All else being equal, I'd probably go for a snubbie in 9mm rather than 38 Special. I bought a 38 Special due to wanting the CHULT package... could deal without the porting though. Only 9mms I saw were full weight guns and that's not what I wanted. I know Speer is working on a 2" barrel specific load but in the mean time, there is a bit wider load selection in 9mm than in 38 Special.
As for recoil, equal bullets at equal speeds are going to be equal... Right? The lighter 9mm loads (115 Gr +Ps) are going to tend to be flipper but less of a push back into your hand. But hotter 158 Gr 38 Special loads should have more recoil than almost any 9mm load short of +P+ loads.
