In all of these "wifey" threads there's always a strong chours of voices that warn you that this is all a control issue and that her fear and discomfort is just a red herring, etc.
Maybe so. Maybe she's got her hooks into you, is tightening the noose, is going to strangle the life out of you, and will keep your anatomy in a jar. Some women are like that. (Some men, too.)
Maybe not. You owe it to yourself and to her to explore the question instead of dismissing it as her tightening the leash on you. Many people ARE irrationally scared of guns. Many people, in fact I'd say MOST, display some half-formed thought patterns that are pretty dumb when drug out into the light. (i.e.: "Well, he's just got that one gun and that's probably o.k. But doesn't having TWO guns around DOUBLE our chances of getting shot? Yikes! I'm sure we'd be safer if he sold one." And other flights of illogical fancy.) If she's not a gun gal on her own, it's probably unreasonable to expect her to have put a lot of thought into the physics of gun safety, responsibility, self-defense, etc. You may have some very legitimate de-bugging to do -- and may be quite successful doing so.
My wife came from a completely NON-gun family. (Not "anti-" per se. Just "non.") Their total involvement with shooters before she met me could be summed up in that she and her brothers were not allowed to play in the back yard during hunting season lest somebody mistake them for deer.
I was a hunter when we met, and over time became a competative rifle shooter, developed a love of handgunning, kept multiple firearms for home-defence, participated heavily in action pistol competition, carry for self-defense, spend time weekly at the range, and have begun teaching our kids to shoot as well (as young as 3 years old). We've been together nearly 20 years, all told, and she has grown quite a lot in her appreciation and understanding of my views, habits, hobbies, skills, and interests. I've done a LOT of re-programming along the way. Just weeding out the stupid fluff that society implants in folks' minds about guns and shooting. She's been receptive, and we've rarely had a disagreement that even touched on firearms.
[EDIT: I should point out that the growth is far from one-sided. During those 2 decades I've weeded an embarassingly large pile of "stupid fluff" out of
my own head as well. Some about guns & self-defense, and a LOT about other important things in life. If you find yourself always feeling like everyone around you needs to shape up to your view of the world, a happy marriage is probably not in your future!
]
But, we make decisions together. I don't spend our money wantonly on gun stuff with no regard for the financial balance of our family, and she doesn't try to cinch up the purse-strings when I do want to budget guns and shooting supplies. It's a respectful relationship, going both ways.
That's what you're aiming to make with this girl. You've got to decide if you and she can do that -- can BE that -- or not.
-Sam
