vis-à-vis:
You need to enroll in a MILITARY style of martial art. You need to pursue it to an expert level. Trust me when I say, not all Blackbelts are of equal quality. I have had Blackbelt students who I opined could not beat their way out of a wet paper bag. I have had other Blackbelt students who became certified instructors whose skills were astonishing.
People can crow all they want about guns V martial arts, but I can assure you, a quality ATA or USTA Blackbelt instructor will have landed 3 or 4 devistating blows to a bad guy's body before they can even touch their weapon. You need to assure that your instructor is expert, and is expert is disarming.
The USTA (United State Taekwondo Alliance) is no longer in business. The ATA (American TaeKwonDo Association) is good, but check into the instructor, and advise him or her that you need private instruction in addition to class instruction. You also need access to the workout room and equipment in addition.
As I said, people can crow all they want about weapons V martial arts. I have had to disarm people on three occassions, and I am alive, and nearly unscathed: 1 gun, one broken glass and 1 set of home made steel nunchukas have been taken from these morons. How proficient you will become depends on your commitment. I was professional and put myself through college via owning a TKD school. I worked out as a job, 6 hours per day.
Maybe it's time you begin a career change. Owning a matrial arts school can be a reality within 12 to 14 months. The pay wasn't bad either, and I met a hundreds of awesome like-minded people. Best of all, it will give you an oppotunity to work with, and train LEOs on a 1 to 1 basis, or in small teams. I ultimately was offered a contract to operate the ATA Nat'l Headquarters in Little Rock, but declined inorder to accept the same of the USTA in Knoxville. In the end, you will be able to carry your pistol with far greater confidence that you will not need to draw it as quickly, for greater self-confidence.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Doc2005