Together 40 years and would like to "LEARN" to shoot???
I am thinking she is in her 50's so I would start from the ground up. Figuring that she has never shot. Its crazy but i start women out on BB guns. No recoil, can shoot in most back yards, teach the fundamentals about firearms, stance, control muzzle direction and they get the joy out of hitting the target, a real confidence builder . Couple lessons of that then move her up to 22's (rented, borrowed ) and the gun range (atmosphere). Believe it or not but the gun range can be intimidating to some women. Once she finds out we gun toting, testosterone filled, gun shooting apes aren't as bad as we look and some of us are even quite friendly, she will relax some. Do a couple trips to the range and try (rent, borrow) different (calibers) guns. And let "HER" tell you what she likes and feels most comfortable with (calibers) then pursue those avenues. Meaning if she likes a .380, there are 2 dozen different makes of that caliber out on the market. Then start looking at which ones she likes in that caliber,(what ever the action is) the size of her hands and her strength dictates what "SHE" will feel comfortable with. Make it personal for her, it will be hers and maybe she will let you shoot it sometimes.. I believe its more about bullet placement and confidence than anything else. I can't tell you how many women i have seen get dragged out to the gun range to shoot "their" gun that "their" husband/Boyfriend has picked out for them. Most men see it as a way to buy another gun, but its hers and it might just save "YOUR" life one day. One woman I saw was shooting with her eyes closed she was so scared of it, she told me she would rather throw it at a attacker than shoot it. Just sad