how do you gracefully sever ties with old friends as you mature?

[ryan in maine]

I'm sure a lot of others have this issue on their plate as well.

I went thru my party-weed-liquor stage from ages 13-16. I stuck around on the scene for another couple of years, not participating directly, but still surrounded by those who were in it full swing. as I hit my 20's, I was realizing that I had to distance myself from all of it. even the friends.

I'm now 23, and still, old friends find me (I live in a town with under 10,000 citizens and not much to do, so eventually you're going to run into each other). they're usually the same, or have moved on to harder drugs, or distributing (or much more severe crimes). many of my old friends are now felons, or close to it. I have distanced myself from the scene completely. and still, they find me. it also doesn't help when (by my estimates), 4 out of 5 ppl here between the ages of 12-32 are frequent drug users (usually stoners or alcoholics, but pill-addictions, cocaine, meth, morphine, etc is becoming relatively common).

sometimes it gets to the point where it seems the only solution is moving (which isn't going to happen). so how do you gracefully sever ties with your old friends as you're moving towards maturity, especially when you're becoming a gun owner, and planning for your CCW?

 

[JerryM]

I would just tell them I am not into those things anymore, and am not interested in participating in parties, etc.

It is better to be upfront than to get into some trouble by association.

Jerry

 

[Jorg Nysgerrig]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/dearabby_form.html

or you if want the answer from like-minded folks:

http://www.armedpolitesociety.com/

 

[budney]

Tell them you've found something wonderful you want to share with them, and then invite them to go to church with you.

--Len.

 

[Nomad101bc]

When you break the ties join a gun club where you can find non felons who still know how to have a good time.

 

[Jamie C.]

Tell 'em you're gonna become a cop.

Hey, it worked for me.


J.C.

 

[Nio]

I'm now 23, and still, old friends find me (I live in a town with under 10,000 citizens and not much to do, so eventually you're going to run into each other). they're usually the same, or have moved on to harder drugs, or distributing (or much more severe crimes). many of my old friends are now felons, or close to it. I have distanced myself from the scene completely. and still, they find me. it also doesn't help when (by my estimates), 4 out of 5 ppl here between the ages of 12-32 are frequent drug users (usually stoners or alcoholics, but pill-addictions, cocaine, meth, morphine, etc is becoming relatively common).

A long time ago I had your problem. The way I handled it was very easy. I still might see folks out in the street or something, but whenever I did, I made my excuse and went about my business. I didn't call, didn't hang out, didn't return phone calls. Out of sight out of mind...

Those of us who eventually got out of the lifestyle are all doing well. Those of the old group that didn't get out and kept using and boozing are all dead except one.

Nio

 

[gdvan01]

Start selling Amway.



IBTL.

 

[ryan in maine]

Jerry,
they already know I've been drug-free and party-free since I was 16 (well almost all of them). it's not always necessarily those activities they're inviting me into. sometimes it's as innocent as playing basketball. and hey, I luv playing basketball. but I don't want to do it with them. sometimes they're just asking for a ride. but I don't want them in my car.

I haven't participated in illegal activities since I was 16, and most everyone knows that. they're not asking me to go get drunk or stoned, etc. the problem is all the old friends themselves. I'm not in any danger of being lured back in to the scene or anything like that. I just don't want to associate with those who are not law-abiding citizens. especially if I obtain my CCW.

I need to sever ties with them. and it is proving to be more difficult than simply being a law-abiding citizen. they will inevitably still want to stop and talk. ask you to hang out. etc. and I simply am looking for a graceful way to say "hey, I don't want to hang out with you 'cause you routinely break the law and I'm trying to distance myself from your type", y'know?

feelings will get hurt. emotions will stir. situations will possibly be heated. without a graceful way to do it, that is. and I haven't thought of one.

budney, Jamie,
haaa! that might start a fight, dumb as it sounds. but hey, if it works!

gdvan01,
why would this get locked? it's a legitimate question for young men who are growing up and taking on responsibilities such as gun ownership and CCW.

Nio,
thanks for the reply.

that is something I have noticed, quite glaringly. these folks are still in and out of jail. some are dead. many are parents who still wont be able to afford raising a child 10 years from now.

it's kind of sad, actually.

I'm glad I've left it all behind and matured. I might be a threepeat offender who lost his rights with a child and no money right now if I had kept on the way things were going.

Nomad 101 BC,
I think there's only one gun club in the area, and I'm still not sure if I want to join. it's privately owned, and I'm not sure I'd make the cut anyways.

 

[telomerase]

Weird Al demonstrates

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw

Just adopt the simple traditional dress of Nerdistanians, and you will become invisible to the nonworking types.

You wanted to learn Unix anyway

 

[grimjaw]

Let the bridges you burn light your way forward!

jm

 

[MarshallDodge]

I agree with Nomad, join a gun club or another productive hobby and make some friends.

Maybe you should rethink the moving thing? Not far, just far enough.

 

[pax]

This isn't on-topic, so I'm closing the thread. (That doesn't mean it's not a good topic, please don't take it personally -- it only means it just is not very gun-related.)

http://www.armedpolitesociety.com/ <--- good place to ask the same question.

Sorry.

pax