Jeff- Your feelings here- as you well know- match mine exactly.
Loosers survive various life threatening experiences many times daily.
Most often their survival was due to luck, Karma, or some other intangible, rather then their skill (at arms, driving skiing or whatever).
To imply that you are happy to survive indicates a specific mindset.
To win implies another completely.
I only want to associate with the latter.
FWIW, i felt bad only about one shooting, and that was when i whacked my neighbors dog. He (the Pit Bull) had his teeth wrapped around my leg at the time, so the decision to put four shots into him was simple (his owner was nearby, and i saved two for him).
The dog- a fighter- was only doing what he had been trained to do (and had done to others on multiple occasions before), but i didn't feel good about having to shoot the dog.
A shooting will probably change your life- to a certain extant. Domestic shootings will also involve criminal and civil actions, and deep scrutiny by the media and various errornet.com forums.
So be it.
But if it was a good shoot, there is no reason to loose sleep over it- if you have been properly trained.
A bad shooting may be a whole lot different.
Last month, one of my students (also a very good friend) very good friend was in a OIS.
An idiot pointed a pistol at him. He fired an NSR with his M4.
One bad guy DRT. Two Deputies (both fired) went home that night.
No emotional trauma then or now.
They had been trained as to understand what would happen, prior to, during, and after the incident.
At our Marine Corps Birthday Ball, a guest paraprased Kevin Costner's words from a recent movie.
"Some people need killing, and you are going to kill them".
There is no reason to become an emotional wreck if you did the right thing at the right time, and that involves being prepared for the eventuality of carrying a gun.
Mere possession of a firearm carries with it a strong legal, moral and ethical responsibility. If you can't hang, find something else to do.
During my 20 years as a cop in NYPD, i worked a variety of assignments including Central Robbery Division.
I once re-interviewed an MD who was the victim of a Pattern Robber. As i was walking out of his office, he stated to me "I'm glad that i didn't have my pistol yesterday".
When i asked why, he said "I've had a Carry Permit (sic) for 10 years, but i could nver shoot another human. I'm glad that i didn't have to make that decision".
I made sure that he never did. I had his license removed. If he didn't have the mindset to carry a gun, it would only become a liability.
He survived his incident. If he had been carrying, and suddenly found the grapes to actually use the pistol, he may or may not have survived.
But i doubt if he would have won....
Be prepared for what may happen. Seek the best training that you can get. And continue to train.
Don't be a survivor.
Be a winner.