guns and my fiancee

Not gonna give you any advice (not gonna go there).
You're SOL, I'm sorry.

Be firm, and kind, but move slowly. Ive been married for 13yrs, this formula seems to work. Try arguing that you will lose money on either firearm, so its best just to keep it. Try explaining that guns are tools each with a somewhat different purpose, just like screwdrivers, and hammers, and wrenches. Stand your ground, this is important, it will show you what each other are made of. If she wont let it go after awhile (Im talking about months not a few weeks) then you need to consider what else in your future will be non negotiable.

Marriage is about compromise and respect for each others differences. This is one example, you dont need the little miss controlling everything, she doesn't want to even if she acts like it.

BTW as far as the anti - gun mother, mine doesn't even bother with me anymore. I would change the arguments about guns into one about self defense and tactics. The conclusion is logical and most cant argue with the facts other than they are unwilling to take on the responsibility of self defense. I read a speech somewhere that was pretty accurate that people are either, Wolves, Sheep, or Sheepdogs. Sheepdogs being the desirable of the three, I wish I could find it and link you to it. Its a good description of cops, armed forces, and any of those that choose to take personal protection seriously

Good luck, and dont be a wimp she wont respect you for it no matter what she says. The sensitive man is a lie perptrated by the main street media, women want John Wayne/Clint Eastwood, not Woody Allen

Tom

I would talk it out with your fiancee.

First, talk through why she seems scared. That's important. Don't let her remain uncomfortable. As for your Mother...good luck with that.

Second, buy a gun safe that allows for quick access. Keep the .357 loaded. An unloaded gun for home defense doesn't make sense, but neither does keeping an unsecured loaded gun around. Show some initiative to keep your guns secure, safe, and out of criminals' hands. That might give you some push back to your Mom, showing that you're being responsible and locking the guns up.

Third, as for "why would you need more than one gun?" I guess that's something you both need to talk through. It seems to me that you have one for the car, and one for home. Seems to make sense to me. It's not like you went and bought five 357's, or something.

In the future, discuss any firearm purchases with her before going through with it. Be a partner in making the decision. You may just have to swap one for a different one, if she's resistant to having too many guns around.

Good luck, you'll get through it all.

If your asking for advice on relationships here, your already behind the eight ball.

you dont need the little miss controlling everything

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Been married 10 years (it only feels like 20) and nearly every day there is a fight of control. You can still lover her and be firm in your beliefs. On some things you will fight often, on other things you will find common ground. Be sure to be firm and upfront about those things on which you will not compromise - if you don't fight now, you will fight later (this includes but encompasses so much more than firearms).

And remember, 'tis better to have loved and lost than to be married to a b!tch for the rest of your life (or until the kids leave the nest).


As for mom, meh; my house, my rules, discussion closed, let me take you to lunch and we can talk about something else.

"Why do YOU need more than one pair of shoes?"

"Why do YOU need more than one purse?"

"Why do YOU need more than one necklace?"

Does she collect ANYTHING? Why does she collect them?

Because different guns are fun to shoot, it's no different than collecting anything else.

Seriously, you need to reconsider your plan to marry her.

She's already controlling you. And it ain't gonna get better after you get married. It's gonna get worse.

Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I'm not trying to be a jerk. I suppose advice is worth what you pay for it, but still...you better think twice.

A Brad Paisley song comes to mind "I'm Gonna miss her".

Unless ofcourse you suceed in doing what every other man on the plant has failed to do since the beining of time: change her mind.

Just kidding, I don't have a clue.

If you suceed let the rest of us know how its done; reason with a women that is.

it almost seems as if she has started to disaprove because of her soon to be mother-in-law. reaffirm that she doesnt need to believe/do something in order to gain your mom's approval.

just my thoughts.

There have been many, MANY threads on guys' troubles with anti-gun or otherwise unfavorable wives, girlfriends, family, etc. There are no easy answers, that are worth anything, anyway.

For my $0.02, I'd say you need to find a quiet place and really take some serious time to discuss this entire issue very frankly, clearly, and COMPLETELY with her. (Get out of your Mom's presence for this discussion. You don't need assinine inflamatory input from a third party.)

If you can discover the basis for her fears, see what you can do to allay them. Try your best to honestly gauge the depth of her antipathy towards your lifestyle, beliefs, habits, and hobbies as they relate to shooting and/or self-defence.

Once you've done all you can to comprehend where she's coming from and how she's wired, you have to make a decision -- alone, by yourself, on your own -- about whether she is going to live your lifestyle with you happily or she's going to cause you pain and frustration (and you cause her the same hurt/fear) on an ongoing basis.

There's a lot of guys here on THR who've been through hell with one or more wives that didn't respect them or their beliefs and could never be happy until they'd killed off that part of their husband. (I'll leave you to guess whether they were happy AFTER they'd emasculated him, either!)

You can't live your life jammed under the thumb of your mate. That's not fair to you and isn't a healthy relationship. Similarly, you cannot subject your mate to a life of fear and distrust if that's how your guns will make her feel. Regardless of how much you feel you love one another now, a divisive, antagonistic facet of your relationship like this will ruin what you have faster than you'd believe possible. (And guns are FAR from the only such issue.)

There's a certain irony in this that should make you REALLY sit up and take notice: You've got TWO guns, and she's making your life uncomfortable. Kind of like planning to hike up a mountain and she's complaining that her feet hurt before you've gotten out of the car!

By every account, it's best to discover your "irreconcilable differences" before you ever get to the altar.

OR, better to discover that you can talk through this and reach a real, positive, fair agreement that will become the basis for the growth of your marriage.

You need to work this out. Now.

Good luck!

-Sam

My simple advice. Sort it out now before you sign on the dotted line.

My wife of 25 years used to hate firearms. Then she fell in love with pheasant. Of course, me not having a shotgun precluded her eating pheasant. I told her one day, if you buy me a shotgun, I'll hunt pheasants for you. It worked. Heck, now she even eats deer, ram, boar, etc.

You guys will work it out. Regarding how you store your firearms, do it right! Crime is rising, and you never want to see the wrong end of your own firearm. Re: martial arts, I have been a professionally licensed instructor of 3 martial arts for nearly 30 years. I still pack at least 2 pistols 24/7.

You guys will work it out.

Geno

As usual Sam1911 has spoken wisely! You have to work it out with her. If the issue were not guns it would be something else because the real issue is more about control and boundaries.
Who is going to perform the ceremony? If it is a religious professional you will probably be required to undergo some premarital counseling. This is exactly the kind of thing that should be discussed BEFORE you marry. A non- judgemental, objective third party may be able to help you sort through some of the feelings fears etc. and identify the underlying issues that both you and your fiance can address together. A gun forum may not be the best place to get unbiased relationship advice, particularly as it pertains to an anti gun spouse ,gf etc.
One final thought. I have seen far more marriages go bad over meddling parents and an inability of offspring to properly set boundaries than over guns. You are going to have to deal with your mother sooner or later. Good luck!

Unfortunately, there are not any real women who are like Sarah Conner or Trinity. Although many women don't mind their husband owning guns, most seem to have a problem with their husband buying guns and think that "one is enough." This idea does not seem to carry over into buying clothes, books, plants, entertainment, or anything else that women like. I have said to my wife, "I never spend money on beer or entertainment like everybody else, so with the hundreds and thousands of dollars I don't waste on temporary pleasures - I think I can spend some money on guns, which will retain their value and last more than a lifetime." This usually works pretty well for me, especially since my statement is true and logical. If you waste your money on alcohol, movies, and electronics, then this argument will probably not work for you. If your fiancee's problem is purely a concern over the number of guns you own or may own in the future, and cost is not an issue, then whether you own one gun or a hundred, it really makes no difference as long as they're secure. It's not like you're more dangerous because you have more guns - you can only use one or two of them at a time.

My mom has never liked guns, and I was never allowed to own any (real or toy) the entire time I was growing up. Then I joined then Navy, and I received extensive firearms training on a wide variety of weapons. After I got an apartment off-base, it dawned on me that I could actually buy my own guns - and I bought one of just about everything. Mom didn't like it at all then, but she's gotten used to it in the years since. I have not done this myself, but you could try taking your whole family to the shooting range and teaching them how to safely use a firearm. I have heard that some anti's have a change of heart when they actually get to shoot a firearm themselves.

She probably sees the guns as successful competition for your time and money. The time spent with guns is time not invested in her. Money you spend oin guns is not available for her shopping trips. Since you already have two, she can see an endless processionof new guns, new interests that threaten her monopolizaton of the houshold finances and general suzeranity over your activities and behavior.

All I know is you'd better get this straight before you say the two magic words. I personally wouldn't marry someone with anti views, but that's just me. To each his own. What happens when you get the itch for another gun? My wife isn't exactly a shooter. She'll go plinking with the .22s now and then, but not often. She doesn't mind new guns as long as our budget allows it. I knew this before hand, and if she didn't feel that way, it would have been a deal breaker. I'm with Fremmer on one point. She's already trying to control you and you're not even married. Trust me man, I've been married for going on 8 years. It's going to get worse. Every time. I'm not gonna say don't marry her, that's your call, but it sounds like you're going to have to choose. Her, or a hobby that you love. The fact that she's making you choose should tell you all you need to know. When she gets you to get rid of the guns, what's next?

"There are two ways of dealing with women. Neither of them work" Mark Twain

Just ask yourself which will have the higher trade in value in 20 years and you'll know what to do.

"Why do YOU need more than one pair of shoes?"

"Why do YOU need more than one purse?"

"Why do YOU need more than one necklace?"

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I agree with this lol.

My fiancee is quite different than yours. She's not anti gun, just anti handgun. She has no problem shooting my long guns, and she owns a rifle and shotgun herself, but she can't stand my handguns. The only advice I can give, is if you love her, then marry her. I don't think something as piddly as guns will ruin your relationship. Even though my fiancee doesn't like my handguns (and often threatens to sell them) I know she won't. Every time I get a new gun she whines and yells and pleads, and after 2 days she's over it. So, even though she doesn't like them, she tolerates them because she loves me. I think you should talk it over with her, but tell her your beliefs and where you stand. If she still refuses to listen, then refuse to budge on your point of view. And by all means DO NOT SELL YOUR GUNS!

If she has no issues with you getting a CHL then do that and you will only have to keep one gun loaded and ready for defense. You can then collect them as you wish and keep them in your safe. This is based on her not changing her mind in the future as she has already done.

This is of course a temporary solution to a possible bigger problem. You should settle these issues before any marriage. you have to know your unbendable issues and ones where there is give and take. Their is also the possibility that your fiance is willing to take any side your mother has as a way to solidify their relationship. Women sometimes see the older female as the source of family power and wants to be close to her as a way to be on the side of someone she sees could cause her a lot of problems.

HexHead, that might be the funniest (most funny?) post I've ever seen on THR!

Why shouldn't you have two guns?