What dictates your relations with strangers?

[Geno]

If I don't know someone, they don't need to talk to me except a friendly nod. Last fella here in Detroit to start to ask me for money at 9:00 p.m. got too close, too quick to which I retorted,

You really don't wanna step-up-on-me!

Dude literally backed away and left me in peace. I know that was rude, but it is what I meant. At the end of the night, I have to get home to take care of my 14-year-old daughter. With nearly 30 years of me being a professional martial arts instructor, I have intention of allowing someone to get too close and harm me.

Sorry if that sounds unTHR.

Doc2005

 

[Claude Clay]

truth or----

thread reminds me of a lake named

you fish on your side of the lake
i will fish on my side and no one fishes in the middle

rather a ' you dont bother me and i wont bother you' attitude with a side of 'be ready if they do'

 

[VegasOPM]

I give people the benefit of the doubt in a typical social situation. That doesn't mean that I let my guard down. A big smile, a hearty laugh, my bubble of space and a way out if need arise.

As for keeping "my bubble" intact. I tend to keep my body bladed at a 45 degree angle when speaking with strangers. My front leg is just slightly forward, to note my boundary.

I also am a firm believer that people (especially ne're-do-wells) sense a non-victim and avoid them. I am a pretty big guy (6'2", 260#), and I have trained in martial arts and weapons for 25+ years. I am confident in my ability to defend myself with gun, knife or empty handed. I think that comes across to others. On the rare occasions that someone wants to have words (usually aimed at someone I am with), I just stand there with as neutral of an expression as possible. No verbal response, no show of fear or anger. To date, nothing has happened- so I guess it is working.

 

[Geno]

Vegas:

I used to give the benefit of the doubt...right up to the evening I got stabbed by a fool spaced out on drugs and alcohol. The worst part was that the guy knew me, and that is what allowed him to get close enough to actually cut the skin right above my heart.

Yes, I managed to block the weapon, take it away, and issue a violent defense...the entire evolution was over in literally about 1 second. All the same, that was too late for my skin. After the doper finished with the police and the prosecutor, he gave up drinking and drugging. I gave up trusting.

For the past 26 years, I have held my guard without too much regret, and no further injuries. The next two incidents in which I was forced to use my Taekwondo played out vastly different, and equally brief in exchange. My motto has become, "Never again!" I still “sport” the scar over my heart. It is an omni-present reminder to be prepared, not trusting.

I'm not thumping my chest, I'm just saying, never again.

Edit to add: The guy's rationale for stabbing me?!

I just wanted to see how good he (me) really was...I was just messin' around!

Doc2005

 

[rainbowbob]

What I don't do is remind myself to avoid conflict specifically because I'm carrying a gun.

I have decided - based in part on a recent experience and some of the threads here on the subject - that engaging in conflict with strangers has no upside, regardless of whether I'm armed or not.

If their folks weren't able to teach them anything - and the warden at the prison they just got out of wasn't able to teach them anything - what can I teach them?

I used to believe that I had the right - and even the responsibility - to comment on, and attempt to correct, bad behavior in public.

Not so anymore. Belligerent thugs don't care what you or I think or say. And I don't want to be involved in their crappy life for even a moment.

At best it's a waste of breath. At worst it's the prelude to a violent confrontation.

Why bother?

 

[76shuvlinoff]

As I've said before, I'm very reserved. My wife says I'm "closed" and I've seen people that I could tell were about to say something look at my face and just walk away. So I know I'm not an approachable person.

This strikes a familiar note, in my hometown I'm usually the nod-and-wave kinda guy, among my small circle of friends I'm known as a world class smartass. Outside my comfort zone (even one town away at WalMart) I've been asked why I look so angry. I usually just say "I'm not angry, just ugly." I guess I project a pretty unapproachable front when my senses are elevated.

 

[halfded]

What dictates my relations with strangers?

Necessity. I look at other people like bees... you leave me alone and I'll leave you alone. Nobody has to get stung unnecessarily.

 

[nelson133]

Since I started carrying a gun legally, I have become much more low key. If I have to use it, I don't want any doubt on who was the aggressor.

 

[Deanimator]

I'm not a friendly, talkative or outgoing person with strangers. At best, I'm polite in a distant, Japanese sort of way. The odds are that I have ZERO interest in you. I will however make sure that you're not too close to me or doing something which makes you a threat to me.

If you see me, I will almost invariably be reading a book or magazine, usually about guns.

I almost never initiate conversations with strangers, so "flippant" comments don't even come into play.

A couple of days before Christmas, I was in the Cleveland Amtrak station, waiting for a train to Apartheid Chicago. After hitting up some solitary females, an obvious con man started in on me begging for money. He didn't finish his first syllable. "I've got nothing for you." I was reading Ayoob's book on concealed carry. He just did an about face and moved on, only to be booted by Amtrak security a few minutes later.

 

[ONLY]

My moto "trust no one". This includes family and friends you are more likly to be harmed by some one you trust than some stranger on the street because you let your guard down around family and friends. I try to never let my guard down but I addmit that I do from time to time. My dad taught me alot about being on guard 24/7 15 years retiered leo. But at the same time im not a cold person im friendly out going very talkative just awar of what others are doing in my bubble.

 

[hankdatank1362]

"Be polite, be courteous, but have a plan...."

Live by it.

That said, I'm overly friendly. I guess true southern hospitality and all that. If I make eye contact, I'm nodding and saying "howyadoin" at the least.

But don't invade my personal space.

We have a mid-50s female classmate who just started here. Obnoxious isn't the word. Imagine Rosie O'Donnel, but more trailer-trashy. Anyways, we're all standing outside talking in between classes, and she feels the need to come up within 1 foot of my face, spewing cigarette smoke (I just quit Jan 1st, so I find it extra rude) and attempt to start chatting me up.

Maybe I was a little rude there. But, come on.

 

[hankdatank1362]

BTW, Lee, I never knew you lived in RobCo !!!! You're right, there's a lot of Lumbees up there.

 

[Geno]

hank said:

We have a mid-50s female classmate who just started here. Obnoxious isn't the word. Imagine Rosie O'Donnel, but more trailer-trashy. Anyways, we're all standing outside talking in between classes, and she feels the need to come up within 1 foot of my face, spewing cigarette smoke (I just quit Jan 1st, so I find it extra rude) and attempt to start chatting me up.

<<Doc loosens his tie and asks that someone turn-on the fan...getting kinda warm in here>>

She a single woman, is she?! My wife is kill-me-dead for that one.

Doc2005

 

[ojibweindian]

I'm not overly friendly, nor a boorish bastard, either. I tend to keep to myself; I rarely initiate contact, even with my few friends.

To be honest, I really don't like most people. I don't hate them, I just find most social interactions with others, especially strangers, to be emotionally taxing.

Anyway, to answer the original question, I don't talk to strangers, I don't trust strangers; I avoid them whenever possible. When forced to interact with strangers, I will be courteous but suspicious, and will disengage from the encounter at the first opportunity.

 

[DCortez]

Texas Friendly. Say hello, polite and courteous, not afraid to say goodbye and walk away.

 

[lesterg3]

I am 59, and crippled to the point that I need a cane to be ambulatory. I serve my time in Nam and noone is going to scr-w with me.

I trust no one not now not ever.

I have a black belt in Hapkido, and am a kudan in Judo.

And, my four footed cane has been a great weapon on several occasions.

I live in a very small town in South Carolina and cannot believe the number of times I have face an assault, Just this week at the grocery store a guy, (of a particular ethnic type, the majority in my town) pulled a knife on me as I was trying to get into my truck, not a bad knife and I will add it to my collection. He on the other hand needed to go get his arm set. The cane broke it cleanly in half.

I unfortunately have to admit I loved it. But, then I am an ornery old Bas---d.

If my look doesn't send them packing, and my cane falls to the ground then the 40 S&W I carry will make my point, stay away from me and mine, PERIOD.

 

[possum]

be courteous to all, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

 

[Norinco982lover]

I avoid confrontation but I have learned that you can only let yourself be pushed so far. I am slowly learning how to stand up for myself and not let people walk over me just because they have the loudest mouth. If you run over my toes with your shopping cart I will say "haha, oops I was in your way." If you say something rude about my wife or to my wife it is an entirely different story.

~Norinco

 

[Th3_M4d_1r1shm4n]

In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.

Old and oft-parroted, but true. I am kind and courteous to everyone I meet. But I am also cautious and prepared for the unexpected. Carrying a gun does not make me any more reckless or timid than when I am not carrying. The way I see it, if I get into an altercation and I am unarmed, then I am going to wind up with sore knuckles from hitting somebody and a headache from dealing with law enforcement. If I'm carrying and go for the gun...I'm going to wind up with a headache (and bank-account-ache) from dealing with the legal system, if not much more. Both situations are hassles that I aim to avoid. So I will leave people alone in a respectful manner as long as they do the same for me.

Murphy's Law applies 24/7/365...

Go well.

 

[gossamer]

I generally try to be polite, show some manners, and treat people very respectfully. I rarely say anything without a "please" or a "thank you" or a "I'm sorry."

That all being said, I have a LOT to learn in dealing with people who are disrespectful of others. And I mean A LOT to learn.

Example: my wife and I were walking through a cross walk and a car drove right through it right in front of us. So my stupid ass banged on the car with my hand as it passed through. The car parked a few feet down on the curb and they guy said "what the hell were you doing banging on my car?" I said "I couldn't have banged on your car, because if I did that then you must have been driving through the crosswalk while we were walking through it and that would be illegal, and you wouldn't do that would you? Should I call the cops and ask them to sort this out?" and held up my phone.

The guy walked away.

Some would say this was not escalation, but there's NO DOUBT that my banging on the car was and I think my commentary was benign compared to banging on the mans car -- THAT was a mistake.

The point is, I try to be polite and courteous and most would say I am one of the most polite people they meet. I've had counter employees say just that "you are so polite. THANK you." But I also tend to get WAY to far out of shape when other people aren't polite back. I'm less uptight when people act rudely toward me, and WAY too upset when it's directed at others, my family, or people I don't even know.

I need to keep that in check. It's not like I'm going to teach anyone manners standing in the middle of the street on a busy afternoon.

So, I guess I guess what will continue to dictate my relations with strangers is my self-obsession, (almost borderline O.C.D.) with being polite and courteous. I think including a "please," and a "thank you," and "sir" or "ma'am" can go a long way to eliminating any kind of escalation. I think I just need to remember that I can't teach someone else manners (I haven't even managed to get my kids to say "thank you" as often as they should) and it's not my job to. The best I can do is set an example.

 

[VegasGeorge]

Would I speak to a stranger? Well, that depends on how good looking she was!

Time and place and appearances make all the difference to me. But If I'm going to speak to a stranger, I make sure that my opening remark is jovial, totally unambiguous, and delivered with a friendly smile or grin. I am also reluctant to speak at all unless I believe we have something in common. For example, I probably wouldn't speak to a stranger who just happened to walking next to me on the sidewalk. But, I might speak to a stranger who was waiting for a bus at the same bus stop where I was waiting.

 

[KaintGetwright]

I seem to be an opposite of many of the personalities on the forum. On the forum I am reserved and tend to lurk unless I believe I have something specific to contribute. But in public I am definitively a social personality.

This relates to the post because while I interact with many strangers daily, I have never had a problem differentiating between the random conversations struck up in public and the person who is looking to take advantage.

The difference is readily notable to me. The best way to describe it would be like a twig snapping. That transition from just another person waiting on the so-and-so to predator is not easily hidden.

So no, I am not suspicious of all people all of the time, but when that suspicion is roused a defensive posture is taken and I am moving toward the predetermined exit or defensive position (I didn't relax so much as to forget to look for those first) that I have found.

 

[wep45]

live and let live...........while you still can