wacki
Member
A ridiculous situation I'm dealing with....
I met my current girlfriend about 3 months after she was dumped by her abusive ex boyfriend. We've been inseparable for about a year. For months after he dumped her he didn't give her the time of day but he went psycho when he found out that she was "cheating on him" with me. Basically, he decided that he never dumped her. He seems to forget what he says every 30 minutes or so. In a way it's kind of amusing. For most of our relationship he's been on the other side of the planet calling her up to 15x a day just to call her curse words which usually begin with A, B and C. He's tends to say them in alphabetical order and we jokingly refer to his harassments as the "ABC" club. He constantly tells her how worthless she is and how there is no way she can survive without him. She puts up with it partly because she is un-confrontational as they come. I am constantly telling her she needs to learn how to defend herself.
A problem soon to be resolved is that she can't lock him out of the house yet because they co-own the house. The funds to buy him out were only recently raised and delivered to him. Now it's just a matter of paperwork which could take up to 6 weeks processing time. Then she won't have to put up with him in any shape or form. Unfortunately he realizes he's losing what little grip on her he has and his erratic behavior is getting a little out of control. He says he wants nothing to do with her but his claims of her incompetence and his magnificence are growing more and more ridiculous and intense. I wish I had his arguments on tape as some of them are so disconnected from reality it makes for a good laugh. The only good sign is that he's not calling every day like he used to, it only comes in spurts. The frequency at which he bothers her is decreasing but his disconnection from reality is increasing. He has a job interview coming up in America (he works in Puerto Rico) and decided to lie about when he would be in the country and stopped by her house while we were at work. During his unannounced visit he went through her and my stuff. I keep sensitive medical/patient data on my laptop so his unannounced visit was particularly unsettling. Despite the fact that he's never met me or even heard my voice, today he told my girlfriend he would put me in the hospital if he ever met me in person. I no longer find his rants funny.
Now, he's a successful person (he has obsessive compulsive disorder) that works for a fortune 500 company. Despite his mental disconnect with reality he's not dumb. He has a $100,000+ paying job as an engineer. He also has a history of bullying men and women he feels he can walk over but is terrified of anything he can't control. Some examples of things he doesn't control and scare him are Roller Coasters and dangerous looking teenagers in wealthy sections of Chicago. I joke with my girlfriend that if her ex-boyfriend was a fictional character in a movie nobody would believe it.
This situation isn't gun related and with any luck I'd like to keep it that way. But the members of this forum are probably those that are most likely to give me good advice. At this point I'm thinking the best thing for her to do is when he threatens to "put me in the hospital" is for her to tell him "if you do attack him then things are very likely to spiral out of control and bad things are likely to happen to everyone involved". Right now she simply remains silent.
That phrase plays on his fears of a lack of control without bruising his ego or posing a challenge that he feels he has to step to. My goal is to disarm the situation with neutral language.... if that's at all possible. I'm not totally comfortable with bringing in the police as of yet because a legal battle could do serious financial harm to her and she desperately wants to avoid making things worse. She insists that he won't do anything. I don't share her confidence and her ability to judge him in the past has been piss poor. Once the paperwork, which is just now being processed, is finalized he won't be able to touch her financially. Given he has a lot to lose financially by breaking the law there's a good chance nothing bad will happen. He should be in Puerto Rico for most of the next 6 weeks anyway. Getting that rubber stamp on the paperwork can not come soon enough. Still, this situation is not easy to deal with and if I didn't care about my girlfriend so much I would simply leave. It's almost embarrassing to talk about this situation and the mess she's gotten herself into. It is a great motivator to be financially independent though.
Thanks for any advice THR.
I met my current girlfriend about 3 months after she was dumped by her abusive ex boyfriend. We've been inseparable for about a year. For months after he dumped her he didn't give her the time of day but he went psycho when he found out that she was "cheating on him" with me. Basically, he decided that he never dumped her. He seems to forget what he says every 30 minutes or so. In a way it's kind of amusing. For most of our relationship he's been on the other side of the planet calling her up to 15x a day just to call her curse words which usually begin with A, B and C. He's tends to say them in alphabetical order and we jokingly refer to his harassments as the "ABC" club. He constantly tells her how worthless she is and how there is no way she can survive without him. She puts up with it partly because she is un-confrontational as they come. I am constantly telling her she needs to learn how to defend herself.
A problem soon to be resolved is that she can't lock him out of the house yet because they co-own the house. The funds to buy him out were only recently raised and delivered to him. Now it's just a matter of paperwork which could take up to 6 weeks processing time. Then she won't have to put up with him in any shape or form. Unfortunately he realizes he's losing what little grip on her he has and his erratic behavior is getting a little out of control. He says he wants nothing to do with her but his claims of her incompetence and his magnificence are growing more and more ridiculous and intense. I wish I had his arguments on tape as some of them are so disconnected from reality it makes for a good laugh. The only good sign is that he's not calling every day like he used to, it only comes in spurts. The frequency at which he bothers her is decreasing but his disconnection from reality is increasing. He has a job interview coming up in America (he works in Puerto Rico) and decided to lie about when he would be in the country and stopped by her house while we were at work. During his unannounced visit he went through her and my stuff. I keep sensitive medical/patient data on my laptop so his unannounced visit was particularly unsettling. Despite the fact that he's never met me or even heard my voice, today he told my girlfriend he would put me in the hospital if he ever met me in person. I no longer find his rants funny.
Now, he's a successful person (he has obsessive compulsive disorder) that works for a fortune 500 company. Despite his mental disconnect with reality he's not dumb. He has a $100,000+ paying job as an engineer. He also has a history of bullying men and women he feels he can walk over but is terrified of anything he can't control. Some examples of things he doesn't control and scare him are Roller Coasters and dangerous looking teenagers in wealthy sections of Chicago. I joke with my girlfriend that if her ex-boyfriend was a fictional character in a movie nobody would believe it.
This situation isn't gun related and with any luck I'd like to keep it that way. But the members of this forum are probably those that are most likely to give me good advice. At this point I'm thinking the best thing for her to do is when he threatens to "put me in the hospital" is for her to tell him "if you do attack him then things are very likely to spiral out of control and bad things are likely to happen to everyone involved". Right now she simply remains silent.
That phrase plays on his fears of a lack of control without bruising his ego or posing a challenge that he feels he has to step to. My goal is to disarm the situation with neutral language.... if that's at all possible. I'm not totally comfortable with bringing in the police as of yet because a legal battle could do serious financial harm to her and she desperately wants to avoid making things worse. She insists that he won't do anything. I don't share her confidence and her ability to judge him in the past has been piss poor. Once the paperwork, which is just now being processed, is finalized he won't be able to touch her financially. Given he has a lot to lose financially by breaking the law there's a good chance nothing bad will happen. He should be in Puerto Rico for most of the next 6 weeks anyway. Getting that rubber stamp on the paperwork can not come soon enough. Still, this situation is not easy to deal with and if I didn't care about my girlfriend so much I would simply leave. It's almost embarrassing to talk about this situation and the mess she's gotten herself into. It is a great motivator to be financially independent though.
Thanks for any advice THR.
