Do you look like a soft target?

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i look like a soft target. im 6ft and under 160 lbs. When i go to bars, the prick looking to start something typically runs into me. By runs into me, i mean damn near body checks me.

Now i pretty much contributed this to the fact that i am pretty thin. And that i am typically with an attractive girl.

What i find ammusing about the whole thing is im probably the worst guy in the bar to mess with. I'm an amateur MMA fighter. And the reason im thin is because i spend 7+ hours a week training (BJJ, muy thai, boxing). Not to mention i pack and carry a knife. It typically makes for an annoying but yet very comical encounter.

I have had people do complete 180's. I have had people go from trying to intimidate me to appologising and insisting on taking care or my tab (or covering the cost of a few drinks).

Whats sad is most people are not looking for a fight. They simple enjoy being a bully and trying to intimidate someone smaller.
 
There's a reason for my forum name. I look like what I am....a middle aged mom. I look like I've had four kids. I have arthritis, so I often limp somewhat. I have been seen on a cane.

Is that a soft target? I doubt it. Even limping, or on a cane, I walk with my head up, my eyes scanning the area where I am; I walk with purpose. I do what I can to make myself *not* look like a soft target. So far, so good.

Software, not fashion change hardware.

Springmom
 
From the link above:
"The Young Grey Man is dismissed as a wimp, the Older as a doddering old fool."
Click to expand...

Trust me, you do not want to look like a wimp (or an old fool for that matter), even if you aren't one.

You want to look like a person that can damage/hurt others, and be able to do so as well.

FerFAL
 
I don't think it's important whether you look like you can hurt others, or whether you are a wimp. You shouldn't look like you're totally unaware of your surroundings, sure, but mainly you shouldn't be totally unaware of your surroundings.

To pick a recent post, FerFAL, I disagree with you partially.

It's all about balance. You shouldn't look totally defenseless, but you shouldn't look like you're out to hurt someone either. You will attract predator types if you're the former, and bullies/streetfighter/wannabes if you're the latter.

What's much more important than LOOKING like you can defend yourself to deter evildoers is BEING ABLE to defend against evildoers, and knowing how to avoid such situations.

Deterrence vis-a-vis appearance is highly overrated in this thread, IMO. Know what to do if you have to do it, and beyond that, don't wear a GLOCK shirt or go into a Southside Crips neighborhood wearing all red. Common sense.
 
FerFAL, as I read it, here's the key:[QUOTE="Habcan" at Western Rifle Shooters]The Grey Man is always invisible in plain sight.[/QUOTE]When you write,
FerFAL said:
Trust me, you do not want to look like a wimp (or an old fool for that matter), even if you aren't one...
Click to expand...
you're describing being assessed by a predator. My take on it is that the wimp/old fool description happens as and after the Grey Man gets dismissed as a suitable target. That's the story that conwict's "bully/streetfighter/wannabe" above might tell himself if the BG is looking to challenge competitors. The internal monologue of a criminal looking for easy victims might be different. Perhaps Habcan gave too much detail of one possible reason for dropping off the radar, but the BG's particular thoughts aren't what matter. The conclusions that BGs draw are what matter: "not a target."

The point is that he recommends wearing a persona which does not attract attention.
 
Conwict wrote:
To pick a recent post, FerFAL, I disagree with you partially.

It's all about balance. You shouldn't look totally defenseless, but you shouldn't look like you're out to hurt someone either. You will attract predator types if you're the former, and bullies/streetfighter/wannabes if you're the latter.

What's much more important than LOOKING like you can defend yourself to deter evildoers is BEING ABLE to defend against evildoers, and knowing how to avoid such situations.

Deterrence vis-a-vis appearance is highly overrated in this thread, IMO. Know what to do if you have to do it, and beyond that, don't wear a GLOCK shirt or go into a Southside Crips neighborhood wearing all red. Common sense.
Click to expand...

Of course YMMV, but in my experience you want to cover two areas, your first line being “prevention” and the last line of defense being actually “fighting ability”.

The guy that successfully kills two attackers earns a lot of respect, but in my book, seeing them coming (high awareness level) and avoiding the situation entirely is a much better outcome.
Same applies here.
Someone here made a post about looking too thin in spite of being a MMA fighter, and therefore he got into a lot of fights.
Looking like you can handle yourself and not getting targeted and avoiding having to win a fight is what I would prefer.

Concerning criminals, I can assure you that most of them look for the weakest target. Just like the wild animals look for the weakest animal to hunt.
Criminals will choose elderly women, elderly men, children, women, then weak looking men and strong men at the end of the list.

Of course showing off a brand new gold rolex might be a problem even if you are Matt Hughes, but generally speaking criminals prefer easy targets.
Bullies and troublemakers also prefer weak people.
I wouldn’t trust on pitifully looks to turn away a looser trying to feel better about himself.

Of course your opinion may vary, but that’s been my experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying look like a troublemaker yourself. What I’m saying is stay fit, know how to fight, avoid attracting attention or looking “loaded”.
Avoid sings of weakness as well. Contacts instead of glasses, facial jewelry like piercings or men with earrings, or intricate hairstyles or beard, that others (even without realizing at a conscious level) will read as a sign of unsure personality.
Dressing like a fag or “metrosexual” (sorry for the lack of PC, not my thing, just trying to be brief) wont help either.
Criminals are experts at figuring people out. Don’t be fooled, they are like pray animals and eventually become good at what they do.

Once you have the mentality and the skill, the rest comes naturally. You wont have to “look” mean or capable of fighting, you’ll be all that for real, and those around you can sense it at a primal level.
Youve officially taken self defense way too far.
buy a gun, train with it, let that be it.
Click to expand...

That's not enough. There's people out there that can draw and fire accurately well enough but would get their Caspian 1911 shoved up their ...behind... if things get rough and they end up fighting over teh gun with a criminal.
And again, not having to use your skills is always better, so you do want to project an image of secuirty, without looking like a punk and without looking like rambo.

FerFAL
 
softy

Most figure I am a teddy bear, a 6'-1'' at 230 #, and grey hair (60ish), I practice pulling and shooting regularly with one of my daughters, I also carry a baton on occasion and would not hesitate to use it in lieu of the weapon if needed.
I have always tried to turn away from encounters the best I could, but will not run for fear, only I hope because of good judgement.
Best thing to do is be aware of surroundings and your capabilities and don't over extend them.
Most criminals and bullies rely on your fear, take that edge from them and you've won already.
Hey good luck and good shootin
rj
 
I can tell you after thirty years as a criminal investigator that "tough" has little to do with looks. Being a victim does however. A purposeful walk and an air of determination can make a difference in whether or not goblins choose you or the next person to become their victim. I think this speaks to common sense as much as it does to body language. If you are going to walk among wolves you had better be prepared to howl.

P.S. The toughest human being I ever met is a 65 year old retired Army vet who looks like your Grandpa. Three tours in VN can do that to a fellow.

As always, thank you to all our veterans for your service.
FF
 
QUOTE:

Chuang Tzu's take...and mine.


The Fighting Cock
Chi Hsing Tzu trained fighting cocks for the king. Once, when he was training an especially fine bird, the king asked if it was ready for the ring.

“Not yet, Your Majesty,” said Chi Hsing Tzu. “He’s full of fire. He’s ready to pick a fight with every other bird. He’s vain and confident of his own strength.”

After ten days, the king repeated his question, and Chi Hsing Tzu said, “Not yet. He still flares up when he hears another cock crowing.”

After ten more days, he said, “Not yet. He still gets that angry look and ruffles his feathers.”

Ten more days: “Now he’s ready. When another bird crows, his eyes don’t even flicker. He stands immobile like a wooden statue of a bird. He is a mature fighter. Other birds will take one look at him and run.”

Biker

~~~~~

Isn't that from the ART of WAR? I used to own that book years ago.

http://www.chinapage.com/sunzi-e.html

Thanks - good one!

Catherine
 
Quote:

This thread has perfect timing for me.

This morning when I woke up I looked like the same hang-dog, owly, unkempt, deranged, in pain, and yet boyishly handsome Harley owner you all love.

I look like I'm ready to sell you insurance now.

The reason? It's May. The lovely month of May. I got a haircut.

~~~~~

That is a good one and thanks!

Catherine
 
No Catherine, it's from "The Tao of Chuang Tzu".

I also have read and reread SunTzu's "The art Of War" many times.

Biker
 
I don't think that I look like a soft target when I open carry out here.

Here's to eyeglass wearing, middle aged ladies who aren't super tall or big that can hold their own with a walk or a look... they can shoot too!

I always LOOK at someone in their eyes along with their over all 'look'.

Some people may think that I look 'soft' because if I dress up... I don't LOOK like what SOME people think of gun toting females. Briefcase, purse, dress, suit, skirt/sweater, etc.

If I dress in a casual style... who knows?

I have been in places out here, remote areas, where I open carried - high noon/western style or with my shoulder holster or had my hand on a fanny pack or holster... while waiting outside of a bathroom/rest stop or waiting elsewhere for my husband... some young adults walked towards me and I moved my hand near my open fanny pack or whatever holster that I was wearing... they WALKED AWAY from me and stayed clear to the other side of the parking lot. I have had that happen to me in several places even in a remote camp site called 'Caribou' up close to the border up north. A man stopped his pick up truck, stayed on the road and just stared at me not saying one word, my husband was fishing in a creek and he could not see my husband - I couldn't either with the foliage but I knew that he was down there @ the creek, when I turned to face the man staring at me... I stared back at him and put my hand on my Ruger Blackhawk 45Colt, not taking my eyes off of the man, my gun was not 'lashed' down on purpose-bear country, I faced the staring man head on and after awhile... he sped away! I had that happen to me while camping up in the Sapphire Mountains and I did the same deal. A guy driving around 2 times and staring at me... I was alone and it was in the fall... he left me alone. I was ready to leave my camp site by a creek and go into a small log cabin for the winter right butt up to the wilderness. I NEVER pointed a gun at anyone but laid my hand on the gun... it stayed in my holster or in my fanny pack. YOU don't point unless you intend to use it when and IF you have to use it... if ever that time comes... God forbid.

Who knows what a soft or hard target is? I don't think it is ALWAYS about your clothing. I think it is about your stance, your walk, your confidence, your gun or no gun in NO CCW or NO OPEN CARRY areas, your smile, your frown, or eye contact. I have been in big cities, small towns, rural areas and wilderness. It all depends... I don't like driving without a gun but I have had to do that for over half of my life too. NO CCW! LONG drives and alone in many cases not counting flying. A lady can't always take her German Shepherd (I used to have them and GS mixes.) or tall man with her!

My late husband may have looked soft because he was tall, lean and strong yet wore eyeglasses. He was not soft and big into self defense even in the NO CCW state! When his cancer got really bad and he was weaker/dying, he told me that I WAS HIS protector from that time on. It wasn't but a few weeks to a month before his death that he did not have a firearm near him. When the time came... I moved it due to his morphine drops in fluids, on the tongue when he could not swallow and morphine patches on his chest even though he was WITH IT mentally until the VERY END.

My groom aka husband is a big, tall man who could look mean if he had too. He does not have a mean face but he is big/tall and is the type to LOOK at his surroundings (Situational awareness!) a lot as my late husband did along with what people look like. He does not wear eyeglasses except for reading glasses. We are middle aged! I have worn eyeglasses since I was 5 years old. I NEED to wear them unless I feel for my slippers! Most of the people who know him and work with him think that he is a big old teddy bear - grin. He is NOT as VOCAL as I am... go figure when he gets upset. I am a very protective lady of my loved ones, husband, sister, brother, dogs, close friends, I never had children but I don't like MY loved ones getting screwed with in any way whatsoever. I am the type who would stand UP for them, defend them and not back down. When I was a very young lady, many people thought that I might not be super strong because I did not always appear STOIC. My late husband had a stoic streak in him unless you got super close to him. He was a man of few words unless you REALLY knew him. My groom is not 'stoic' acting. The funny thing is this... when the S HIT THE FAN in family or friends situations from you name it to death/dying issues... guess who was the one who flew or drove or cleaned UP the mess along with standing by the one in need or the weaker person? Me. Go figure!

You just never know... God gives strength to some people for any situation. God created man... Sam Colt made them equal... small and large... you know the right saying here! I do not know it verbatim so please excuse me. Thank you!

Sincerely,

Catherine
 
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I agree FerFAL. For me important points are:

1) Don't stress out all the time about how you look; enjoy life
2) Have a plan
3) Know your surroundings
4) Avoid
5) Attempt escape if necessary, or verbal de-escalation

For me, deterrence is in not looking rich, talking about my paycheck, etc. I don't really expect to deter someone by looking "not soft." It's possible that some criminals will avoid you if you have on an Army jacket, but it's a delicate balance. Look too weak and you attract predators, look too tough and you could attract troublemakers. Overall, I just don't stress about it and try to strike a balance and have a plan. Avoiding bad places is probably more important than "looking" a certain way.
 
My makeover was by way of a pituitary condition that made my hands grow very large, and I now weigh 250lbs, down from 290 lol.
My body language is also the body language of... a 250 pound guy. In a fair fight, I would have an advantage 90% of the time.. of course all fights aren't fair and that's why I'm packing! :)
 
I don't look like a soft or hard target most of the time. I work outdoors in the construction industry and usually have dirty tore up clothes on half the time. I actually had an old lady offer to buy me lunch because she thought I was homeless. I don't own any jewelry(other than my wedding band $50) and I wear those five dollar shades from the gas station. Even my cell phone is two years old and looks beat to death. I'd be willing to bet most criminals wouldn't waste their time with a guy that has nothing worth stealing. I won't even drive a nice car.
 
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