My girlfriends irrational fear of guns

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DontBurnMyFlag

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Earlier in the month I had a post on my mothers irrational fear of guns. Now its my g/f. Her arguments were as follows

*guns are used for killing
*if you have a gun in the house, an accident will most likely happen
*someone will steal the gun and kill somebody
*regulation of guns keeps them out of bad guys hands
*"you dont need a gun"
*once your a cop you can keep your gun at the dept. :eek:

and then the shocker...."its either me or the guns"

Well gee, I guess having a gun for your protection shows I dont care? :rolleyes: I love this girl to death. Im not getting rid of her or my guns. I will hide them if neccessary. Now this is guns in future tense as I am in the process of buying them. I tried everything to quell this fear of hers. No logic or statistics will work. She will not go shooting with me. Her best friend (a girl) loves guns and my g/f wont have none of it. I debunked every one of her points. I mean I used liberal speak, big words, small words, logic, statistics etc. Is there nothing that will penetrate her bulletproof vest of fear?!?! In conclusion I stated that when we live together (soon by the way), guns will be used as protection of the house and ourselves. The police wont always be there, pepper spray doesnt always work, and no place is 100% safe, just safer. So anyway, Im sure this is a problem alot of gun owners face. So please, without flaming my girlfriend or calling her a GFW (gun fearing weenie), give my some insight on how I can help her see reality.
 
To each their own...

but were *I* in your shoes here, the moment I heard
and then the shocker...."its either me or the guns"
Click to expand...
the first words out of MY mouth would have been "There be yonder door, have a care that it does not smite thee on the posterior.....".

Actually used it about 5 years ago when the woman I was seeing gave me the same kind ultimatum about the cats.

There are just somethings that are more important than the relationship of the moment. I wish you luck though, you're gonna need it.
 
Kick her to the curb, man.

Her best friend (a girl) loves guns
Click to expand...
Sounds like she's who you should be dating.
Seriously, you're dating, and she's giving ultimatums? What will be next? Really. If you cave on this by hiding or getting rid of the guns, she has a tool to win any arguement from here to eternity. Folks who care about one another don't give ultimatums like that. They discuss things and come to a rational solution.

You are better off without her. Some people have been sipping the media Kool-aid, and refuse to be logical.
Just my .02
 
ditto what he said.

My first wife was a closet gun grabber, she knew I was a shooter and had many guns while we were dating but said nothing. As soon as she moved in to MY house, it was......get rid of the guns or I want a divorce. (she thought she would get half.) 72 hours after our ceremony I had the marraige annulled.

This is not a good situation for you. Take the guns out of the equation and you still have the problem that youa re obviously very fundamentally different. I would highly doubt that differences in values and lifestyle that great can be overcome.....all the best luck to you. YOU will need it!
 
and then the shocker...."its either me or the guns"
Click to expand...

Well, honey, it's been great. Be sure to write! :D :D :D

Whatever you do, don't do what you're thinking about doing. Either break it off with her, or tell her you will always be careful with your guns, but you will always have guns.

Of course, you can always give up your guns for the girl... :what: :eek: :( :( :barf:
 
In all sincerity and with intended kindness to both you and your girl friend:

I FEAR BIG TROUBLE IS AHEAD FOR BOTH OF YOU IF YOU GET MARRIED WITH SUCH MAJOR DIFFERENCES ON THIS SUBJECT!!!!! THE DECISION IS YOURS. MARRIAGE IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH WITHOUT TRYING TO OVERCOME SUCH A MAJOR RED FLAG PROBLEM.

Good luck to both of you.
LB
 
and then the shocker...."its either me or the guns"
Click to expand...

Female perspective.

You might -- emphasis on the might -- be able to keep both the girl and the guns if you just quietly refuse to argue about it and simply do what you're going to do.

If you try to work out a deal with her, if you bargain or back down, you will most likely lose the guns (in the bargaining process) and then the girl (who will probably walk because she'll have no respect for you).

Don't tell her, "There's the door." Don't make a fuss over it. Don't lie about it or try to hide it. Refuse to argue about it. Don't bring it up. If she brings it up, drop the subject. Just quietly do what you do and let her figure it out.

pax
 
The appropriate response is "That's too bad. I'll miss you."

It's the appropriate response to any "it's X or me" ultimatum from your girlfriend, btw.

If you can somehow make her understand that 1. it isn't about the "X", but about the control, and 2. you refuse to allow her to use the threat of leaving to control your behavior in anything, your relationship will probably even survive the episode. And if you make your gun the topic over which this control point is settled, you'll have the added benefit of being able to keep your guns.

If she walks, you are far better learning now that she must dominate her relationships, rather than after you have been married for a few years. Trust me, or any of the other married/formerly-married guys on THR, on this one; I'm sure others will be weighing in with similar comments soon.

Of course it looks like you live in the socialist hellhole of New Jersey, so you probably won't be able to keep your guns for long anyway.

edit: Wow, 4 posts between the time I hit reply and save. It looks like I was right about the others weighing in soon.
 
Have you tried to get her to shoot a gun? Try an innocent little pellet pistol, most will shoot that.

I remember a girl I used to date didn't like guns at all, but I bought her a pellet pistol, and as soon as she took that first shot her face changed and she wouldn't stop bugging me to go shoot. :what:
 
"...give my some insight on how I can help her see reality..."

Unfortunately you can't help her see reality. She is terminally reality impaired. Doomed, in other words. Give it up. It is a permanent condition, it extends to other subjects as well which you don't know about yet, and there is no cure for her. Your only hope is to accept her ultimatum and tell her goodbye. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HER. End it.


..."its either me or the guns"...

Say, "Goodbye, (insert former g/f's name here), it was nice knowing you." Say it now. RIGHT now. Mean it. You will eventually get over the broken heart, but volunteering to be p****whipped is forever. Do not do that to yourself, show some spine, throw this one back into the gene pool before she makes you do permanent damage to yourself. If you give in here you will be lost forever... that kind of ultimatum from any potential spouse over an issue which is not a threat to the sanctity of marriage simply cannot be tolerated. It demands payment in kind immediately, with no recourse, no compromise, no backing down, no waffling. Tell this woman goodbye. Now.

So sorry this happened to you, don't make it worse by giving in-

lpl/nc (marry a shooter, I did...)
 
This is just a relationship doomed for failure!

I never understood peoples irrational fear of an inanimate object. The "regulation of guns keeps them out of bad guys hands" parts really makes me laugh! Sorry to say that but that is an irrational statement.

Things are like this while you're just dating. Just think about how bad things will be when she threatens you with divorce. And if kids get involved, imagine how ugly those fights can turn out.
 
pax wrote:

Don't tell her, "There's the door." Don't make a fuss over it. Don't lie about it or try to hide it. Refuse to argue about it. Don't bring it up. If she brings it up, drop the subject. Just quietly do what you do and let her figure it out.
Click to expand...

These are wise words.

The problem with an ultimatum is that if you yield, you'll resent her and she won't respect you. Follow pax's advice, and it gives her a way to back away from the brink without losing face.

Or just can her butt. She sounds like a loony. :D

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
-H. L. Mencken
 
Fall Out Of Love Now!

Don't do it, no matter how pretty and sweet she is. I let a gun phobic GF move in here, first time she got mad at Me, she called the SO and told them I had illegal guns. After they tore everything up, and confirmed that everything is legal and correct she said, "sorry". That was the end of romance, no apologies accepted.
 
The phrase "its either me or the X" signals the end of a relationship to anyone who understands the code.

Threatening to leave is not a reasonable way to deal with issues in a relationship.

Either she's telling the truth and you should drop her if you intend to keep the guns, or she's bluffing and playing REALLY dirty pool with this threat and you should drop her because that's an unfair way to win.

Either way, you MUST call the bluff.

BTW, if you think you're having problems now, just wait till she gets pregnant. I know a LOT of guys who were literally FORCED to sell their guns when their wive's "nesting instincts" kicked in. For that reason I HIGHLY recommend that you not simply take the "ignore the situation" approach. If she's upset enough to threaten to end the relationship now, just think what it'll be like when children are involved.

Say goodbye now--it only gets harder the longer you put it off.

FWIW, I have no illusions that any of this will sway you in the least. There are few things that will convince a guy to leave a willing woman. That's what she's banking on and she's probably right.

P.S. Hiding the guns is an ANTI-solution. In other words, it's going to make the situation MUCH worse, it's just going to delay the showdown.
 
Sounds like a "control test" to me. Why do folks say " I have found the perfect person - then immediatly start trying to change them?

Listen to pax

You can ask me about dogs,peppermint and how to get kids to adopt you as a Uncle.

I Flunked Marriage 101, and 102 :D

Gimme guns OLDer gun ,especially a shotgun, old pickup trucks, dogs, and somewhere there is quail that need respect. I'm getting too old , and don't care about some stuff anymore. :p
 
thanks for all your help. in the time since this post i talked to her about a few things. She understands i need a gun if i become a cop. there is no way around that. she still doesnt understand why i need a gun and stuff like that. what i have been doing up until today was ignoring the subject and dropping the arguments. however it came up because on thursday I am going to do a FFL transfer to get my gun off of a friend. So now that owning a gun is a reality, she is concerned. everything exploded and we had an argument. So far it seems that she overreacted when she said "me or the guns". She calmed down and realized that was stupid reaction. The situation is pretty tense but thanks for all the support.
 
You need to push this situation NOW or you're going to have a real problem on your hands when pregnancy rolls around.
 
...."its either me or the guns"
Click to expand...

it didn't quite go like that w/ my g/f... she got really bent about me constantly buying guns. we got into a massive blowout. i went to bed and slept on it. next day, she came over, and while we were both calm, i told her: 'the guns were here before you. they'll be here after you leave. do what you need to do.'

2 years later we were married. from the day of that fight to the day of our wedding she went from mildly anti-gun and strongly anti-hunting to pro-gun and vehemently pro-hunting. she has accompanied me on several prairie dog shoots, a few pheasant hunts, and ccw's a s&w 686...

in all seriousness, this is a huge issue, and you must get this ironed out before you guys move in together. do come to an understanding before you go on w/ her at all.
 
Doomed.

Doooooooooooomed.

<Amityville Horror Voice> Get out! </Amityville Horror Voice>

Seriously man, it's not worth it, find a new girl.
 
I gots a PhD in Uncouth and Tacky .

Find a dark parking lot in a bad neighborhood. She can have a cell phone. Now all she has to do is get from point A to point B.

If she makes it ask her point blank if having a firearm would have felt more comforting than the cell phone.

If she don't ...problem solved. :evil:

Yes I did this to a anti classmate, refused to walk her out after a performance. She ended begging Security to walk her out.

Begged for me to take her shooting...seems a Motorola just ain't comforting enough.
 
Get rid of her now. I mean right now, call her and tell her it's over. Don't tolerate that ultimatum nonsense.
 
I'm engaged to Fletchette, and am hijacking his account briefly.

I just wanted to give my perspective on this topic since we encountered something very similar. I was raised in a very liberal town with very pascifist parents (my father is from Calif and my mother is European.) A few months into our relationship when I found out that he owned GUNS and was thinking about taking up RABBIT HUNTING again I was shocked. How barbarious! How uncivilized! How red-necky! How, how... is he serious?! I expressed my emmense dislike. He rationally told me his reasoning for wanting to hunt, but I just didn't see any need for it. I asked him if he owned guns, and he said he did. I was very disapproving, but I also saw that this was a very serious issue for him. I realized that this was something that went beyond just a sport for him, and decided that this was something I wanted to understand and talk about (and hopefully talk him out of.)

It's been two years now, and it is an issue that we would openly talk about when he or I felt the need to. I understand his reasoning and his belief in what is right. I realized that this is something that he would not change, so I decided to learn more about it. I decided that if these things (guns) were going to be in the house, then I want to know how to use them. I have come to accept that we have a revolver on each side of the bed. And quite honestly, I feel more secure at night if he is not there.

So, to bring this long narrative to an end, this is a serious issue for you and your girlfriend. You love her dearly. If she loves you as dearly, too, she should be willing to TALK about things, and not just argue. Don't go around debunking her arguments, because that will simply put her on the defensive. Instead, state your beliefs and back them up politely and logically. But also be understanding of her fears and concerns (don't scoff). Very clearly state to her that these are your core beliefs and part of what makes you "you." If she can't handle that, then the relationship will be VERY rough. Just think of it as two confronting religions--if they are not compatible, you have a problem. Irreconcilable differences.
 
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