Just an update on the crazy neighbor

[Ivy Mike]

Original thread here: http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=383089


Anyway, I haven't seen much of the old man since the police last came out. Perhaps his wife has become a bit more forceful in making sure he gets his medication.
Only one sighting was when he decided to park his car on the street and sit in it while staring at my house. Well I took a few pictures just to document things but he didn't move until my sister got home. At that point she called me and asked me to come outside to make sure Wally didn't bother her while she went from driveway to front door.

I put my shoes on, and carried my camera in my hand when I went out the front door. I made sure to be obvious when I took a couple more pictures of him sitting there. He gave me a dirty look and then backed his car into his driveway and continued to watch.

Haven't seen him in more than a week and that is fine by me.
I am really hoping he is getting the help he needs.

Thanks THR for the kind words and advice.

 

[Pat-inCO]

Sounds like you found the best possible solution.

 

[Treo]

Seems like he aint all that far out there

 

[csmkersh]

Don't let your guard down. The old man could sit and stew until he'd had enough then Katy bar the door.

FWIW, you're being stalked. Give the cops a call and you photos.


​

 

[JesseKM]

If the guy's in his 60's and he has dementia of some sort (sounds like it), then take a look at what he thinks is going on. He's trying to find some lady who he thinks lives there. He started out (per other thread) leaving pizza and flowers. Now he's trying to actually see her. Frankly, it sounds like he's reliving something from his past (anyone think teen years?). He's acting based on his memories of reality then...not reality now. Violence frankly doesn't sound terribly likely from what you've related as his side of things.

His wife must be going through quite a bit right now. It's never easy to watch a loved one start to lose their memory. More realistically speaking their short term memory begins to go...leaving them existing in the world they can remember from their long term memory. She's having to deal with the day to day care, the embarassment in this situation, the necessity of telling him what's really going on over and over, and the desire to have him back the way he was. He's not actually stalking you in his mind. He seems to be doing his best to make contact again with the lady he remembers. His frustration and anger comes when reality doesn't match up with the way he remembers it. I would think that the reason the police are taking a softer line on this is due to the fact that this guy isn't aiming this at you except by mistake.

You seem to have several courses of action left. Taking photos and documenting the situation is good and neccesary from a legal standpoint, but the message you're sending this man is not what you would be sending someone else. He's back in whatever year wondering why these people are taking his picture and why they won't let him see "debbie" or whatever the name was.

If things are still at the civil point between you guys and his wife, I would invite her over or go to a neutral area away from him and take the time to talk to her about the situation. Try to find out who "debbie" is or was and what might be going through his head. Take the time to understand what she's going through while dealing with him and communicate with her, and it could end up causing her to make some decisions about his future that could solve the whole problem (retirement home etc...).

Try to evaluate whether violence on his part is likely and what kind of response would be neccessary before the situation happens again. There's a huge difference between killing a home intruder and shooting a confused old man. In the heat of the moment it would likely be impossible to tell the difference, but right now you have the time to think and plan.

Ultimately, you shouldn't have to be in a situation where you feel like you have to escort your sister in and out. There have to be steps that you can take to work your way out of the situation without completely destroying the situation.



P.S. One of the reasons that I am taking a bit softer line on this is that my Grandmother has fairly advanced memory loss. She's called the police about 30 times so far to tell them that someone was coming to steal my late grandfather's car from the yard. I very much appreciate the kindness and consideration that the police have shown to her throughout everything.