Define 'Mall Ninja'

[Zen21Tao]

As Nomad's link shows, the term "mall ninja" originated as a term to describe the THR poster Gecko45. It all started when Gecko45 posted a thread asking for advice on ways, other than duck taping a 2nd ceramic trauma plate on the back of his vest (which he was currently doing), that he could withstand being shot in the back by 338 Lapua rounds. He explained that he worked security at a local mall and wanted to make sure the vest he wore under his uniform protected him from snipers.

He went on to say that he ran a 3 man tactical special response team at a very large mall and wanted to replace the S&W .38s and Mossberg pump shotguns they had with the following: 3 MP5K-PDW with red-dot sights, 2 G36 rifles using SS109 rounds, 3 Glock practical tacticles in .357 Sig, 1 PSG-1 using Fed Gold Medal .308, 1 Starlight scope for the PSG-1 in case we lose power in the building, 3 Glock 27 backup guns, and 3 Kahr P-9 holdouts. This is where it really began to get fun.

All of Gecko45's postings are worth a read, but here are some of my favorites:
(from http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/)

The SWAT prettyboys were overpowered by the Gap, and we Backup RTF’ers had to resume our roles, and basically put everything five by five. The takedown was actually applied with SW weapons, SW3’s. It happened a while agao, and there is no way you would know what city I am in, so I can reveal these details, lets just say that the Mayor had really deep pockets to keep all of this out of the news. People aren’t so holy and upstanding when you get out your checkbook, they start to “forget” stuff, at least that what I understood happened.

We only patrol the roof, maitenance areas, and parking lots with rifles, MP5’s for if TSHTF indoors, and Glock 30’s on our belts. The MP5 is carried discreetly, under the seats of the electric transportation cart, and we only wear BDU’s. It’s not extreme to be prepared and the merchants don’t mind, it keeps the Neonazi gangs and the Crips out of the mall. We did have a “situation”, but such things are easily disguised as, say an evacuation due to a gas leak at one of the restaurants, and the operation of both sides was so well contained, that they almost got wawy with it, and we just managed to bring it to a halt.This is not a fantasy, it is myjob, and if it is too harsh of a reality for you armchair commandos, then get another beer, and change websites, because this is the real wolrd of CQB. I can hack it, can you, I do not think so, and your attempt to make fun of me is lame and childish.

I tell you that we are undervalued for our beneficial effect on society at large, for the urban and suburban shopping centers see %80 of the armed violence in this nation, and why don’t the cops take care of it, because they are a bunch of wusses, and they are not man enough to put up with the danger and stress. You all who are makeing fun of me have never been threatened by jailed drug dealers, serial killers, and shoplifters, or fired at by high powered rifles so excuse me if I decide to have good weapons to protect and defend myself without all of you makeing fun of my choice, and they way I do my job!

As for the "Ninja" part, he did claim to be a Master of Ninjitsu:

I am not a ninja, merely a student of the art of Ninjitsu, and I prefer not to have status such as “Ninja” laid upon me, for as yet I am unworthy of the title. I will be completing my ninjisu training in a little over 8 months, and then I will be a Master of Ninjitsu, a true “Ninja”. But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training. My weapons skills are the envy of the squad, and I think that with my expertise I ought to be able to choose an effective and reliab;e weapon for CQC and urban combat, whicch is why I chose SW, the MP5’s are junk comparatively.

There is also more about him here.

http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=229047&highlight=sebenza

 

[Sean85746]

I tend to group all security guards into the "Mall Ninja" basket. In 12 years in LE, I rarely ran into a so-called "security officer" who wasn't a wannabe of the first order.

Not too awfully long ago, I went into a Circle K convenience store where an armed guard service is used.

The guard was wearing head to toe black and wearing knockoff Oakley sunglasses (at night).

He was carrying a Hi Point 9mm or .40 in a thigh holster made from a $7.00 nylon cheapy and some nylon straps from Wally World.

He also had ELEVEN spare mags, a kubotan, and ASP, a 6-cell mag light, zip ties (NOT actual flex cuffs, but ZIP TIES) and every inch of his belt was inhabited by some piece of so-called tactical gear.

He was my definition of a "Mall Ninja".

I call the members of the other group "Tactical Teddies". These are defined by the wearing of EVERY piece of clothing sold by 5.11. Everything the have MUST have "TACTICAL" printed upon it somewhere.

On the dangerous trek from their cubicle at the insurance office to their "urban assault minivan" they are constantly scanning for hordes of zombies, or their arch-rivals...the "Hell's Accountants" Motorcycle Club" on their outlaw Goldwings, BMW Touring Bikes, or Aspencades.

They keep their Spyderco or CRKT Super Tactical knife in the same hand as their keys in case they have to engage in single combat with a rival from another insuramce firm.

They also have EXTENSIVE training in KravMajitsukido, or whatever martial art they saw on TV or is in fashion THIS WEEK.

They are the "Tactical Teddy".

 

[Plink]

The term Mall Ninja was in use way before any of the online forums opened. I think it originated with the folks who trolled the knife and martial arts shops in the malls, picking up anything that looked "cool" to boost their fantasies of being whoever their latest Hollywood action hero of the day was. I knew a few back then and I know a few of their firearms owning brethren now.

Today they're the ones who buy cheap knockoffs of anything that "looks" tactical. Emphasis on "looks" because "coolness" is very important to them. They don't talk as much about accuracy, reliability or performance nearly as much as they talk about how something looks. Looking "cool" is top priority. They try to come up with tactical outfits and tactical guns, but seem to lack taste and end up with Rooney guns (http://www.thegunzone.com/rooney.html) and goofy looking outfits.

They're pretenders, wannabes and fakes. Armchair commandos as it were. They're easy to sell to. Just use the word tactical a lot and hype the product like those silly "Fang Face" rounds. They're easy to spot online too, because they can't seem to make a firearms post without reference to a movie or mentioning coolness factor or looks. They're especially comical at the range.

 

[Sage of Seattle]

zip ties (NOT actual flex cuffs, but ZIP TIES)

Why are you knockin' the mall ninja like that? He's stealthy, tacticool (my favorite term), AND has fiscal responsibility by taking advantage of his Circle K 10% discount? I bet he has to use the 31" ASP to beat the girls away!

Actually, I knew a bunch like that in my college days that I hung out with while roleplaying every once in a while. They wore the black fatigues, made up pseudo-military ranks they pinned to their chests (the males and females of the group), and generally blurred the line between fantasy and reality pretty good. The best jobs they could get were mall security or movie usher. I think one lucky devil landed a primo job at the local McDonalds.

They had even rented a house as a group to live in because many of their families (sadly enough) didn't want much to do with them. I remember reading a sign posted just inside their doorway saying "No weapons allowed" and listed a bunch of guns and things. My friend and I always laughed at that sign.

Thank God they weren't serious or motivated enough to actually use *real* weapons. Oh, they had the usual assortment of $50 Lord of the Rings knock-off swords and daggers and a huge amount of Lazer Tag guns and similar items, but they were all too fearful of real life to actually own legitimate firearms or other weapons.

They were all generally very nice people, if a tad lonely and I always felt a little sorry for them as they tried valliantly to maintain some level of self-respect.

At any rate, it would be these fellows that I would apply the term "mall ninja" to, if that helps, even after discovering the origin of the term.

 

[MarshallDodge]

I always thought this guy was a mall ninja :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2kJZOfq7zk

Mall Ninja or not, I wish I had half of his physical ability.

 

[Speer]

But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training.

HA! HA!

 

[jerkyman45]

You Might be a mall ninja if...
You practice the lost art of ninjitsu
Your BDUs can make a tent for a moose
You have more then four flashlights on any firearm
Your Picatinny Rail and accessories outweigh your gun
You require a class 3 full auto to police the local shopping mall
There is more duct tape on your "bullet proof" vest then kevlar

 

[theken206]

I Cant Stop Laughing!!!!!

 

[chihuahuatn]

mall ninja
A term used in forums to mean an unexperienced and enthusiastic weapon(usually a firearm)owner who pretends to be a seasoned operator. The phrase came about as a result of an over the top character in a famous satirical thread.

I am a part time mall ninja and I am currently receiving the escalator assault training.

 

[Sage of Seattle]

I am a part time mall ninja and I am currently receiving the escalator assault training.

Pffft. Whimp.

Some of you may know from previous posts that I'm currently in a wheelchair, but I'm certain none of you know how I became injured enough to be in a wheelchair.

Normally, I hold my oath of secrecy very seriously, but in the interests of preventing training accidents to my fellow Law Authorized Mall Enforcement Officers, I shall risk the penalties.

I was covering the [redacted] Mall one evening during hostage rescue training. My unit commander was teaching us how to weave an emergency rapelling rope from old, stale cinema Red Vines when I suddenly realized that I didn't have enough Red Vines to complete my rapelling rope. After quizzing my fellow LAME-O's I was forced to dig through my ALICE gear for something I could use in a pinch. Next to the [strike]Twinkies[/strike] emergency rations I always carried, I found an open box of Twizzlers. Hoping against hope that they were stale enough to support my taught six foot one inch, three hundred pound frame, I feverishly wove them in with the Red Vines.

Alas, I was mistaken. As soon as I launched myself over the second story railing, I heard the thin snap of my rapelling line and plummeted into the T-Mobile cell phone booth below.

So, specificially, I say welcome chihuahuatn to THR, and ALWAYS remember when you're on those escalators, NEVER let go of the handrail as you reach the top!

 

[cheygriz]

Mall ninja=wannabe= Walter Mitty with a "cocked and locked' 1911 knock-off, with a laser on it. A picatinny rail on his hi-Point carbine, and a Wally-World $49.95 "tacticool" scope.

Actually, I guess I consider someone a Mall Ninja, aka "urban commando" if he carries three or four spare magazines for his CCW weapon, AND a BUG.

Of the dozens of retired cops I know, only about half carry a CCW at all, and those that do don't carry spare ammo or a BUG.