Florida Pythons: Prepare to be "Judged!"

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OnPointFirearms

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Chalk up another black eye for the state of Florida, my home. A couple of weeks ago, a hillbilly's pet python escaped from its cage and killed the man's 2 year old daughter. It made headlines across the nation-- and exposed a growing problem that Floridians have been aware of for years. You see, the Everglades is crawling with killer snakes. Giant, man-eating snakes who are not native to these parts.

To learn more, simply flip on the History, Discovery, or Science channels and you'll see specials documenting the chaos in south Florida. You'll be shocked. Conservative estimates are in the neighborhood of 30,000+ giant snakes in the Everglades alone-- and realistically it's closer to 100k. Over the years, village idiots from all over Florida have released their "pets" into the wild and they have multiplied with extreme prejudice-- as these jumbo reptiles have no natural predators. Once in awhile a gator gets one, but most of the time these snakes are unchecked-- wreaking havoc on the local wildlife population.

Now, our government is trying to tackle the issue by throwing money at the problem. When in fact, we should be throwing LEAD at the problem. The brilliant thinkers in our government are spending $10 million over two years to have some eggheads research the problem and come up with a solution. Meanwhile, the tree-huggers are making sure that the snakes will be put down in a humane method. Humane? You've got to be kidding me. No shooting, no slicing, no snaring, no fun.

My solution is a cheap one. The EPA is worried about lead in the Everglades, so we'll use Black Cloud steel shot just like the Duck Commanders. Forget about air boat rides. Let's get some good ole boys out in the thick of it-- guys who know the terrain. Pay 'em $100 per head-- literally. It's simple Snakeconomics, my friends. It'll create good paying jobs for folks in Florida who desperately need it. We can hedge taxpayers from another huge pork-laden government project AND we get to rid ourselves of these evil alien snakes from Burma!

So, who's with me? I'm taking a Taurus Judge on the job-- specifically the new Public Defender model. I have plans to Duracoat it in WWII green and call it the "Bull Gator"-- paying homage to the Taurus bull and my beloved Florida Gators (the only species actually getting confirmed kills on these snakes). I'll be sure to post up some pics of the project soon.

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Have a good one and God bless. -- Evan
 
What shot size is best for python?

If they'd spend the ten million on bounty awards, the problem might get cleaned up rather quickly.
 
Florida's highest point is 345 ft. above sea level.

Where are there "hillbillies" in Florida when there aren't any hills?:D
 
If I were to specifically hunt for pythons,a Judge may be on my hip but my hands would be on a pump action 20 guage loaded with #2 or #4 shot. Remember while stomping around in the 'glades that the American crocodile has made a strong comeback. I watched an episode of "Monster Quest" where an adult male was found that measured 16-18 feet long. That is maneater size and they have the temperment to go with it.
 
Pump, schmump.

I'll take a semi. And a 12. Why not? It's not like you're hiking around in the mountains with the thing.
 
Sign me up, I've got 6 months of vacation a year and I already own all the tools...Can I wear a cool hat and vest like Mick Dundee?
 
Top Of The Food Chain

Man, as it happens, is at the top of the food chain.

Those whose bias inclines them toward letting "Nature" take its course should remember two things: 1) "Nature" didn't put these snakes there, 2) "Nature" put Mankind at the top of the food chain.

"Don't hurt the snake, it was just doing what it does naturally!"
Click to expand...

And what is it, precisely, that Mankind just "does naturally?"


Oh, and BTW, how does batter-fried python taste? How about grilled?

 
Pythons elude hunters on first night of serpent-stalking in the Everglades

By PAUL QUINLAN

Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The pythons proved an elusive prey.

Rather than a pile of snake carcasses, the first private sanctioned python hunt in Florida that went off Monday night deep in the Everglades produced little more than ideas about how to trap the stealthy reptiles.

Monday night's hunt in western Miami-Dade County came just days after state wildlife officials began doling out licenses to a handful of snake experts in Florida, authorizing them to set out into the Everglades, trap and kill the non-native snakes.

The rush to stop the growing snake population followed news that a pet python had killed a 2-year-old in central Florida.

But Monday's hunt on the L-67 levee north of Tamiami Trail came up empty-handed.

The two hunters, Michael Cole and Robert Conyers, predicted as much setting out.

That the small hunting party would bag, or even spot, a handful of the monstrous snakes was one of the "myths" Conyers dispelled as the group rode along the levee listening to country music in his red Dodge pickup with the faded "Marines" sticker on the back window.

"In ten years, I've seen eight," Conyers said. "We'll be lucky if we find one."
 
Can you eat python meat? Does it taste like rattlesnake? I ate gourmet rattlesnake cakes at a restaurant once. I'd love to eat python... it's probably meatier...
 
I think "man eating" is the wrong term as there has yet to be scientific proof of a snake eating a man. I prefer "man killing" snake.

I do enjoy eating snake (have eaten western diamond back and timber rattlers before). I would love to try burmese python or a boa. Think of the cowboy boots we could make!!! No longer would Shaq have to do without!!! Big girls could finally get short snakeskin skirts!!!

I would totally go big snake hunting just for the thrill of hunting an animal capable of killing me in close quarters. Those things are masters of concealment. I am thinking semi auto or pump 12 gauge though. Maybe a marine mossberg 500 with a turkey choke?
 
Oh boy, here we go again. There was a "which gun for Florida pythons?" thread here a few months back. The term "man-eating snakes" as used by the OP is very inaccurate. "Child-eating" would be somewhat more accurate. Even the largest anacondas and pythons in the world cannot physically get their jaws around the widest part of a full-grown adult human - the shoulders. So although a python can kill a man by suffocation or even infection from mouth bacteria if a bite isn't treated, actually "eating" an adult human whole is all but impossible. Children and adolescents are a different story.

Although there have been myths and legends about 40, 50 or even 100-foot long anacondas (which could theoretically be large enough to consume an adult human), these reports have not been scientifically proven.

But, more on topic, from afar, I'd use a 12 gauge with buckshot, and from up close, I'd use a Kershaw Outcast chopping tool as my main defense, with a neck knife and a boot knife as backup. In a tight "squeeze" a cutting/slashing/stabbing tool would be much easier to use than a complicated firearm.

Edit to add: Oops, TheFallGuy just beat me to it!
 
"Although there have been myths and legends about 40, 50 or even 100-foot long anacondas (which could theoretically be large enough to consume an adult human), these reports have not been scientifically proven." And this fact in no way disproves it either.
 
I've seen 15-20 footers and they give me the Heebie Jeebies... If I ran into a 50 footer I'd run away screaming if I didn't have at least a 12 gauge with 00 buck.
 
My parents have a golf course surrounding their cul-de-sac and the owner let it go to hell in the interest of trying to force the local powers that be to let him develop the golf course property in the interest of building homes. Well it has been ten years and the golf course has been unkempt the whole time. There are bears, gators, moccassins, and yes pythons. I went with my mom on a walk across the golf course where the grass wasn't high with her new and her new dog sure to have my Redhawk 4" .44 Magnum under my button up shirt and a snub .357 in each pocket, for bears and two legged predators. While we were walking we saw a seven foot something moving in the tall grass some distance away. It may have been a python, it might not have but I wasn't going to walk in the high grass and risk getting bit by a moccassin as those little bastards lay coiled up in the grass.

I know folks that keep pythons, why I couldn't tell you. But their cages are like steel traps with welds, chicken wire, and rebar and they have never had the snakes break out. One snake breaks out and kills a kid, which happened as the father and mother beat and stabbed the snake when using rubbing alcohol or hot water works far better. A buddy of mine put his seven footer on me to see if I could break my arms free, mind you I bench four hundred pounds and curl 110lb dumbells so this should have been an easy task as the snake wrapped around me. Well it wasn't and my buddy got out the rubbing alcohol and made all my sweaty effort worthless as the snake did everything it could to get off of me and away from the rubbing alcohol.

Like anything in life, you can't fix stupid, and it's the stupid people that ruin it for the rest of us. And yes pythons are tasty when you toss them in a 50 gallon drum full of (after cleaning it) beer that just had a dressed hog marinate for three days and cooked in it, and let the meat sit in it for half an hour on a low fire. The beer was corona and the snake was tasty.
 
Snakes are snakes.

OregonJonny: (I've seen a fully grown man, 6'6", 210# squeeze himself through a 12" round hole in plywood. He simply "shrugged" his shoulders the right way and put them through one at a time. Any large snake can un-hinge its jaws to accomodate large prey after it's been killed.)
TheFallGuy I think "man eating" is a misnomer. (What do you call a snake that has swallowed a 2-yr old child, whole? Where do you draw that line?)
ArmedBear Where are there "hillbillies" in Florida when there aren't any hills? (Both the pythons and the hillbillies are imported to Florida.)
 
To those who asked, and I'm not sure why they needed to ask, but Boa and Python both taste like chicken. (Duh!)

-Matt
 
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