious. Proper handling of firearms, especially in her presence, will go a long way. I exaggerate keeping the muzzle pointed in a safe direction and demonstrating the gun is unloaded when I handle it.

My wife had the same problem, but I told her in the beginning. I showed her pictures of me in training and at events. Apparently, it didn't scare her off.

Last year she said she felt safer knowing I have weapons available. She doesn't participate in my shooting activities, but the "feeling" part is most important. In fact, the other day, she mentioned going shooting with me at a private range as "something to do together." That took 5 years...one drop at a time.

The magazine article thing works too. A friend of mine convinced his wife to carry after about two decades of work. Sure...it's slow...but it worked

I have been having a similar situation with my wife for a while now, but it is different in that I open carry. It took 6 months for me to get past her "I don't want you wearing that thing" arguement to the point where I could get her reasoning. It wasn't the gun it's self, but the fact that all could see it. She cares a lot what people think. She has finally said that if I'm gonna wear it "Can't you hide it or something?" I said "I will start the application process next month" And we are both happy now.
As long as she is ok with me carrying I'm happy, I don't care if it's not openly any more.

Good job getting her to come around!!!

I turned my wife, mostly...
I just showed her a little of this and that, stories from this and other forums.

I pull a gun out of the safe every night to put in the night stand, I have caught her rolling her eyes at me sometimes, but she mostly seems to understand my need to protect us.
I figure that I'll probably never need it, but if I ever do I'll be glad I have it.
And if a love one is hurt or killed because of a BG, most say they would give anything to go back and take action to prevent/stop it.

The last one seemed to get my wife to understand the most.

Good luck!

After twenty years, my wife still hates it when I shoot any of mine in the house, but I'm working on that. It's mostly that I have to remember to have her cover her ears and she wants me to clean up the brass before she vacuums.

My wife doesn't let me shoot in the house at all!
If the doors are closed the garage gets pretty smokey sometimes.
I limit myself to .22 rimfire. The 1911 was hell on the backstop.

SS

Major T. J. "King" Kong: Survival kit contents check. In them you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

Thank you for the update, Dr. Curare. I'm happy the storm blew over. I will admit, as of your last previous update I didn't give it snowball's chance in July of working out.

If you ever need it...........she'll love it.

rugerman07...I was smiling when I read your message," Divorce her. She sounds like a loose cannon to me. Wives are a dime a dozen, but our 2nd amendment rights are walking a thin line."

I was thinking finally, a non Dr. Phil type answer. I love it. But then you ruined it by saying "JUST KIDDING!" and then getting all Dr. Phil on us like everyone else.

Click to expand...

Maybe I should change my user name to "Dr. Rugerman07." I was just being silly.

As others have said, often it is not necessarily the guns that are feared, but what they represent. Perhaps for some, guns are a reminder that there is in fact evil people in the world, and they just as soon keep sucking their thumb in the corner and pretend that it could never happen to them. Guns sort of burst that security bubble for them.

Last year she said she felt safer knowing I have weapons available. She doesn't participate in my shooting activities, but the "feeling" part is most important. In fact, the other day, she mentioned going shooting with me at a private range as "something to do together." That took 5 years...one drop at a time

Click to expand...

I figure that maybe in another five years, I'll be in the same place with my wife. Actually, she does get out once a year just to maintain a VERY basic level of "training", if you can call it that. My wife is odd on this subject; she is pro 2nd amendment, but she hates guns. She is fine with hunting being legal, but has threatened to leave if I ever took up hunting (I don't plan to, not for me, but I understand why people enjoy it). She is comforted by the fact that I carry, which is odd because she thinks that because we live in a nice area, bad stuff won't ever happen to us. On the other hand, she doesn't understand why I keep a .357 in a GunVault beside the bed.

She also finds it irritating that I "need" more than one - I will say that she gets pretty pissed when I ask why she needs more than one purse . Heck, she has about 3x as many purses as I have guns .

Damn, good luck!

I never understood why people who would most benefit from concealed carry (significant others, parents, friends) are opposed to it...

When I got my CHL I told my girlfriend she now has an armed personal bodyguard in 28 states.

I'm surprised your wife told you she'd leave you if you went deer hunting... ***... That's like you saying you'd leave her if she ever played tennis...

My wife is not real keen on firearms, but before I bought my first gun we went to the range, rented guns and shot together. She has fired a .22, 10mm, 357, and a 45.

I saw a good deal on a S&W model 686-4PP, told her and bought it.

She still isn't keen on firearms, but I got my .357 magnum and she has her opinion.

My wife was a little confused by it at first, now I am told on a weekly basis about an article, or something on the news and how glad she is that I carry.

Good going Curare!!

I'm lucky, my wife of 30 years grew up on a farm and has absolutely no fear of firearms.

Oh, she'll shake her head and laugh when I start acting like John Wayne but I do that on purpose!

Have you got her a CCW yet?

Edit: I read more of this post and it is UNBELIEVABLE how many of you guys are married to women with an inherent fear of firearms. Man, I WAS LUCKY!!

Why are they such wimps? I'm serious here. Don't they realize there is evil out there?

To you guys, with wives who fear firearms: Did they grow up in the suburbs? Just curious.

Irrational fear of firearms is so foreign to the wife and I that I wonder if it is because they grew up in safe little suburban enclaves?

No insults are intended here. I'd really like to get somewhat of a handle on this one.

I mean, I have a large gun safe and am careful when handling firearms but we don't FEAR them. You get what I mean.