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How to tell the spouse about new purchase

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by *NOVA*, Jul 27, 2011.

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  1. *NOVA*

    *NOVA* Member

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    I got bit by the gun bug this past January. I've bought seven various fireams so far and was able to justify each one to my wife. Just for the record, she does not consult with me on her all of purchases. I told her about the Bodyguard .380 I have on layaway (I need it for Summertime pocket carry).

    This morning I finally found my Ruger SR1911 for under $600.00 and I just could not wait any longer.

    I'm thinking just keep it locked up - take it to the range, enjoy it and eventually the wife will forget how many we have - she might not even be certain how many we have now. But I've been married 20 years and have a great relationship - don't want to violate her trust. Funny thing is - she's the one started reading up and researching SHTF scenarious and convinced me we should exercise our RTKABA. Since then, I have only gotten her to shoot her Ruger GP100 once at the range. She says she is busy doing other things but wil leventually get her CCW, like I did. If she gets the CCW, maybe I'll give her the BD 380 for her purse (yeah, Iknow there's folks out there think that's not a good idea, but that's another thread)

    Interested to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation, how did they deal with it - would they do it again?
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2011
  2. chevyman097

    chevyman097 Member

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    Sounds like you guys have a good relationship. Just tell her. "Hey look at this, just picked it up."
     
  3. Six

    Six Member

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    Never lie. Never hide things. Assuming you're going to make mortgage this month and won't starve, a relationship will survive $600. It won't survive deceit.


    Shortly you'll see various takes off "divorce her and buy all the guns you want" or "I'd never let any woman tell me what to do".

    Take that advice for what it's worth.
     
  4. USAF_Vet

    USAF_Vet Member

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    If there is anything I've learned being married, it is don't try to hide stuff from your wife. I'd say your first mistake was not telling her. Don't make a further mistake by trying to hide it from her.

    However, if you want to try to avoid a butt chewing, tell her you want to sell off/ trade some guns to get the SR1911 (that is locked away hidden from her.) That way, when a few guns disappear and you suddenly have the SR1911, you're in the clear, albeit deceitfully.
     
  5. cambeul41

    cambeul41 Member

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    The last gun purchase in this household was handled this way: My wife said, "Dear, I'm going to Jerry's to buy a S&W M&P. Do you want to go with me?" :D
     
  6. chhodge69

    chhodge69 Member

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    Don't lie to your wife if you want to keep her. It sounds like you are already in a hole so stop digging.
     
  7. Arkansas Paul

    Arkansas Paul Member

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    Before it's made. That is assuming the money is coming from the family's funds.
    If I sell one gun, I'll buy another with the money I got for mine without the wife's approval, but that's about it. If it's coming out of the family's funds, tell her FIRST.

    Don't expect your thread to stay open very long by the way. These have a way of being locked pretty quick.
     
  8. Nushif

    Nushif Member

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    I usually barge in the door and yell Range Trip! While frantically waving the box around.
    Works like a charm. 8)
     
  9. reppans

    reppans Member

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    I'm in a very similar boat - got bit in February - count's seven too. Wifey's go zero interest in a CCW permit though, although she did say she'd try shooting.

    We have a don't-ask-don't-tell thing going, although she occasionally asks, rolling her eyes :rolleyes:, "what's your arsenal up to now?" I think the ammo purchases are worse than the guns themselves.... last purchase was a .22 to help alleviate.

    Think I'll be using cash going forward, drawing off an emergency stash for impulse buys, and then slowly replenishing from my "allowance." I hope to be winding down now though.
     
  10. *NOVA*

    *NOVA* Member

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    It aint called the High Road for nothing!

    OK - thanks everyone so far for your advice - I'll do the right thing -I'm going to tell her. Its not like she's going to ask me to get rid of it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2011
  11. HankR

    HankR Member

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    Kind of like Reppans, I mention that I'm going to buy a gun (or that I'm looking for "a couple of guns"). If it's something neat I'll show it off when I get home. If it's not, sometimes it gets put in the safe and I forget to mention it. I started laying the groundwork last week, saying something like "I thought I was done buying guns for awhile, but Rugers coming out w/ a 1911 that I'm gonna get as soon as the price goes down, and I'm also thinking about their single 10 but I'll probably wait and look at the SP-101 in 22 before I get that". I can then kid myself that I told her I was going to buy those three. That should last me till Christmas. OTOH, I live in dread of the question "how many guns do we have, anyway?". She did get her CCW last year, but doesn't carry and hasn't really been shooting the last 7-8 years. She wants to get back into it, but time is a factor.

    Glad to hear that you found an SR1911 for a good price. My LGS has had a few in, but he hasn't put them in his case yet. I mentioned I was looking for one, and he said "Henry, I can sell them for $750 on gunbroker, I'm not going to sell them to my local customers for that."
     
  12. CoRoMo

    CoRoMo Member

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    When I buy a new gun, I buy my wife a gift certificate for a 90 minute massage. I then present her with the gift certificate and she can schedule it at her convenience. It is a pleasant surprise to her every time, but she also knows what the reason is behind the arbitrary gift.
     
  13. ErikO

    ErikO Member

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    My wife enjoyes shooting with me and I like shooting with her better than going alone. I'd never try and hide a gun purchase from the woman that picks me up from work with a fed kiddo and a stocked range bag. ;)
     
  14. MistWolf

    MistWolf Member

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    I never hide purchases from the wife or lie about them. I do not need nor do I want the kind of drama that can bring. My wife has always been good about this and for that, I'm very glad. Before we got married, I told the wife if she's ever going to tell me "It's me or the guns", tell me now and we won't get married. She's good with that. I'm good with her hobbies as well.

    While reading this thread, I realized my wife & I never talked about how she wants me to handle this. So I took time to talk to her and we set some ground rules. Now I know what she expects
     
  15. thedrewcifur

    thedrewcifur Member

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    i don't have to tell my girlfriend about any new guns. she doesn't care. she buys a lot of guns and ammo herself.
     
  16. kingpin008

    kingpin008 Member

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    Part of a mature relationship is communication. If you and your lady share finances, then you need to come together with her and discuss whether or not you're able to afford a new gun. If you have seperate finances, then do what you want.

    But don't lie, and don't hide things. That's what kids do when they don't want their parents to find out they did something stupid. Your spouse shouldn't be your parent, and you shouldn't be sneaking things behind their back.
     
  17. Snowbandit

    Snowbandit Member

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    There's no way I would buy a gun without telling her first. Last time I did almost hoping she would talk me out of it but she said to do it anyway. The deal was too good to pass up.
     
  18. JustinJ

    JustinJ Member

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    Do ya'll have an agreement to consult each other before making purchases this large? If so you've already violated her trust and the only right thing to do is tell her and be willing to sell it if she insists.
     
  19. TIMC

    TIMC Member

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    I don't justify anything to my wife about purchases; as long as the bills are paid, there is food in the house and extra cash that is not already spoken for to purchase something else I get what I want and then tell her about it.

    Heck if I had to justify my gun purchases to her I would only have 1 gun and that one would be a maybe!

    As said above; never lie or hide things from your wife and she should not do that to you. There must be trust and open communication in a relationship.
     
  20. Madcap_Magician

    Madcap_Magician Member

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    My wife knows everything in the safe... yours should, too.

    One reason that seldom gets much thought is that should you unexpectedly die, your wife should have some idea of how much all of those guns are worth.

    Yeah... that $8,000 German long-barrel Luger from WWII that you got for "A steal, only $100!!!"?

    Do you want her selling it for $200 and thinking she got a great deal?
     
  21. Sniderman

    Sniderman Member

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    "How to tell the spouse about new purchase"

    Actually, I have no spouse, :D, But, I think that, depending on the overall financial situation, the approach should be,,,

    UH,, Before you make the purchase? :scrutiny:
     
  22. catnphx

    catnphx Member

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    The only thing I would add:

    "Hey look at this, just picked it up for you when you get your CCW."

    Be open about these purchases because costs start adding up and then you'll both start blaming each other. Good for you on 20 years ... my wife and I are on our 19th.
     
  23. ZeroJunk

    ZeroJunk Member

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    I know everybody's marriage is different. My wife has no idea what guns I own or buy and has no interest in knowing.
    If something happens to me it's quite likely she will give them to relatives, which is fine with me.
     
  24. CoRoMo

    CoRoMo Member

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    While I agree, I can't force her to know it. She has no interest in what is in there. She knows full well that I have my latest purchase, but she doesn't care. She's never even asked to see it, or anything. I even told her to follow me to the safe because I wanted to show it to her, but she ignored me. She's just content to get the surprise massage.
     
  25. Tinpig

    Tinpig Member

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    Big difference between "not volunteering" and lying.

    I've been happily married 43 years. My wife and I both work and share the household and common expenses and our 4 kids are long through college We own our home and our own vehicles. We have our own checking accounts and our own credit cards. As long as the shared bills get paid, what else we spend our money on is pretty much our own business.

    My wife isn't interested in my guns and shooting, I'm not particularly interested in her musical instruments and band camps. A successful relationship sometimes includes a whole lot of minding your own business.

    Tinpig
     
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