Gun Goobers 3--Attack Of The Clowns

[Sir Galahad]

Beyond and Back and Other Great Adventures in Gun Shops:


1.) Hot Fer Teacher---This is the guy who cannot so much as take a while carrying a firearm unless his instructor guru has told him how it is done. "Ahhhhh....stinkbug.....when you can grasp the 9mm Hydra-Shok from my hand, then you may call yourself highly trained....when you can practice the art of not losing Kahr 9mm down Porta-Potty when defecating...when you can practice the art of smiling when 1911 fall on unclad foot....when you can discover for yourself that sleeping with handgun in pillow leaves much desireable imprints of checkering on face...then you may call yourself a trained one." This is the guy who says unless his instructor says something, it simply cannot be true. "Awwww, heck! I don't care what the Secret Service does to protect the President. Ain't a one o' them ever been to ThunderBuns or even Whistleberries School of Tactics and Chili Cooking!" This guy talks about his gun guru so much, you'd think these guys are related, or something else. Always wears a T-shirt with the gun school logo on it, has the decal on his car, has the coffee cup with logo, has the keychain with logo, and is naming his first-born son after the instructor. Yep, this guy's guru knows it all. Don't you wish you did too?

2.) PAPERBACK WRITER---This guy is a variation on HOT FER TEACHER. This guy swears by the writing of whatever his favorite gun rag writer says. It's like Scripture to him. "Let us now turn to Gunrag, chapter 6, verse 3, '....and on the third day, it was said that all real defensive handguns are ones that are of calibers thereof pleasing in the sight of the Prophets, Marshall and Sanow...' No matter what you do, carry, or shoot, if this guy's favorite writer doesn't like it, it simply stinks and there is no room for discussion. "Awwww, you dummy! Those commie AKs can't hit a barn door from inside the barn! Messof Opinions even says so in 'Dat's Right, I'm Baaaaad!' which everyone knows is the definitive book for defensive firearms use! Get yourself a Bushmaster AR! Who cares if you've got to spend the rent money!?" And how about this line----"Who cares if it's FUN?!? Guns aren't meant to be FUN!!! You're supposed to be dead serious at all times, training for the day when society collapses and we crawl out of the rubble with ARs and those with AKs and bolt actions all fall down to worship us! Besides, everyone knows that Messof Opinions is THE last word in defensive guns and he says shooting is supposed to be like a root canal or giving birth; unpleasant and time-consuming, but necessary." Yeah, ya didn't think of THAT, didja?


3.) BEYOND AND BACK----This guy has been everywhere, done everything, shoot everything, and seen everything. "I went to hunt musk ox up and the Arctic Circle and---" "YEP! Been there. Done that. Don't need to even tell me." "I once had an original Walker Colt that my great-great-grandfath---" "Had one! Sold it. POS. So what?" "When I was a supply clerk in Vietna---" "Been there, done that. CIA, 1970. Special ops team. Assassinated the head of the NVA. Twice. Can't tell ya more. Classified."

 

[Sir Galahad]

4.) THE MOVIE MAN----Not really too much of a Gun Shop Goober, but close enough. This is the guy who sees a movie and HAS to have the firearm in it then says it's the best firearm in the world. Guy saw "The Matrix" and has to have a Desert Eagle. And gets it and says the DE is the best handgun ever made, hands down. Guy has done frame-by-frame analysis of "The Professional" to make sure he buys the right model handguns that Jean Reno was using. Guy sees "Blackhawk Down" and goes out and buys an AR. Guy sees "Saving Private Ryan" and needs an M1. And, you guessed it, guy sees "Captain Corelli's Mandolin" and needs a Carcano.

 

[winstonsmith]

What happens when movie man sees star wars?

 

[Zundfolge]

What happens when movie man sees star wars?

Has to buy a Broomhandle Mauser ... then put a scope and flash hider on it.

 

[winstonsmith]

I was thinking more that he gets so inspired by the storm troopers that he decides to join the ATF.

 

[atek3]

don't forget the mod-ed sterling mk iv smg.

atek3

 

[David Scott]

How about LEO WANNABEE:

Carries whatever the local cops carry, including pepper spray, Radio Shack hand-held scanner and a six-D-cell MagLite.

Buys a "Concealed Weapons Permit" badge.

Drives a black-on-black Ford Crown Victoria with spotlights on the A-pillars and antennas for CB, scanner and cell phone. Likes to follow cars at random to see if he can spook them with his "unmarked".

Blows his kid's college fund on Second Chance vests, black BDUs, and other cop lingerie.

Conversation is full of tactical slang. Spouts a running critique while watching "Cops".

Eats a lot of donuts.

 

[Don Gwinn]

That guy was covered in a previous dissertation-- "Adam 12-Year-Old."

 

[clown714]

thought this thread,was about me

then ,i,started to read it.

yep,sure was

:banghead:

"wake up with checkering"




clown

 

[bigjim]

One more

Elitist gun prick

Very insecure. Has to inflate his ego by insulting others. Has all of the traits of other gun people mentioned in this series of descriptions but its different when he does it. Has been there and done that for so long he knows that nothing new or different than his preconceived notions about the ways things should be can have any value. Spends inordinate amounts of time pidgin holing other shooters into groups that make it convenient for him to disparage. Never considers taking the time to mentor another shooter and share his experience. Works hard to kill the sport of shooting by alienating people. Starts forum threads like these.

 

[Sir Galahad]

Bigjim, lighten up. It's humor. Everything in the world doesn't have to be deadpan serious. You know, we spend a lot of time finding humor in the antis. We need to be able to find the humor among ourselves, too. These are caricatures. And, some of these people really do exist. And there are some of these people who really don't help the image of gun owners one bit, also. Such as the cop wanna-bes. Nothing freaks people out more than that, really. But I'm not here slamming them, I'm just finding the humor in it. But, no matter what someone says in jest, there will always be someone ready to take offense. OH, NO!!! Don't tell me we're going to have to be PC in the gun community! That calls for a new thread! I'll have to re-define the characters. I'll have to use terms like "Ballistically-Challenged", "LEO-American", "Transfirearmed Persons", "Differently-Armed", and so on.

 

[Feanaro]

Guy sees "Saving Private Ryan" and needs an M1

Thine humour doth offend!

Great stuff.

 

[QuickDraw]

Maybe your hittin' to close to home.

QuickDraw

 

[Wild Bill]

Sir Galahad,

Fear not kind sir, methinks thine humor far outweighs any insult real or imagined - at least for the vast majority of the gun lovin' masses!

Having run into several folks that display all or some of these traits I can safely say you have them pegged.

I'll even admit that, while I fit none of the profiles you've illustrated so far of course, I have seen the occasional dis-functional trait in my own behaviour.

When we lose the ability to occasionally look in the mirror and give a hearty one of these to the dude looking back we have indeed lost much.

Forget the PC and keep 'em comin.

 

[Sir Galahad]

Thanks all! The funny thing about the term "elitist gun pr***" is that that was one of the things I recall I spoofed in the past "Gun Shop Goober" threads. People such as "The Perfesser", for example. It's all good, and it's all in fun.


Shooting good is only half the fun. The other half is getting there.

 

[FPrice]

Sir Galahad...

"Guy sees "Saving Private Ryan" and needs an M1."

Gee, I saw SPR and I now want a Thompson M1A1. Does that make me a movie fan? If so, I think I'm gonna go broke soon.

 

[bigjim]

LOL! My post was meant as humor as well. Just taking it to the next level.....

Once you have made fun of everyone else.....just to be fair you need to zing yourself.

 

[bigjim]

I agree with the private ryan syndrome
That movie cost me 5000 dollars at least.

 

[Brian Williams]

Come on git et rite it tis PerFessr, I don't know it all I just claim to.

Besides a S&W is the best and 9mm rules
cept when I need a 45, then a 1911 is the only way to rock, unless I want a 357................

 

[Sir Galahad]

Bigjim, ah, but you did you see my latest masterpiece? Take a look at "Gun Goobers 4---Sir Galahad Unhorsed". Even I have chinks in my armor...chinks in my armor ...ahem...chinks in my...never mind, I screwed up the delivery.

 

[FPrice]

"Even I have chinks in my armor..."

Is that anything like chicks in your armoire???

 

[Sir Galahad]

Hmmmm.....I could comment with a couple anecdotes, but this is a family-oriented forum.

 

[jsalcedo]

(Closet queen)

Buys lots of cool expensive guns AR's HK's Beretta and Benelli
shotguns then sticks them in a closet where they never see the light of day. Never shows them off, shoots, buys ammo or even
checks to see if they are still there.

Can't remember what he has, just mentions "yeah I have some guns"

When asking the "closet queen" a question about fireams in general they just shrug there shoulders and give you a blank stare. They have no real interest in firearms, just a twisted packrat mentality that is focused on guns. Kind of like the way homeless folks collect plastic grocery bags

 

[arinvolvo]

I watched "The Assassin" and went out and bought a Ruger 22 bull barrel

But since then I only buy odd ball guns. So Im not too much of a goober.

 

[Carlos Cabeza]

HAHA ! Bigjim, Nice retort. I have to admit that after OKC bombing and 9/11 my public demeanor has changed completely. I live in condition yellow and may appear to be slightly 'noid. I call it a heightened sense of alert/awareness. Sorry, but I do fit some of your descriptions and find no offense in them at all. I can't possibly get my tidy whiteys in a knot over an internet BB post, call it self confidence. I have had people ask me if I was an officer or a plainclothes detective. I actually took that as a compliment to the way I carry myself, spoken authority and my concern for being a GOOD GUY. I usually find time for solitude and condition white at my home in the woods, by the lake. When I get home I crack a cold one, and grab my fishin' pole.................