So you’ve bought a couple of guns and think you’ve got your bases covered? Well, such thinking marks you as a neophyte gun owner or certainly something less that a genuine gun nut. But fear not. Ol’ Uncle Hoot is here to steer you in the right direction toward creative gun ownership.
Chances are that you own an EDC gun and make it serve as a range gun as well as a home defense gun. This is folly. You’ve just cheated yourself out of two additional guns. If you want a multi-purpose tool, buy a Leatherman!
Every gun fits into a niche. I won’t bother discoursing on the more common niche pieces whose function and purpose I am sure you understand. . However, you can’t consider yourself adequately armed without at least one gun in each of the important categories. Here are some suggested niche guns that you should have.
OPERA GUN. What? You don’t attend operas? Well, you do attend weddings, graduations, the theater, goat ropings, and other formal and semi-formal events, don’t you? Any occasion that calls for a tuxedo or semi-formal dress requires an “opera” gun as an accoutrement. The preferred calibers for the opera gun are .380, .32, and .25. Small semi autos of good quality are outstanding choices. An engraved Walther PPK is perfect. The difference in a proper opera gun and a BBQ gun is a matter of size and caliber. Anything larger than a J frame .38 spl. Would be gauche for an opera piece. Of course, plastic guns are considered in poor taste regardless of size and caliber.
There are several niceties that should be observed when carrying an opera gun. For example, grips should not clash with your tie, and your holster should match your braces. Guns with silver, nickel, or polished blue finishes are de rigueur. And a bit of personalized ornamentation is always appreciated. A shoulder holster is always in good taste if the opera gun is too large for vest pocket or cummerbund carry. While front pocket carry is frowned upon, rear pocket carry is acceptable, as the slight gun bulge will likely be mistaken for a brandy flask. Here is my favorite opera gun in .380 cal.. It is factory engraved, silver plated, and sports genuine pearl grips, as does the knife.
CHURCH/FUNERAL GUN. As I grow older, I find myself attending more and more funerals. Enough so that my funeral gun is beginning to show a bit of holster wear. Inasmuch as everybody you know is a candidate for a funeral, it should be obvious that everybody needs a proper funeral gun. Of course, the same gun is appropriate for church services. This is one place where a gun can serve multi-functions.
A funeral gun should be dignified, not ostentatious. Whereas an Opera gun may call attention to itself, a funeral gun should not. It is a decorous piece. Nickel, silver, chrome, and stainless guns are quite out of place as funeral guns. And I must say that I would be quite offended if anyone attended my funeral wearing a plastic or parkerized gun. Blue steel is the only appropriate choice here and the grips should be muted. Smart Carry is certainly to be discouraged. Nobody should be grabbing at his crotch at a funeral or church service. Here is my funeral gun. Bet you can’t identify it.
BARBEQUE GUN: Everybody needs a barbeque gun. This gun is not just for barbeques but also for almost any gathering of like-minded friends. Since the festivities are usually on private property, open carry is recommended.
The BBQ gun is essentially a “one-upsmanship” gun, a show-off gun. Obviously it needs to be of substantial caliber, expensive, rare, or both. Since you will be in the company of friends, it is not necessary that the BBQ gun be loaded. Of course, if you have a friend who really needs to be shot or one whom your youngest child closely resembles, you may consider loading the gun.
This is one of my favorite BBQ guns, a 1906 Colt .45 SAA with exhibition engraving and carved stag grips.
POCKET GUN: The pocket gun should be small, lightweight, and ugly, the uglier the better. This is where guns like the Kel-Tec and baby Glock come into their own. You do not want a pocket gun that encourages fondling.
Generally, people of refinement try to avoid ugly guns. It is immaterial that they are dependable and affordable. But for pocket guns, ugly is good. Consequently those of you who have foolishly chosen to carry an elegant little J frame that encourages a few caresses may want to reconsider. Otherwise, you may become known to your friends as wee Willie, Stumpy Johnson, stubby Dick or some equally distasteful appellation.
For pocket carry get an ugly, plastic gun that will not tempt your fingers. Unfortunately, the one gun I do not have is a proper pocket gun. In his dying breath my dear old father exacted my promises to never own a plastic gun, never eat tofu, never sleep with my sister, and never venture further north than the Mason Dixon line, and I have endeavored to honor those pledges. I do have a fairly worthless little gun that fits nicely in the shirt pocket behind a pack of smokes so I guess I could call it a pocket gun.
DROP GUN: In many circles the drop gun has gone out of vogue, especially with the advent of the various CSI shows on TV. Actually real crime labs aren’t nearly as efficient as those portrayed on the telly, and the drop gun remains a viable means of turning a wrongful killing into a righteous shoot. A drop gun is one that you drop at the crime scene, one that you preferably press into the hand of your victim, the one who was going for his cell phone and you thought he was going for his gun.
The drop gun should be one that has no paper trail that can be traced to you under any circumstance. Police have had to discontinue their use of drop guns since most of their activities are now televised. And you too should be wary. Surveillance TV seems to be everywhere these days. The old Rohm and Clerk revolvers are classic drop guns as are the old break-top revolvers. This one is an Iver Johnson in .32 caliber.
PIMP GUN: You don’t have to be a pimp to have a pimp gun. Many upstanding Christians, including Southern Baptists, have pimp guns. It is not immoral to own a pimp gun. A proper pimp gun has certain fundamental characteristics. It must be big and bad and flashy. It may or may not be in good taste. That is irrelevant. However, it must impress the boyz in da hood, and it must draw attention to itself. It is always worn Mexican carry shoved into the waistband directly above where the belt buckle should be. And when fired, it must be held in one hand only with the top of the hand in the up position. A chrome plated Desert Eagle with gold accents would be a perfect pimp gun. But tricked out Kimbers, Bauers, Wilsons, and Colts will serve admirably. Please do not make the mistake of most novices. There is a great deal of difference in a pimp gun and a BBQ gun. Please do not confuse the two.
For most people owning a pimp gun is optional, but if you have a diamond in either ear or nostril or if you have a diamond embedded in a front tooth, a pimp gun is mandatory. . Of course, if you actually are a pimp, you may write off the cost of your gun as a business expense.
Here is my pimp gun in .45acp, nickel plate with 24 ct. accents and genuine pearl grips. This gun was worked over by the late Jim Clark and will hold a 1.5” group at 25 yards.
There are many other niche guns that I should tell you about such as the range gun, the competition gun, the snake gun, the grizzly bear gun, the trail gun, the mountain gun, the kit gun, the zombie gun, the bedside gun, the B.O.B. gun. The survival gun, the jogging gun, the ATV gun, the truck gun, the jet ski gun, the motorcycle gun, and many others. But, hopefully, I have given you sufficient insight into the dynamics of creative gun ownership to enable you to compile your own list of “gotta have” guns. Just remember, it is not enough to simply have a gun. You must have the right gun for the given purpose if you want any respect from the rest of us on this forum.
Now, how about sharing a photo or two of some of your favorite niche guns.
Chances are that you own an EDC gun and make it serve as a range gun as well as a home defense gun. This is folly. You’ve just cheated yourself out of two additional guns. If you want a multi-purpose tool, buy a Leatherman!
Every gun fits into a niche. I won’t bother discoursing on the more common niche pieces whose function and purpose I am sure you understand. . However, you can’t consider yourself adequately armed without at least one gun in each of the important categories. Here are some suggested niche guns that you should have.
OPERA GUN. What? You don’t attend operas? Well, you do attend weddings, graduations, the theater, goat ropings, and other formal and semi-formal events, don’t you? Any occasion that calls for a tuxedo or semi-formal dress requires an “opera” gun as an accoutrement. The preferred calibers for the opera gun are .380, .32, and .25. Small semi autos of good quality are outstanding choices. An engraved Walther PPK is perfect. The difference in a proper opera gun and a BBQ gun is a matter of size and caliber. Anything larger than a J frame .38 spl. Would be gauche for an opera piece. Of course, plastic guns are considered in poor taste regardless of size and caliber.
There are several niceties that should be observed when carrying an opera gun. For example, grips should not clash with your tie, and your holster should match your braces. Guns with silver, nickel, or polished blue finishes are de rigueur. And a bit of personalized ornamentation is always appreciated. A shoulder holster is always in good taste if the opera gun is too large for vest pocket or cummerbund carry. While front pocket carry is frowned upon, rear pocket carry is acceptable, as the slight gun bulge will likely be mistaken for a brandy flask. Here is my favorite opera gun in .380 cal.. It is factory engraved, silver plated, and sports genuine pearl grips, as does the knife.
CHURCH/FUNERAL GUN. As I grow older, I find myself attending more and more funerals. Enough so that my funeral gun is beginning to show a bit of holster wear. Inasmuch as everybody you know is a candidate for a funeral, it should be obvious that everybody needs a proper funeral gun. Of course, the same gun is appropriate for church services. This is one place where a gun can serve multi-functions.
A funeral gun should be dignified, not ostentatious. Whereas an Opera gun may call attention to itself, a funeral gun should not. It is a decorous piece. Nickel, silver, chrome, and stainless guns are quite out of place as funeral guns. And I must say that I would be quite offended if anyone attended my funeral wearing a plastic or parkerized gun. Blue steel is the only appropriate choice here and the grips should be muted. Smart Carry is certainly to be discouraged. Nobody should be grabbing at his crotch at a funeral or church service. Here is my funeral gun. Bet you can’t identify it.
BARBEQUE GUN: Everybody needs a barbeque gun. This gun is not just for barbeques but also for almost any gathering of like-minded friends. Since the festivities are usually on private property, open carry is recommended.
The BBQ gun is essentially a “one-upsmanship” gun, a show-off gun. Obviously it needs to be of substantial caliber, expensive, rare, or both. Since you will be in the company of friends, it is not necessary that the BBQ gun be loaded. Of course, if you have a friend who really needs to be shot or one whom your youngest child closely resembles, you may consider loading the gun.
This is one of my favorite BBQ guns, a 1906 Colt .45 SAA with exhibition engraving and carved stag grips.
POCKET GUN: The pocket gun should be small, lightweight, and ugly, the uglier the better. This is where guns like the Kel-Tec and baby Glock come into their own. You do not want a pocket gun that encourages fondling.
Generally, people of refinement try to avoid ugly guns. It is immaterial that they are dependable and affordable. But for pocket guns, ugly is good. Consequently those of you who have foolishly chosen to carry an elegant little J frame that encourages a few caresses may want to reconsider. Otherwise, you may become known to your friends as wee Willie, Stumpy Johnson, stubby Dick or some equally distasteful appellation.
For pocket carry get an ugly, plastic gun that will not tempt your fingers. Unfortunately, the one gun I do not have is a proper pocket gun. In his dying breath my dear old father exacted my promises to never own a plastic gun, never eat tofu, never sleep with my sister, and never venture further north than the Mason Dixon line, and I have endeavored to honor those pledges. I do have a fairly worthless little gun that fits nicely in the shirt pocket behind a pack of smokes so I guess I could call it a pocket gun.
DROP GUN: In many circles the drop gun has gone out of vogue, especially with the advent of the various CSI shows on TV. Actually real crime labs aren’t nearly as efficient as those portrayed on the telly, and the drop gun remains a viable means of turning a wrongful killing into a righteous shoot. A drop gun is one that you drop at the crime scene, one that you preferably press into the hand of your victim, the one who was going for his cell phone and you thought he was going for his gun.
The drop gun should be one that has no paper trail that can be traced to you under any circumstance. Police have had to discontinue their use of drop guns since most of their activities are now televised. And you too should be wary. Surveillance TV seems to be everywhere these days. The old Rohm and Clerk revolvers are classic drop guns as are the old break-top revolvers. This one is an Iver Johnson in .32 caliber.
PIMP GUN: You don’t have to be a pimp to have a pimp gun. Many upstanding Christians, including Southern Baptists, have pimp guns. It is not immoral to own a pimp gun. A proper pimp gun has certain fundamental characteristics. It must be big and bad and flashy. It may or may not be in good taste. That is irrelevant. However, it must impress the boyz in da hood, and it must draw attention to itself. It is always worn Mexican carry shoved into the waistband directly above where the belt buckle should be. And when fired, it must be held in one hand only with the top of the hand in the up position. A chrome plated Desert Eagle with gold accents would be a perfect pimp gun. But tricked out Kimbers, Bauers, Wilsons, and Colts will serve admirably. Please do not make the mistake of most novices. There is a great deal of difference in a pimp gun and a BBQ gun. Please do not confuse the two.
For most people owning a pimp gun is optional, but if you have a diamond in either ear or nostril or if you have a diamond embedded in a front tooth, a pimp gun is mandatory. . Of course, if you actually are a pimp, you may write off the cost of your gun as a business expense.
Here is my pimp gun in .45acp, nickel plate with 24 ct. accents and genuine pearl grips. This gun was worked over by the late Jim Clark and will hold a 1.5” group at 25 yards.
There are many other niche guns that I should tell you about such as the range gun, the competition gun, the snake gun, the grizzly bear gun, the trail gun, the mountain gun, the kit gun, the zombie gun, the bedside gun, the B.O.B. gun. The survival gun, the jogging gun, the ATV gun, the truck gun, the jet ski gun, the motorcycle gun, and many others. But, hopefully, I have given you sufficient insight into the dynamics of creative gun ownership to enable you to compile your own list of “gotta have” guns. Just remember, it is not enough to simply have a gun. You must have the right gun for the given purpose if you want any respect from the rest of us on this forum.
Now, how about sharing a photo or two of some of your favorite niche guns.
