Parent Says No To AR15: Needing Help

[Run&Shoot]

Win their hearts, then their minds

Having been a parent of teenage girls I suggest you first make absolutely clear that you will obey them willingly and completely and respect that they are your parents. They are responsble for you. Do not argue this point. cheerfully agree that while you have a different opinion you have no problem living with their decision. They can now stand down from the defensive posture. They won;t believe you are mature enough to own a rifle if you fly off the handle and get all angry and worked up about it, or worse, try to go behind their backs. Do it right and you have won their hearts. Maybe get a concession from them in the bargain.

"Mom, Dad, I totally respect your decision and will not try to undermine it. Since I am willing to comply completely with your decision and wait until I am old enough to buy my own, will you at least give me an opportunity to share more information about the *target* rifle I want to get?"

Next, do as some others suggest to gradually educate them about the quality and fun of your chosen rifle. remember, it is a target rifle, not an assualt rifle. Show them articles of the rifle being used in competitions. Tell them about the breakthrough research that went into the design and manufacture of the rifle and cartridge., yada, yada. If you can talk them into going to the range to just try shooting a similar TARGET RIFLE, then all the better.

Over time continue to demonstrate you are mature and responsbile and the rifle is a great for target practice. Maybe join a rifle club and start doing service rifle shoots or something. Start off borrowing someone else's, and drop hints how inconvenient it is to keep borrowing. Your demonstrated respect for them and your responsbility and enthusiasm will go a long way.

Trust that they love you and want the best for you. Right now they just do not see a reason for you to own said rifle. Start showing them you are serious about target shooting even if you don;t have your own rifle yet. I would not doubt that you will be suprised for your birthday or next Christmas with your hearts desire.

The day my oldest daughter asked for her own firearm (when she got married) I was thrilled to give her three of my treasures: a G19, a 642 and an 870. As soon as they move out of CA I have promised them an AR15. Trust in your parents love for you and work on melting their hearts.

 

[Black Knight]

Sounds like he is afraid of the permit, of having his name on a peice of paper in some government office. Irrational??? With the twists in government mentality who knows?

Another thought. You say you are 16. In two years you could sign up for military service. With the state of the world today he may be afraid of the image of you in the military and maybe going overseas to some terrorist country. The AR would be a tangible image of what could be to him, and he doesn't want to lose the "little girl" he knows. If this is the case it is deep seated. He may dread losing you in his mind. Find out. If this is the case understand and love him for his concern. Right now if I had a daughter your age that thought would scare me a bit.

 

[LaEscopeta]

You do what I do as a 16 year old boy. You wait.

Let me see if I understand this. You have a rifle. But you want another one. Your parents agree but not to the exact one you want. You want that exact rifle and none other will satisfy you. I don’t think your problem is unreasonable or anti-gun parents, nor does it have anything thing to do with denied gun rights. And you problem will not go away if you get the rifle you “have” to have. If you get it your problem will only get worse.

 

[Majic]

Step-Dad isn't anti-gun it's just that he doesn't want a paper trail of that gun leading back to himself because there wasn't much of a problem until the requirement of the permit turned up. He will have to obtain the permit not you and for whatever reasons it sounds like he doesn't want to be responsible (and that is his choice). Instead of ranting about Step-Dad why don't you try to get Mom to get the permit or Dad if it's possible and agreeable by Mom and Step-dad. You really can't complain if someone refuses to take responsiblity and sign legal documents just so you can do what you want. Step-dad isn't saying no to the rifle, but to the permit. He doesn't want his name associated with that rifle.

 

[ScottsGT]

I cannot believe they are making you wait until your 18! I started my daughter out right! Here she is TWO years ago!

5 years old here and still knows to keep her finger off the trigger!
Just have them keep the gun in their possession (until your 18th b-day)unless you are out hunting?

 

[Geno]

Great Thread

My daughter "LilSureShot1994" is 12, and loves hunting and target shooting. When she turns 18, all of my firearms, those that she wants, go legally into her name. Until she is soley responsible for the owning, using etc. of them, they remain in my sole possession. That said, if she wanted for me to purchase one for her, in my name and transfer it to her when of "legal age" I say sure. She has been involved in deciding to buy or not buy nearly every firearm that I own.

Buying a firearm together creates a nice emotional bond for a parent and child (young adult) viewing the options, assessing purpose and quality, discussing the merits or and then purchase a firearm together. It is a trust issue. The sole catching point is the paper trail. See statements above Re: accountability and age.

I say build trust with your child; buy your kid a firearm, and then, take him or her shooting and hunting. Store it safely for them until they can legally do so.

Doc2005

 

[antsi]

I know a fair number of hunters and skeet shooters who have irrational ideas about 'assault rifles.' I think it is a combination of fatigue and cowardice. These folks are constantly bombarded with messages about how evil guns and gun owners are. They get tired of this hostility directed at them. They don't personally own or want a so-called 'assault weapon.' So they embrace the anti's propaganda on 'assault weapons' because it allows them to mentally divorce themselves from the "real gun nuts." This, in turn, gives them the comfort that all the opprobrium directed at "gun nuts" isn't directed at them. It's a misguided belief that by joining the opposition in attacking your cousins, you will somehow be protected from attacks against your own immediate family.

Your parents probably already feel some implicit hostility against them, given that you seem to live in a very anti-gun community (special permit to buy an AR?), and they are after all allowing their daughter to own guns, shoot, and hunt. They may be hiding these facts from friends they know would disapprove. They may have been criticized by friends who are aware and believe your parents are raising the next Dylan Klebold in their home. Either way, they are probably teetering on the edge of their comfort zone and the idea of buying a gun that is labeled in some special "evil gun" category may be too much for them to wrap their heads around, even if the category is based on propaganda and not on rational facts.

Whatever their reasons, however irrational they may be, these people are your parents and you're going to have to accept the fact that you will have to live with their decision. You can try - respectfully, politely - to change their minds, but don't hold your breath. If you have to wait a couple of years to get the gun you want, it's not the end of the world. However, if you blow up this conflict into something extremely unpleasant for them, it's not exactly going to convince them they made the right decision in letting you have guns in the first place.

PS - I disagree with the advice to circumvent step dad by trying to get mom to apply for the permit. That strategy is very likely to create discord you don't want in your home.

 

[romma]

Somebodies

parents,,, need a good spanking!

 

[TexasRifleman]

Let me see if I understand this. You have a rifle. But you want another one. Your parents agree but not to the exact one you want. You want that exact rifle and none other will satisfy you. I don’t think your problem is unreasonable or anti-gun parents, nor does it have anything thing to do with denied gun rights. And you problem will not go away if you get the rifle you “have” to have. If you get it your problem will only get worse.

My friend you are on to something here, unpopular though we will be for saying it out loud.

Last time I looked parents had the right to make decisions as they thought best for their minor children. In this particular case it's hard to find any "antigun" bias at all.

My kid wanted an AR for Christmas last year too, he got a single shot New England Firearms 20 ga.

I must be a bad parent and sent to my room then huh, since maybe I know more in my 39 years than he does in his 12?

I didn't agree with most of what my parents did either, which is why kids move out when they become adults, and why they make movies about kids that don't ever move out.

 

[fanof357]

When my daughter turns 16 if she comes to me and says that she wants to buy an AR-15 with the money she has saved up herself, well, that may just be the proudest day of my life.

 

[TX1911fan]

I agree with fanof357. My daughter is responsible, intelligent and hard working. If she wanted an AR and had the money for it, I'd get her one in a heartbeat. I don't think 648E is being a spoiled brat here like you guys think she is. She's already got at least 2 rifles. She doesn't need another plain hunting rifle, she has two already. She wants a rifle that can do double duty, plinking and hunting. Frankly, I'm looking at getting an AR for the same reason. I can't see spending hundreds of dollars on a bolt rifle that I will shoot only a couple times a year. I'd much rather have the AR that will work for hunting, as well as be fun at the range. I think that is an incredibly intelligent decision.

648E, someone gave some good advice above. Let your parents know that you respect their decision, that you will obey it, but that you will, periodically, try to change their minds. Ask if there is anything you can do that will make them feel more comfortable about the purchase. I also agree that taking him out shooting will help immensely. He may not know how fun it is to shoot an AR style rifle, and so may not understand your desire to get one.

 

[orangelo]

Save up your money for another 2 years and then buy whatever you want. By that time you will have enough for something really nice and expensive and best of all it's your decision at that point.

 

[rbernie]

Sometimes, making fun of your parents isn't the best course of action. They may be wrong sometimes - they're human and it happens. You think they're wrong on this issue. Many of us would probably agree. It doesn't matter. They're your parents. They're doing their job. When you're a parent, you'll sometimes be seen a butt in the eyes of your spawn, but you won't care. You'll be doing your job as best you can see, given all of the other crap (job! money! chores! bills! teenager!) that you have to deal with. Stop beating your head against this, and think outside the box.

What distances do you normally hunt? If less than 200 yards, then why not get a very nice wood stocked AK with an Ultimak and a scout scope and a post-ban magazine? Looks like a hunting rifle (wood! scope!) but it's easily modified to anything you want as you get older and it shoots a round that is certainly as capable as the 6.8SPC within 200 yards of the muzzle. Slap a 30rd mag into it when you're playing around, and slap the 5rd mag in it when showing it to the 'rents. Problem solved. In my neck of the woods, a decent AK-with-optic is not a trifling thing. I would have given my eyeteeth for one when I was sixteen.

PS: I am one of those hardheaded butts that became legally emancipated from my parents when I was 16 years old - because I knew so much better than they did and I just couldn't take their crap any more. <sigh> In many ways, I wouldn't un-do that choice. But I can certainly see now that I wasn't entirely fair to them, either. You are probably the center of their world but you are not the ONLY thing in their world. Cut them some slack, and let them be irrational and self-absorbed on occasion.

 

[proud2deviate]

Let me see if I understand this. You have a rifle. But you want another one. Your parents agree but not to the exact one you want. You want that exact rifle and none other will satisfy you. I don’t think your problem is unreasonable or anti-gun parents, nor does it have anything thing to do with denied gun rights. And you problem will not go away if you get the rifle you “have” to have. If you get it your problem will only get worse.

I disagree.

It seems I'm having trouble putting thoughts into words right now, so you'll have to forgive me it I stumble around some

My thought pattern could be applied to just about any purchase; guns, knives, DVD players, cars, etc. . .

It basicly comes down to "Buy quality and only cry once."

She wants an AR. She has saved enough money to buy said AR. Maybe just enough. Parents won't let her get one, but they'll compromise for say, a mini-14. She relents and buys the mini-14, spending a good chunk of her AR fund. Now she's stuck with a gun she doesn't particularly want, and it's made worse by the fact that the purchase of said gun has removed her ability to buy the AR. Every time she looks at the mini-14, her stomach sinks. There is no joy in this gun, only resentment. And god only knows how long it will take her to back into AR territory, monetarily speaking.

It's like working 10 years of your life away to earn seventy grand to put towards a new Jaguar, and for whatever reason spending a quarter of it on a VW rabbit that you'll have to drive for the rest of forever. Doesn't make sense.

(Sorry if the car analogy doesn't hold water. Automobiles aren't one of my strong areas.)

 

[TexasRifleman]

Doesn't make sense.

I think you've missed the point of his argument. This has nothing to do with guns or cars or any other posession.

It's about the reaction to dealing with disappointment and having to learn to make compromises in life. Here a parent makes a decision and the first reaciton is to find a way to undermine that, and make it change rather than accept some offer of compromise.

I suspect it's entirely possible that this "evil step dad" is doing nothing more than stopping her from getting her way once in a while, as a lesson in real life.

As a parent I find I have to do that now and then as well.

Parents that consistently give their kids anything they ask for are doing no service to the child in the long run.

The first time a kid hears the word "NO" should not be at a new job when the boss tells them to do something they don't want to do.

It's not personal, it's not saying the kid is anything other than a great person, it's just the job of a parent to prepare their children for life outside the protected environment of home.

 

[Hemicuda]

I guess I was extremely lucky as a kid...

4 years old, Dad bought me a Daisey Mod. 99 BB gun
5 years old, Dad bought me a Springfield Bolt-cocker .22LR
6 years old, Dad took MY money, and bought a Ruger 10/22 I wanted
8 years old, Dad bought me a single shot 12 GA H&R
12 years old, Dad took my money and got me a Rem. 870 12 Ga. I wanted
13 years old, Dad gove me a Marlin 336 30-30 for deer hunting
14 years old, Dad took my money, & got me a Savage 110E 30-06 I wanted
16 years old, he bought me a Ruger MKI .22 pistol, (in his name 'till I was 18)
17 years old, Dad took my money, and got the .357 Dan Wesson I wanted, again, held until I was 18...

My guess, had I wanted an AR at 16... all it woulda taken was me putting up the cash! I guess I am just lucky!

best advice in her situation... hold off, until she can buy it herownself...

 

[WheelGunMom]

“uncommonly good taste in rifles?”
“you'll have AR or no rifle at all?”
“vile gun abusing step-dad?”

Number one reason why you're not getting the AR15 is probably your snarky attitude.

Just my two cents as a parent of a daughter . . .

 

[romma]

At least the kid wants a nice rifle instead of an ex-box

 

[proud2deviate]

Hmm. I hadn't thought of the whole "tough life lessons" scenario. . .

While I'll agree that it's important that a child be exposed to disappointment and compromise, I don't think it applies here. We're not talking about a five year old in a candy store with a case of the gimmies. It's seems to me that she's taken a very mature course of action by setting her sights high and saving her pennies. She's not asking for a handout or a free ride.

Of course, it's important to note that I'm not currently a parent, nor do I plan to be one anytime in the near future. Even if I was, I think the old saying would apply. "In the entire history of the world, there's never been a child brought up right."

My advice to the OP remains the same. Suffer through disappointment now if you must, and do so gracefully. Sit on your money for another two years, (or five, if that's the law where you live,) and buy the gun you really want. Or, if in that course of time, your tastes swing to antique feather dusters and you'd rather spend your money on those, more power to you. But at least the decision will be yours.

 

[Zundfolge]

She was told to wait until she's old enough to purchase it for herself unless she can convince them otherwise. She needs help with the convincing part. $200 complete lower and a ~$500 upper.

Sounds like a plan to me ... you can't tell me that said girl can't save up ~$700 in two years. At minimum wage (before taxes) one can make $700 in just a hair under 136 hours of work ... at 20 hours a week that's 6.8 weeks.



Stop trying to change other people, it will only frustrate you and waste your time.

 

[only1asterisk]

Where to begin?

When you are 16, no matter how smart you are, your perspective of your parents is limited by your lack of experience and your proximity to them. This is nothing against you, it happens to everyone. Hopefully, in a few years, you'll have an epiphany that will lead to better understanding of your parents.

Borrow a rifle to hunt with for a couple of years and continue to save your money. Spend your time learning and developing your skill as a shooter and hunter at your parents expense (it gets harder when you are out on your own) and then buy what you like. Taste in guns change (thankfully) as we mature as shooters and people. If I had been able to buy the rifles I’d wanted when I a teenager, I’d no longer have any use for most of them.

David

 

[up_onus]

educate educate educate

fear is problem....
16 years of age is generally not peoples highlight of maturity.
but, if she is one of those lucky insightful young individuals, then educating the parents via www.gunfacts.info , a few days at the range with the supposed "A" rifle and mature conversation should do the trick.

If that fails, life isnt over. 2 yrs is not very long to wait, and you sure will have a lot of ammo money saved up!

 

[Justin]

Consider shooting local Service Rifle matches. They're an extremely good way to learn disciplined and accurate shooting in an environment that your step dad might not find so threatening, and even if he won't let you buy an AR, more than likely there's a competitor or two who'd be happy to loan you a rifle to shoot.

Sure, it wouldn't be your own rifle, but it would certainly be better than nothing at all.

 

[benEzra]

Possibly have them take a look at this book:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0195150511?v=glance



Notice what the target shooter in that photo is shooting. Yep, an AR.

AR-15 type rifles are arguably the most popular civilian target rifle in the United States. They also are almost NEVER used in crimes; all rifles COMBINED account for less than 3% of homicides, per the FBI: http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/cius_04/offenses_reported/offense_tabulations/table_20-22.html

If you were petitioning for a .223, you could point out than a .223 AR-15 is identical in every way (except for looks) to this gun:

http://www.ruger-firearms.com/Firea...Mini-14%AE%20Ranch%20Rifle&bct=Yes&type=Rifle

EXCEPT the AR-15 is a better gun for target shooting, due to its inherently better accuracy.

The "assault weapon" label (meaning any civilian rifle or shotgun with a handgrip that sticks out) is a bait-and-switch--a term intended to fool the gullible--not a class of firearm.

If he still says no, save your money; 2 years isn't a terribly long time, though it probably seems so now.

 

[GigaBuist]

This is easy.

Buy an 80% receiver and get to work!