All 3 work for me
...
I have, well, almost, all 3 calibers and, as mentioned, the 45cal is IMHO, really the most forgiving in the recoil issue, pure and simple.
And the 9mm is IMO the easiest recoil to tame and feel super comfy with.
Leaving the 40cal, which I love it, but it is IMO the least forgiving in the recoil, and takes, at least in my case, the longest to get tamed and honed in with, aprox: 800 rounds to hone in with it, and TRF to-date, 1650 rounds, and appreciate its power, and accuracy
The 45cal takes far far less
The 9mm takes maybe 200 rounds to get honed in with
Also, from what I have read, and believe, different makes of the 40cal have what I think is termed, lower barrel profiles, reducing the snap/recoil of both the 40cal's and 9mm's IIRC.
So, do your reading, shoot a variety of rental guns and find out which caliber, and what make gun, give you the best, most comfy, bang for your buck.
LS