Wife ok with gun for HD not with me carrying CCW

[rainbowbob]

So your approach was to EDUCATE your wife to a better understanding of the facts. That is certainly a more appropriate approach than softening your convictions to satisfy her misperceptions.

Well said.

I was married for over 30 years before I came to the conclusion/conviction that I would go armed whenever I left the house. It did NOT go over well with my wife (or my married daughter for that matter).

They brought up all kinds of hysterical, irrational arguments and the heat was pretty bad for a while. Once I figured out that no amount of logic presented in a loud enough voice to drown out her hysteria was going to do either of us any good - I just shut up and carried it concealed. Meanwhile, I have done my best to educate her and myself.

After very nearly being assaulted by a young hot-head while strolling in the park with wife, grandson and dog - she had to admit that the pocket pistol (which remained in my pocket with my hand on wrapped around the stocks) may have made the difference. Shortly after that - at the same park with the grandson again - we encountered a man and his pit-bull who was identified and captured an hour later as the badly wanted insane serial butcher in our city.

The subject of my carrying never comes up any more.

In time, perhaps, your wife will relax when she understands you aren't looking for a gun fight, and are well trained, sober, responsible, etc. It may not work for you, but "don't ask - don't tell" is how it evolved for us.

And by-the-way...this is one of the most common threads on THR, as it is such a common problem. Kudos to all for not ONE post insisting that you divorce your wife immediately. That is usually how these threads end up.

 

[3845]

BTW jbrown50, I believe you are the first to take apart one of my posts like that. Thanks, it was fun!

 

[Fastcast]

Good grief....I didn't even bother to read all this but just skipped to my point.

I've been married for 17 years and dated her for 8 years.....With that said, somethings are the MANS decision and some the womans. Things like the guns, cars, trucks, tools, protecting the family, ect. and whether or not I carry are MY decision and things like groceries, cloths, house decorating, make-up, etc. are her decisions.

As I've heard my own mother say: "another man with no balls" ....... I'd be damned if she's gonna tell me how I plan on protecting her and the kids. That's a MANS decision.

If your marriage can't survive that, than it's not much of a marriage anyway and will not last regardless.

 

[brboyer]

I guess my point is that a man should respect his wife, as she should respect him. That would mean on every issue.
I know the arguments for going armed. I have actually locked up plenty of macho men who left home prepared for combat at every corner. Plenty of others whose idea of a good wife was somebody to smack around when nobody at the bar wanted to fight, too.
My point is that in reality most of us are not ready when the SHTF, and most of you won't be either. Big talk is easy, divorce isn't. And when the jury looks at that Rambo knife, they aren't going to go easy on you. A small pocket knife that anyone might carry is much more defensible, and believe it or not, it will take all the wind out of someone in a hurry. (I base that on stabbings I have worked, not on theory.)
I go armed, and I advocate it for reasonable folks. But you won't find me on the Mexican border, lies about American weapons notwithstanding. Many people are being killed there, and that is not a lie.
I don't remember the rest of the rant, and I'm tired of playing, anyway.

What in the world does this rambling nonsense have to do with the OP's situation?

 

[DustyVermonter]

Its time to saddle up cowboy!!! They don't call it concealed carry for nuttin, Just conceal carry, in every sense of the word. What she don't know won't hurt her, it could actually save her. Do what you gotta do man. ;-)

 

[killchain]

I do, however, spot check her to see if she's got her pistol.

 

[wishin]

First, let me say that it's a good thing that you care about what your wife thinks. Having said that, there are some things in a marriage that you try to accomodate the spouse on and other things that you know are the right thing to do, regardless of what she wants, and let reasonableness and logic prevail.

That she has no problems with guns except for CCW is illogical on the face of it. Now, there may be some room for compromise by ensuring her that you'll only use the weapon in a life threatening situation involving family. If that's not acceptable to her, then I'd inform her that the family's safety cannot be sacrificed because of her unsubstantiated and irrational concerns.

You'd probably divorce her anyway if some tragic event occured that could have been averted were you carrying, so don't let that effect your decision. I don't see this as a marriage breaker, but I don't know your wife.

 

[3845]

brboyer:
Rambling nonsense? Have you read some of the stuff posted here? Maybe you just missed the comments from someone who took exception to my first post in this thread. Whatever. Sorry to waste your valuable time here on the internet.
I get a vibe that several posters believe a real man would carry a gun, no matter what the little lady thinks. I'm fine with that, but my opinion, to the OP, was that he might want to balance his desire to carry against his desire to be married to that particular woman. If he chooses another path, so be it. Now that is only my opinion, but it is worth just as much as anyone elses.
By the way, I am pretty new here. What exactly is "High Road" about impugning another mans relationship with his wife, or denigrating his posts?

 

[Cosmoline]

I get a vibe that several posters believe a real man would carry a gun, no matter what the little lady thinks.

It has nothing to do with being a "real man." No person has a right to tell you cannot carry, unless they're the jury foreman sending you to prison. For a spouse of either sex to tell the other spouse that they cannot carry a firearm is gross overreaching. Intolerable, for either the husband or wife. What if it were the husband instructing the wife that she cannot arm arm herself?

 

[meytind]

Do you tell her that she can't carry her purse around? Or that you won't go out in public with her if she doesn't lose 15 lbs?

This right here. Unless you tell her what she can and cannot carry in her purse, I fail to see why you should compromise on what you carry in your pants.

 

[brboyer]

brboyer:
Rambling nonsense? Have you read some of the stuff posted here? Maybe you just missed the comments from someone who took exception to my first post in this thread. Whatever. Sorry to waste your valuable time here on the internet.
I get a vibe that several posters believe a real man would carry a gun, no matter what the little lady thinks. I'm fine with that, but my opinion, to the OP, was that he might want to balance his desire to carry against his desire to be married to that particular woman. If he chooses another path, so be it. Now that is only my opinion, but it is worth just as much as anyone elses.
By the way, I am pretty new here. What exactly is "High Road" about impugning another mans relationship with his wife, or denigrating his posts?

Thanks for apologizing for wasting my time.

And yes it was a rambling post. Spousal abuse, Mexican Border, Pocket Knives? What does that have to do with the OPs situation?

Oh and the truth is always the High Road.

 

[DustyVermonter]

OP, you need to get your hands around this situation. It sounds like you love and respect your wife and that is commendable but..... You have a responsibility to yourself, your wife, kids, civic, etc. Only YOU have control over how well you will be prepared when a threat presents itself. I guess if yoúr relationship is so fragile that you would be looking at divorce over a CCW disagreement than you got BIG problems. If you want to OPENLY CONCEAL CARY she needs to know that you respect her and her wishes but you need to firmly establish boundaries surrounding this matter, that it is not up for debate, nor is it possible that you may one day hold yourself accountable for not being well enough prepared and letting something terrible happen. She is not in any position to make that call, YOU need to take responsibility for carrying that gun the same as you would if you had to use it. Kinda hard to use your gun to stop a threat if you don't have it. Which reminds me of an old saying, "I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.". You need to recalibrate your expectations of yourself and of your wife and decide what you are more comfortable with-A. Carrying out your RESPONSIBLITIES as a MAN and not letting the people you love prevent you from doing what you need to do to protect them.
B. Letting you and your loved one's become vulnerable to a threat and having no options if one becomes present, All just because of a difference of opinion.
If your marriage has any strength at all you will be carrying your gun with you the next time you walk out your door, buck up and make the judgement call. She will adjust

 

[effengee]

my wife and my guns...

Communication is the key.

Have a nice long talk with her again. Tell her she's beautiful and you love her and don't want to see her get hurt. Tell her you want to be able to protect her and yourself at all times and let her know that you believe firmly in the right to keep and bear arms.

My wife doesn't really like it when I carry, but she also knows how much it means to me to be able to do so.

Today, I celebrate 18 years of marriage to this beautiful woman.

She owns two firearms. A Marlin .22 rifle that belonged to her grandfather, then her father, and now her and a .44 S&W 4inch and neither ever leave the property.
I own several guns, carry on a regular basis, and together we are buying .22 rifles for each of our six kids...

Perhaps you could involve her more by having her attend an all-female shooting class or maybe an all-female hunting experience...
I've read about these and they seem to be a great way to bring a more, shall I say, feminine touch to the idea.

Perhaps the best advice is to simply confront the issue head on by stating that it's your constitutional right.
I can't guarantee that it'll work, but at the very least she'll know where you stand on the issue.

Good Luck

 

[ejfalvo]

Interesting balance between rational well thought out comments and neanderthal-like comments. Despite many of the "it's a mans right/choice to do what he wants", I took the high road and communicated with her as to what her issue(s) were. Turns out she was concerned about what would happen to ME if I shot someone. I had my attorney talk with her and all is good.

I currently carry my LCP everywhere.

To those who provided real advice - thanks.

 

[3845]

That would be "spousal".

To the OP:
I'm glad to hear everything worked out in spite of the hystrionics here. If I have been unhelpful I apologize.
To the couple of owls hooting, get over it.

 

[Deanimator]

Turns out she was concerned about what would happen to ME if I shot someone.

I can absolutely guarantee her that it wouldn't hold a candle to what happened to that doctor... and his wife... and their two daughters in Connecticut. He DIDN'T shoot anyone.

He was savagely beaten. His wife and daughters were raped and burned to death. Since nobody was shot, some would consider that an "all's well that ends well" scenario.

 

[Al LaVodka]

This Thread Was Started As Entertainment

You started a thread Friday morning not being allowed to carry per your wife and in 48 hrs., including over a Saturday, you figured out with your wife what was wrong, convinced her that your attorney should get involved, contacted him, he discussed it with you both, and she changed her mind!? What udder nonsense.

This was all a completely made up scenario as far as I'm concerned.

Al

 

[ejfalvo]

Al - I'm so sorry that you can't understand how someone can work thru a problem in a few days. Perhaps I'm "odd" in that I actually talk to my wife, find out her issues, call my lawyer (who I've know for over 20 years) and solve the problem - over a weekend.

 

[Old Shooter]

My wife is fine with having various firearms around the house for HD and one for each vehicle

I'm confused by this. Am I inferring correctly that you have a dedicated firearm that you leave in each of your vehicles? I hope not, but that's what it sounds like. Please elaborate.

The gun stays with the keys. If I'm taking the truck i grab the keys and a S&W 66.

If it's my car, keys and kel-tec P_11 (usually)

Her car, keys and Colt Commander.

End of day, keys back on the shelf and guns in the desk.

I don't leave the guns in the vehicles overnight if that is what you were concerned about.

Reason for the variety? I like them all and am comfortable using any of them in a SD situation also don't want any of them to get jealous

 

[ejfalvo]

Good point - I should have elaborated. On long trips (other than the local stores), I have a firearm in the car as we travel, when we stop I take it with me. I had started to carry all the time out of the house and that was what raised her concerns.

Its now been a week or so and I carry daily. Issue closed.

 

[Gun nutt]

Its now been a week or so and I carry daily. Issue closed.

As it should be.

 

[Flintknapper]

Fastcast wrote:

Good grief....I didn't even bother to read all this but just skipped to my point.

I've been married for 17 years and dated her for 8 years.....With that said, somethings are the MANS decision and some the womans. Things like the guns, cars, trucks, tools, protecting the family, ect. and whether or not I carry are MY decision and things like groceries, cloths, house decorating, make-up, etc. are her decisions.

As I've heard my own mother say: "another man with no balls" ....... I'd be damned if she's gonna tell me how I plan on protecting her and the kids. That's a MANS decision.

If your marriage can't survive that, than it's not much of a marriage anyway and will not last regardless

^^^^^^^^^^
+1

Pretty much sums it up!

Besides...its just nonsensical that you wouldn't want the same ability to protect yourself (and her) OUTSIDE your home as inside. I imagine...the odds of needing to defend yourself are greater when outside your home anyway.

If the "wifey" wants to argue that you probably will not need it...when out in public, then go take the spare tire out her car and put in the bedroom.

I mean.....chances are....she won't need it on any given day, right?